Come dance with me.
 
It would be easy to take on the weight of the suffering of all those living with sexual abuse, domestic violence, bullying, war, hurricanes, tornadoes, earthquakes, poverty, and all the other burdens which one is likely to encounter during the dance of this life journey.   Yet, as I am tempted to do so along comes the poems of John O’Donohue held in the book To Bless the Space Between Us and then a moment later a conversation between Krista Tippett, host of On Being and Maira Kalman, author and illustration of over 20 books for children as well as your New York Times blogs or her wonderful drawing.  The title of the September 7, 2017 conversation between Mrs. Kalman and Mrs. Tippett is “The Normal, Daily Things We Fall in Love With”.  Mrs. Kalman talks about the trees, birds, parks, simple stories contained in obituaries, and so much more to engage with in this dance of life.
 
I am, once again, reminded of the debt I owe all those who have made their presence and, thus, their wisdom known to me and others.  This simple farm boy had access to the magical library of Grandmother Fannie and the regional, country school library.  He also would “find” paperback books his parents were reading – mostly father since mother seldom had time to sit and read.   Books educated, entertained, and expanded one’s tiny world while, both admonishing and inviting one to pay attention to the magic which was always present alongside of the sorrows which visited this planet which we inhabit.  
 
I have no idea of when I “discovered” that none of the sorrows and hardships which visited my family was specific to us. Those who wrote books or who talked to me, as well as countless others, over the magic of the radio reminded me that sorrows had been a part of life since forever. So too were the angels and fairies which brought life to all I encountered. 
 
A tiny seed becomes a plant which brings forth the fruit of the vine.
 
A small branch grafted onto a limb or a trunk bring forth an entire family of branches and often an entire community of fruit.
 
The water becomes vapor becomes clouds becomes rain which brings new life.
 
The tiny bugs, playful and hardworking squirrels, the cows, horses, sheep, dogs or all the rest of the animals offer food and companionship to each other and to us
 
The sun, the stars, the moon, the wind and the clouds join in the dance of the universe.
 
Knowing eyes provide a coating of protective love.
 
Arms open wide to create a tent of love.
Fire cook’s food.
 
The magic of the pots and pans which have been fashioned by elves somewhere toiling to make sure it is easy to prepare food.
 
Medicine arrives to increasingly out bully the bullies of cancer, AIDS and many other diseases.
 
As I age, more magic appears:  television, internet, cell phones, microwave and refrigerators with do not require ice but make ice.
 
Yes, I know there are also bigger bombs, and even drones which can bring destruction to those we decide are the enemy, more ways for a few to get rich while others starve, more ways to quickly share drugs which kill, more ways to pollute the air which sustains us and so many other ways that we harm all within our extended reach. 
 
Still, the voices of the poets, the dancers, the musicians, the painters, the sculptors, and the potters join the birds, the trees, the wind, the sun, the squirrels, the bees and the rest of creation in saying “Come dance. Come dance.”
 
Written September 8, 2017
 
 

​“I know me.  I won’t do it."  Compliance or adherence?


 
In my nearly 50 years of counseling/coaching individuals and families I have heard the statements “I know me.  I won’t do it.” many times.  It is usually in response to a recommendation that an individual make a commitment to practice some piece of health care such as exercise, eating better, journaling, meditating/praying, or perhaps attending a support group such as a 12-step meeting.
 
Most of the time I see individuals or families for counseling because the want something to change. They may be struggling with anxiety, depression, addition or some other “dis ease”.  Occasionally I see individuals or families because they are court ordered or they have been given the choice of jail or treatment. Even when there is a sincere commitment to and belief in the possibility of change, I often hear this response to a recommendation I have made, “I know me. I won’t do it.”  Frequently, it would seem that this response is based on past history.  An example could be that a person may have made a decision to exercise, many times in the past and, yet, they have not been able to consistently give themselves this gift. They might say that the truth is that there is just too much to do. If I take time to exercise, the family is mad that I am not at home.  Thinking that the client and I are engaged in a logical discussion I might suggest that we explore a way to combine family time and exercise.  Occasionally they might work, but frequently it does not.  I might then ask if they could start with 5 minutes of yoga, walking or some other mild exercise a day.   They may agree to do this this or they may again say, “I know myself.  I won’t do this.”
 
