​Effete elite
 
Some of us are old enough to recall an October 20, 1969 statement by the then Vice President of the United States, Spiro Agnew which was spoken in context of a speech denouncing the Moratorium Day protest against the Vietnam War: “A spirit of national masochism prevails, encouraged by an effete corps of impudent snobs who characteristic themselves as intellectuals.” (en.wikiquote.org) Sadly the statement was not made as a challenge to open dialogue between those who were passionately against continuing United States military involvement in Vietnam and those who were just as passionately in favor of continuing that involvement or who argued that it is was in the national interest to do so.  Had it been made as a respectful challenge instead of yet another effort to silence those opposing the war, it could have possibly helped some of us to accept a kernel of truth and be more open to dialogue.  From the vantage point of age and hindsight many of us passionately opposing the United States action in Vietnam and surrounding countries including Cambodia were indeed arrogant and self-righteous. In fact, we were not only arrogant and self-righteous, but, as I now recall, a group of mostly white males who, in a very sexist manner, welcomed the assistance of mostly white females.   We might have, in time have incorporated more of the principles of Martin Luther King Jr. but when Vice President Agnew made this statement, no matter how mean spirited its seeming intent, he was, in some measure. accurate.
 
Today in 2017 Anthony Van Jones*says something similar about both the so called left and the so called right.  In his new book, Beyond the Messy Truth:  How We Came Apart, How We Come Together, he suggests that both sides learn to respectfully listen and hear each other.  Although the book is just now available and, thus, I have not read it, he said in an interview that both sides can be very arrogant which, of course, prevents hearing each other which, in turn, prevents working together.  This is not an exact quote as I heard parts of the interview while I was driving.   Still, I am eager to read the book and to take what he says to heart.  He is one of those all too rare individuals who honesty believes that everyone counts.   While his beliefs resonate with me because I share them, I am also aware that in my heart of hearts I find it all too easy to convince myself that I would be happy to dialogue if certain people I label as those on the “right” who I think have little regard or respect for non-white, non-heterosexual, non-male, non-so called Christians would lay down their swords and make it safe to approach them. In other words, I often still find it easier to point fingers than I do to examine my own behavior.  While I profess to believe that all count, I find it very easy to pretend that I am a very limited understudy for the performers of Saturday Night Live and can make fun of those with whom I passionately disagree without disrespecting them or their opinions.  Excuse me!  Did I just say that?  Indeed, I did.  If I continue to believe that I have 100% of the truth pertaining to any issue and “you” have zero percent of the truth about that issue, I am going to continue to either initiate or join in the stone throwing contest.
 
The bottom line is that I would do well to focus on my behavior and the extent to which it is or is not matching my stated beliefs instead of what “the other” is doing.  In fact, as soon as I label someone as “the other” I have shut down all possible dialogue.
 
I am eager to receive and read Mr. van Jones’ book. Yet, I do not need to wait until then to keep bringing the focus back to my imitation of a member of “the effete corps of impudent snobs. In fact, it may be time to retire my tea shirt which says “Proud Member of the Effete Corps of Impudent Snobs.”  While some might still find it cute it clearly labels me a part of the problem and not part of the solution.
 
Written October 7, 2017
 
 
 
 
 
*Van Jones is a social entrepreneur, CNN political contributor and host of The Messy Truth with Van Jones. Famous for his heart-felt election night coverage, Jones showed up as “the voice of reason” for people in red states and blue throughout the volatile 2016 political season. In response to much civil unrest and energy post election, Jones launched the #Love Army -- a values based movement that is working for an America where everyone counts.Jones has founded and led numerous social enterprises engaged in social and environmental justice.”  Vanjones.net
 

​Gun control is not about gun control
 
I have listened to and read the often-passionate arguments about gun control, second amendment rights and a litany of statistics on all side of the argument.   I would like to suggest that most of us are perhaps missing the point.  I personally do not think that the issue should be gun control per se.   Of course, I would like to see the manufacture, sale and distribution of guns, ammunition, and devices to augment the ability of to shoot more bullets in rapid succession decrease.  I am well aware; however, it is big business. I am also very aware that us humans are often very creative. From a purely mechanical standpoint guns are a testament to that creativity.   Even the design and artistic execution of guns and their stocks are a testament to the creativity of many humans.  If humans want to find a way to destroy each other we will do so.  If one is committed to finding the only gun left in a city the size of New York City I am sure that there is possibility that a determined and creative person could locate it.  
 
