Both and
Many experiences life as good or bad. Many approach the dance of life as either emotionally connected or emotionally disconnected.
Long ago one of my spiritual teachers suggested that I drop the dualities. What she meant was that I quit giving power to the event or person by labeling them as good or bad, right or wrong, pretty or ugly, important or not important, loving or not loving. She gave the example of someone saying what a good spiritual teacher she is and getting all puffed up with pride and then someone else saying she as the worst spiritual teacher they had experienced and becoming deflated and depressed.
Early this morning I was listening to the host of Fresh Air, Terry Gross, interview Michael J. Fox about his recent book No Time Like the Future in which he talks about his journey with Parkinson’s, a tumor which wrapped around his spinal cord, and a fall which resulted in acute physical injuries. He does not minimize the struggle of living with a progressive, rehabilitating medical illness and other conditions , but he also does not give them the power to define or control his life.
Later a friend was mentioning to me that he is tired of his nicotine addiction. I suggested he just notice it without labeling it as good or bad, right or wrong and then make a decision regarding his relationship with his addiction. He is more likely to be able to achieve his goal of quitting if he is not labeling the habit as good or bad.
We are fond of labeling relationships, events or people as good, bad, right, wrong, righteous, evil with some other label. As soon as we label someone we begin to treat them as that label. We do this when we label someone with a mental illness such as an addition as a criminal. Not only are we misdiagnosing the condition we are placing them in a box which will determine how they are treated. If we treat someone as a criminal – as a bad person – thereby withholding love and respect the chances are good that this ill person will begin to think of themselves as without worth or hope and began or continue to act accordingly. I was listening to a Ted Talk by a scientist who was suggesting that in early stages of our evolution a person was punished with a goal of teaching them that their behavior was injurious to the entire community and, thus, could not, be tolerated. Once the person was finished with the lesson or the punishment they were welcomed back to the full benefits of the community.
I recall living in a Native American village when a person who had killed one of her children in an alcoholic rage was welcomed home from the white person’s jail by the Native American community. The Caucasian people living in the village were unable to welcome this person home . To the Caucasians she was a criminal. To the Native American she was a sacred person with the disease of addiction who was unable to control her behavior when she was drunk.
First responders and others who daily confront life and death situations must learn to temporarily set aside their emotions while they are responding to an emergency. Later they will need to debrief and honor their emotions. Some mistakenly see them as numbing their emotions and thus, not identifying with their shared humanness. If, in fact, one numbs or turns off one’s emotions one is likely to judge or criticize the person who needs help. This will change the nature of one’s treatment of that person in the future. It also may increases the chances of the first responder making an unhealthy decision in the future. Effective first responders deeply care and are able to put the needs of others first when they need to respond.
We are all good and bad; right and wrong; smart and dumb; kind and unkind, strong and weak, anxious and calm. We are all more than any labels we might adopt or be assigned.
It is, of course, tempting to succumb to thinking of ourselves and others as a label. Labels tell us how to think of and treat that person. Yet doing so will not only ensure that we never become acquainted with what we have in common it will set up an adversarial relationship which will lead to behavior which is injurious to the entire community.
Written December 22, 2020
Jimmy F. Pickett
coachpickett.org
Many experiences life as good or bad. Many approach the dance of life as either emotionally connected or emotionally disconnected.
Long ago one of my spiritual teachers suggested that I drop the dualities. What she meant was that I quit giving power to the event or person by labeling them as good or bad, right or wrong, pretty or ugly, important or not important, loving or not loving. She gave the example of someone saying what a good spiritual teacher she is and getting all puffed up with pride and then someone else saying she as the worst spiritual teacher they had experienced and becoming deflated and depressed.
Early this morning I was listening to the host of Fresh Air, Terry Gross, interview Michael J. Fox about his recent book No Time Like the Future in which he talks about his journey with Parkinson’s, a tumor which wrapped around his spinal cord, and a fall which resulted in acute physical injuries. He does not minimize the struggle of living with a progressive, rehabilitating medical illness and other conditions , but he also does not give them the power to define or control his life.
Later a friend was mentioning to me that he is tired of his nicotine addiction. I suggested he just notice it without labeling it as good or bad, right or wrong and then make a decision regarding his relationship with his addiction. He is more likely to be able to achieve his goal of quitting if he is not labeling the habit as good or bad.
We are fond of labeling relationships, events or people as good, bad, right, wrong, righteous, evil with some other label. As soon as we label someone we begin to treat them as that label. We do this when we label someone with a mental illness such as an addition as a criminal. Not only are we misdiagnosing the condition we are placing them in a box which will determine how they are treated. If we treat someone as a criminal – as a bad person – thereby withholding love and respect the chances are good that this ill person will begin to think of themselves as without worth or hope and began or continue to act accordingly. I was listening to a Ted Talk by a scientist who was suggesting that in early stages of our evolution a person was punished with a goal of teaching them that their behavior was injurious to the entire community and, thus, could not, be tolerated. Once the person was finished with the lesson or the punishment they were welcomed back to the full benefits of the community.
I recall living in a Native American village when a person who had killed one of her children in an alcoholic rage was welcomed home from the white person’s jail by the Native American community. The Caucasian people living in the village were unable to welcome this person home . To the Caucasians she was a criminal. To the Native American she was a sacred person with the disease of addiction who was unable to control her behavior when she was drunk.
First responders and others who daily confront life and death situations must learn to temporarily set aside their emotions while they are responding to an emergency. Later they will need to debrief and honor their emotions. Some mistakenly see them as numbing their emotions and thus, not identifying with their shared humanness. If, in fact, one numbs or turns off one’s emotions one is likely to judge or criticize the person who needs help. This will change the nature of one’s treatment of that person in the future. It also may increases the chances of the first responder making an unhealthy decision in the future. Effective first responders deeply care and are able to put the needs of others first when they need to respond.
We are all good and bad; right and wrong; smart and dumb; kind and unkind, strong and weak, anxious and calm. We are all more than any labels we might adopt or be assigned.
It is, of course, tempting to succumb to thinking of ourselves and others as a label. Labels tell us how to think of and treat that person. Yet doing so will not only ensure that we never become acquainted with what we have in common it will set up an adversarial relationship which will lead to behavior which is injurious to the entire community.
Written December 22, 2020
Jimmy F. Pickett
coachpickett.org
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