​Don’t Feed the Dragon
 
Many factors affect one’s experience of the world. Changes in the chemical balance of the brain, physical pain, past or current traumatic events, and even the weather can cause one to experience reality as dark, negative, hopeless, isolating, and overall painful.   At such times, it would seem as if one is getting an accurate picture of the world as it is. In fact, often at such times it may seem as if one experiencing the world as it really is, has been and will always be. While it feels as if there is no other possible reality, depending on one’s past experience, there may be a faint voice which reminds one that has not always have been the case and does not have to be the case for the future.  Often, however that voice in our head is so weak compared to the shout of the negative voice that one finds it impossible to use the weaker voice to correct the loud voice.   One may then agree with the loud voice and repeat the messages it is shouting at one.   Instead of saying, “At this moment, it feels as if there is no hope.”  one says, “There is no hope.”  Instead of saying, “My world feels dark and as if no one is there to support me.” One says, “My world is dark and there is no one thee to support me.”    I call this feeding the dragon of negativity/depression.  The more I feed the dragon the more it grows. The more it grows the more I feed it.
 
Often the role of therapy, a medication such as an anti-depressant, or a friend is to help one quit feeding the dragon. This can be difficult for a friend or a therapist because the depressed person may “hear” the friend or therapist as saying that they are doing something wrong which may then be another way of feeding the dragon.  The truth is that it FEELS as if all is negative, but the feelings are only experiencing a part of the truth. There are other truths which sit alongside of the truth of the depression/negativity.
 
Sometimes helping someone who is in the midst of feeding the dragon is as simple as active listening.  Just parroting back what the person is saying, may, at times allow them to hear and correct what they are saying.   Sometimes the person is open to some coaching in not feeding the dragon – just noticing the negative feelings without accepting them as the only truth.   Sometimes the clinical depression is so intense that some medication to correct the chemical imbalance is necessary.   The worst thing a person can do with the dragon of negativity is visiting is to isolate. When one is isolating one tends to be more vulnerable to feeding the dragon and, thus, getting worse and worse.
 
On any given day, there are many realities. My friend Becky calls rain liquid sunshine.  She and I also tend to label many experiences as a nuisance as opposed to labeling them is very painful, terrible, awful, devastating, etc.  Pema Chodron, the spiritual teacher, suggests that one just practice noticing thoughts without labeling them as good or bad, right or wrong, accurate or inaccurate.  She is, of course, beginning with the belief that there are many possible realities
 
Today the temperature was 45 when I went to the gym. I experienced it as tickling my skin in a most delightful way.  My friend J experienced it as cold and uncomfortable.  Someone else did not seem to notice it and, thus, did not label it.  All three realities were accurate.  None, were, of course, the only reality.
 
N + N = 2 N (N = negativity).   N + 0 = N.   N + P (positive) = small p or neutral.   N + 2P = P
 
Not feeding the dragon often takes what seems like a herculean effort, but with help and practice we can all learn not to feed the dragon.
 
 
Written October 18, 2017
 

​The smiles
 
It is a cool, fall morning here in Wheeling, WV – just cool enough for the air to tickle one’s skin causing it into spread into smiles throughout my body.   I arrive at the gym at the same time as F and J.  They also have wide smiles as does the woman at the desk. J remarks how much she likes and appreciate the cheerful hello of this woman.
 
In the locker room I see a man I had not seen for some time – a man I used to see often at the gym we both visited until it closed down some months ago.  We share smiles and hugs.  Later I see others and collect yet more smiles.   As I return to the locker room I see a man I have never met, but with whom I frequently share a smile.  He has a tall, clearly rooted, runners body held proudly erect but not as if he is standing over one.  From his strong center his body smiles all the way to his lips.
 
I have now collected nearly a dozen smiles while I incidentially tended to the physical workout which I am grateful to be able to do.
 
I play the smile forward as I stop at the post office before arriving home. Soon I will share the supply of smiles with all I see today in the office and at the green grocers.  The smile will even get transmitted to those I am touching via voice, email or text. 
 
One might wonder just how many smiles one must collect to keep from getting sucked into the abyss of hopelessness.  Today I seem to have an ample supply but will collect more throughout the day just in case!
 
