Budgets

​Budgets
 
I was talking to a friend yesterday about the fact that some years ago when asked in art therapy to paint a boundary he painted a lattice.  He made sure that the lattice had a gate with a latch which was easily accessible.   Others painted a concrete or steel wall.   Obviously neither extreme  allows one to experience healthy connections.     If one allows everyone to leave all their existential angst/pain one is soon worn out and unhealthy.   There is nothing left to give others.  One may find oneself isolating, pushing away with anger/rage or just wasting away.  One may notice that not only is one angry, but one is depressed, lonely, exhausted, and lacking in ambition.    The person who constructs steel or concrete barriers will also feel very disconnected, perhaps angry, listless, tired, depressed and without motivation.    
 
Some of us are very adept and intentional about our financial budget.   We may not, however, be as intentional about our emotional and spiritual budget or even our physical energy budget.  We may even tell ourselves that we do not know how to budget our emotional, spiritual and physical energy.   Yet, the basic principles are exactly the same as they are for our financial budget.  When budgeting finances we must remind ourselves:
 

• One can only spend what one has in the account.
• Credit cards are an indirect way of spending what we have in the account.  We need to daily deduct what we spend with credit cards from our available funds.
• Credit cards debt involves interest. Paying interest is like deciding to send the employees of the credit card company (more likely only the well-paid top staff) on vacation.
• One must always have some reserve funds for unexpected expenditures.  If the hot water tanks quits one needs to be able to replace it.  If a member of the family breaks an ankle the money for the co-pay needs to be available.
• One also needs fund for those weeks or months when one might be out of work because work is seasonal or one cannot work for some other reason.

 
Emotional and spiritual energy budgets essentially work the same as financial budgets. For example:
 

• One cannot give away emotional and spiritual energy one has not put into one’s account.
• Emotional and spiritual credit card type expenditures are those relationship in which we are giving more than we receive.   We parents and other care takers including teachers, police persons, fire fighters, store clerks, wait persons and health care providers are appropriately giving more than we receive  (not always but frequently).  
• One must always have some emotional and spiritual energy available for unexpected expenditures.
• There may be time when healthy friends – people who are able and do fill our emotional and spiritual gas tanks are, for whatever reason unavailable.   We need to make sure we have accumulated some credits for such times.   Often those of us who care for others leave nothing for our family members or  healthy friends.  Soon they have nothing to give to us or are tired of always giving and never or seldom receiving from us.

 
!2 step programs talk about the danger of HALT – hungry, angry, lonely, tired – as potential relapse times.  It is the same principles.  We all have weak areas and will break down if our emotional, physical and spiritual budgets are not routinely balanced.   
 
There may be times  when we have to overspend because of illness in the family, war, natural disasters or other situations out of our control.   At those times we need to be very aware of the fact that we cannot function at our best and have to settle for doing our best just for today.
 
Written January 16, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org