​Sunday Musings - June 16, 2024


Today in the United States is set aside to honor fathers.  One may immediately think of those who are biological fathers and those who have formally or legally adopted a child or children.    


One can think of the role of father as someone who is legally considered a father or one who is emotionally and spiritually present to act as a mentor, provider or co-provider.  The later may or may not be the legal parent.  In many societies - often so-called primitive societies - the village is responsible for all the children.  In the United States one or two biological, adoptive or foster parents technically have the legal, financial, spiritual and moral responsibility for children.  Often the child or children live in a one parent home: frequently with the mother.  He or she may or may not be able to fulfill the parenting role.  This can be for a variety of reasons.  If lucky or blessed there may be one or more individuals who assume the role of emotional and/or spiritual caretakers/mentors for children.  


Sadly, there are many of we biological parents who want to be an active parent but are estranged from our children. This may occur for a variety of reasons which are perhaps known or not known to the estranged parent or the child.  Some parents and children struggle with a mental Illness, including active addiction.  It may not be or feel emotionally or physically safe for the child to have contact with a parent or parents or the parent with the child.  There may be many other reasons why the child or the parent(s) chooses to disconnect from their parent or child.  The reason may or may not be stated. Of course, for those of us parents in this position it is tempting to blame self, the other parent or the child. Having a “reason” even if it has nothing to do with a shared reality, might bring some measure of temporary comfort or peace to the person. The fact is the reason is almost always more complicated.  From a parenting standpoint once, the child is an adult it does not matter.  One’s family is not the script for a soap opera, a novel or Hallmark commercial.  The goal is to honor with love what the child believes is best for them.  


As a parent of a child who chooses to not have any relationship with me my only job is to love him unconditionally and to be here with non-judgmental open arms when and if he decides to reconnect.  He is not responsible for me, my contentment or happiness. It has never been his job to satisfy my needs.  It was and is my job to love him, to assist him if asked, and to welcome him home when he returns.  Of course, there are times when addiction or other mental illness demands some physical and perhaps financial boundaries.


Many of us were blessed with one or more father figures who might or might not have been legally related to us.  In my case an important male teacher was my Uncle Harold who loved me unconditionally and taught me many important life lessons including to treat others with love and respect.  He and his wife, my Aunt Pleasie, were kind, patient, affectionate, humble and respectful of each other and all others, including many of their nieces and nephews.  My biological father also contributed some important pieces of my development.  Many other men and women  stepped into the role of teacher and mentor.   When I was in my early thirties and arrived to work and live in a Tlingit community David not only offered to be a present grandfather for our son, but said to me, “You are a young man and could not know anything about being a man. You come sit with me daily while I carve, and I will teach you.”   I could list many other men who have continued to offer their love and guidance. Some younger men have allowed me the honor of being their mentor, guide, and teacher.     I am, of course, hopeful, that my son has men in his life who offers him such gifts. I hope he allows himself to receive such gifts. 


Fatherhood might not for many or most of we males fit the patten we had internalized from television, novels or other cultural teachers especially if we only think of fathering in terms of those children for whom we are legally responsible. Yet, every time we are available to love, teach, mentor or listen to a younger person we are honoring our role as fathers.  It may seem trite but it we are a village of males, females, and those who identify as non-binary.  We are all teachers of each other.  We are all students of each other.


As an adult male I am a father and a teacher.  The gifts each of us offer are unique and important.  The gifts of our students - all our children - are equally important.  Sometimes the gift is to remind us that our worth is not about power or control.  It is about letting go and honoring the journey of our children with or without our physical presence.   


Written January 16, 2024
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org

Sunday Musings - June 9, 2024
 
 
I have long been fascinated by the power of labeling whether one is labeling a person, an event, a condition or an act. 
 
An example of positive or helpful labeling is when one is diagnosed as having medical conditions such as dementia, Alzheimer's, brain tumor, a hydrocephalic condition, or some other condition we know or believe to be the result of a recognized condition which  may affect the ability to access a shared moral or ethical behavior; the mental ability to be able to consider the rights and needs of others.  When one has or is believed to have one of these conditions one is not held responsible for one’s behavior.  It is not uncommon for a person with advanced dementia to become confused, angry, violent or to commit some other act which negatively affects the person or the property of another.  
 