Just smiles and yet ….
 
Written   November 18, 2017
 
 

​Brevity   
 
The writers circle of which I am now a long-distance participant challenges one to write a maximum of 600 words on an assigned topic and read it at the monthly meeting.  Anyone who knows me is well aware that it is a challenge for me to restrict myself to 600 words on any subject.  Yet every month I manage to reduce my offering to less than 600 words without a corresponding decrease in the clarity of the subject matter.   Sadly, as any regular reader of this blog will attest, I have not consistently applied that same discipline to my daily blog or other communications.  Yet, I am well aware that when I am reading what others have written I can easily get lost or distracted if it is much more that 600 words.  I ask myself why it is so difficult to practice brevity and clarity in all that I write and say.    The reasons may be as varied as the subject matter on which I write. They may include:
 

• I have not allocated enough time to edit.
• I do not always practice writing out a thesis statement and insuring that I stick to the commitment contained in said thesis statement.
• My goal becomes convincing some readers that I am right and they are wrong.
• I forget about the reader and continue talking/writing for the sake of doing so.
• I add a lot of filler because I am discovering as I write that the reasons for my opinion or thoughts are lacking in depth.
• I am writing because I have a commitment to write daily and not because I have something to say which is worth the reader’s attention.
• I am having great fun playing with words.

 
When I am paying attention I notice myself doing the same when I am communicating verbally.  The goal is not communication but overwhelming someone with my logic which, of course can be a euphemism for bullsh...!
 
I am reminded my goal may switch from communication to winning the argument even as it is delivered in sound bites with the hope of overwhelming the listener.
 
The documentary “The Gatekeepers” is a 2012 documentary film by director Dror Moreh in which he interviews six of the former heads of security in Israel.  As I recall, one of the conclusions which all six men share is “once military action has started the goal becomes one of winning or revenge rather than justice or preventing some future violence”(my words as I recall what I heard when I watch the film).  It would seem that whether we are using words, military weapons, or perhaps even music humans quickly forget the stated purpose of our action. 
 
Often when listening to a composition by some composer of which I am very fond, I find myself thinking that this is a good place to end this piece of music which may be some distance from the actual end of the piece.  It seems as if the composer is saying, “You may not have gotten that messages. Let me present in another 10 different ways to make sure you get it.  Of course, what happens for this human is I leave the composer and the music.
 
Examining my motives for any action requires that I daily recommit to honesty, open mindedness and willingness (three principles I am borrowing from the 12 step recovery program -  principles known as “The HOW” of the program).
 
I have now arrived at a total of 586 words.
 
 
Written October 17, 2017
 
 
 
 
 
 

​Who is this god?
 
From the time, I was very young I somehow “knew” that it was important to stand up for what seemed right and just.   Of course, the problem was and is what seems right and just to one person does not seem right and just to another.  Ironically, I probably first heard this call to proudly stand up for what one believes to be right and just from ministers and others involved in the Southern Baptist Church.  I say ironically because my experience of the teachings of that church was:
 

• There is only one way to please God and that is by following the teaching of that particular religion and that particular denomination. In fact, even other Christians such as Roman Catholics were not pleasing to God and not deserving of “entering the Kingdom of Heaven”.
• Practicing homosexuals, people of color, communists, and many other groups of individuals were also excluded from “entering the Kingdom of Heaven” as were unrepentant adulterers, people who danced, and people who drank.
• God is a very punishing.  Jesus will forgive only if one renounces one’s sinful nature.  Eternal punishment was a key component of the teaching of the church for those who did not obey that church’s interpretation of what it meant to be a righteous person.  Obviously, many others who called themselves Christians, Jews, Muslims, Buddhists, Hindus and others need not expect God’s unconditional love.
• God does not like sex and only condones sexual behavior if attempting to procreate. In other words, true Christians have a very limited and boring sexual life.

 
The message I “heard” when I read the new testament or other stories of the history of this person Jesus was that love was unconditional; that the ability of humans to understand what is pleasing to God changes over time.  I “heard’ that it is very difficult for humans to move outside of their limited imagination and perspective.
 
As a child and even as a young man I did not claim the courage to speak my understanding that love is more powerful than punishment; that the God of my understanding was and is a very inclusive God; and that there are many paths to spiritual enlightenment.
 