At this point, they may be saying to me that: “You cannot make me exercise.”, “You do not appreciate how bad I am feeling.” or “I don’t have any hope that exercise is going to make a difference in how I feel. I will just feel more tired and not any better emotionally.”  It is my job as a clinician to attempt to hear what they are saying and to find a piece of health care which they are able to do.   I know that as long a plan is my plan for them and not their plan it is not going to work.   Some of my colleagues have a list of recommendations which the client/patient must follow or else they will not work for/with them.  A cardiologist I know refused to continue to see a patient because the patient has been unable to quit smoking.    The cardiologist said to the patient, “You obviously do not want to get well. There is no reason for me to work with you if you cannot follow a simple order. You know that smoking is bad for your health.”  Of course, this patient knew that smoking was bad for his health.  Yet, repeated attempts to quit smoking had not worked more than a brief time for him.  This man has lost a lot because of his struggle with mental illness and other medical problem including recent heart surgery.  It felt to him as if giving up nicotine was one more loss on top of lots of losses.  The rational part of his brain knew it would make sense to quit smoking but emotionally he did not feel able to face another loss.  We also know that nicotine addiction is one of the most difficult to let quit.
 
A person may be saying that they know themselves and they are not able to do x behavior.   What they may not be saying directly is that they have no faith that doing x will make a significance difference or they may be saying that they feel as if they have no gas in their emotional or physical gas tanks.  Change takes energy. If there is no energy available a person cannot make a change no matter how “sensible” the change might seem to the clinician and even to the client/patient.
 
So often when a patient or client (including ourselves) is saying that they know themselves and know they will not take action X they are begging “Please do not set me up to fail again.” or “Please pay attention.  I cannot do action X.”  It is important that we clinicians listen to the patient/client and come up with a treatment plan which works for them. Just because I find it relatively easy to get myself to the gym, fix healthy meals or make other changes does not mean that it is easy or even possible for another person.   When a treatment plan is my treatment plan for a client/patient, it is not the patient’s/client’s treatment plan.  When a treatment plan is arrived at with a client as a joint venture then the chances of success is much greater.   For example, a client last evening said she can walk her dogs. She cannot find or make time to go to the gym or even do 5 minutes of yoga a day.  She can and will walk the dogs daily. She will also walk at work.  When we began to track her steps on a Fitbit she was walking an average of 8000 steps a day which is quite good. It would be good if she could add some yoga stretching and centering, but that does not feel doable for her right now.  We may be able to explore some stretching with the class she is teaching.  Or not!
 
My point is that that I do not want to set up clients/patients to fail my plan or to give the appearance of punishing them when my plan is not their plan.
 
Several years ago, there was a movement to change the goal from client/patient compliance to adherence.  Adherence was operationally defined as being able to follow a plan which was jointly agreed upon by the clinician and the patient/client.   If the plan did not work, there was no one to blame. The patient/client and the clinician simply took a step back and explored a potentially more workable plan. Thus, as with all scientific inquiries, the goal was to find what works and what does not work.
 
A clinician may not know what will be helpful for a particular client/patient.  Together the clinician and the patient/client may or may not be able to arrive at a plan which both agree would be helpful or effective. On the other hand, there may be times when the clinician may need to refer to a colleague who might be more helpful.  There may also be times when the patient/client just needs validation that they are not now able to envision making the changes they need to make to be healthier.  The clinician may then be able to work with them to expand their vision or just accept that the patient/client are making a decision based on what they are convinced they are able to do.
 
We clinicians need to appreciate and respect that decision without punishing or giving the appearance of punishing the client/patient.
 
Written September 7, 2017
 
 
 

​Grandma says:  Just a minute…
 
I was reading an article by John Stossel in the Wheeling Intelligencer this morning, September 4, 2017 and immediately I heard Grandma Fannie saying, “Just a minute.”    First I asked, “Who is John Stossel?” Wikipedia told me: “John Frank Stossel (born March 6, 1947) is an American consumer television personality, author and libertarian pundit, known for his career on both ABC News and Fox News.”
 