I would like to suggest that it is the moral/ethical responsibility of the leaders in any community to model the behavior one would like to see the community following.  When my son was growing up the rules in my house was that there were no violent or military toys permitted.   I recall one place we lived where we placed  a box on the porch for my son’s visitors to “check” their violent and military toys.  I do not recall any child complaining about that.  Children who came to visit my son Jamie tended to be as creative as he was. One of the favorite pastime was to write and produce theatrical productions performed by the many hand puppets he had.  They would use the tri-fold puppet theater I had constructed.
 
I was well aware that I had no control over what toys he played with when he was at his mother’s house or at the homes of friends or relatives. My job was to model the belief some people believe that humans can find non-violent solutions to their differences – non-violently create a safe and loving community.  I also took my son to events promoting non-violence and the celebration of the diversity of us humans. As a child, he was not always happy about participating. Yet, recently he thanked me for this education.
 
It was my job as a parent to model non-violence – verbal and physical.  Again, I knew I had no control over his choices as an adult but I could and did attempt to introduce him to alternative ways of thinking.
 
I think it is similarly the job of our local, national and international leaders to model non-violent solutions to human disagreements and conflict.  Passing legislations restricting the manufacture, sale and purchase of non-hunting for food guns is a moral stance. It is not about the illusion that we can ever completely control the use of manufacture, sale and use of guns or other weapons designed to kill other humans.  Such legislation would say that we have a moral/ethical responsibility to invite others to consider non-violent conflict resolution.  Furthermore, it would say that we are committed to non-violent and non-lethal means of policing at all levels.  It would say that as a nation we are going to focus on non-violent means of conflict resolution – that we are going to going to take the example and advice of leaders such as Martin Luther King Jr. seriously.
 
All evidence shows that positive leadership, whether it is a group of nations signing a non-nuclear proliferation treaty or a single person refusing to defensively or offensively use violence, makes a positive difference.
 
Passing a gun control measure would say that the United States wants to take a leadership role in seeking non-violent solutions.  It would say that the NRA is not in charge – that our elected representatives are more concerned with moral leadership than getting re-elected. 
 
Yes, it is true that people use people to kill. Guns do not act independently of people. It is also true that, as a nation, we have actively and passively modeled that one should respond to violence with violence.   It is long past time we allowed for the possibility that non-violence is much more powerful. 
 
I am not suggesting that everyone is going to suddenly be healthy but my experience and my research tells me that when leadership is healthy, loving and respectful a majority of people follow that example.  Passing legislation restricting the manufacturing, sale, and ownership of non-hunting for food guns is a very powerful moral/ethical leadership model.
 
 
Written on October 6, 2017
 
 
 
 

​Six degrees of separation and six degrees of freedom
 
A friend mentioned the despair he was feeling about incidents such as the recent shooting in Las Vegas.  Evidence to date indicates that one person amassed and modified weapons to allow him to plan and execute the mass killing of over 59 people and the injuring of over 500 people at a musical concert in Las Vegas.  Even if we were not personally acquainted with any of those killed or injured, there is a strong likelihood that, as time passes, we will each discover that we knew someone who knew one or more of those killed or injured.   It is easy at such a time to experience a sense of hopeless and helplessness. It is also easy, given the amount of ways we have to dispatch and receive information, to begin to feel as if us humans are becoming more violent. While it is true that manufacturing guns and other means of killing is a major piece of our economy, it is also true that statistically the world is much less violent than it has ever been. Homicides, violence against women, violence against children, and even violence in the context of wars are all being reduced worldwide.  All the statistical evidence gathered by various groups confirm this fact.   That is not to say that the level of remaining violence is acceptable or that mass shootings such as the one in Las Vegas or the number of gun deaths in cities such as Chicago are acceptable, but violence world-wide is decreasing year by year.  For a good review of this subject the reader can go to slate.com and look for a December 22, 2014 article entitled “The World is Not Falling Apart” by Steven Pinker and Andrew Mack.  There are also many primary sources which validate this information.
 
