Ask a child
Most of my readers know that I have this insatiable desire to learn. My interests range from cooking, physics, music, social interactions to spirituality. Obviously, none of these are mutually exclusive.
I love to read books – particularly those I can hold in my hand - but I have also over the past decade or so learned to appreciate the medium of podcasts which I can download to my phone, thus making them accessible while I am working out at the gym or doing other tasks which may not require a lot of my mental attention. My current schedule includes listening to the podcast of On Being on Fridays and The Moth Radio Hour on Saturday. Other mornings I listen to Ted Talks or a variety other podcasts or audio recordings I have downloaded to my phone.
Since it is Saturday, this morning I listened to the July 4, 2017 podcast of The Moth Radio Hour, the title of which was “Gestures Great and Small”. For those not familiar with The Moth Radio Hour, the basic format is for various guests to share a memorable story to a live audience which is then also available to the larger radio/podcast audience. The July 4th podcasts, as the title suggested were speakers who reminded the listener that, at times, the seemingly smallest gestures of sharing can make a huge difference in the life of one or many people. One of the stories is told by Tom who, as child of Middle Eastern parents, told his mom that when he and his siblings took the lunch his mother lovingly prepared for them to take to school, the other kids made fun of their food choices. His mother then prepared traditional Middle Eastern dishes and took them to share with their classmates. She did this rather than asking the school principal or teacher to intervene. Thereafter, the other children had more appreciation for the culture and food of Tom and his siblings. Another of the stories was about the quilts which the Pelham, NY Quilt Project 2001 created and gave to the family members of those killed in the 9/11 attack on the Twin Towers. The storyteller who was teacher was unsure that a quilt from strangers would be welcome by the family members who has lost someone. When she asked her young students what they thoughts of the idea, the young children quickly reminded her that one could hide or shut out the rest of the world for a bit under a quilt or just wrap oneself up in it. Of course, as a teacher she was not surprised that her young students understood what she was making way too complicated.
I have the habit of suggesting to clients (or to myself) that one use language which a 4 or 5-year-old child could understand. Often if we allow ourselves to do this we will find that the problem or issue is simple and the solution for which we are looking is equally as simple.
Although healthy children (without neurological issues) might not be able to give a lecture using complicated mathematical formulas or explain the coursework presented in the MBA program at the Wharton Business School of Penn State University, they know that:
Of course, they know much more. They do, of course, have to learn that fire can bring warmth and danger; that guns and other weapons can kill, and why one uses money and cannot just barter or take what one needs.
Often it seems that we come into this life journey knowing a lot, quickly unlearn what we know or at least begin to question what makes sense and then, if lucky, in the last third of one’s life (sooner for some and never for others) get help in going back to trusting what one already knew as a very young child.
I love the reminders to “keep it simple stupid”; to do what feels loving and “right”; to reclaim and trust those wise parts of ourselves which we unwittingly gave away in our attempt to fit in, be liked or be admired.
Written July 8, 2017
Most of my readers know that I have this insatiable desire to learn. My interests range from cooking, physics, music, social interactions to spirituality. Obviously, none of these are mutually exclusive.
I love to read books – particularly those I can hold in my hand - but I have also over the past decade or so learned to appreciate the medium of podcasts which I can download to my phone, thus making them accessible while I am working out at the gym or doing other tasks which may not require a lot of my mental attention. My current schedule includes listening to the podcast of On Being on Fridays and The Moth Radio Hour on Saturday. Other mornings I listen to Ted Talks or a variety other podcasts or audio recordings I have downloaded to my phone.
Since it is Saturday, this morning I listened to the July 4, 2017 podcast of The Moth Radio Hour, the title of which was “Gestures Great and Small”. For those not familiar with The Moth Radio Hour, the basic format is for various guests to share a memorable story to a live audience which is then also available to the larger radio/podcast audience. The July 4th podcasts, as the title suggested were speakers who reminded the listener that, at times, the seemingly smallest gestures of sharing can make a huge difference in the life of one or many people. One of the stories is told by Tom who, as child of Middle Eastern parents, told his mom that when he and his siblings took the lunch his mother lovingly prepared for them to take to school, the other kids made fun of their food choices. His mother then prepared traditional Middle Eastern dishes and took them to share with their classmates. She did this rather than asking the school principal or teacher to intervene. Thereafter, the other children had more appreciation for the culture and food of Tom and his siblings. Another of the stories was about the quilts which the Pelham, NY Quilt Project 2001 created and gave to the family members of those killed in the 9/11 attack on the Twin Towers. The storyteller who was teacher was unsure that a quilt from strangers would be welcome by the family members who has lost someone. When she asked her young students what they thoughts of the idea, the young children quickly reminded her that one could hide or shut out the rest of the world for a bit under a quilt or just wrap oneself up in it. Of course, as a teacher she was not surprised that her young students understood what she was making way too complicated.
I have the habit of suggesting to clients (or to myself) that one use language which a 4 or 5-year-old child could understand. Often if we allow ourselves to do this we will find that the problem or issue is simple and the solution for which we are looking is equally as simple.
Although healthy children (without neurological issues) might not be able to give a lecture using complicated mathematical formulas or explain the coursework presented in the MBA program at the Wharton Business School of Penn State University, they know that:
- Hugs feel good.
- Sometimes one needs to hide under a blanket or a tent.
- Meanness does not feel good or creates warmth or intimacy.
- One can have different, seemingly contrasting feelings in the space of ten minutes. All of the feelings are valid but do not determine the long-term strength of a loving relationship. Thus, a child might say “I hate you.” and a minute later declare that “You are my bestest friend.”
- One has to be taught to hate.
- Hating is stupid.
- Good food taste good or not!
- It is good to be us.
- The world is meant to be explored, tasted, smelled, listened to, and felt.
- Whether or not adults are honestly open and available or only pretending.
Of course, they know much more. They do, of course, have to learn that fire can bring warmth and danger; that guns and other weapons can kill, and why one uses money and cannot just barter or take what one needs.
Often it seems that we come into this life journey knowing a lot, quickly unlearn what we know or at least begin to question what makes sense and then, if lucky, in the last third of one’s life (sooner for some and never for others) get help in going back to trusting what one already knew as a very young child.
I love the reminders to “keep it simple stupid”; to do what feels loving and “right”; to reclaim and trust those wise parts of ourselves which we unwittingly gave away in our attempt to fit in, be liked or be admired.
Written July 8, 2017
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