In the article Mr. Stossel explains why he believes price gouging is a positive aspect of capitalism during a crisis.  Mr. Stossel was expressing his disappointment that Texas has laws prohibiting price gouging.  He says, “Texas, a state I thought understood capitalism, punishes people who practice it.”   He goes on to say, “Prices should rise during emergencies.  Prices save lives.  That is because prices aren’t just money – they are information.”  He goes on to explain that “Price changes tell suppliers what their customers want most.”   His reasoning is that if one does not raise the price everyone rushes to buy all they all of a product such as bottled water they can get. “Only the first customers get what they want…The storeowners have no incentive to risk life and limb restocking his store.”  Eventually the price will drop because “entrepreneurs have an incentive to move heaven and earth to bring water to the disaster area. They soon do and the price drops again.”
 
One can read the entire article in the Wheeling newspaper one can google John Stossel and find many articles and You Tube videos explaining his economic theories.
 
When I first read this article, I could not immediately articulate a respectful argument or debate.  I did immediately hear Grandma Fannie saying, “Just a moment.”
 
His argument does make sense if:
 
·      All humans are self-centered and greedy.  None of the research that I have read regarding the behavior of the majority of folks following an emergency supports this statement.  Most folks are eager to help their neighbor.
·      The average person is focused on making a profit rather than seeing to the needs of his/her family.  Certainly, there are those who, if not in immediate danger themselves, obviously believe it is their right to make a profit no matter who it affects.
·      The average person has the money to buy up a large supply of a product.  Most studies I have read tell me that the average person is living paycheck to paycheck.
·      If the price of product is raised to a level that is unaffordable the only people who can purchase it are those who have sufficient funds. They may or may not need any of the product for their use, but will hope to make even a bigger profit that the person who first decided to raise the price.

It is true that if the primary concern in an emergency is to keep a capitalist economy thriving rather than helping those in need price gouging should help that.  
 
After Hurricane Katrina, there was some looting of stores although my understanding was that much of the looting was a reaction to mistreatment (over a period of time and during the crisis) rather than an attempt to make life harder for one’s neighbor.    I am not suggesting that looting or other destructive behavior is okay but I am suggesting that in and of itself that behavior did not say much about how the average person responds during an emergency.   Most of what I read following hurricane Katrina confirmed that most people were primarily concerned with helping their neighbor. 
 
Mr. Stoffel would have us believe that capitalism depends on goods being available.  He asserts goods will not available if sellers are “forbidden to raise prices when supplies are short.”    This is a very pessimistic view of the average person.  
 
It is true, in my experience, that many of us humans, have fallen prey to the beliefs that:
 
·      Our worth is determined by how much money or goods we have.  (I call this addiction – looking to something outside of ourselves to fill that void or to prove our worth.)
·      If we do not consume excessively, we cannot create an economy that is sustainable over a period of time.
 
I happen to believe that:
 
·      All life is intrinsically worthwhile.
·      We can create not only a sustainable but a thriving economy without excess consumption of stuff.  Certainly, I am not suggesting that the Soviet brand of communism was a viable solution. Under that system there was an “us” and “them,” thus reinforcing the belief that some are more deserving than others and that one could only meet one’s basic needs by mistreating one’s neighbor. As soon as it was decided or posited that all humans are deserving of equal treatment and access to goods and services, but because humanity is defined very narrowly one had set up a very cruel and failing system. This meant that a few people got to determine when someone had reached the state of “humanness” and could then be included as one of the deserving ones.  As it turned out this was no different than the system we increasingly see in the United States and some other countries.  A few people prospered and most just survived.
 
Grandma Fannie often suggested that just because one could not immediately identify what was bothering one about an argument did not mean that one should assume that the other person is right and one is wrong.  She would recommend that one step back and patiently examine the argument, possibly discuss it with others, attempt to write out the assumptions being made by the person, write out one’s basic assumptions, attempt to explore the results of research about both sets of assumptions and then attempt to articulate a respectful response.   Admittedly this is hard or sometimes tedious work but otherwise one will just be reacting which is not respectful or helpful to anyone.
 