We are often less empathic about the actions of a person labeled as “mentally ill”.  If that person has committed a crime and are unable to experience a shared reality at the time of the commission of a crime or when a hearing is held, they may be ordered to treatment until they are able to be considered “mentally competent” to stand trial. When and if a mentally ill person can be tried and convicted of a crime may vary depending on circumstances and decisions of the officers of the court.   
 
Addiction is a “mental” illness.  When one has an addiction to alcohol, another drug, sex, food, power or some other substance or behavior and breaks a law one is often - not always - labeled a criminal and punished as such.  United States jails and prisons house many whose primary “offense” is the inability to consider the needs and rights of others.  The compulsion to do what is necessary to satisfy one’s addiction is so powerful one often does not have the ability to access and apply one’s core values or those adopted by the community.
 
We also assign labels when assessing what is considered legal or ethical business practice.   A “savvy “businessperson might have access to legal experts to ensure that the primary businessperson is not held accountable if the business venture fails. He or she might also be able to afford other professionals to stay on the edge of what is technically legal or illegal.   A business manager who hires social scientists to design a product to trick customers to purchase their product might also be considered a smart businessperson.
 
Very often - not always - a philanthropic person is one who has amassed a fortune by keeping wages and other employee benefits low - and then uses the money to help fund a worthwhile community service.  This might include such individuals as Andrew Carnegie, the Melons, the Phipps, Jeff Bezos and many others.  It is tough to not appreciate the Carnegie libraries, Phipps Conservatory, some of the good works of the anti- Jewish Henry Ford, the contributions of Jefferson, the convenience of Amazon or a host of others whose good deeds were financed partly or solely on the back of others. 
 
We harshly judge the “pervert” who has a sexual addiction while lauding the businessperson who directly and indirectly uses sexual adds to sell their products.  We may label a man or woman who married for money as smart, while demonizing the sex worker. We applaud the socialite who dons a sexually provocative costume while labeling a street prostitute a tramp, a bad or immoral person.
 
Labels may be seen as useful in alerting some of us how to treat other people.  A label may tell us to treat someone with respect and even admiration.  Other labels may legitimize the mistreatment of others.   Labeling a behavior as good, bad, right or wrong, admirable or immoral may tell us who is deserving of respect or even physical survival. Labeling someone the enemy of the community, the state or the country may tell others one is deserving of a medal if one treats them badly or even kills them. 
 
There are many other examples of the power of labels.  My spiritual teacher has often suggested that I experiment with dropping the dualities - dropping or at least noticing my use of labels.  I am often humbled by how often my behavior is shaped by the labels I assign people and events.  The label I assign may be a signal to pay close attention to what someone is saying or doing, or it may be a signal to ignore them.  My experience is that I can easily misjudge and even miss an opportunity to learn on the basis of the label I have unthinkingly assigned some person, group or event.
 
Written June 9, 2024
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett,org
 
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Sunday Musings - June 2, 2024
Public Education
 
In most places in the United States K-12 schools are closing for the summer although some will offer summer school, and a few are on a 12-month calendar.
 
During the summer and fall months, candidates for school boards as well as state and federal legislatures will be competing to have their opinions determine the content and direction of public education at the K-12 level and at the college/university level.
 
Some will insist that the goal of public education is to instill morals and ethics.  Others may suggest that education is to explore the creative and intellectual potential of each child.  Still others seem to think that education is to teach the skills and history needed to function within a narrow concept of religious dogma.  Some of the later maintain that we are a Christian nation and the job of public education is to ensure that basic skills are taught within the framework of often narrow religious beliefs. 
 