It never did make any sense to me that one would posit a concept of a supreme being whose sense of self was so fragile that he/she/it got very upset if one used the wrong name; took the behavior of humans very personally – those same humans who were obviously created to be a work in progress; a god, and, as Mark Twain would point out, hated anything that was enjoyable – sex, danceable music, good food and a good sense of humor.  It seems to be that humans often posited a concept of God who was more insecure that a 13-year-old with acme and raging hormones.  I thought that at least the Greeks and many other groups of people posited Gods who were prone to passion, mistakes, and a sometimes exciting and sometimes dangerous curiosity.
 
I was thinking about such issues the other day when someone again mentioned to me that they thought that “those people” who compulsively/addictively engage in sexual behavior are different than those who compulsively/addictively use mind altering chemicals.  In fact, some believe that only mind altering chemical use deserve the label of addiction and,thus, the understanding that very good people can be kidnapped by the addictive process which takes place in the brain.   Some accept that those addicted to mind altering chemicals deserve compassion, understanding and ongoing access to healing tools and people. Many of those same people believe that those who compulsively engage in sexual behavior, overeating, over spending and other destructive behavior deserve judgment and punishment.    This belief is perhaps most evident when it comes to our treatment of those who engage in compulsive sexual behavior. 
 
In fact, even many in the recovering communities seem to behave much like the Southern Baptists with who I grew up.  They believe compassion, forgiveness and a second or third or fourth chance should be withheld from those who engage in “sinful” behavior involving sexual acts or other undesirable compulsive behavior.  Sexual acts can include all manner of harassment as well as physical rape and molestation. 
 
In a culture in which sex is used directly or indirectly to sell a wide variety of products including food, cars, youth enhancing products and anti-depression medication we posit a God who hates sex – except to procreate.   In a culture in which pornography is nearing 100 billion in annual revenue we judge those whose compulsive sexual behavior becomes public.   We also judge those whose use sex to try to satisfy their compulsive need to become important by amassing great economic wealth and/or power.
 
The God or Gods of my understanding:
 

• Accepts that humans are a work in progress.
• Accepts that compulsive behavior is a treatable illness/condition.
• Accepts that punishment is not an effective treatment stagey.
• Accepts that compulsive behavior is not able to consider the needs of others, but has life of its own completely devoted to the satisfying the compulsion.
• Loves unconditionally
• Problem solves/treats.
• Does not judge or rank order compulsive behavior.
• Does not allow fear to determine how one treats another person(s).
• Wants humans to celebrate their passions without using their passions to try to prove their worth.

 
The God of my understanding has a great sense of humor.  He/she/it is well aware that humans are not perfect; that we have a very creative mind which often leads to amazing acts and often leads to destructive behavior.    He/she/it laughs about how we posit he/she/it.
 
 
Written October 17, 2017
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

​Bless his/her heart
 
Anyone who knows me often hears me say, Bless his/her heart”.  I have no idea where or when I borrowed this phase although it seems as if I have known it forever.  I know the depth of what it means to me has developed over the years and is very consistent with my understanding of the extent to which I am blessed and, thus, the extent to which I want to refrain from judging others. I know I can never fully walk in the shoes or live in the heart and mind of another person.   My friend R reminded me just this morning that of course when one hold on to judgements, resentments or other negative thoughts about another it is injurious to one’s health.  Judgments builds walls which keep my body from functioning at its best.  It is if the blood flow cannot continue and I have a blockage which will, of eventually result in not only my spiritual death but my physical death.
 
Many people have guided me in my understanding and internalization of the concept of blessings.  Dr.  Rachel Ramen and Pema Chodron are two of those who immediately come to mind, although I could probably fill up many pages of names of others to have, by their example, taught me.  I will, of course, continue to gain a richer understanding of blessings.
 
When I say, and wish for the blessing of another I am not suggesting that I am healthy enough to live with the person of whom I am thinking and blessing.  I have certainly not attained that level of spiritual growth that I could live with an active addict or a person whose emotion shield is anger, control or physical violence. I could not do that and stay healthy. This is because of my own lack of growth and has nothing to do with the behavior of the other.
 