Sometimes I read or hear an argument and I just feel a little off or confused.  Something does not seem right but I cannot immediately fault the logic.   Grandma Fannie’s voice in my head 
 
says, “Just a moment.”
 
Thanks, Grandma Fannie.
 
 
Written September 4, 2017
 

​Decapitation is not assassination and other first grade lessons
 
Because of budget cuts I was not invited back to teach the current affairs class to the first and eighth grades at my local schools. I continue, however, to be very aware that two main focus areas for educators need to be:
·      Basic skills of “reading, writing, and arithmetic “as well as others which are necessary to navigate the world as adults in today’s world.
·      How we select core values and how we use those to make decisions.
 
I am a firm believer in learning basic skills whether one is operating a machine, designing and implementing a budget, communicating within one’s family, the workplace or the community, operating a vehicle, or designing a drone which can access damage following an event such as a hurricane.  Those skills do not tell me what core value need to guide decisions about how we live with mother nature and each other or even how we take care of ourselves.  It is up to all those responsible for teaching our children – parents, school teachers, neighbors, aunts, uncles, grandparents and other community leaders – to impress upon our children that skills are used in a specific situation to enhance our goals of how we live with each other and mother nature.   In order to arrive at those decisions our children need to know how to choose core values and how to apply them in decision making situations.  
 
Although I love poetry and the creative use of language in general, I have never thought that what I think of as double speak is a helpful tool for learning to work and live together.  Yet, daily we are all confronted with double speak.  We are told that A is not always A.  Sometimes A is A and sometimes it is B or C or ….
I was thinking of this yesterday when listening to a report on National Public Radio about the options of the President of the United States with regard to leaders such as President of Kim Jong-un.  I heard the “expert” saying that while it is illegal for the President to order the assassination of the leader of a country with which we are not at war such as was the case with Iraq, it is legal for the president to order or authorize the decapitation of the leader of what is considered a hostile leader.  That would legally not be considered an assassination. It would not necessarily be what is now termed a regime change.
 
Later I spent some time attempting to do some internet research on this subject.  I did not locate the specific NPR interview, but I did find some articles in Forbes Magazine and elsewhere essentially containing the same assertions.  I could not help but imagine attempting to teach the distinction between assassination and decapitation to a first grader, an eighth grader or a senior in high school.    How does one teach children double speak? How does one learn to be a person in a marriage relationship, the spokesperson for a pharmaceutical company, a politician, or a sales person who can convincingly speak double speak.  Apparently a great many of us humans learn to do this.   We learn to use words and phrases which are designed to convince others that A is B. We not only learn to use these words but we learn to use them as if they are coming from our heart. We learn to keep a straight face while doing so.  How do we learn this? Do we become so practiced at double speak that we convince ourselves that A is B?   I suspect that this is true.  I do believe that most of us want to be people of integrity and/or to be viewed/accepted as people of integrity. Why else did the Nazi regime have a licensed medical doctor signing death certificates for everyone murdered in the gas chambers?  Why else use words like ethnic cleansing. Why else the history of “separate but equal”?  Why else target homosexuals while living the life of one? Why else ….
 
At what point, does one learn to say to the children living in an alcoholic family, “Oh, mom just had a drink or two.  She did not go on a rampage last night or you did not happen on her and another man in one of the bedrooms or …”   At one point, do we learn to say to children with a straight face that decapitation is not assassination which is not murder which...?
 
At what point are we teaching our children that double speak is not lying? Is it?
 
Written September 6, 2017
 

​Grandma says:  For something to live, something has to die
 
 
 Growing up it seemed as if Grandma Fannie had an inexhaustible list of cross stitch wall plaques or catchy little teachings about how to live in harmony with each other and mother earth. Since she and Grandpa Ed lived on the farm for much of the time that I was growing up many of her teachings were, it seemed, drawn from and applied to life on the farm.  As a child and later a young man I had not yet “discovered” that these teachings needed to be packed and transported to every setting to which my life journey would take me.
 