My understanding is:
 
o   The United States constitution ensures that there is no national religion or allegiance to any religion. Church and state are separate
o   All individuals are born with equal rights and unique gifts.
o   Public education should strive to develop and nurture the gifts and talents of every child.
o   Public education should teach how skills and talents add to the quality of life for all. I think this includes the role of the arts - music, dance, painting, sculpture, as well as other art forms..  The arts explore what is creatively possible.
o   Public education should honor the fact that each of us have unique ways of accessing information and problem solving.  Some learn better by reading; some by listening; some by independent study; some by hands on.
o   Not all parents have the same skills, resources, or talents. Some are merely the biological parents and have no ability to nurture, teach, guide or provide basics values. Schools must honor this reality.
o   Some skills are the foundation while others change.  We must foster the excitement and ability of a lifetime of learning; to problem solve; think critically and creatively.
o   Fairly or unfairly, there are parents or parent resources which can provide alternative, exceptional educational opportunities for some children.
o   If we are preparing all children to function in the cultural, economic and environmental framework in which we live, we must teach children that we thrive together or perish together.
o   Publicly funded charter schools have no place in the public education system. Specialty schools such as schools which focus on certain skills or talents may have an important role in public education.
o   Funding must be equal taking into account living expenses for staff and that the needs of the children may vary.  Property taxes and other local sources of funding vary too much to play a role in the funding of public education.  If a significant portion of the education budget is based on property taxes, there cannot be any equality of opportunity for a quality education.  The same is true of state funding.  State resources are not equal.
o   Teachers and school resource personal such as counselors, psychologists and other social scientists should determine age-appropriate teaching relating to sex, gender, sexual orientation, and birth control.  Decisions of what and how to teach should not be based on political expediency, religious bias or limited versions of ethics/morals.
o   Children vary in readiness for reading level and other skills. When we adults listen children will let us adults know when they are ready.
o   School schedules in terms of age, time of operations. must be coordinated  with work schedules of parents.  Childcare may need to be incorporated into the publicly funded educational institutions.
o   Holistic health practices (factors which affect the health of the brain as well as the rest of the body) must be taught and practiced by public school systems. This includes nutrition, exercise and other pieces of health care.
o   Children must learn what they are taught can lead to thriving throughout their life journey. This includes a sense of purpose; of being an essential part of a whole.   
 
The above can be debated and/or added to by educators, social scientists and students.  They should not be the purview of elected school board members, legislators or religious groups all of which  may have a biased agenda.
 
Written June 2, 2024
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 
 
Postscript:          
 
In West Virginia, 14% of funding comes from the federal government, 34% of funding comes from the state government, and 51% of funding comes from local property taxes. Since much of the funding comes from local property taxes, opportunity does not flow equally to all students. (March 23, 202l4. theintelligence.org)
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Sunday musings - May 26, 2024
Alcohol is a drug!
This Memorial Day weekend I am suggesting we take another look at our love affair with alcohol
If one attends AA or NA 12 step meetings one will be reminded that alcohol is a drug.  Of course, at some level we all know this.  Even so, when one reads of the grave concerns about drug abuse overdoses and deaths in the United States which continue to average just over 100,000 a year (nearly 108,000 in the year 2021-2022 as reported by the Center for drug abuse statistics) alcohol related deaths are not counted. 
Weekly and sometimes daily, local news sources report a concern from politicians and sometimes medical personnel about the drug addiction crisis in the United States and other countries.    We jail many people a year for possession and or selling opioid, meth and other similar illegal or prescription only drugs in this country. Until recently one could be jailed for possessing and/or selling relatively small amounts of marijuana. (The classification of marijuana at the Federal levek is just now being changed.)  We jail some for alcohol related deaths or charge some with driving under the influences while promoting alcohol as the normal adult drink of choice for holidays, sporting events and celebrations such as weddings.
Few who are living today were alive during the relatively brief experiment of prohibition outlawing the sales of alcohol in this country.   During this period the manufacturing and sales of alcohol products skyrocketed.  The careers of many law enforcement personnel greatly benefitted during this time as did the tragic deaths of many.  Clearly, criminalizing the making and selling of alcoholic drinks did not reduce consumption and, in fact, fueled the racketeers and bootleggers.
The national institute for drug abuse statistics report that an average of 140,000 people die a year from alcohol related deaths (those reported as such). In the year 2021-2022, 187,00 individuals died as a direct result of alcohol abuse in the United States.  That is nearly 80,000 more than is reported for opioids, meth and other so called street drug overdoses in the same period.  Yet, there is not a daily outcry.   Every year some college students die of alcohol poisoning. Every year’s non-alcohol kidney failures complete with alcohol related kidney failures for a kidney transplant while fueling the kidney dialysis industry.  College and professional sport teams promote the sales of alcohol at games.   Charity organizations, including some veteran organizations, raise funds featuring the sale of and consumption of alcohol.  Open bars are often a feature of weddings and other events.
 
