Challenges and opportunities of aging
Since many of those I know either have relatives who are in their nineties and I, along with my contemporaries, are in or close to seventies, we are having to face the reality that along with new opportunities come the challenges of aging.
The concept of what is considered old, especially in the very privileged life with which I have been blessed, keeps changing. I looked at some photographs of my paternal grandparents who were in their 40s when I was born. They look very mature if not actually old. The style of dress and their general demeanor says that they are mature elders who deserve respect. Even those of my friends in their seventies do not now appear as mature and as elder like. They are stylish, active, physically fit and may be holding a tennis racket, biking or finishing a 5 K. Many, as is true with me, are still working full or part time. If asked to pencil in a date for something, they may have to skip ahead a month or so. As the saying goes, “The times they are a changing.”
Yet, much has not changed. I hear myself and my friends saying the exact same things which I recall my elder grandparents saying:
· They just do not make things like they used to.
· If so and so wins the election, it will be the end of the world as we know it.
· Young people are so spoiled. They do not know what real work is.
One could go on and on with such examples. The point is that in some ways nothing has changed. As we age, we insert the CD for aged people and out comes the sayings.
While many of us are blessed with more active lives into our eighties and, for some of us, even into our nineties, will eventually, if we continue to live, face new issues:
· When do we consider moving into an assisted living facility or moving a loved one to such a facility?
· What assisted living facilities are available?
· If money is an issue, can we bear to put a loved one in a substandard facility?
· Do we have a real option? If a loved one has acute Alzheimer’s and is not manageable at home, will we be forced to put them in a substandard home?
· How do we live with a less than optimal decision?
· Do we live in a state where it is legal to assist a loved one with suicide/choose when to die when they determine the quality of life no longer warrants living?
· If we do not live in such a state, should one consider moving to such a state?
· Are we leaving a mess for her loved ones – financially? Have we arranged our affairs so that we will not be a burden for others? For example, do we have just enough money to keep us from getting Medicaid assistance but not enough to take care of us? Have we borrowed more money, i. e. reverse mortgage, than our “estate” will cover?
· What “stuff” are we leaving and what instructions have we left for disposing of it?
· Does anyone in the family really want our stuff and, if not, how much of a burden will be to settle our estate?
· Do we have a clear, legal power or attorney, living will, will and other such documents?
· Is our home accessible for a wheel chair? Can we make it thus? What level of self-care is possible in this home if we are limited physically?
· Have we left clear directions for funeral, burial, cremation, etc.
· Do we have a support system in place if we or loved ones require more care? Have we moved to a retirement area which is far away from any family or other support?
· Have we anticipated how we are going to stay connected to a larger world if we are trapped at home a lot of time because we are caring for an ill loved one?
· Have we a system for discerning our spiritual purpose for each stage of our life and whatever that brings?
· Is there another relative for whom we will need to provide care when their caretakers not available?
What are the potential spiritual issues? Consider:
· Are we ready to accept the next stage of our life and part of our spiritual journey?
· How will be know the difference between acceptance and giving up?
· What do I want to model spiritually for children or other “young” people at this later stage of my life?
· Am I prepared for a crisis of faith?
· Will I be able to grieve loss in a healthy spiritual manner- allowing “natural” emotions - while not pushing away people or my emotions or dumping emotions on others?
· Do I have a sense of humor and friends/loved one who will lovingly laugh and cry with me?
Written March 26, 2016
Since many of those I know either have relatives who are in their nineties and I, along with my contemporaries, are in or close to seventies, we are having to face the reality that along with new opportunities come the challenges of aging.
The concept of what is considered old, especially in the very privileged life with which I have been blessed, keeps changing. I looked at some photographs of my paternal grandparents who were in their 40s when I was born. They look very mature if not actually old. The style of dress and their general demeanor says that they are mature elders who deserve respect. Even those of my friends in their seventies do not now appear as mature and as elder like. They are stylish, active, physically fit and may be holding a tennis racket, biking or finishing a 5 K. Many, as is true with me, are still working full or part time. If asked to pencil in a date for something, they may have to skip ahead a month or so. As the saying goes, “The times they are a changing.”
Yet, much has not changed. I hear myself and my friends saying the exact same things which I recall my elder grandparents saying:
· They just do not make things like they used to.
· If so and so wins the election, it will be the end of the world as we know it.
· Young people are so spoiled. They do not know what real work is.
One could go on and on with such examples. The point is that in some ways nothing has changed. As we age, we insert the CD for aged people and out comes the sayings.
While many of us are blessed with more active lives into our eighties and, for some of us, even into our nineties, will eventually, if we continue to live, face new issues:
· When do we consider moving into an assisted living facility or moving a loved one to such a facility?
· What assisted living facilities are available?
· If money is an issue, can we bear to put a loved one in a substandard facility?
· Do we have a real option? If a loved one has acute Alzheimer’s and is not manageable at home, will we be forced to put them in a substandard home?
· How do we live with a less than optimal decision?
· Do we live in a state where it is legal to assist a loved one with suicide/choose when to die when they determine the quality of life no longer warrants living?
· If we do not live in such a state, should one consider moving to such a state?
· Are we leaving a mess for her loved ones – financially? Have we arranged our affairs so that we will not be a burden for others? For example, do we have just enough money to keep us from getting Medicaid assistance but not enough to take care of us? Have we borrowed more money, i. e. reverse mortgage, than our “estate” will cover?
· What “stuff” are we leaving and what instructions have we left for disposing of it?
· Does anyone in the family really want our stuff and, if not, how much of a burden will be to settle our estate?
· Do we have a clear, legal power or attorney, living will, will and other such documents?
· Is our home accessible for a wheel chair? Can we make it thus? What level of self-care is possible in this home if we are limited physically?
· Have we left clear directions for funeral, burial, cremation, etc.
· Do we have a support system in place if we or loved ones require more care? Have we moved to a retirement area which is far away from any family or other support?
· Have we anticipated how we are going to stay connected to a larger world if we are trapped at home a lot of time because we are caring for an ill loved one?
· Have we a system for discerning our spiritual purpose for each stage of our life and whatever that brings?
· Is there another relative for whom we will need to provide care when their caretakers not available?
What are the potential spiritual issues? Consider:
· Are we ready to accept the next stage of our life and part of our spiritual journey?
· How will be know the difference between acceptance and giving up?
· What do I want to model spiritually for children or other “young” people at this later stage of my life?
· Am I prepared for a crisis of faith?
· Will I be able to grieve loss in a healthy spiritual manner- allowing “natural” emotions - while not pushing away people or my emotions or dumping emotions on others?
· Do I have a sense of humor and friends/loved one who will lovingly laugh and cry with me?
Written March 26, 2016
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