I can hope and be grateful for the people in my life who are willing to love me unconditionally even though my human lack of growth is often painfully visible to anyone who is paying attention.  There are many such people in my life who directly or indirectly say, “Bless your heart.”.   They bathe me in love.  If others can do that for me I can surely play it forward.
 
I am well aware that there are many people for whom I have deep respect who suggest that there are those who are undeserving of blessings or any show of compassion.   Some would say that some people are just evil or choosing to act in an evil manner.  I am unable to wrap my limited mind around that concept. Certainly, some of us humans cause grave damage – physically, emotionally and spiritually – to others.  The extent of that damage on the surface ranges from mild to extremely acute.   Yet, I have set to see or to be able to articulate a scientific system for assigning points for degree of hurt or harm and/or the degree to which one had control over one’s thought process.  There are many factors which affect the ability of the brain of any of us to have a particular thought. 
 
I am also well aware that judging others never results in emotional or spiritual healing. Certainly, there are those who heal in spite of being judged and there are those who are able to hear beneath the judgment and make changes.  Blessing others also does not necessarily result in positive change.  Blessing others and not judging them does allow me to stay healthier.  Negative thoughts, resentments, and judgments will also affect the ability of my body to relax and to function as well as possible.
 
It cost me nothing to say and mean “Bless his/her heart.” It cost me a lot to withhold that blessing.
 
 
Written October 15, 2017

​Community – The We
 
It is just 9:00 a.m. and already this morning I have had at least four reminders health care is a community event and process. One reminder was from a friend who is a doctor and who is excited about his new job.  He says “a healthy community is more powerful than a few healthy individuals.”  Another reminder came from another friend “S” who is in recovery for addiction.  He is excited that a long-time friend of his is, with support, beginning the road to recovery.  S’s example and amazing ability and willingness to support others in their growing/healing journey is, I am sure, a significant factor in his friend taking these steps towards reclaiming his life.   Yet another example was a report I heart on NPR while at the gym about the results of new research that shows that mountain lions are far from the lone animals they were thought to be. They connect with each other to not only procreate but to share food.
 
My son’s mother recently fell and fractured a hip.   Our son was not able to travel to be her advocate,but friends did step up to help and support her.
 
I could name many more examples of what we already know about the necessity of community and the devastating affects of being isolated – being without a “we”.   Obviously the extent of community which all of us need varies. There are those who function well with a significant amount of alone time or living with other animals in the wild. Yet, my experience is that even those individuals need a “we” – perhaps a smaller “we” but a “we” none the less.
 
In my belief system, we are part of a much larger, interconnected we of the universe(s).  All the parts of all systems are essential for the system to function. When any of us does anything to disconnect ourselves or others from that whole, the whole suffers.
 
Today I am grateful for all the reminders that all that I do today will affect the whole.  No matter how much I might, at times, feel like an island I am not alone.
 
Written October 12, 2017

​Compassion versus co-dependence.
 
I have often written on what many refer to as co-dependence, but it is a subject to which I find I must continually return.  I do sometimes envy those individuals who seem to be able to clearly distinguish between what is co-dependence and what is compassion.   I have read and reread the many books on the subject.  I have attended AL anon and other similar support groups.  I have talked with other therapists and trusted friends.  I am sometimes able to “draw a line in the sand” with a client, friend or family member.  Some of these lines are:
 

• I will not allow an active addict to stay at my home although I have on occasion on a cold winter night allowed someone to spend an hour or two on my couch. 
• I will not pretend that an active addict can be a friend and certainly not a romantic partner.
• I will not make a home visit to a client who is actively using and living alone.
• I will not buy a luxury item for someone although what constitutes luxury is often very subjective.

 
On the other hand, I will:
 

• Remember that the fact that my mind can allow me to make choices today which leave me financially stable and able to take care of myself is a blessing for which I can take no credit.
• Remember that no one chooses to be an active addict or to have a mental illness, both of which conditions affects how the decision-making part of the mind functions.
• Honor what appears to be the decisions others make about their health care when they do not directly affect me. This one is tricky.  How does one make a healthy decision to seek or not seek treatment when one’s mind is controlled by addiction or mental illness.