It is also true that our ability to touch each other in positive or negative ways is easier than ever before. Given the increasing evidence that the idea of the six degrees of separation first proposed some years ago is indeed accurate, the ability of humans to touch each other’s lives is exponentially increasing.   Despite the accuracy of what Bruce Alexander calls the dislocation of globalization and which he believes is, in part responsible, for the spread of addiction, the fact is that humans are increasingly interconnected.  More and more studies validate the theory that there are only six or less degrees of separation between every person in the world.  Recent studies quoted in a 2016 article by Margaret Rouse entitled “Six Degrees of Separation” (whatis.com) assert that “…in 2016, researcher at Facebook reported that the social networking site had reduced the chain length of its members to three and a half degrees of separation.”  Even allowing for the fact that one might get Facebook “friends” through a friend of a friend, this is still an astounding short chain length given that many Facebook users have hundreds of friends or followers.
 
I personally like to think of the effect of the six degrees of separation by imagining what happens when I make a very conscious decision to brighten the day of a clerk in a local green grocer.  If I manage to do that and the clerk is able to receive that gesture, there is the distinct possibility that the clerk will pass along that gesture to at least 20 customers.  Let’s then suppose that each of those 20 people or even one half of them receive that positive gesture and pass it along to an average to ten people in person, via phone or social media (might be more or less) then there is the possibility that 200 people have been directly affected. If those 200 people, then as a result pass along that positive gesture to an average of 10 people then 2000 people have been touched. Eventually, after six such events I have potentially touched the world.
 
Another example occurred in my life after I attended a conference in Boston.  One of the other attendees was a doctor from Australia who was working in London.  We ended up in several continuing education sessions together and struck up an acquaintance which we maintained after the conference. A couple of years later I was in London for a conference and I rang up this man to see if we could visit. He invited me to attend a brunch with him at the home of the Vicar to the Queen of England.  I was now only one person away from the Queen of England. I have had many such experiences.   Just the other day I was chatting with someone and we discovered that even though we had never previously met we shared connections with no fewer than 4 of the same people.  Since I am not originally from this area this seems even more surprising to me. Yet, my antidotal history confirms the close interconnectedness of us humans time after time.
 
It is certainly true that given the flexibility of movement world- wide for a variety of reasons, there are a significant number of people who are feeling displaced or dislocated- people who have not found it possible to form close connections culturally, socially and otherwise and are thus, feeling adrift or as Bruce Alexander says, dislocated.  Yet, despite mass shootings by some and the horrifying number of active addicts, the majority of individuals who are displaced or dislocated do not become addicts or mass murderers.   The majority manage to hold on to important aspects of their original culture and/or find a way to create a blend of the old and the new. 
 
When I lived, and worked in Southeast Alaska, there were a number of Native Americans who were feeling dislocated or displaced. They did not feel as if there was enough of the old culture left for them to have a sense of purpose and belonging and, yet, they did not feel as if they had a place in the Caucasian culture.   On the other hand, the majority of Native Americans in that area did have a sense of belonging and purpose.  Some of these individuals and families managed to hold on too many of the old customs and traditions while also learning to make a place for themselves in the new community.  To be sure, given the gross mistreatment of the Native American population in Alaska this was not an easy or painless transition for anyone.
 
I certainly believe that we can do a better job at creating blended communities and cultures which insure that a majority of people have a sense of purpose and belonging.  I also believe that using prisons as primary long term mental health or addiction facilities is counter-productive as well as cruel.
 
Most addicts with and for whom I have worked as a counselor report that long before they picked up their drug/addiction of choice they felt disconnected or dislocated. This seems to be true regardless of whether or not they were born into an overall well connected extended family who shared a common culture and heritage.
 
