Claiming our “I”
The May 31, 2018 conversation on On Being between Krista Tippett, the host, and Maria Shriver entitled “Finding My “I am” reminded me of how often much of what I do as a counselor and life coach is to guide people in their journey of claiming their “I”.
Maria Shrive is a granddaughter, daughter, niece, mother, and wife of those who are familiar to any students of the 20th and 21st century history of the United States. Joe and Rose Kennedy, Eunice and Sargent Shriver, Bobby and Ethel Kennedy, Jack and Jackie Kennedy, and Arnold Schwarzenegger are just a few of the names which might come to mind when one thinks of Maria Shriver. One might or might not think of her as a respected broadcast journalist and author of books including I’ve Been Thinking: Reflections, Prayers and Meditations for a Meaningful Life and Just Who Will You Be. One might think of Maria Shriver as a person of privilege both in terms of financial privilege and the privilege of the example of powerful, women and men. It may be easy to forget that often such privilege makes it difficult to find and claim oneself.
As is true for many of us she grew up in a religion when taught children to be guilty and fearful of disappointing a God who was all knowing, all seeing and pervasively present to keep score and to pronounce judgement. She also grew up in a religion and culture which assigned conflicting roles to women as the force which raised, sustained and taught the men who were the assigned leaders. It is not surprising that this woman of so called privilege is just now feeling as if, at age 62, she can claim her place “on the stage” including her place in her religious community.
Although most of us, including those for/with whom I work, do not have the weight of notoriety and, thus, the number of pre-assigned labels that Mrs. Shriver has, all of us are challenged to claim our “I”. We are certainly the children of, the grandchildren of, the siblings of, the nephews and nieces of the famous, infamous, mentally ill, addicted, upstanding, respected, reviled, or a host of other labeled entities. We are also, as is Mrs. Shriver, the products of the religious elders or the lack of religious or spiritual elders. We are the children of a long line of slaves, oppressors, leaders, followers, Democrats, Republicans, Independents, Socialists, or the pretenders to the apolitical. We are assigned to masculine or feminine roles based on the genitalia which we were born or which, in some cases, was chosen by the attending physician.
We are the mentally ill, addicts, the worried well, or “the healthy one(s)”. We are the good or the bad ones. We are assigned to a race based on percentage of blood, to a religion or a social class.
We are homosexual, bisexual, trans sexual, heterosexual or asexual.
All these labels determine the “I’ which will shape the expectations of family, friends, neighbors and the wider community. They will determine how others treat us and how we define and treat ourselves.
Some of us live our entire lives attempting to be the “Is” of these labels and never giving ourselves permission to find our “I’. Some of us know we do not “fit in” or “belong” and hide behind costumes, roles or numbing self or other prescribed drugs or behaviors.
Some of us will have been fortunate enough to claim the strength and the courage to claim our “I” whatever and whoever that is. Some of us will, as Mrs. Shriver states, claim our own place on the stage. Once again, I am reminded of the Bard character Jaques who in Act II Scene VII of As You Like it states, “All the world is a stage, and all the men and women merely actors. They have their exits and their entrances, and in his lifetime a man will play many parts, his life separated into seven acts.” Either are roles – our “Is” – are thrust upon us, passively accepted, slid into or actively chosen.
It is our privilege, challenge, and birthright, to determine our “I” and to proudly – not arrogantly – claim that “I”. We call this spiritual growth, growing up, recovery, or becoming healthy.
Written June 2, 2018
The May 31, 2018 conversation on On Being between Krista Tippett, the host, and Maria Shriver entitled “Finding My “I am” reminded me of how often much of what I do as a counselor and life coach is to guide people in their journey of claiming their “I”.
Maria Shrive is a granddaughter, daughter, niece, mother, and wife of those who are familiar to any students of the 20th and 21st century history of the United States. Joe and Rose Kennedy, Eunice and Sargent Shriver, Bobby and Ethel Kennedy, Jack and Jackie Kennedy, and Arnold Schwarzenegger are just a few of the names which might come to mind when one thinks of Maria Shriver. One might or might not think of her as a respected broadcast journalist and author of books including I’ve Been Thinking: Reflections, Prayers and Meditations for a Meaningful Life and Just Who Will You Be. One might think of Maria Shriver as a person of privilege both in terms of financial privilege and the privilege of the example of powerful, women and men. It may be easy to forget that often such privilege makes it difficult to find and claim oneself.
As is true for many of us she grew up in a religion when taught children to be guilty and fearful of disappointing a God who was all knowing, all seeing and pervasively present to keep score and to pronounce judgement. She also grew up in a religion and culture which assigned conflicting roles to women as the force which raised, sustained and taught the men who were the assigned leaders. It is not surprising that this woman of so called privilege is just now feeling as if, at age 62, she can claim her place “on the stage” including her place in her religious community.
Although most of us, including those for/with whom I work, do not have the weight of notoriety and, thus, the number of pre-assigned labels that Mrs. Shriver has, all of us are challenged to claim our “I”. We are certainly the children of, the grandchildren of, the siblings of, the nephews and nieces of the famous, infamous, mentally ill, addicted, upstanding, respected, reviled, or a host of other labeled entities. We are also, as is Mrs. Shriver, the products of the religious elders or the lack of religious or spiritual elders. We are the children of a long line of slaves, oppressors, leaders, followers, Democrats, Republicans, Independents, Socialists, or the pretenders to the apolitical. We are assigned to masculine or feminine roles based on the genitalia which we were born or which, in some cases, was chosen by the attending physician.
We are the mentally ill, addicts, the worried well, or “the healthy one(s)”. We are the good or the bad ones. We are assigned to a race based on percentage of blood, to a religion or a social class.
We are homosexual, bisexual, trans sexual, heterosexual or asexual.
All these labels determine the “I’ which will shape the expectations of family, friends, neighbors and the wider community. They will determine how others treat us and how we define and treat ourselves.
Some of us live our entire lives attempting to be the “Is” of these labels and never giving ourselves permission to find our “I’. Some of us know we do not “fit in” or “belong” and hide behind costumes, roles or numbing self or other prescribed drugs or behaviors.
Some of us will have been fortunate enough to claim the strength and the courage to claim our “I” whatever and whoever that is. Some of us will, as Mrs. Shriver states, claim our own place on the stage. Once again, I am reminded of the Bard character Jaques who in Act II Scene VII of As You Like it states, “All the world is a stage, and all the men and women merely actors. They have their exits and their entrances, and in his lifetime a man will play many parts, his life separated into seven acts.” Either are roles – our “Is” – are thrust upon us, passively accepted, slid into or actively chosen.
It is our privilege, challenge, and birthright, to determine our “I” and to proudly – not arrogantly – claim that “I”. We call this spiritual growth, growing up, recovery, or becoming healthy.
Written June 2, 2018
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