Breaking the chain of unkind behavior
Today my spiritual intention is to not allow the behavior of others to dictate my behavior or attitude.
It seems so often we blame or base our behavior on the behavior of another. The person who may have been unkind or even abusive was probably treated unkindly or abusively in the past by someone who was treated unkindly or abusively by someone in his or her past. Each time the victim became the perpetrator. Each time the person blamed his or her behavior on the person who treated them badly. Each time the person behaving badly or unkindly felt their behavior was justified. Each time every person in the chain has done their part to ensure the cycle of violence continues.
No one else is responsible for my behavior except me. No one forces me to view or experience only the surface behavior of another and very arrogantly judge them as if their behavior is worse than my worst behavior. I sincerely believe that:
None of us is his or her worst behavior. It is understandable that we find it easy to succumb to reactionary behavior. Obviously, none of us like or deserve to be treated badly. Yet, we also have the responsibility and opportunity to break the chain. We do not have to respond to exterior behavior but can choose to respond to the pain we know is hiding beneath the shield of bad behavior. Most of us already practice responding to unkind behavior with love and kindness if know the person has a diagnosed condition such as dementia. We may get tired and frustrated if we are the caretaker for an ill person, but we do not justify acting unkindly. We know the person has a malfunctioning brain and cannot be held responsible for their behavior.
I am not suggesting that any of us can always remember to act with love to the pain underlying bad behavior, but I am suggesting that we can lovingly hold ourselves accountable and quit blaming our unkind behavior on the behavior of another. When we take good care of ourselves emotionally, intellectually, spiritually and physically and are intentional about our behavior we can make a significant impact on creating a world where more people feel safe to deal with their pain rather hiding behind unkind or cruel behavior. I know that today I have the power to do my part by being accountable for my behavior no matter what anyone else does.
I am not suggesting that it is safe or okay to cosign abusive behavior. It is important and necessary to keep ourselves safe. We can, however, do this with love and kindness. It is important to be clear we will do all we can to keep ourselves and our loved one in a safe place. For some this may mean a shelter for victims of domestic violence. For some, this means seeking the assistance of law enforcement. Even these actions can, however, be done with love.
Written October 23, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
Today my spiritual intention is to not allow the behavior of others to dictate my behavior or attitude.
It seems so often we blame or base our behavior on the behavior of another. The person who may have been unkind or even abusive was probably treated unkindly or abusively in the past by someone who was treated unkindly or abusively by someone in his or her past. Each time the victim became the perpetrator. Each time the person blamed his or her behavior on the person who treated them badly. Each time the person behaving badly or unkindly felt their behavior was justified. Each time every person in the chain has done their part to ensure the cycle of violence continues.
No one else is responsible for my behavior except me. No one forces me to view or experience only the surface behavior of another and very arrogantly judge them as if their behavior is worse than my worst behavior. I sincerely believe that:
- Many medical conditions can cause a brain to make decisions and result in unkind or even cruel behavior.
- Certain drugs, including alcohol, some other recreational drugs, and some prescribed drugs can cause a brain to malfunction.
- Many of us learn to avoid emotional pain by pushing away others in an unkind manner or striking out in anger as a way of dealing with the pain.
None of us is his or her worst behavior. It is understandable that we find it easy to succumb to reactionary behavior. Obviously, none of us like or deserve to be treated badly. Yet, we also have the responsibility and opportunity to break the chain. We do not have to respond to exterior behavior but can choose to respond to the pain we know is hiding beneath the shield of bad behavior. Most of us already practice responding to unkind behavior with love and kindness if know the person has a diagnosed condition such as dementia. We may get tired and frustrated if we are the caretaker for an ill person, but we do not justify acting unkindly. We know the person has a malfunctioning brain and cannot be held responsible for their behavior.
I am not suggesting that any of us can always remember to act with love to the pain underlying bad behavior, but I am suggesting that we can lovingly hold ourselves accountable and quit blaming our unkind behavior on the behavior of another. When we take good care of ourselves emotionally, intellectually, spiritually and physically and are intentional about our behavior we can make a significant impact on creating a world where more people feel safe to deal with their pain rather hiding behind unkind or cruel behavior. I know that today I have the power to do my part by being accountable for my behavior no matter what anyone else does.
I am not suggesting that it is safe or okay to cosign abusive behavior. It is important and necessary to keep ourselves safe. We can, however, do this with love and kindness. It is important to be clear we will do all we can to keep ourselves and our loved one in a safe place. For some this may mean a shelter for victims of domestic violence. For some, this means seeking the assistance of law enforcement. Even these actions can, however, be done with love.
Written October 23, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
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