The truth of the teaching “For something to live, something has to die.” was very evident on the farm.  Seeds were planted, crops which fed humans and other animals were harvested, the plants died, returned to the earth and helped to provide food for the next crop of plants.  Chicken, hogs, cows and other farm animals were hatched or born often to eventually end up on the dining table for us humans. Even in the woods or forest some trees had to die so that others would grow to maturity. Of course, the wood from the trees one killed would provide the wood for sheltering homes, barns, and other buildings needed for humans as well as the other animals.  All animals and insects had to feed off of something.  Even humans had to die, fertilize the earth and make room for a new crop of hands which would tend the fields, care for the animals as well as well as other humans.
 
As I grew older I left home to join the United States Naval Forces.  Eventually I would leave the Navy and find myself in such diverse locations as New Jersey; Washington, DC; Alaska; and,  Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.  I discovered first hand that the relationship between death and new life was not as obvious as it was on the farm.   Naturally I understood that some believed that the violence of war was necessary to allow for others to live.  I also knew that all items at the green grocer, bakery, or butcher were made with ingredients from the farms. 
 
Lorraine Hansberry in A Raisin in the Sun, Richard Wright, Plato, Wittgenstein, Vera Brittain, Alice Miller, Dostoevsky, Emily Dickinson, Walter Kaufman, Immanuel Kant, Nikki Giovanni, Maya Angelou, and hundreds of other authors, painters, musicians, and dancers suggested to me that ideas, perceptions, and beliefs often had to die for new ones to emerge.   I knew that Grandma Fannie savored the thinking of many of those who lived in the pages of her rather extensive library.  As a child and even as a young man I had no idea that her wise teachings was borrowed from and built upon those who lived through her books.  I knew, of course, that some of the books were written by those who lived many years ago and I knew that some of them were her contemporaries.  I also knew that one of her most treasured books, the Bible, was penned many years before even she was born.  I did not come close to understanding such metaphors as the death and resurrection of Jesus.    I did not know that this woman, my Grandma Fannie, understood what so few of us seem to accept and understand today.  If we are going to have new solutions to how to live together, we must be willing to allow our current ways of thinking and acting to die while inviting new ways of thinking and acting. 
In the United States, we seem to hang on to what we think the framers of the Constitution and the amendments to same intended. Despite their success in thinking outside the box of who they were, how they had lived and how they would continue to live for many years, they could not envision the world as it is today.  Today we have opportunities in all areas of life that they did not have. We have opportunities to cause more widespread destruction and opportunities to find new ways to understanding what it means to be our brothers (and sisters) keepers.  We can explore the universe in ways they could not have imagined. We can build walls and we can tear them down.  
 
I think Grandma Fannie was attempting to teach me, my siblings and all who would listen that everything we think we know may have to die in order for new possibilities to emerge.  The constitution as well as the teachings of Jesus, the Buddha, and others can and should stand but our limited, myopic understanding of what they can mean has no limits.    
 
The Preamble of the Constitution of these United States says:
 
“We the people of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.”
 
Our understanding of justice, how we insure domestic Tranquility, etc., must and does change over time.   Who the constitution protects is constantly evolving.  No doubt some articles of the Constitution and its amendments will not and should not change. The world is in many respects vastly different than it was when this document and each amendment was written and adopted but our understanding of what it means is a job not only for the Supreme Court but for each of its citizens.  New possibilities exist in health care, the ability of marketing everything from medication to guns, and the ability to connect and spy on each other.  One could easily be either excited or overwhelmed by how to marry the Constitution with all these new possibilities.   I have no idea of what Grandma Fannie would say about many of these possibilities.  She might be both disgusted and shocked by the availability and variety of pornographic material.  She might be thrilled with the ability to have the ability to instantly share a letter via email or to visit a museum via the internet.  
One thing I firmly believe is that Grandma Fannie would suggest that in order for something to live something must die.  She would insist that this applies to all aspects of this life journey. She would, no doubt begin with suggesting that we first open our hearts and minds to the possibility that death is never the end.  It is a new beginning.
 
