Conquering the grumps
Sometimes one wakes up and discovers that the grumps have arrived during the night. One did not invite them over, deliberately leave the door unlocked or the window open, but there they are, firmly settled in the core of one’s being. As a child, if the grumps arrived when I was staying with Grandma Fannie, she would suggest that I get back in bed and emerge from the right side of the bed. Later she might quote Ralph Waldo Emerson who said “You become what you think about all day long.” (goodreads.com) I did not appreciate the fact that Grandma Fannie acted as if I had deliberately invited the grumps to visit. I knew, however, that I best act as if the I had gotten back out of bed on the right side into the basket of sunshine which would color all my thoughts for the day. My pretending did not always chase away the grumps, but, as much as I hated to admit it, often without realizing it, I had started feeling less grumpy or at least had forgotten to focus on how crappy life was.
As I began to move through my teenage years, I began to realize that it was my job to internally ignore Grandma Fannie’s advice and stick with the truth that my world was indeed crappy and it was going to be a crappy day. I became determined to not even pretend as if there was that basket of sunshine on the other side of the bed. To be sure I did not openly defy Grandma Fannie by refusing to symbolically get back into bed and get out the right side. I was not that stupid and to be truthful I really did not, even then, want to displease this woman who was fixing me a healthy breakfast with fresh eggs. She even allowed me a little coffee in the cup of fresh cream. Still, I said to myself, “I will not pretend there is anything to be positive about. I had to go to that boring school and face the bullies. Obviously, Grandma Fannie could not realize how crappy life was. The grumps simply confirmed what I already knew.
I wish that I could pinpoint when the spirit of Grandma Fannie began to take over part of my brain. I cannot and, yet, I know at some point I accepted that there might be some wisdom in replacing the negative thoughts of the grumps with some positive thoughts. I even began to do a gratitude list of those things for which I knew I should be grateful. Actually, at some level I had to admit – only perhaps to myself – that I was grateful for indoor plumbing, electricity, central heat, a closet full of clothes, and people that cared about me. Later, the list might begin to expand, but there are still mornings when I am only capable of cognitively giving thanks for a cup of coffee with a bit of half and half.
Today medical scientists are much more aware of the mechanism for using positive thoughts to change how one acts and eventually, how one feels. To be sure, if one is suffering with an acute clinical depression, some other medical condition, a profound grief or disappointment the most positive thoughts may do is to help one stumble from one step to the next. Yet, even then, positive thoughts might help the body to relax a bit and change many aspects of the amazing interactional system which is this human body. Positive thoughts or a gratitude list do not or should not erase grief, depression or other negative events or situations. The goal is not to be one of those Pollyanna overly cheerful persons. One can, however, entertain a variety of feelings and thoughts all at the same time. One can be very sad when someone one deeply loves dies and at the same time appreciate the support of family and other friends.
It is amazing to me that Grandma Fannie was wise enough to appreciate and share the wisdom of Ralph Waldo Emerson and others who preceded the scientists of today who are confirming that indeed “You become what you think about all day long.”.
Written September 27, 2018
Sometimes one wakes up and discovers that the grumps have arrived during the night. One did not invite them over, deliberately leave the door unlocked or the window open, but there they are, firmly settled in the core of one’s being. As a child, if the grumps arrived when I was staying with Grandma Fannie, she would suggest that I get back in bed and emerge from the right side of the bed. Later she might quote Ralph Waldo Emerson who said “You become what you think about all day long.” (goodreads.com) I did not appreciate the fact that Grandma Fannie acted as if I had deliberately invited the grumps to visit. I knew, however, that I best act as if the I had gotten back out of bed on the right side into the basket of sunshine which would color all my thoughts for the day. My pretending did not always chase away the grumps, but, as much as I hated to admit it, often without realizing it, I had started feeling less grumpy or at least had forgotten to focus on how crappy life was.
As I began to move through my teenage years, I began to realize that it was my job to internally ignore Grandma Fannie’s advice and stick with the truth that my world was indeed crappy and it was going to be a crappy day. I became determined to not even pretend as if there was that basket of sunshine on the other side of the bed. To be sure I did not openly defy Grandma Fannie by refusing to symbolically get back into bed and get out the right side. I was not that stupid and to be truthful I really did not, even then, want to displease this woman who was fixing me a healthy breakfast with fresh eggs. She even allowed me a little coffee in the cup of fresh cream. Still, I said to myself, “I will not pretend there is anything to be positive about. I had to go to that boring school and face the bullies. Obviously, Grandma Fannie could not realize how crappy life was. The grumps simply confirmed what I already knew.
I wish that I could pinpoint when the spirit of Grandma Fannie began to take over part of my brain. I cannot and, yet, I know at some point I accepted that there might be some wisdom in replacing the negative thoughts of the grumps with some positive thoughts. I even began to do a gratitude list of those things for which I knew I should be grateful. Actually, at some level I had to admit – only perhaps to myself – that I was grateful for indoor plumbing, electricity, central heat, a closet full of clothes, and people that cared about me. Later, the list might begin to expand, but there are still mornings when I am only capable of cognitively giving thanks for a cup of coffee with a bit of half and half.
Today medical scientists are much more aware of the mechanism for using positive thoughts to change how one acts and eventually, how one feels. To be sure, if one is suffering with an acute clinical depression, some other medical condition, a profound grief or disappointment the most positive thoughts may do is to help one stumble from one step to the next. Yet, even then, positive thoughts might help the body to relax a bit and change many aspects of the amazing interactional system which is this human body. Positive thoughts or a gratitude list do not or should not erase grief, depression or other negative events or situations. The goal is not to be one of those Pollyanna overly cheerful persons. One can, however, entertain a variety of feelings and thoughts all at the same time. One can be very sad when someone one deeply loves dies and at the same time appreciate the support of family and other friends.
It is amazing to me that Grandma Fannie was wise enough to appreciate and share the wisdom of Ralph Waldo Emerson and others who preceded the scientists of today who are confirming that indeed “You become what you think about all day long.”.
Written September 27, 2018
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