Bless his/her heart
Anyone who knows me often hears me say, Bless his/her heart”. I have no idea where or when I borrowed this phase although it seems as if I have known it forever. I know the depth of what it means to me has developed over the years and is very consistent with my understanding of the extent to which I am blessed and, thus, the extent to which I want to refrain from judging others. I know I can never fully walk in the shoes or live in the heart and mind of another person. My friend R reminded me just this morning that of course when one hold on to judgements, resentments or other negative thoughts about another it is injurious to one’s health. Judgments builds walls which keep my body from functioning at its best. It is if the blood flow cannot continue and I have a blockage which will, of eventually result in not only my spiritual death but my physical death.
Many people have guided me in my understanding and internalization of the concept of blessings. Dr. Rachel Ramen and Pema Chodron are two of those who immediately come to mind, although I could probably fill up many pages of names of others to have, by their example, taught me. I will, of course, continue to gain a richer understanding of blessings.
When I say, and wish for the blessing of another I am not suggesting that I am healthy enough to live with the person of whom I am thinking and blessing. I have certainly not attained that level of spiritual growth that I could live with an active addict or a person whose emotion shield is anger, control or physical violence. I could not do that and stay healthy. This is because of my own lack of growth and has nothing to do with the behavior of the other.
I can hope and be grateful for the people in my life who are willing to love me unconditionally even though my human lack of growth is often painfully visible to anyone who is paying attention. There are many such people in my life who directly or indirectly say, “Bless your heart.”. They bathe me in love. If others can do that for me I can surely play it forward.
I am well aware that there are many people for whom I have deep respect who suggest that there are those who are undeserving of blessings or any show of compassion. Some would say that some people are just evil or choosing to act in an evil manner. I am unable to wrap my limited mind around that concept. Certainly, some of us humans cause grave damage – physically, emotionally and spiritually – to others. The extent of that damage on the surface ranges from mild to extremely acute. Yet, I have set to see or to be able to articulate a scientific system for assigning points for degree of hurt or harm and/or the degree to which one had control over one’s thought process. There are many factors which affect the ability of the brain of any of us to have a particular thought.
I am also well aware that judging others never results in emotional or spiritual healing. Certainly, there are those who heal in spite of being judged and there are those who are able to hear beneath the judgment and make changes. Blessing others also does not necessarily result in positive change. Blessing others and not judging them does allow me to stay healthier. Negative thoughts, resentments, and judgments will also affect the ability of my body to relax and to function as well as possible.
It cost me nothing to say and mean “Bless his/her heart.” It cost me a lot to withhold that blessing.
Written October 15, 2017
Anyone who knows me often hears me say, Bless his/her heart”. I have no idea where or when I borrowed this phase although it seems as if I have known it forever. I know the depth of what it means to me has developed over the years and is very consistent with my understanding of the extent to which I am blessed and, thus, the extent to which I want to refrain from judging others. I know I can never fully walk in the shoes or live in the heart and mind of another person. My friend R reminded me just this morning that of course when one hold on to judgements, resentments or other negative thoughts about another it is injurious to one’s health. Judgments builds walls which keep my body from functioning at its best. It is if the blood flow cannot continue and I have a blockage which will, of eventually result in not only my spiritual death but my physical death.
Many people have guided me in my understanding and internalization of the concept of blessings. Dr. Rachel Ramen and Pema Chodron are two of those who immediately come to mind, although I could probably fill up many pages of names of others to have, by their example, taught me. I will, of course, continue to gain a richer understanding of blessings.
When I say, and wish for the blessing of another I am not suggesting that I am healthy enough to live with the person of whom I am thinking and blessing. I have certainly not attained that level of spiritual growth that I could live with an active addict or a person whose emotion shield is anger, control or physical violence. I could not do that and stay healthy. This is because of my own lack of growth and has nothing to do with the behavior of the other.
I can hope and be grateful for the people in my life who are willing to love me unconditionally even though my human lack of growth is often painfully visible to anyone who is paying attention. There are many such people in my life who directly or indirectly say, “Bless your heart.”. They bathe me in love. If others can do that for me I can surely play it forward.
I am well aware that there are many people for whom I have deep respect who suggest that there are those who are undeserving of blessings or any show of compassion. Some would say that some people are just evil or choosing to act in an evil manner. I am unable to wrap my limited mind around that concept. Certainly, some of us humans cause grave damage – physically, emotionally and spiritually – to others. The extent of that damage on the surface ranges from mild to extremely acute. Yet, I have set to see or to be able to articulate a scientific system for assigning points for degree of hurt or harm and/or the degree to which one had control over one’s thought process. There are many factors which affect the ability of the brain of any of us to have a particular thought.
I am also well aware that judging others never results in emotional or spiritual healing. Certainly, there are those who heal in spite of being judged and there are those who are able to hear beneath the judgment and make changes. Blessing others also does not necessarily result in positive change. Blessing others and not judging them does allow me to stay healthier. Negative thoughts, resentments, and judgments will also affect the ability of my body to relax and to function as well as possible.
It cost me nothing to say and mean “Bless his/her heart.” It cost me a lot to withhold that blessing.
Written October 15, 2017
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