Written August 28, 2017
 

​
This God thing
 
Early this morning I was listening to a rebroadcast of a conversation between Krista Tippett and the Irish poet, theologian, and philosopher Kohn O’Donohue.  He died in 2008 but left a rich collection of wise love and beauty.
 
During the interview he quotes Meister Eckhart who says in Middle High German, “Gott wirt und Gott entwirt” which he says means “God becomes and God un-becomes” and then goes on to say “translated it means that God is only our name for it, and the closer we get to it the more it ceases to be God. So then you are on a real safari with the wildness and danger and the otherness of God. And I think when you begin to get a sense of the depth that is there, then your whole heart wakens up. I mean, I love Ireenaeus’ thing from the second century, which said, the Glory of the human being – The Glory of the God is the human being fully alive.”
 
Who is this this god 
of whom you speak 
and to whom you pray?
 
What is the God thing? 
To whom all praise is due
for all the pain 
the suffering
the injustice
that is inflicted on the pure 
and the impure?
 
What?
 
God of my understanding?
 
There is no understanding of 
a God which lacks understanding
or compassion.
 
What is this God thing?
 
“This place within which  
knows no wounds.
This place which is alive.
This place which is birthed 
each day afresh.”
 
What you say?
 
I have no place which
knows no wounds.
No place which is alive.
 
No, that was not a smile.
I killed the smile which 
like fake news lied.
 
I will not, cannot bear to lose
another smile.
 
I cannot, will not smile.
 
There is no green eggs and ham.
 
And then
 
And then the plate of green eggs and ham.
 
Appears.
 
I smile in spite of myself or 
out of myself
to myself.
 
God is green eggs and ham.  
 
I am green eggs and ham.
 
Am I then God?
 
Oh! 
You are green eggs and ham
 
Then
 
Then
 
There are two of us and if two
 
Three?
 
Or?
 
I live
 
God lives?
 
We live?
 
Written September 1, 2017
 

​Sunday Musings – September 3, 2017
 
Fierce storms, terrible flooding in parts of the United States and many other countries, individuals and countries bullying each other, different views of history, pardons without atonement, differing views of shared history, family and community gatherings, are all topics which vie for attention in my brain. Another part of the brain is also focused this Sunday on the fact that all choices I have and continue to make have consequences. At times throughout my life I have been tempted to cry foul about my life circumstances.   Certainly, living with discrimination, unequal opportunities, and unfair treatment have been a part of my life journey – more so than for some less so than for others.  
 
At times, I also find myself bemoaning some facet or aspect of my life.   Yet, when I get honest with myself I am forced to accept that the significant portion of my current life circumstances are a direct result of decisions I have made in the past.  Certainly, luck, fate, or other circumstances may play a role in the design and choreography of my current life dance, but I have also made very clear and intentional decisions leading to this moment in time.  If I resist the temptation to think in terms of duality – right/wrong, good/bad, correct/incorrect, brilliant/stupid – I am able to just notice and accept that fact.   A good example is the fact that I am spending this holiday outside the confines of the picture depicted in many advertisements and the picture that is often labeled as normal.  In the United States, it is Labor Day weekend - a day set aside to honor the worker bees. As with many other holiday weekends the picture which is sold to one is that of families gathering, grilling food, playing touch football or other games, boating and in general putting aside all other concerns.    I have chosen to live far from my family of origin and my son has chosen to live far away from me. I have also chosen not to move closer to my son or my family of origin.  I do not have a partner because I have chosen to end two marriages and two other relationships with significant others. I have also chosen to not host a gathering in my house just as I have chosen not to let others knows that I would like to spend time with them.  I could easily have contacted a number of friends and said I would like to visit but I have chosen not to do so. 
 
The decisions I have made while leaving me alone today also have allowed me the freedom to do much that I would not otherwise have been able to do.   At this stage of my life if I have not made any other commitments and the budget I have designed permits I am free  on holiday weekends. I can travel to visit friends or to just explore. I can also, when the weather permits, decide to sit here writing as I am doing do, take a long bike ride, go to the gym, take myself out to breakfast or one of a million other activities.  My Amazon Alexa notwithstanding, I will not hurt anyone’s feelings or leave someone feeling neglected if I do nothing or if I engage in any of the aforementioned activities.   
 
