Attachments to being right
Attachment is often used as a spiritual term to imply determination to hang to a relationship with an idea, a person, a thing or a process. If one looks up the word in dictionary.com one finds:
Noun
1. An act of attaching or the state of being attached.
2. A feeling that binds one to a person, thing, cause, idea or the like; devotion; regard.
3. Psychology
a. An emotional bond between an infant or toddler and a primary care taker.
b. An enduring emotional bond that develops between one adult and another in an intimate relationship.
4. Something that attaches; a fastening or tie.
5. An additional or supplementary device; attachments for electric drill.
6. Law. Seizure of property or person by legal authority, especially seizure of a defendant’s property to prevent it dissipation before trial or to acquire jurisdiction over it.
7. Something attached, as a document added to a letter.
Although I frequently use the term as defined in 4-7, my primary interest in the concept is in its use to describe a state of being convinced that one cannot live or cannot have a good life without a particular person, idea, job or possession. Often a person who might employ me as a counselor is struggling with letting go of a particular person, a career/job, an addictive substance, possession or ideal. One might find that the person with whom they planned to spend the rest of their life journey has suddenly died, fallen out of love with them or for some other reason, i. e. disability, religious calling, is not available. The person may not be able to imagine a happy or even a meaningful life without this person. Sometimes the attachment is to a belief that they cannot or should not enjoy or have a meaningful life after their child dies. Another common attachment which I encounter is that to an idea such as to a particular God or a belief that the God of their understanding requires that they impose certain behavioral rules on others. They may even believe that the God of their understanding considers one who disagrees with their belief an infidel whom they must then kill to please that God or higher being.
In the United States many are attached to the belief that the safety of oneself, one’s family or even one’s beliefs about what it means to be citizen of this nation is dependent on one’s ability to possess, carry and use various weapons designed to kill those they perceive as a threat.
The demonstration about the perception or belief that racism plays a role in the shootings and killings by police highlighted many attachments. The results of these attachments included:
· Micah Johnson killing five police officer and seriously wounding seven others.
· Up to 20 to 30 protesters legally bringing AR-15s and other military-style rifles slung over their shoulders to the protest demonstration making it difficult to know who was presenting a danger to others (reported in Tampa Bay Times by Sue Carlton I article entitled Putting more guns on street isn’t the fix, July 13, 2016, p 1B).
It can be assumed that there were others with concealed or open carry permits legally carrying guns.
· Police officers trained to use lethal weapons although to be fair Dallas Police Department members have been trained to focus on negotiating a resolution if at all possible.
· Possession by police of military-style robot which could be armed with bomb and sent into situation to kill.
· Use of the death penalty.
· Belief that racism plays a role in the use of lethal force by police officer throughout the United States although there are a number of studies which do not support this claim. (One can google a 2015 Justice Department report, An Empirical Analysis of Racial Differences in Police Use of Force by Harvard economics professor Roland G. Fryer Jr. analyzing more than 1,000 officer-involved shooting across the country and other study results.)
· Experience of black individuals of all social, academic and economic backgrounds indicating that they get stopped more often than their white counterparts by the police
· Enduring belief by some that some races are superior to others.
· Statistics of rate of incarceration of blacks in United States versus rates for Caucasians although there is higher rate of incarceration in United States than in other so called developed nations. (Approximately 12–13% of the American population is African-American, but they make up 35% of jail inmates, and 37% of prison inmates of the 2.2 million male inmates as of 2014 (U.S. Department of Justice, 2014).)
One could continue this list seemingly indefinitely. If we are going to begin to sit down as equals with the goal of problem solving we are going to have to consider letting go of some of our attachments. Certainly, I can make statements or ask questions such as:
· I have come to suspect that X is true.
· I wonder how it happens that Y…
· Something is not working if…
· What might be the outcome if we were committed to modeling the use of respectful, compassionate, non-lethal means of stopping those who are using violence?
· Is it possible to teach someone to kill the “enemy” as determined by a country and teach them that killing the enemy in other circumstances is wrong?
· Is a mentally ill person an enemy?
· Does killing to teach that killing is wrong a viable or rational approach?