Perhaps in exploring more effective preventive and treatment options for those who feel dislocated or disconnected from the community at large we need to focus on how others manage to made a healthy adjustment to radical changes in their lives. There are those who seems to be able to focus on their similarities with others – on what connects them rather than on differences which could keep them separate.  We are a global community which seems, on the whole, to be moving more towards what connects us – what allows us to acknowledge that we are all part of a whole. Yet, there are those individuals who do not feel able to move in that direction.  Is there something more we can do to assist them to do so?  Is there, as with Autism, a missing piece in the brain which prevents one from seeing the mirror image – from seeing the me in the other and the other in the me?  Once again I am reminded to be very intentional about being open to asking the questions which will lead me in a direction which might be helpful in our ongoing struggle to help more of us celebrate the six degrees of separation.    Perhaps we need to focus on how to strengthen the core of our being from which we can choose to experience the six degrees of freedom. (If not familiar with this concept google you tube and watch a video explaining the concept of the six degrees of freedom.) The core might have been for many a place and a culture.   Perhaps we are at a place historically when we are ready to strengthen a core which is based in our interconnectedness on a universal level.  Some will call this a spiritual core.
 
 
Written October 5, 2017
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

The harvest
 
When I think of fall I think of harvest time.  Although I did not grow up on a commercial farm, I did grow up in the country without the modern amenities of electricity and indoor plumbing. Thus, harvest time was often a time for finishing up the caning as well as storing potatoes and other food in the cellar.  It was also a time to make sure that there was an ample supply of wood for cooking and heating.   By the time the official celebration of Thanksgiving arrived all was ready for whatever winter might bring.   In the country, every home had an endless supply of canned vegetables, sometimes chicken or other fowl and whatever fruits had been available that summer.   It seemed as if there was a never-ending supply of peaches, cherries, apples, grapes and various berries to make pies for company at home or any community event at which we gathered to break bread together.
 
Harvest time was also a time to be reminded that one reaped what one sowed.  As a child, I did not understand why my Grandmother Fannie, the pastor and some others seemed to feel it necessary to perpetuate this lie.  Obviously, no matter what one sowed too much or too little rain, tornadoes, diseases, wild animals and various other visitors determined whether or not one had a harvest. It did not take a genius or a young child to realize that no matter how carefully one sowed and tended or how good the seeds, plants or eyes of potatoes one might or might not have a harvest.   The fact that it was a spiritual metaphor would not puncture my brain until I was an adult.
 
As is Yon Kippur, the day of atonement in the Jewish tradition, harvest time is a time for spiritual renewal.  The Christmas lesson of Santa keeping a list to determine who was naughty and nice is a precursor to attempting to teach that the real harvest is acts of kindness, a certain peace within oneself, and a very short list of deeds for which one needs to atone.
 
There have been many times in my life, such as the early days of the AIDS epidemic and the various wars in which friends have fought, when I have been reminded that what I thought were important rewards for my hard work were often just fluff.  What really mattered was how well the deceased and I had taken care of each other – loved each other.  The memories which warmed one’s heart on the darkest of winter nights was the real harvest. Having very few “I wished I hads…” provided a comforting quilt as one sat in the rocker with a smiling heart.
 
Other than herbs, here in the city I am not preserving goods to feed all who are present in this home over the winter months. I will make my daily trips to the Green Grocer, Aldi’s, Kroger’s and possibly the farmers market.  I will use the store-bought fruits to make pies while the pot roast slowly melds with the dried herbs.   I will still get out the company dishes and silver, the cloth napkins and arrange the flowers of rich fall colors to welcome honored guests as we share the love which is the fruit of our labor – of what we have sown. 
 
Our harvest is the fruit of laugher, hard work, and community. 
 
574 words
 
 Written October 4, 2017
 

​The church hat
 
Saturday, I was attending a funeral.  There was a time when most or all women wore some sort of head covering when attending a funeral or any type of church service.   Grandmother Fannie had some relatively small pillbox types of hats frequently decorated with a flower or some feathers  These were particularly distinctive as I recall.   I noticed, however, the first time that I attended a service at which there were black women present they had  very distinctive hats. Often they were wide brimmed, colorful creations decorated with tulle, feathers, bows, flowers and whatever accented the rest of the outfit.   
 
Church hats were a way for African American women to not only honor God. They were a statement that they were more than the often drab, dreary costumes they were forced to wear as slaves and servants.   Men also continue to dress up for church in the African American church.  In many Caucasian churches ones sees a laxity or casualness in dress which would have Grandma Fannie using her finger and her mouth to direct that child (no matter how old) back home to change.  
 