Alcohol is often but not always addictive.  Some of us can have an occasional glass of wine, a beer or a mixed drink without any danger of drinking until impairment.   There may also be those who can occasionally use opioids, meth, and other potentially addictive drugs safely just as we know that there are those seemingly few who can safely use nicotine without becoming addicted.
 
It is true that a significant percentage of alcohol related deaths occur over a long period of time. The overdose rate of opioid drugs especially those laced with fentanyl may seem much higher and often more tragic because of the number of deaths of young people.
 
Alcohol is a drug.  Alcohol kills more than any other legal drug except for nicotine.  CDC reported approximately 480,000 nicotine related deaths in the United state in 2023.  Yet, nicotine in various forms remains legal and gets minimal attention by those concerned with drug abuse deathser although more than alcohol.
I am not suggesting prohibition or criminalization of alcohol and nicotine.  Obviously, that will not work.  I am suggesting that we as a nation:
 
Quit allowing alcohol at sporting events, particularly at college games.
Outlaw advertising by alcohol manufactures; advertisements which only as an afterthought suggest it is a dangerous drug.
Outlaw all vaping products to those under 21.
Speed up the process of outlawing menthol cigarettes.
At the local, regional, state and federal level quit separating alcohol, nicotine, opioids, meth amphetamine, and other addictive “recreational” drugs as if some are socially healthy and some are not. 
Decriminalize all drugs and treat addiction as the disease it is.
Use available resources to educate and treat addiction rather than making law enforcement the primary approach.
Quit pretending as if addition responds to punishment.
Recognize that addition is a chronic disease.  A person can be in recovery mode but will not be cured. At the same time, it is proven that when individuals use daily recovery tools, it is possible to face life without active addiction.  
 
Continue to fund research into the prevention, treatment and early diagnosis of addictions beginning at a very early age.
On this Memorial Day in the United States let us remind each other “Alcohol is an addictive drug.”  Let us not host family events which include alcohol as if is a safe drug to consume.
Written May 26, 2024
Jimmy F Pickett
Coachpickett.org
 
 



 
 
 
 
 

 
 
Alcohol is a drug! 
If one attends AA or NA 12 step meetings one will be reminded that alcohol is a drug.  Of course, at some level we all know this.  Even so, when one reads of the grave concerns about drug abuse overdoses and deaths in the United States which continue to average just over 100,000 a year (nearly 108,000 in the year 2021-2022 as reported by the Center for drug abuse statistics) alcohol related deaths are not counted. 
Weekly and sometimes daily, local news sources report a concern from politicians and sometimes medical personnel about the drug addiction crisis in the United States and other countries.    We jail many people a year for possession and or selling opioid, meth and other similar illegal or prescription only drugs in this country. Until recently one could be jailed for possessing and/or selling relatively small amounts of marijuana. (The classification of marijuana at the Federal levek is just now being changed.)  We jail some for alcohol related deaths or charge some with driving under the influences while promoting alcohol as the normal adult drink of choice for holidays, sporting events and celebrations such as weddings.
Few who are living today were alive during the relatively brief experiment of prohibition outlawing the sales of alcohol in this country.   During this period the manufacturing and sales of alcohol products skyrocketed.  The careers of many law enforcement personnel greatly benefitted during this time as did the tragic deaths of many.  Clearly, criminalizing the making and selling of alcoholic drinks did not reduce consumption and, in fact, fueled the racketeers and bootleggers.
The national institute for drug abuse statistics report that an average of 140,000 people die a year from alcohol related deaths (those reported as such). In the year 2021-2022, 187,00 individuals died as a direct result of alcohol abuse in the United States.  That is nearly 80,000 more than is reported for opioids, meth and other so called street drug overdoses in the same period.  Yet, there is not a daily outcry.   Every year some college students die of alcohol poisoning. Every year’s non-alcohol kidney failures complete with alcohol related kidney failures for a kidney transplant while fueling the kidney dialysis industry.  College and professional sport teams promote the sales of alcohol at games.   Charity organizations, including some veteran organizations, raise funds featuring the sale of and consumption of alcohol.  Open bars are often a feature of weddings and other events.
 