· Can we avoid phrases such as “law and order” and other sound bite approaches to community issues?
· What does it mean to aggressively endorse “law and order” and a conservative approach to second amendment rights?
· Is killing ever right or always wrong?
· Do any scientific studies support the belief that punishment works long term as a positive change agent?
Respectful questions infer that there may be more than one respectful opinion. (I am not thinking of questions such as, “What were you thinking you idiot?” Neither am I thinking of such comments as “Of course, you think like that. You look at every issues through rose colored glasses.”)
Letting go of attachments to an opinion or a belief leaves a door or possibly a small window open to hearing what others think , fear, or otherwise feel.
Letting go may start with the possibility of letting go of the conviction that I am “right” and any other way to seeing, perceiving, or understanding is wrong.
Personally, when I am honest I have to admit that often when I even entertain the possibility that a belief to which I have super glued myself (attached myself), I may get very anxious/fearful. I may feel very strongly as if I am giving up a dear friend. I may suffer physically with symptoms of weakness/faintness, higher blood pressure or some others. Attachments are not like preferences. I may personally find earth tones very soothing but I am fine with a variety of hues and tones of colors. I am not attached to living with earth tones. I am attached to living without a gun in my home and, yet, I could live with someone who owned and used a hunting rifle which was kept securely locked up when it was not being used for hunting. I cannot imagine a situation in which I would agree to live in same home which contained an assault type weapon. Yet, there have been many attachments which I thought I could not let go of which now seem very unimportant to me. Does this mean that there are no core values – no consistent me – a man of constantly changing values and opinions? No, deciding to allow for the possibility of letting go of attachments does become in and of itself a core value. Believing in the sacredness of all people including those who are mentally ill and those who are still attached to the belief in the use of violence is a core value. Being – sometimes painfully – open to learning and growing is a core value. Those parts of me have gotten stronger or perhaps clearer with the years, but they have been a part of the essential me for a very long time. Having said this I still have a lot of room to learn/to grow which always means identifying letting go of attachments.
Written July 13, 2016
Attachment is often used as a spiritual term to imply determination to hang to a relationship with an idea, a person, a thing or a process. If one looks up the word in dictionary.com one finds:
Noun
1. An act of attaching or the state of being attached.
2. A feeling that binds one to a person, thing, cause, idea or the like; devotion; regard.
3. Psychology
a. An emotional bond between an infant or toddler and a primary care taker.
b. An enduring emotional bond that develops between one adult and another in an intimate relationship.
4. Something that attaches; a fastening or tie.
5. An additional or supplementary device; attachments for electric drill.
6. Law. Seizure of property or person by legal authority, especially seizure of a defendant’s property to prevent it dissipation before trial or to acquire jurisdiction over it.
7. Something attached, as a document added to a letter.
Although I frequently use the term as defined in 4-7, my primary interest in the concept is in its use to describe a state of being convinced that one cannot live or cannot have a good life without a particular person, idea, job or possession. Often a person who might employ me as a counselor is struggling with letting go of a particular person, a career/job, an addictive substance, possession or ideal. One might find that the person with whom they planned to spend the rest of their life journey has suddenly died, fallen out of love with them or for some other reason, i. e. disability, religious calling, is not available. The person may not be able to imagine a happy or even a meaningful life without this person. Sometimes the attachment is to a belief that they cannot or should not enjoy or have a meaningful life after their child dies. Another common attachment which I encounter is that to an idea such as to a particular God or a belief that the God of their understanding requires that they impose certain behavioral rules on others. They may even believe that the God of their understanding considers one who disagrees with their belief an infidel whom they must then kill to please that God or higher being.
In the United States many are attached to the belief that the safety of oneself, one’s family or even one’s beliefs about what it means to be citizen of this nation is dependent on one’s ability to possess, carry and use various weapons designed to kill those they perceive as a threat.
The demonstration about the perception or belief that racism plays a role in the shootings and killings by police highlighted many attachments. The results of these attachments included:
· Micah Johnson killing five police officer and seriously wounding seven others.