 
The 12 step program, tough love advocates and many helping professionals often state or suggest that many humans who are struggling with addictions or other diseases have to reach their bottom before they are able to make positive changes.  What counts as a bottom for some may not be a bottom for others? One man I know who struggles with alcoholism has been in the intensive care unit of the hospital 3 times for acute pancreatitis, lost a number of jobs, lost romantic relationships and done great damage to family relationships.  Despite all this, he has yet to reach his bottom if indeed he has one short of death or an acute accident which would leave him permanently differently abled or disabled.  He was raised in a very loving, high functioning family.  His sister is a professional woman, wife, mother and active community member.  He is a very talented man trained to do many skilled jobs.  He hates being the unsuccessful one of the family and, yet, cannot allow himself to quit drinking and use treatment resources to heal.  His father controls his medications so that he does not abuse it.  His parents help him in a lot of very practical ways and always include him in family celebrations. Yet, he continues to drink and to keep family members waiting for the next crisis.  Would tough love - cutting off all assistance - help him reach his bottom?  Some would say yes although even those would acknowledge there is always the possibility that he would get more self-destructive and might even actively commit suicide.
 
I just saw a young man who began using drugs to avoid dealing with life on what then constituted life on life terms when he was 11.   He has now been clean for two years and is currently in a residential treatment program.   He has been living out the script of someone who is the son of an alcoholic and who is the various diagnosis he has been given. His diagnosis includes social anxiety, depression and sleep disorder. His life has often been dictated by the truths he learns about himself and how he learned to survive. His thought process has led him on a path of weakness, hopeless and self-destruction.  Is this because of the depression and the social anxiety or are the symptoms of those diagnosis a result of his belief system about himself.   Some of this behavior is typical for a 19-year-old even without his particular history.   He clearly needs to be treated with love and respect. Expecting him to behave as a 19-year-old adult is respectful.  Expecting him to behave as an adult who is ready to take complete responsibility for his life is not loving, respectful or realistic.  In some ways, he is still a very young person who thinks like a 11-year-old – the age he started using. In other ways, he is an exceptionally bright, thoughtful young man.
 
Guidance, parenting,  and mentoring requires a careful mixture of challenge, love, understanding and an acceptance of a person’s need to discover their own truths.  
 
With each person, it is important to set realistic, practical goals. I also remind myself to remember that what works for one may not work for another.  Assigning labels such as co-dependence or tough love may not be very helpful.   It is clear that change requires a certain level of discomfort. That discomfort may come from the knowledge that I am not all I want to be or can be. It may come from knowing I do not want to be in jail or do not want to love my family or my job.   For others, the greatest discomfort may be confronting the fear of failing.  For these individuals going to an institution may be the least uncomfortable thing that can happen.
 
There is much we do not know about change or how to motivate and help ourselves and others to change.  If indeed tough love works with some it is because it is clear that the emphasis is on love(compassion and not on tough.   My experience is that it is easy for all of us to fall into the trap of being so frustrated with the behavior of another that we take action because we are angry and not because we want to help.  We may say we are practicing tough love, but in reality, we are just angry and our using our power to disengage from the person. I am not sure that this is ever helpful.  Yet there might be those people who will get better just to prove one is wrong! 
 
Treating someone as a helpless child can also be an “easy” way out for the family member or the helping professional who is exhausted from dealing with addiction or a mental illness.  Co-dependence like tough love may be more about my own level of frustration and anger than about the desire to help.
 
The bottom line for me is to me to:
 

• Be very careful with labels.
• Do whatever I do with love and not because I am angry or frustrated.

 
Written October 11, 2017
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

​What if love is enough?
 
Not infrequently, others will complain to me that they love so and so and if so and if so and so really loved them then a way would be found to be together.  Often, however, prior commitment including marriages and children, and other family responsibilities prevent them from being together.  I may then suggest that although love is a necessary condition for a committed romantic partnership it is not sufficient.  Many other facts have to be taken into account.   On the other hand, I often hear myself saying that in this brief life journey the most important act we can perform is to show up with love.  Life, after all, is just a few minutes long and the only permanent thing we can leave behind is energy. Whether we call this energy our soul or our essence if that energy is comprised of hate, resentments, jealously, envy or other negative emotions then our legacy will be an ongoing chain of pain. If, on the other hand, that energy is comprised of love then our legacy will an ongoing chain of love.
 