Alcohol is often but not always addictive.  Some of us can have an occasional glass of wine, a beer or a mixed drink without any danger of drinking until impairment.   There may also be those who can occasionally use opioids, meth, and other potentially addictive drugs safely just as we know that there are those seemingly few who can safely use nicotine without becoming addicted.
 
It is true that a significant percentage of alcohol related deaths occur over a long period of time. The overdose rate of opioid drugs especially those laced with fentanyl may seem much higher and often more tragic because of the number of deaths of young people.
 
Alcohol is a drug.  Alcohol kills more than any other legal drug except for nicotine.  CDC reported approximately 480,000 nicotine related deaths in the United state in 2023.  Yet, nicotine in various forms remains legal and gets minimal attention by those concerned with drug abuse deathser although more than alcohol.
I am not suggesting prohibition or criminalization of alcohol and nicotine.  Obviously, that will not work.  I am suggesting that we as a nation:
 
Quit allowing alcohol at sporting events, particularly at college games.
Outlaw advertising by alcohol manufactures; advertisements which only as an afterthought suggest it is a dangerous drug.
Outlaw all vaping products to those under 21.
Speed up the process of outlawing menthol cigarettes.
At the local, regional, state and federal level quit separating alcohol, nicotine, opioids, meth amphetamine, and other addictive “recreational” drugs as if some are socially healthy and some are not. 
Decriminalize all drugs and treat addiction as the disease it is.
Use available resources to educate and treat addiction rather than making law enforcement the primary approach.
Quit pretending as if addition responds to punishment.
Recognize that addition is a chronic disease.  A person can be in recovery mode but will not be cured. At the same time, it is proven that when individuals use daily recovery tools, it is possible to face life without active addiction.  
 
Continue to fund research into the prevention, treatment and early diagnosis of addictions beginning at a very early age.
On this Memorial Day in the United States let us remind each other “Alcohol is an addictive drug.”  Let us not host family events which include alcohol as if is a safe drug to consume.
Written May 26, 2024
Jimmy F Pickett
Coachpickett.org
 
 



 
 
 
 

Sunday Musings - May 12, 2024


USA - Mother’s Day


In the USA, today is set aside to honor mothers.  Of course, we know there are MOTHERS and there are mothers.  All biological mothers and MOTHERS have gone through the emotional and physical joy and discomfort of carrying a child for an average of 9 months.  Some of those have gone on to raise a child physically and emotionally.  For those who have children who may be challenged intellectually or have a disease which affects the ability to have a shared reality parenting may be hands on for a lifetime.


There are also many mothers and MOTHERS who were not the woman who was physically pregnant.  This includes formal and informal adoptive and foster MOTHERS and a great many grandparents, aunts/uncles, and some males who fulfill the role we typically assign to females.


MOTHERS in capital letters are those who can be physically and emotionally connected to their children; the ones who are able to commit to being on duty 24 hours a day with or without a partner who shares at least 50% in their care.  These can be biological and adoptive mothers or fathers who are able to fulfill this role.  It may include some foster mothers and exclude others.  Ideally adoptive and foster mothers undergo rigorous testing to determine if, in fact, they can and will be MOTHERS.  Sadly, overworked social workers and other factors have diluted the effectiveness of the testing.


In the United States many seem to have the idea that honoring and supporting the role of MOTHERS simply demands a once-a-year box of chocolates, flowers and perhaps dinner out. We do not honor MOTHERS with free childcare as needed, household help, paid maternity care, good health care, transportation, money for those “extras” which ensure access to a good college, and other essential extras such as dance lessons, sporting equipment, music lessons or paid, professional tutors when needed.   Depending on the state in which one lives it may or may not be relatively easy to access health care insurance, food stamps, or housing.


In other words when it comes to supporting MOTHERS in the USA, we may do so one day of the 365 days a year.  We do not walk the talk all year long.


