Counseling – Falling in love
In the wake of the revelations about sexual abuse by clergy and others in a position of power, the title of this essay might seem a bit risky and in danger of setting off alarms. It is not my intent to set off alarms but it is my intent to invite all of us in a counseling, therapy, coaching or any similar relationship to be mindful of the danger of not embracing the sacred person who approaches one for help in healing emotional or psychological pain, the load of which has become too heavy to bear. The danger is that when a person, couple or family enters our actual or virtual office we assume a “professional” dance whose instructor has been fear. We are fearful of being wrongly accused of violating one of the hundreds of rules and sub-rules now contained in the ethical guideline which in truth are the legal contract. We are fearful of being not objective enough or too objective; of the client, counselee, or person we are coaching of getting too close and diagnosing our dysfunction. This fear can easily cause us to objectify the person who is hiring us. Yet, the person hires us because we do not have a personal history with them and, therefore, there is no emotional garbage preventing some semblance of objective love. The person(s) seeking service needs a professional to make an educated assessment of what has caused the troubling symptoms and what course of action might restore what they consider a normal life.
Parenting is one of the few relationships which demands unconditional love and a clear goal of creating independence. Of course, physical or mental illness might demand an ongoing dependence and/or switching roles. Helping professionals have a similar mandate. The goal is to feather by feather help the individual grow their own wings and fly off. Growing wings might require medication, education, surgery, or some other intrusive intervention. Very often growing wings first requires enveloping the person with the unconditional love they may not have experienced as a small child while inviting them to access the wise teacher within themselves; validating the wisdom of that teacher until they learn to trust that internal wise person.
Sometimes it is not about wings but validating the end of life lessons or providing loving support for the last part of one’s journey.
A helping professional or a parent who is attempting to function with empty emotional, physical, spiritual or nutritional gas tanks will easily confused their own needs with those of the child or the person they have promised to serve.
I fall in love with every client I agree to serve. While I attempt to identify the blocks which prevent a person, couple or family from being their best/most functional selves I emotionally and mentally allow myself to magically (or is it stubbornly) bore through the blocks to the center of their sacredness. As I did with my young son I attempt to hold them in my embrace until they are ready to fly. As needs to be true for a parent one is always prepared to let go just a little more.
Once a client/patient or a child is ready to fly we must both let go and stand at the ready. It is not the end of loving. One may or may not ever see the child or the client/patient again or one may see them “come home” to get refueled.
The helping role is always a sacred one. Just as Jesus taught and loved his disciples he was always giving them wings. While he did not confuse his needs with theirs he was also filled by their achievements and humbled by their need of a little more time.
Written August 10, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
Coachpickett.org
In the wake of the revelations about sexual abuse by clergy and others in a position of power, the title of this essay might seem a bit risky and in danger of setting off alarms. It is not my intent to set off alarms but it is my intent to invite all of us in a counseling, therapy, coaching or any similar relationship to be mindful of the danger of not embracing the sacred person who approaches one for help in healing emotional or psychological pain, the load of which has become too heavy to bear. The danger is that when a person, couple or family enters our actual or virtual office we assume a “professional” dance whose instructor has been fear. We are fearful of being wrongly accused of violating one of the hundreds of rules and sub-rules now contained in the ethical guideline which in truth are the legal contract. We are fearful of being not objective enough or too objective; of the client, counselee, or person we are coaching of getting too close and diagnosing our dysfunction. This fear can easily cause us to objectify the person who is hiring us. Yet, the person hires us because we do not have a personal history with them and, therefore, there is no emotional garbage preventing some semblance of objective love. The person(s) seeking service needs a professional to make an educated assessment of what has caused the troubling symptoms and what course of action might restore what they consider a normal life.
Parenting is one of the few relationships which demands unconditional love and a clear goal of creating independence. Of course, physical or mental illness might demand an ongoing dependence and/or switching roles. Helping professionals have a similar mandate. The goal is to feather by feather help the individual grow their own wings and fly off. Growing wings might require medication, education, surgery, or some other intrusive intervention. Very often growing wings first requires enveloping the person with the unconditional love they may not have experienced as a small child while inviting them to access the wise teacher within themselves; validating the wisdom of that teacher until they learn to trust that internal wise person.
Sometimes it is not about wings but validating the end of life lessons or providing loving support for the last part of one’s journey.
A helping professional or a parent who is attempting to function with empty emotional, physical, spiritual or nutritional gas tanks will easily confused their own needs with those of the child or the person they have promised to serve.
I fall in love with every client I agree to serve. While I attempt to identify the blocks which prevent a person, couple or family from being their best/most functional selves I emotionally and mentally allow myself to magically (or is it stubbornly) bore through the blocks to the center of their sacredness. As I did with my young son I attempt to hold them in my embrace until they are ready to fly. As needs to be true for a parent one is always prepared to let go just a little more.
Once a client/patient or a child is ready to fly we must both let go and stand at the ready. It is not the end of loving. One may or may not ever see the child or the client/patient again or one may see them “come home” to get refueled.
The helping role is always a sacred one. Just as Jesus taught and loved his disciples he was always giving them wings. While he did not confuse his needs with theirs he was also filled by their achievements and humbled by their need of a little more time.
Written August 10, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
Coachpickett.org
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