Blessings of the tribe
We all know death is a natural part of life and, yet, when it arrives we are never quite ready. Of course, if someone has been In a lot of pain and lost much of the quality of life, there will be a part of one that is grateful that they are no longer suffering or just existing.
If one is very blessed at the time of death of a loved one there is a tribe which gathers, share memories, and supports each other. This tribe will offer practical help and not set any time limits for the grieving and transition process.
Many not be an active or recognized part of a tribe or one’s tribe may have been disbursed because of job choices, war, or a variety of other reasons. Some of us are blessed to be able to be accepted into tribes other than those into which we were born.
Some of us may, if not careful, make work or other tasks a priority and nurturing the members of one’s tribe gets put on a back burner. Some of us may decide, based on a past hurt or, it is not safe to allow anyone else close and disconnect from present or future tribal members.
In the past couple of weeks I have had several reminders of the power of tribal membership. I think of my nephew Wendell and his wife Toni who seem to frequently be the tribal chiefs in their community and in their extended family. Just this past weekend I had a note and phots of them hosting a gathering of old and new neighbors for a pumpkin carving party. If one is blessed to be invited to their home or if one just happens to pass by their home and wanders in they will find a warm welcome; a welcome so accepting that one knows that one has always been a member of the tribe even though one has just been made aware of that fact. I also think of the gatherings at two funeral homes this week which I attended and at which I found “family”. I was able to attend the funeral and the country church luncheon in honor of one of those family members. There was homemade food, warm hugs, laughter, tears, prayers and a sense that in the church that was first built in 1806 arms had always remained open for those who had a shared history and those who might not have met since ancestors of long ago left the African continent from which we all originated. Since I grew up a country boy I felt right at home.
In recent days I have heard reports of small groups of people who have very different political views gathering to strengthen the connection as tribal members a fact that often gets lost in the midst of political or religious disagreements; disagreements which seems so important that they overrule kindship connections. It is important to know that the goal is not to convince the other that their views are right, but to acknowledge that family/tribal membership is what counts.
It is not a question of whether or not we are all tribal members. It is a question of whether we are blessed to know and accept this fact. It is a question of whether we hold back out of fear that we are not worth being a member of the tribe or we have failed to recognize that we only have this second to decide if we are going to be intentional about nurturing the members of our tribe.
As it turns out we have what is sometimes called concentric circles of tribal membership: those who may be geographically or emotionally very close; those who are less close or whose emotional, physical or spiritual illness keeps them distant; those we have yet to meet in this life journey but who are a part of our DNA - an ancestor who has been quietly present and whose influence goes unnoticed or is attributed to some other source.
In that little county church in which I and other tribal members gathered today to break bread together, there is a photo of the Methodist Bishop Francis Asbury who once spoke to 1000 tribal members gathered at the original church building that stood on that site. It is said that Bishop Asbury traveled on horseback the equivalent of ten times the circumference of the earth. I imagine a spider web like connection between all those tribal members he visited and sought to bring the simple message of a teacher named Jesus who is as distant as the years on the calendar or as close as the love we share; as close as our sense of being blessed and being a blessing.
Written October 29, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
We all know death is a natural part of life and, yet, when it arrives we are never quite ready. Of course, if someone has been In a lot of pain and lost much of the quality of life, there will be a part of one that is grateful that they are no longer suffering or just existing.
If one is very blessed at the time of death of a loved one there is a tribe which gathers, share memories, and supports each other. This tribe will offer practical help and not set any time limits for the grieving and transition process.
Many not be an active or recognized part of a tribe or one’s tribe may have been disbursed because of job choices, war, or a variety of other reasons. Some of us are blessed to be able to be accepted into tribes other than those into which we were born.
Some of us may, if not careful, make work or other tasks a priority and nurturing the members of one’s tribe gets put on a back burner. Some of us may decide, based on a past hurt or, it is not safe to allow anyone else close and disconnect from present or future tribal members.
In the past couple of weeks I have had several reminders of the power of tribal membership. I think of my nephew Wendell and his wife Toni who seem to frequently be the tribal chiefs in their community and in their extended family. Just this past weekend I had a note and phots of them hosting a gathering of old and new neighbors for a pumpkin carving party. If one is blessed to be invited to their home or if one just happens to pass by their home and wanders in they will find a warm welcome; a welcome so accepting that one knows that one has always been a member of the tribe even though one has just been made aware of that fact. I also think of the gatherings at two funeral homes this week which I attended and at which I found “family”. I was able to attend the funeral and the country church luncheon in honor of one of those family members. There was homemade food, warm hugs, laughter, tears, prayers and a sense that in the church that was first built in 1806 arms had always remained open for those who had a shared history and those who might not have met since ancestors of long ago left the African continent from which we all originated. Since I grew up a country boy I felt right at home.
In recent days I have heard reports of small groups of people who have very different political views gathering to strengthen the connection as tribal members a fact that often gets lost in the midst of political or religious disagreements; disagreements which seems so important that they overrule kindship connections. It is important to know that the goal is not to convince the other that their views are right, but to acknowledge that family/tribal membership is what counts.
It is not a question of whether or not we are all tribal members. It is a question of whether we are blessed to know and accept this fact. It is a question of whether we hold back out of fear that we are not worth being a member of the tribe or we have failed to recognize that we only have this second to decide if we are going to be intentional about nurturing the members of our tribe.
As it turns out we have what is sometimes called concentric circles of tribal membership: those who may be geographically or emotionally very close; those who are less close or whose emotional, physical or spiritual illness keeps them distant; those we have yet to meet in this life journey but who are a part of our DNA - an ancestor who has been quietly present and whose influence goes unnoticed or is attributed to some other source.
In that little county church in which I and other tribal members gathered today to break bread together, there is a photo of the Methodist Bishop Francis Asbury who once spoke to 1000 tribal members gathered at the original church building that stood on that site. It is said that Bishop Asbury traveled on horseback the equivalent of ten times the circumference of the earth. I imagine a spider web like connection between all those tribal members he visited and sought to bring the simple message of a teacher named Jesus who is as distant as the years on the calendar or as close as the love we share; as close as our sense of being blessed and being a blessing.
Written October 29, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
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