We have also, for the most part, adopted and promoted a nuclear family concept in the United States.  This means one adult person (usually female) and possibly one other adult plus children.  (Depending on which source one consults there are as many as 11 million single parents in the United States, 80% of which are single mothers.).  Often if there are two parents one or both are working outside the home much of the day although some are lucky enough to work remotely or to be full time parents.  There are homeless mothers, many who are struggling with mental illness, some who are legal or illegal refugees and those who may float from one category to another.   There are also mothers in prison, many of whose primarily offense is having a mental illness.


There are a few MOTHERS who have the support of extended family members, but many do not.  Some of those may live with extended family members, but this was not the primary model offered to many young parents.  Also, just as there are mothers and MOTHERS there are grandparents and GRANDPARENTS. 


There are a few intentional communities in the United States whose members understand childcare to be a village responsibility 365 days a year.


Thus, even though we have a significant percentage of individuals in the USA who are “pro-life” meaning they are opposed to abortions and even birth control, it seems seldom to be the case that these individuals actively support the resources needed for optimal and effective parenting for the life of the child.


It is true many individuals do have the “luxuries” which my mother did not have for a significant number of her child rearing years.  This includes gas or electric ranges, central heat and air conditioning, automatic washers and dryers, electric irons, and a host of other “helpers”.  This does ease the burden but none of those operate without some human help.   Unlike using Alexa to order goods from Amazon, I cannot yet say to my electric range “Kill the fatted chicken and prepare chicken Marsa.” 


If we truly intend to continue the human species in the USA, we need to begin to walk the talk; to act as if childcare is truly the responsibility of the village.  Then and only then will Mother’s Day be meaningful for MOTHERS and not just another occasion to support florists, chocolatiers, and restaurants.  These are worthwhile, but they cannot make up for the lack of day-to-day support of MOTHERS.


Written May 12, 2024
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org

 
 
Sunday Musings - April 28, 2024
 
When young some of us may have laughed at the elders in our family who seemed obsessed with checking the obituaries in the morning newspapers.  Now that some of us are the same age as those elders we may find ourselves engaging in the same morning ritual; that is if we are lucky enough to live in a community which still has a local print or on line newspaper containing such information.   We may frequently see the names of our contemporaries and a listing of those loved ones who preceded them in death.  We may also read a list of achievements.  Most of the time the achievements will simply include such acolytes as “loving parent, siblings, partner and perhaps successful businessperson or respected professional person.   Occasionally, we may read of that person whose legacy includes acolytes as a “revered spiritual leader”, “friend of the homeless” or some other imprint left on the lives of some in the community. 
 
Most of us may not give a lot of thought to the legacy or footprint which we are leaving each moment of his life journey.  We are busy with the survival tasks of each day.  We seemingly go from childhood to adulthood to old age in the blink of an eye with little proof we were here.  The fact the lawn is mowed, the children fed and bathe, the dishes done, the bed made, and the bills paid do not earn a plague on the community square or some building.  The fact, as is the case with many of my friends who are now in the ranks of the elderly, one was a loving, 24-7 caretaker of a partner, parent or child may only earn a brief blip on the historical record.
 
Do we not leave a legacy which permanently marks the fact that “He/she was here and made a difference in the life of the community or even the planet?”  Are we like the lilies of the field which briefly live and, as part of the whole field of lilies, remembered only as one of many?
 
We humans have been pondering the meaning or purpose of this brief journey for at least as long as we have been able to leave some record of our pondering.  We have posited religious and philosophical theories to convince ourselves there is something beyond being born, briefly living - often with great suffering - quickly dying and returning to the dust of the earth.  We still have no absolute answer for what happens to our energy/our essence once we are clinically dead.   
 
We know from a young age that death will visit all of us.  Yet, we act shocked and often betrayed when a loved one dies no matter the manner of death or the relative longevity of the journey.  We may often create an entirely new history of the deceased; perhaps, an attempt to give the legacy of the person importance or meaning.  The husband or wife we could not stand can morph into the sweetheart we thought we were marrying.  The child whose struggle with addiction or other diseases left us exhausted, angry, and frustrated becomes the innocent child we brought home from the hospital.  We seemingly need to justify the energy we invested in the relationship.
 