I can also choose to remind myself that I not a refugee fleeing a war or because a flood, fire or other natural disaster which has stolen or destroyed my home. I am not lying in a hospice bed or home dying alone. I am physically abled, of reasonably sound mind (I will choose not to take a poll on that subject), blessed with a passion for much that life has to offer and know that I am loved by many.  In short, I would be hard pressed to ask for pity or to pretend that I am a mere, poor victim who is all alone.
 
I smile remembering a Christmas when my son was with his mother and the children of my then partner was with her ex-husband.  Some people had expressed sadness that we were without our children.  Yet, there we were on Christmas morning in our cozy robes, drinking coffee, enjoying the fire we had made in the fireplace and feeling rather frisky and passionate.   The actual picture was a bit devoid of regrets or poor us.  Obviously, we could have made a different choice. We could have chosen the poor me. Instead the  Normal Rockwell painting had been temporarily put in the closet!
 
On this Sunday morning, I will remind myself that I am blessed to have choices - choices  joined by fate or luck. I will remind myself that my current choices are largely based on past choices and my future choices will depend on what choices I made today. One of the choices I have is whether or not to focus on the blessings of my life or on the blessings I decide are missing.
 
I cannot do anything about bullies (countries or individuals) , the weather, or much of what is going on in the world today. I can embrace all I experience and all who touch my life today. 
 
Choices are fascinating, living phenomena which determine much of the life dance. It is good to know that.
 
 
Written September 3, 2017
 

​The queen bees and worker bees



 In 1894 in these United States Labor Day was designated as a federal holiday to pay tribute to the contributions and achievements of the American worker.  Clearly in the minds of the creator of this tribute there was an implied distinction between the worker bees and the queen bees – those paragons of the industrial revolution who became rich by doing all they could to create jobs which would ensure a hefty return on their investments.  Sometimes the money for the investment came from the initial toil of a worker bee who then morphed into the queen bee.  There are many historical examples of such worker bees becoming queen bees.  All too often it seems as if the transition from worker bee to queen bee requires a dissociation from one’s origin and, thus, allows for the mistreatment of the worker bees.   Eventually the worker bees create their own hierarchy and the original goal of providing a living wage and a safe working environment is supplanted by the demons of power and individual wealth.   The labor movement takes a group of individuals – I’s – and create a ‘we.’  The ‘we’ elects representatives who again become individuals whose primary interest now seems to be their own power and wealth – queen bees.
 
When thinking about Labor Day in these United States I could not stop thinking of  the incantation of the witch in Shakespeare’s Macbeth:
 
         “Double, double toil and trouble:
         Fire burn and caldron bubble.”
 
I grew up in a family of worker bees.   Once we left the “modern conveniences” of electricity, running water, and indoor plumbing of our home in Chicago we took up survival living in rural Oklahoma.   We did not think of ourselves as laborers. We thought of staying warm, eating, bathing and having a safe outdoor toilet.  Our father worked a variety of worker bee jobs while mother pushed us to share in doing all the necessary survival tasks.  Although she hated our poverty and, in her mind, our lowly status in the hierarchy of even that rural community, this introduction to the distinction between the worker bees and the queen bees served my siblings and I well.  Though some of us might graduate in the eyes of the larger community to the status of junior queen bees it was obvious  to us that we best not forget that we could be at the mercy of a queen bee at any given moment.  In many respects we retain the mindset of the worker bees.
 
I suppose that there have always been worker bees and the queen bees who would morph into the witches who would  fill the cauldron with all manner of snakes and newts and frogs creating the “charm which is firm and good.”  Yet, I wonder if another brew is possible which would restore the ‘we’ to labor.
 
This Labor Day weekend the worker bees will gather to eat, drink and be merry while the queen bees will do whatever it is that queen bees do.   Yet, I wonder.  If the queen bee is stirring the cauldron are they a worker bee or a queen bee.  Hummmm.  ‘Tis a puzzle.
 