The challenge sounds simple.  We merely have to show up and in the midst of going about the daily business of living we unconditionally love ourselves and others.  Yet, as some would point out, even great spiritual teachers get angry at times and are anything but loving.  Yet, those same teachers seem to accept responsibility for their anger and failure to love and then get back on track.  They may need some time to let go of the anger, but without labeling the anger as good or bad they are able let it go and move on.
 
Most of us, including this human, continue to love with expectations.  “I will love you as long as you do X or behave in Y manner.  I will love you as long as you love me back. I will love you if you are a Christian or Buddhist or Muslim or Hindu or Hira Kristna.  I will love you if you are in recovery.  I will love you if you treat me with respect.  I will love you if ….”  In other words, it is easy to make our love conditional on whether others are behaving in a way which is consistent with our expectations or if others are loving us in the way that we think that they should.   Yet, many spiritual teachers including Buddha and Jesus challenge us to love no matter how others are treating us.   Jesus may have gotten mad about the money changes and had a brief fit of anger.  He may, at times, have gotten frustrated with the disciples.  Yet, in the end, whether he was with the disciples, the prostitutes and seeing Judas following the betrayal, he offered his love.  When he decided to love, it was with full knowledge that humans were, well, human.  Our behavior can be petty, mean and even vicious. We can do horrible harm to others. Some of us murder others in cold blood, treat some as objects meant to service us, drop bombs, rape and engage in mass shootings. We often treat things or substances with more reverence than we do other humans.  In short we do everything we can to keep the sacred part of us distant from ourselves and others.
 
If one goes to a 12-step recovery meeting such as AA, NA,SA, MA, GA, or OA one will find those who when caught in the grips of their addiction treated many others or most others with extreme cruelty. Yet, in recovery programs one then hears some of them talking about learning to love themselves and others. 
 
If one attends some religious services one may hear a pastor talking about his or her life of self-centered, cruel addiction or some other dis ease prior to them finding a place in a particular church or religion. Without exception, everyone who has turned their life around in a positive way has done so because they finally felt love and as if they might be worth loving. They will say that they finally felt welcome or as if they have come home.
 
Does this mean that everyone to whom we extend love will be able to allow themselves to trust that love and to love in return? Certainly, not.  Sadly, many people will die believing that their cruel behavior is justified or necessary.  Many will be unable to accept love or act lovingly in return.
 
When we love unconditionally we never know if anyone will be able to receive that love or will respond with fear, hate and even violence.  That is not our concern.   The only thing over which we have control is our own integrity – our own sense of peace – when we have the courage to love unconditionally without any demands or expectations.
 
This is both the promise and the gift of spiritual growth.  We no longer have to be angry, disappointed, resentful or judgmental.  The behavior of others is not our concern. To be sure it feels good when we receive love in return.  Yet, that is not our goal.
 
I am not suggesting that in this life journey I or anyone I know will reach this state of perfection.  Every day I fall short of loving without expectations.  Yet, I know that all I have to do is to notice my expectations without judging them, breathe, smile and let go. It really is as simple as that.  No matter that I have to do this exercise 10, 20 or 100 times a day.  My happiness/contentment/inner peace is not dependent on what others do or do not do.  That is my power. That is the power of the paradox of surrendering to my powerlessness over other people, places and things.
 
Written October 10, 2017
 
 
 
 