In some African American churches the senior pastor may be known as Bishop or pastor.  His wife may be called First Lady by  the rest of the members of the church.   It may be the honor and the duty of the First Lady to set the standard for church hats.   If the minster or the evangelist is a woman she sets the standard.  I recall asking a woman evangelist who  periodically come to lead revivals how she transported her hats. She informed me that she would ship them ahead of her arrival.
 
Recently I was not feeling well  and was using a free month of Netflix to watch some shows/movies.   One of the shows I watched was the first season of Greenleaf.  Most of the women had some amazing hats although I do not recall First Lady or her daughters wearing them.
 
At the funeral on Saturday which was held in the funeral home a “church woman” arrived about the same time I did.  I immediately knew she was a church woman because of how much attention she had given to her dress, her church hat and her proud stature. It is almost as if the women donning the church hats, heels and dress or suit, accessed that part of them which refused to be beaten down or look down upon. They were and are proud, powerful woman. Sometimes that pride gets confused with power and the need to control as is the case with the character of the First Lady in the Greenleaf series.
 
I did not know this woman on Saturday. I did intend to tell her how much I liked her church hat, but I got to visiting with others after the service and then could not locate her.
 
Costumes can be great fun. Someone complimented me on my outfit today and I remarked that it is just my work costume – shirt, tie, dress pants, dress shoes and sometimes a suit coat.  I have many costumes – certainly many more than we had as children. I have ‘costumes’ for  yardwork, working out, biking, painting, and cleaning.  I also have jeans with cowboy boots, dress casual and much to my deceased mother’s chagrin jeans and shirts with holes in them.   I am none of these costumes, but each one may say something about me just as the church woman’s costume or the brother’s costume says something about a part of who they are.  Sometimes we ourselves may confuse ourselves with our costumes and take ourselves very seriously. We may not know who we are outside of that costume.  That can be a huge problem especially if we are forced to leave the role for which the costume was designed.  It can also be disrespectful and even dangerous if we confuse someone else with their costume. 
 
Children love costumes unless they learn early on to be fearful of what others might think.    They can experiment with many parts of themselves simply by changing their costume.  Sometimes parents worry and make a big deal out of a boy or girl choosing a costume which is considered only appropriate for the opposite gender. That is very sad when that happens.  If we cannot experiment with exploring parts of ourselves by playing different roles we may not discover the essence of who we are.
 
It may be that we adults in the United States could greatly benefit from exploring parts of ourselves by having some fun with costumes.    We may have forgotten that it is not only safe to do that but necessary if we are to spread our wings and soar like the eagle or flutter our way to the small hummingbird feeder. We can be very visible or very beautiful and quietly present. We can be – who – we are – in all of our glory  - with all of our strength and heart.   We can be!
 
Written October 2, 2017
 
 

​Grandma says: “That is enough.”
 
I felt as if I was channeling Grandma Fannie as I was listening to the morning news and heard myself saying, “That is enough.” 
 
Often Grandma Fannie would slightly raise her voice, give one that look and simply say, “That is enough.”  Frequently this was in response to my complaining about something or whining instead of just getting busy doing what I needed to be doing. This could be farm chores, homework or some other task.  Complaining was not an acceptable task to be doing. Grandma Fannie seemed to think that one mention of some perceived injustice or other event over which one had no control was sufficient. She did not seem to appreciate that my complaining was equivalent to her often repeated “Lord have mercy.”  Well, now that I think about it she did keep working while she as was  saying, “Lord have mercy.” I consistently stopped all that I was doing since it seemed obvious that one’s full attention should  be given to the complaint de jour.
 
It does seem as if many of us humans have not moved past that juvenile state of reacting instead of acting.  Many seem to think it is not only their right but their duty to deposit their misery on all within hearing or reading distance.   Far too many do not restrict themselves to running off at the mouth, but pick up their toy gun which is no longer a toy gun and start shooting or use social media to  sharply criticize those who action or very being does not please them.
 
“Lord have mercy.”    Just last evening there was a shooting in Las Vegas.  Apparently a  person, acting on his own, opened fire with an automatic gun and fired off many rounds killing as many as 50 people and injuring as many as 200.    This is not the first such shooting and it surely will not be its last. 
 
It was also a busy social media weekend with frequent tweets between our so called leaders who are busy reacting to each other.
 