Is there an alternative?  Should we just accept our journey is briefly a part of a whole which has no more or less meaning than the lily of the field?  Could we possibly be at peace with such a possibility, or would that admission not be enough to willingly step into our role on the stage of life?
 
What if all of life’s meaning is contained in the moments; the moments in which we are intentional about leaving a loving smile with all that we meet; the offering of a libation to Mother Earth before each sip of liquid or meal?  What if we show up with the ability to embrace the humanness of all of us?  What if we accept the possibility that our delicately balanced brains intermittently have a shared reality?  What if we stretch out our arms to bring the sunlight and the rain into the moment?  What if we are simply present with each other and all of nature without labels or judgments?  What if our legacy is that we showed up and for that moment all in our circle experienced all of existence.
 
Many have posited the only reality is this moment - our legacy.  What if we are the gods and the gods are us; we are the lily, and the lily is us?  What if we embraced this reality each moment while we accomplished those necessary mundane tasks?  What then would be our legacy? Does the positive energy of that reality spread out to be embraced by the universes?   Perhaps?
 
Written April 28, 2024
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 
 
 
 
 
  
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Sunday Musings - April 21, 2024
 
Excel spread sheet.
 
Regardless of our philosophical, religious, or cultural background we humans hurt each other and Mother Earth.  Religious leaders often term such action as sin. Despite the profession of many in religious groups that “we have all sinned and fallen short the glory of God” (the god of one’s understanding/belief) religious groups keep what amounts to an excel spreadsheet of hurtful actions. This spreadsheet includes a set of criteria for deciding the points for each type of way we hurt each other, ourselves, or mother earth.   Such a list of criteria must detail the setting for each wrong.  For example, to kill when authorized to do so by a government body such as the state ordering executions or when a member of one of the many Federal military or law enforcement groups, one might be honored or decorated as a hero for killing another human.   In various cultures to have a loving, sexual relationship with someone of the same sex may be celebrated or condemned.  In some cultures, elders introduce children to sexual activity.  In others elders who have sex with children are assigned many sin points. To take what is claimed as property by another can be considered a grave sin.  In other situations, it is considered the spoils of war.  To use more than one’s share of resources might be a symbol of a successful person or it might symbolize greed and be worthy of being punished.
 
To pretend one is offering a safe product might gain the approval of some community organizations.  To cheat or to lie about one’s product might in other situations win one many sins points. To show one genitals in public if one is of a certain age might be worthy of punishments unless one is in an approved nudist setting or if one is high fashion enough to show off 99% certain parts of one’s body.
 
 One can list many examples of the apparent contradictory rules for maintaining the excel sin sheet for each of us.  Yet, many of us might deny that we maintain such sheets or that the point system is arbitrary and dependent on religious frameworks, cultural beliefs or the opinions of some others who have a position of power,   That power might be the results of an assigned position in the community or the result of someone who has time and energy to wag their lips in person or on such platforms as social media.
 
I strongly suspect we need to:
 
o   Admit that our list and criteria for sin points are often very arbitrary.
o   Be aware our behavior is on someone’s excel spreadsheet.
o   Remember the wisdom of judge not less one be judged.
o   Forgiveness = acceptance of the humanness of self and others.
o   Hurt people hurt each other.   We can change that pattern by listening and seeing beneath the surface of all of us.    
o   Justice has many faces.  One of them is restorative.
        
Increasingly we can identify and understand some of factors which affect the ability to have or fail to have a shared reality: those factors which affect the ability to consider the needs and rights of others.  We need to think less in terms of “sin” and more about how and when to lovingly restrain one of us from seriously hurting self, others, and Mother Earth.  Even when it is obvious that a person is a danger to self or others it would behoove us to approach the issue of safety with love and empathy.  When our own children do something which is harmful physically or emotionally, we “see” that innocent child we first held after its birth.  I believe we need to see that innocent child in all of us no matter the nature of our behavior.
 
There is much we do not know about the operation of the human mind and resulting behavior.  We do know love and respect is more effective than viewing and treating someone as bad, evil, or otherwise undeserving of love.
 
I recently saw the play “Fat Ham” by James Ijames at City Theater in Pittsburgh.  The writer did an amazing job of reminding the viewer or all of us are more or less than what we see or hear when experiencing the “outside” persona or costume.
 