Written September 2, 2017
 
532 words
 

​Let me be honest – art and honesty
 
There is a book by Jerold Kreisman entitled I hate you, please don’t leave me – Understanding the Borderline Personality. The title perfectly describes the conflicting emotion of the person who has been so traumatized that they work very hard to push people away while getting upset if they are left alone or ignored.   
 
All of us, to some extent, seem to struggle with both wanting to be close and being fearful of allowing others to get so close that we know who we are beneath all the masks.
 
The other day I was listening to a 1989 interview by Terry Gross with the now deceased author John Updike. The focus on of the interview was his memoir, Self Consciousness. During the interview he talks about why he wrote his memoir rather than allowing someone else to write it.  He says, “And I just didn’t want to be and don’t want to be intruded upon in that way. So as a defense against intrusion, I decided to invade my own privacy with these essays. …I fastened upon those things which either made me self-conscious, like the psoriasis, or which showed self-consciousness, like the stuttering. And the religious aspect of it, again, has to do the question of a self at all…A writer is somebody who tries to tell the truth, right? And your value to our society is a certain willingness to risk being honest.” (To read or listen to the interview, google Fresh Air Celebrating 30 years of “Fresh Air”: Pulitzer Prize-Novelist John Updike”, April 30, 2017)
I have had the privilege of working for/with a lot of artists – writers, painter, sculptors, dancers, singers, musicians and others – who experience an inability to continue with a creative project – a block.   In my experience the block is always related to the conflict the artist is having about whether to reveal a part of themselves.  Yet, the only choice they have to is shut down the artist to reveal that part of themselves.  It has always seemed to me that the distinction between an artist and a talented technician in any field is the willingness to be openly and honestly present. One cannot both hide and be an artist.  Whether one is a John Updike writing one’s memoir, a Michelangelo painting the Sistine Chapel, an opera singer such as Luciano Pavarotti, or a dancer such as George Balanchine one has to reveal one’s soul and thus all the “secrets” which might cover the soul and prevent its emergence.
 
Of course, we are all called to be artists – to call forth and live our particular talents.   Most of us are fearful of doing that. We do not want to run the risk of someone being critical or worse, judgmental of us. Yet, we want the praise for being creative, innovative, courageous,  or a person who truly walks the talk.   If, in fact, we live out our art will find that some praise us and some vilify us.   Many of us will hear the criticism and not the praise. We may regret “letting it all hang out.”  Yet, the truth is that if we want to live we do not have the option of being dishonest or hiding our talents under a bushel.  
 
Any of us who do not practice our art is dead – a walking and perhaps talking dead person.  There are many ways of attempting to kill off the artist within us.   Certainly one of the most common ways is to numb ourselves with work, alcohol, sex and some other substance or activity.  We may use other techniques to shut down emotionally.   Yet, invariably there is a part of most of us which refuses to be shut down.  Yesterday I said to someone who is in recovery for drug addiction that he has not been a very successful addict. No matter how strong the drugs he uses there is a part of him who cares about others and whose loving spirit is in agony when his addictive behavior causes harm to others.
 
When we allow the artist within us to live we open the door to both the hurts and the joys – the beautiful and the ugly – of this life journey. We cannot have pure joy without also experiencing acute pain. Both reside in the core of our soul.
 
Just like John Updike who is painfully honest in his memoir, our choice is to live and be honest or die and attempt to hide who we are.  We are often like the person with the borderline personality disorder.  We say to the core of our being – our soul – I hate you, please don’t leave me.
 
I often say to myself as well as to clients with/for whom I work that the primary existential issue is the relationship we are going to have with our fear.  We can either allow our fear to kill us off long before our physical death or we can choose to live – to soar.  We can either choose to allow our fear of what others – those others – might think or say or even do to control us or we can live out the essential artist within us.
 
The irony is, of course, that as what was true for John Updike, is true for all of us.  It is not the stuttering or the psoriasis which people care about but that amazing artist within us. For John Updike this was his ability to make words draw out the deepest parts of us.  For others it is a different talent. Whatever the talent it needs air to breathe – to have and give life.
 
Written September 1, 2017