​Channeling Grandma Fannie
Since clearly not even a General can stop the stop the tweet a thon activity originating in the White House or in other government offices I found myself thinking that I should offer to loan the spirit of Grandma Fannie to the spouse of those who seem unable to control their urge to tween.   After all, I know that Grandma Fannie had lots of experience in having “coming to Jesus conversations” with various adults and children.  She did after all, after many years of marriage, insist on a divorce from Grandpa Ed.  She was not concerned about being able to take care of herself. She did later agree to remarry him for reasons, which had nothing to do with his existential angst over missing what he considered his marital rights. In fact when she did remarry him in 1948 she had some conditions, which included:
·      Signing a pre-nuptial agreement although that was unusual for a person of their economic condition.
·      Restricting smoking to the sunroom off the kitchen.
·      No drinking of alcohol in the house or around her. She did not attempt to control his trips to the barn or the activity in which he engaged in that space.
·      Allowing her to manage the money and obeying the rules regarding repayment of loans she might make to him. I clearly recall her reminder that he was expected to pay back the sum of a $.05.
I have no doubt that had smart phones been available that she would have had the equivalent of parental controls installed on his phone.  In fact, I suspect she would have decided that no men and no children – especially – were to be trusted with access to the Internet. It is not that Grandma and her sisters did not like men.  They clearly thought that God had created woman to not only bear the pain of childbirth but to take on all difficult emotional tasks because they had the physical, emotional and spiritual strength that was needed to maintain some sense of order and good sense.  She clearly knew that all teenage children and we males were incapable of self-discipline. This was neither good nor bad, but just the way that God had designed males and females.  If she though of homosexual relationships between men at all she would have been more than skeptical that two men could manage without a woman.
At any rate, it seems to me that it is time for me to exercise some generosity by offering to loan the spirit of Grandma Fannie to the spouses of all politicians.  If some tweet-addicted politician does not have a spouse/partner, one will be assigned to him.  In the rare case that there is female politician who is similarly addicted she will be assigned a Grandmother Fannie surrogate to have complete control over the phone or any device which can send and received tweets, instant messages, emails, instagrams, or other social media communication.
If one is attempting to envision Grandma Fannie one should imagine a figure similar to Mabel Madea Simmons as created and portrayed by Tyler Perry.  Although Grandma Fannie’s personality lacked the rang of language and outward passion of Madea she was equally intolerant of those who seems to have a removable brain chip which monitored for common sense and other behavior which she thought of an non-negotiable adult behavior.   Clearly tweeting emotive statements inconsistent with common sense or adult behavior was the result of the failure to insert this removable chip and leave it is for the duration. In fact, although I never personally witnessed Grandma Fannie using the ever handy needle and thread used for making garments, quilts and any other cloth item found in her home to sew up the opening where said chip was installed there were tales of many such sewing circle activities by she and her women friends.
One can only imagine the spirit of Grandma Fannie or the Grandma Fannie surrogate arriving at the home of the tweet addicted, chip removed politician or other government official.   Hands on hip I can hear her now:
“You, sit down and shut up now.  What did you say? You are whom? Do I look like I care what role you are pretending to inhabit? Do I!  Do you really want me to come over there and sit you down?  I did not think so. How, hand me that phone.  You are testing my patience. Give me that phone now before I am forced to call upon the spirit of Lorena Bobbitt.  I did not think so.    Now here is the phone you can use. Yes, it is flip phone.  No, it does not have Internet.  Obviously you are unable to control yourself enough to have access to a smart phone.  Now, where did you put that chip?  Give it to me.  Oh for God’s sake! Stop whining!  Give me that chip.  Yes, this is a needle and thread.  It will no longer be a removable chip.   Are we clear?  If you do not stop that whining I will be forced to take a video of you on my smart phone and post it to You Tube. Is that what you want?  I thought not.  And just in case you thought you could order others to loan you their phones or other smart devices they no longer have them. In fact I have the only one in this entire building.  Now let’s go over the other adult rules of behavior.  What, you have important business to which to attend?  I think not.  You were never too busy to tweet.  Now, rule number 1.”
 
Written October 9, 2017
 

​Sunday Musings – October 8, 2017
 
If I did not have access to the news in other parts of this community, the nation or the world I could easily suggest that it has been a quiet and uneventful week   Even with access to news of events in the rest of the community, the nation and the world it seems to have been a routine week  So called natural events came and went, physical and verbal wars continue to be fought, amazing music and other art forms continue to be created, acts of great love and compassion occur every moment, and seemingly well planned, but random, events such as the shooting of several hundred people by Stephen Paddock became a permanent part of our human footprint.
 