In this season of spring where I live, I am constantly reminded of the magic of seeds and bulbs which in and of themselves are not very attractive or interesting.  Yet, they contain the ability to create magic and beauty.  What if we could view each other with the same possibility?   We all contain the possibility of beauty and magic.  Yes, we are human and, by definition, less than perfect.  We are also much more than what might be recorded as sin points on an excel spread sheet.
 
Written April 21, 2024
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
 
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Sunday Musings - April 14, 2024
Healer or Jailer
 
As clergy, health care professionals and teachers our mission is to do all we can to help each other thrive or to use the term some Gallup researchers are now using “flourish” during this life journey.  This may mean something different for each of us. Those who have been tortured, abused, and lived through the repeated trauma of war, poverty, chronic illness, or spiritual deprivation need our understanding and unconditional support.  They may often be treated as lazy, burdens or nuisances by many of our neighbors who do not understand mental and emotional illness.  Many think of mental and emotional illness as weaknesses.  Some of us in the teaching or helping professions find it difficult to convey both a respect for the emotional, mental, and physical pain individuals and families share with us and the assurance that one can flourish following emotional, mental, and physical injury or abuse.  Too often we may err by conveying the message that one is damaged and an invalid for life.  If any of us believe we are damaged or an invalid for life, we may sit down and just exist for the remaining days of our journey.  We teachers and helping professionals can err by not conveying empathy for the pain the person has endured or not validating their inner strength.  Neither extreme is helpful and will not allow a person to flourish. 
 
I have often sat in the courtroom and listened to a colleague testify that a person has been damaged for life; implying they will be unable to flourish; that they are a permanent invalid.  I have often testified that an injured person can heal and have a flourishing life. Healing does not imply that one gets rid of the pain but implies one does not have to allow it to determine the remainder of one’s life.
 
In my office I have often told people that they can have all the loving support they want, but they will get no pats on the head.  I believe all of us are stronger and more resilient than we may, at times, feel or believe.  I personally know individuals, families and groups who have survived acute trauma and, without denying the trauma have gone on to flourish.   My ex-wife, her parents and her one grandmother escaped a country during WWII, spent many years in a refugee camp and lived to flourish.  Another friend of mine was confined to a wheelchair at age 12 and became a highly respected and much-loved psychologist.  Friends and colleagues who lived through combat and bore witness to the death of many of their friends went on to heal and to then help others to heal.  Some individuals, such as the Supreme Court justice Sonia Sotomayor, grew up in the projects with an alcoholic father, a mother who was often at work and a younger brother for whom she was responsible much of the time.  Such individuals are resilient, but do become hard/emotionally shut down.
 
Anyone who has been to a wake, especially for a person who suffered the trauma of racism and other abuse, knows that many of those celebrating the life of the deceased can share both laughter and tears.  
 
In the teachings and helping professions we must learn to walk the often-thin line with individuals and families between empathy and affirming their inner resilience. We must laugh and cry with them.  Sometimes the laughter is misinterpreted as denial of the pain.   A colleague of mine - a psychiatrist - used to hear clients/patients laughing in my office and decide they were faking the extent of their depression or other symptoms of pain. He fell into the trap of dualities; of seeing people as either sick or well; as either sad/depressed or joyful. He seemed unable to grasp that one ca be simultaneously both.
 
Most of we humans experience acute pain.  Some of us experience chronic emotional and/or physical pain.  Pain does not have to mean the absence of joy.  Paradoxically when we allow ourselves to express the dept of our pain, we also have access to the depth of joy. It is my personal and professional experience that all passion - all strong emotions - reside in the same place in our body.  When we block one, we block the other.
 
I suspect it is our role as teachers, health care professionals, friends, and parents to support others in carrying joy in one hand and grief in the other.  As Cory Booker said to Judge Jackson at her confirmation hearings for the position of Associate Justice of the United States Supreme Court, “They cannot take away our joy,”.  Senator Booker would be last to discount the traumas of racism and sexism, but he knows, if we are to flourish, we must simultaneously hold fast to our joy.
 
Written April 14, 2024
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
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