· Up to 20 to 30 protesters legally bringing AR-15s and other military-style rifles slung over their shoulders to the protest demonstration making it difficult to know who was presenting a danger to others (reported in Tampa Bay Times by Sue Carlton I article entitled Putting more guns on street isn’t the fix, July 13, 2016, p 1B).
It can be assumed that there were others with concealed or open carry permits legally carrying guns.
· Police officers trained to use lethal weapons although to be fair Dallas Police Department members have been trained to focus on negotiating a resolution if at all possible.
· Possession by police of military-style robot which could be armed with bomb and sent into situation to kill.
· Use of the death penalty.
· Belief that racism plays a role in the use of lethal force by police officer throughout the United States although there are a number of studies which do not support this claim. (One can google a 2015 Justice Department report, An Empirical Analysis of Racial Differences in Police Use of Force by Harvard economics professor Roland G. Fryer Jr. analyzing more than 1,000 officer-involved shooting across the country and other study results.)
· Experience of black individuals of all social, academic and economic backgrounds indicating that they get stopped more often than their white counterparts by the police
· Enduring belief by some that some races are superior to others.
· Statistics of rate of incarceration of blacks in United States versus rates for Caucasians although there is higher rate of incarceration in United States than in other so called developed nations. (Approximately 12–13% of the American population is African-American, but they make up 35% of jail inmates, and 37% of prison inmates of the 2.2 million male inmates as of 2014 (U.S. Department of Justice, 2014).)
One could continue this list seemingly indefinitely. If we are going to begin to sit down as equals with the goal of problem solving we are going to have to consider letting go of some of our attachments. Certainly, I can make statements or ask questions such as:
· I have come to suspect that X is true.
· I wonder how it happens that Y…
· Something is not working if…
· What might be the outcome if we were committed to modeling the use of respectful, compassionate, non-lethal means of stopping those who are using violence?
· Is it possible to teach someone to kill the “enemy” as determined by a country and teach them that killing the enemy in other circumstances is wrong?
· Is a mentally ill person an enemy?
· Does killing to teach that killing is wrong a viable or rational approach?
· Can we avoid phrases such as “law and order” and other sound bite approaches to community issues?
· What does it mean to aggressively endorse “law and order” and a conservative approach to second amendment rights?
· Is killing ever right or always wrong?
· Do any scientific studies support the belief that punishment works long term as a positive change agent?
Respectful questions infer that there may be more than one respectful opinion. (I am not thinking of questions such as, “What were you thinking you idiot?” Neither am I thinking of such comments as “Of course, you think like that. You look at every issues through rose colored glasses.”)
Letting go of attachments to an opinion or a belief leaves a door or possibly a small window open to hearing what others think , fear, or otherwise feel.
Letting go may start with the possibility of letting go of the conviction that I am “right” and any other way to seeing, perceiving, or understanding is wrong.
Personally, when I am honest I have to admit that often when I even entertain the possibility that a belief to which I have super glued myself (attached myself), I may get very anxious/fearful. I may feel very strongly as if I am giving up a dear friend. I may suffer physically with symptoms of weakness/faintness, higher blood pressure or some others. Attachments are not like preferences. I may personally find earth tones very soothing but I am fine with a variety of hues and tones of colors. I am not attached to living with earth tones. I am attached to living without a gun in my home and, yet, I could live with someone who owned and used a hunting rifle which was kept securely locked up when it was not being used for hunting. I cannot imagine a situation in which I would agree to live in same home which contained an assault type weapon. Yet, there have been many attachments which I thought I could not let go of which now seem very unimportant to me. Does this mean that there are no core values – no consistent me – a man of constantly changing values and opinions? No, deciding to allow for the possibility of letting go of attachments does become in and of itself a core value. Believing in the sacredness of all people including those who are mentally ill and those who are still attached to the belief in the use of violence is a core value. Being – sometimes painfully – open to learning and growing is a core value. Those parts of me have gotten stronger or perhaps clearer with the years, but they have been a part of the essential me for a very long time. Having said this I still have a lot of room to learn/to grow which always means identifying letting go of attachments.
Written July 13, 2016
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