All of the people to whom I have spoken clearly see war and other acts of violence by humans against other humans as very undesirable, but many disagree about the source or reason for such acts. This week I have again been challenged to accept that some people and events can only be labels as evil.  Clearly when the word evil is used as a verb I understand it to mean an action which is harmful, undesirable, profoundly immoral, wicked, or even depraved. (most of the dictionaries seem to use such terms).   The word itself seem to derive from various German or Old Dutch words which derive from the root “wap –bad” (see etymonline.com)
 
It is when the word is used as a noun that I get very confused.    Often when used as a noun it seems to allude to some outside force. Some would say a supernatural force or a force unrelated to the various factors which affect how the brain works in any one given moment. 
 
In my mind, when I hear the word evil used as a noun, I tend to think that the person speaking is attempting to explain some behavior which is unexplainable.  It is one thing to say that the actions of Stephen Paddock were very hurtful to a great number of people. His actions not only caused the death of 59 people and the injury of other, the grief of all those who loved those who were killed or seriously injured and an increase in fear and mistrust in others, but challenged the delusion that the thinking and behavior of humans is somehow rational.  If the behavior was not rational we then either have to find evidence of a brain disorder (accepted mental illness, brain tumor or some other “evidence based” or what we take as evidence based cause) or label the person as psychopath or sociopath. If none of those attempts work, then we can pull out the label of evil.  If one is a religious person one might explain the behavior by saying that the devil took over the person or acted through the person.
 
The Nobel Prize winning psychologist Daniel Kahneman in a conversation with host Krista Tippett on an On Being October 5, 2017 podcast titled “Why we contradict ourselves and confound each other.” states:
 
“Well, the concept of rationality is a technical, mathematical concept.  It’s illogic.  And it is actually completely not possible for a finite human mind to be rational or to obey the axioms of rationality.   You’d have to know too much. The difficulty of being consistent in all your beliefs is impossible. And if you are not consistent in all your beliefs, you can be trapped in an inconsistency, and then you are not rational.” 
 
He goes on to say later in the conversation, “when people use the word “rational,” I think, what they mean by this is that there is a good reason for what you believe and what you do. If there is a good reason for it, you believe in what you do, then you are rational.”
 
I am convinced that many of those in charge of official military forces believe that there are times when killing large numbers of people, they have labeled as the enemy is moral and, thus, rational, because, in their belief system, it is necessary if one is to prevent immoral behavior by the “enemy”.  If one can convince the enemy that one is willing to do whatever action is necessary to defeat them they will retreat. This thinking may then be labeled as rational or logical.  If, however, a person who has not been given any official authority decides to label a person or group the enemy and then sets out to destroy that person he or she is not acting rationally or, if rational, not morally.   We then may set to further “explain” the action of the individual by calling them criminal, mentally ill, a sociopath, suffering from some other disease or we may label them evil.     Thinking one has now come to a rational explanation for the person’s behavior one then can attempt to “rationally” identify those who might be prone to act irrationally or in an evil way in the future.  Clearly this is not a rational conclusion but, but none-the-less, might provide some measure or temporary comfort.
 
We may never know how Stephen Paddock came to his logical conclusion that he should plan and execute the shooting event.  Obviously, from what we now know, he was able to formulate a plan and step-by-step execute it.  If it turns out that someone else first formulated the plan and he just executed it does not change anything in terms of whether the plan seemed rational.
 
There will be any number of explanations purported to rational offered to explain the behavior.  There may even be conspiracy theories offered.  Some may label those involved – one or many – as evil.   I fail to comprehend how this will be helpful in preventing future mass killings.   
 
I do believe that in order for me to label another human being as the enemy for whatever reason I have to posit so called rational reasons for why my thinking is more rational or more moral than that of the enemy.  As soon as I do this I may have set up a barrier which will never allow me to understand and/or reduce the likelihood of such behavior in the future.
 
What if Stephen Paddock was not that different or not that less rational than I?  What if the only difference was the extent to which he kept his thoughts and plans secret and trusted his brain alone to be the sole arbitrator of what was rational or moral? 
 
One of the helpful and perhaps risky result of my daily blog is that I subject what might seem logical or rational to me when I am writing to the scrutiny of many other people.  The feedback I get does not always leave me feeling comfortable and certainly not wise. It does insure that I will have to allow for the fact that many will challenge my thinking process and the so-called rationale for it.  I then have to allow for my irrational process.
 
Written October 8, 2017