Costuming and Sexual Intimacy
Sometimes I hear myself channeling my ancestors, especially Grandma Fannie. I recall them saying:
It is helpful for me to remember that older people (including me) have been making the same observations and comments for a long time. Probably forever. Yet, I do think that some things have changed. Consider, for example, how acceptable dress and grooming has changed. When I was young:
Now acceptable dress includes:
There does continue to be a different standard for men and women. With the exception of comments regarding the hair “style” of the current president of the United States, only the physical appearance of a woman is open to criticism no matter what her role.
Other costume related changes include:
It may seem as if we old people keep yearning for the simplicity and formality of what we remember. Could it be that aging changes our perspective? Perhaps the concerns and questions about costuming has a lot of do with sagging or disappearing body parts, the redistribution of body hair, other adjustments and not just with “letting it all hang out, over suggestively”. Yet, this old man wonders as if more circumspection in costuming kept the lines a little clearer.
I also wonder if the current costuming trends blurs the communication about when it is okay to initiate the mating dance which is necessary for the survival for this human species. Let me be very clear about what it is I am asking. Both males and females need to be treated with respect no matter what job or role they are performing. It is never okay to treat someone as a sexual object. At the same time, I am wondering if the manner of costuming sends conflicting messages. I also wonder if this can be intentional. If I see a man or a woman in a professional setting – a classroom, courtroom, or business setting – dressed as if they are ready for a night of trolling at a singles bar – it is more difficult for me to focus on their professional role. While writing I am sitting in the waiting room of a medical facility. The dress of the staff clearly indicates that I am to relate to individuals as doctors, nurses, other medical personnel or clerks. No one’s dress hints at an invitation to anything other than a business/professional relationship. I am also dressed in a costume – button down shirt, dress slacks, and freshly showered – which hopefully communicates that I am here as a patient-partner in my own health care.
Written May 21, 2018
Sometimes I hear myself channeling my ancestors, especially Grandma Fannie. I recall them saying:
- Young people have no respect.
- This generation is lazy.
- The way young people dress is shameful.
- This is the most negative political campaign I have ever heard.
- Doesn’t anyone know that money does not grow on trees?
It is helpful for me to remember that older people (including me) have been making the same observations and comments for a long time. Probably forever. Yet, I do think that some things have changed. Consider, for example, how acceptable dress and grooming has changed. When I was young:
- One dressed for church, flying, and most indoor social occasions in rather formal clothes – suit, dress shirts and ties for men; dresses, hats and heels for women.
- One had few costumes. Growing up I had a school costume which also doubled as church costume, a chore/farm work costume, and a sleep costume. One had tiny or no closets, but then one did not have enough clothes to fill a closet.
- Divorced or other single women wore dresses which might merely hint at legs and figures.
- Widows wore black for a ““respectable” period of time.
- Women could not wear pants even if their job dictated such a practical form of dress.
- Women did not wear curlers in public!
- Unless a woman was aristocratic and dressing for a ball, one did not show cleavage. Perhaps an ankle but not cleavage.
Now acceptable dress includes:
- Shopping in curlers, nightclothes, halters and even tee shirts which leave beer bellies exposed.
- Cleavage to one’s navel and shorts revealing one’s pubic hair.
- Swimwear revealing bare butts, a lot of cleavage, and the clear outline of male and female crotches.
- Whatever seems comfortable, irrespective of appearances, for church, shopping, airports and even business places.
There does continue to be a different standard for men and women. With the exception of comments regarding the hair “style” of the current president of the United States, only the physical appearance of a woman is open to criticism no matter what her role.
Other costume related changes include:
- Dressing to be as sexually present as possible.
- A flexibility which allows for ease of travel. Thus, if traveling, it is okay to attend a symphony even if one has not brought a dressy costume.
- Permission, even if one has willing de-costumed, to say no to sexual advances/invitations.
It may seem as if we old people keep yearning for the simplicity and formality of what we remember. Could it be that aging changes our perspective? Perhaps the concerns and questions about costuming has a lot of do with sagging or disappearing body parts, the redistribution of body hair, other adjustments and not just with “letting it all hang out, over suggestively”. Yet, this old man wonders as if more circumspection in costuming kept the lines a little clearer.
I also wonder if the current costuming trends blurs the communication about when it is okay to initiate the mating dance which is necessary for the survival for this human species. Let me be very clear about what it is I am asking. Both males and females need to be treated with respect no matter what job or role they are performing. It is never okay to treat someone as a sexual object. At the same time, I am wondering if the manner of costuming sends conflicting messages. I also wonder if this can be intentional. If I see a man or a woman in a professional setting – a classroom, courtroom, or business setting – dressed as if they are ready for a night of trolling at a singles bar – it is more difficult for me to focus on their professional role. While writing I am sitting in the waiting room of a medical facility. The dress of the staff clearly indicates that I am to relate to individuals as doctors, nurses, other medical personnel or clerks. No one’s dress hints at an invitation to anything other than a business/professional relationship. I am also dressed in a costume – button down shirt, dress slacks, and freshly showered – which hopefully communicates that I am here as a patient-partner in my own health care.
Written May 21, 2018
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