I can just hear Grandma Fannie saying, “That is enough.”  I also suspect she would take away phones and restrict access to automatic weapons or any weapons which were not intended for hunting game which one would use for food.  I am sure she could not imagine any adult or even young person hunting and killing animals for sport.  As to tweeting, other instant messaging barbs or other ways of communicating negative thoughts to each other she would certainly say, “That is enough.”  She would simultaneously give that look which would halt the action of anyone.
 
As I mentioned the other day, current research indicates that both creativity and humor require unexpected connections - new ways of thinking.  Allowing fear of what others might think or do to determine our reactions does not get the long term results that I think all of us want.  Grandma Fannie was very clear that:
 

• Just for today we need to do the next right thing whether that be a chore, homework or some other task.
• We need to keep focused on what will will most likely get the desired long term results and not on what might make us feel good for a second.

If we are fortunate we all have at least one Grandma Fannie in our lives – someone who loves us unconditionally and who is not hesitant to tell us to just stop wasting energy complaining, blaming, planning revenge, buying weapons whose purpose is to kill people, or using social media to bully and otherwise put someone down.  That someone will channel Grandma Fannie and say very firmly, “That is enough.”
 
If we are very lucky we have a Grandma Fannie who has taken up permanent residence in our heads.  She will be sure to let us know, “That is enough.”
 
“Lord have mercy!”
 
Written October 2, 2017

​Sunday musings – October 1, 2017
 
Fall has arrived taking over one’s sensory experiences. The sights, sounds, smells, touches and tastes of fall in this little section of the world are poignant reminders of the gifts of mother earth when we allow a synchronistic relationship with her.  The fall season will be experienced much differently in other parts of the world.  In some, such as those torn apart by war or so-called natural disasters, it may seem more like a season of death. In Puerto Rico, for example, not only is fall generally subtler, but  following two devastating hurricanes it is hard for anyone to imagine that this is a time for closing down one chapter and quietly preparing for a new, even richer chapter. 
 
The week for me has, in many ways been a metaphor for the fall season.  I was invited to check out my progress for letting go of my expectation that my energy level will always be at least 150%.  Despite strict instructions that the cold which was visiting had outstayed its welcome and would be gone by Thursday, it continued to linger on.  Dinner with friends close to my age reminded me that we are nearing the winter of our lives although we continue many days to be blessed with evidence of spring.  Attending presentations by young entrepreneurs reminded me that young people are shaping an exciting future.  Although we who are in the fall and winter of our lives have an exciting role to play, it is time to turn over much of the leadership to the youth.    Attending a class for new ways of looking at addiction remind me growing always involves the death of old ideas, some time for allowing new ideas to form and being patient while they prepare to bud.  Attending a funeral to say goodbye to a man I had learned to rely on, respect, and love reminded me that we only have a moment to enjoy this dance.
 
When I sat down to respond to some emails, I started to say, despite the fact that I had been out of bed for nearly 5 hours today, I have accomplished very little – almost nothing.   Then I mentioned that I had done some laundry, touched base with 30 or so people via the internet, visited with folks at the gym and incidentally worked out, visited with a couple I have long admired and who I know have much to teach me and spent 30 or 40 minutes with a friend who is sad and hurting.  It is funny that no matter how often I have said or written that nurturing each other is a very important and valuable use of our time, the truth I learned as a child - that only concrete tasks testify to one’s commitment to work or count as doing something worthwhile-  is still a very strong message  or truth in my brain.   What I believe today is that I made very loving decisions to spend my time and energy this week on what is most important – taking care of myself and others.   The cleaning, laundry, decluttering, and other tasks will get done or not.    I do seem to manage to pay bills, keep the health department from closing down my home and office, do enough laundry to have clean clothes and enough cooking to give my body what it wants and needs.
 
It has, after all, been another week of blessings too numerous to list. It has been another week in what was important got done.   The house may not be pristine, but it is comfortable, inviting and lived in.  Some tasks will no doubt will still be undone in weeks or months to come.  I will not be the most well-read and well-informed, the most up to date culturally, or the hippest leader.
 
I may this day following the Jewish day of atonement still have much for which to atone.   Hopefully, I do not have to atone for failing to love well this week.
 
The harvest today seems to me abundant.
 
Written October 1, 2017