Creating sacred spaces
As a clinical counselor trained in clinical psychology, Christian theology, and Native American tradition I knew that unless I could create a sacred space none of those who entered the space would feel safe enough to continue their healing journey. I also knew and would increasingly appreciate that I could not expect the person or persons labeled as clients to do spiritual and emotional work that I was unwilling to do. In other words the counselor could “share” with the “client” their approach to healing, but the pace of the client would need to be respected. The client needed to trust that they would be treated with loving respect no matter how quickly or slowly they proceeded on their journey. I knew that respecting the pace of the client (and myself) is enormously important.
It has been common in my profession to frequently give clients a failing grade in their course on healing/growing. In fact, I failed counseling a number of times. My first counseling experience was an 8 week, once a week group counseling experience. At the end of the eight weeks the therapist/counselor said to me, while the other group members listened in, “I am so disappointed in you. I had hopes that you were really ready to grow. You did nothing.” Later, I tried again with a different therapist leading a different group. At the end of the prescribed course of treatment I got a similar grade. I had again failed. The third time I did not fare much better. I felt like the kid in school who was shuffled from school to school only to fail every time. The fact that I was an adult and was choosing to continue to try a different school did not make the experience any more positive.
In the long run, this was, very good professional training. I learned that if I disrespected the choice and pace of the clients or myself I was not going to create a safe, sacred space. I also learned over time that it was important that I not set myself up to fail as a clinician. No matter how hard I tried to do my part to create a sacred space I was sometimes going to inadvertently say or do something which the client might hear as negative. For example. I once used the word large to convey to a female client that she was not the 2 inch tall woman she felt like when her husband verbally abused her. Because the woman had been told that she was fat and ugly by her abusive spouse she heard me saying that she was fat. No amount of apologizing or explaining was going to make me or the space feel safe or her again.
One of the presenting issues in which I was trained and then certified was alcohol and other drug addiction. Later, I would become trained to work for/with those struggling with addictions to sex,money, power, food, anger and other behavior. There are obviously many ways to run from ourselves.
When working with clients with certain addictions it is fruitless to try to do counseling if the client is so impaired that they cannot hold a conversation. One can, however, assuming it is safe and that person is not passed out, be lovingly present with others or, at the very least, let the person knows it is okay that they have relapsed. They have not failed. They and I had been reminded of the power and strength of the addiction.
Group therapy is often more effective when working with/for those struggling with addiction. If a client came into a group therapy session drunk or clearly under the influence of some other mind altering drug they could be very disruptive to the group. The challenges become:
There are those who suggest or perhaps clearly state that any behavior which keeps the individuals from experiencing the full impact of their disease is harmful in the long run. Yet, seldom will those same people insist that the diabetic who has been unable to exercise and restrict their nutritional intake to only what is healthy for them should die or suffer with unhealed wounds. Neither will they allow the person having a heart attack, especially if they are considered a “valued’ member of the community, to die without any medical intervention.
Ahh, but I digress or do I? The subject was sacred spaces. Creating a sacred space has to mean, at a minimum, that we take responsibility for coming to terms with our own humanness which then allows for the possibility that we can accept the humanness of others. Once we accept the humanness of ourselves and others and once we decide that we are all sacred – that all of life is sacred – than we are free to love unconditionally. Only then can we create a sacred space. If we are creating this sacred space in the context of a treatment/healing setting we are still going to face some limitations of budget and space. We are still going to have to face fact that making a space sacred for some might mean temporarily excluding others. It does not mean that we need to judge those who are unable to be present in a way which honors their own sacredness as well as the sacredness of others. It is too easy for us to judge ourselves and others. Too often I have read in the “clinical” notes of my colleagues:
Sacred space obviously cannot be abusive – emotionally, physically, nutritionally, or spiritually. I just advised a friend to leave the house where she lives with her abusive husband. Yet, if that very same husband, called or otherwise contacted me, I would want and need to treat him as sacred. I have no idea what his demons are. I do not know what keeps this intelligent man in the lonely, disconnected space of the abuser. I have no right to judge him. I do know that I am not healthy enough to live with an abusive person and stay healthy myself. If he came to me for therapy or as someone who has known the family for a long time, I would have to tell him that his behavior keeps love at a distance. I would have to tell him that he is love and it was safe to allow himself to be loved. Most likely he would be unable to allow that. The moment he is able to allow that love I would recommend that we kill the fatted calf and welcome the “prodigal son” home.
There are those who believe that we cannot create a sacred space and kill the fatted calf – that the calf is also sacred. I come from a belief system that states that all life is sacred. If I allow the fatted calf or a stalk of wheat to provide me substance I must remember to take only as much as I need and to do so with enormous gratitude.
Sacred space is as much a state of mind as it is a place. Once we can give ourselves the gift or can claim the right of this space those who are not, for whatever reason, able to enter and share this space will distance themselves. We will not have to push them out. Our arms will stay open to welcome them into the space anytime they are ready and able to join us. We will find, of course, that we will also continue, at times to deny ourselves that space and, if not careful, will blame others. Yet, others do not have the power to deny that space to us. That is, of course, the symbolism, of resurrection. We can reclaim that space anytime we are ready.
Written May 15, 2016
As a clinical counselor trained in clinical psychology, Christian theology, and Native American tradition I knew that unless I could create a sacred space none of those who entered the space would feel safe enough to continue their healing journey. I also knew and would increasingly appreciate that I could not expect the person or persons labeled as clients to do spiritual and emotional work that I was unwilling to do. In other words the counselor could “share” with the “client” their approach to healing, but the pace of the client would need to be respected. The client needed to trust that they would be treated with loving respect no matter how quickly or slowly they proceeded on their journey. I knew that respecting the pace of the client (and myself) is enormously important.
It has been common in my profession to frequently give clients a failing grade in their course on healing/growing. In fact, I failed counseling a number of times. My first counseling experience was an 8 week, once a week group counseling experience. At the end of the eight weeks the therapist/counselor said to me, while the other group members listened in, “I am so disappointed in you. I had hopes that you were really ready to grow. You did nothing.” Later, I tried again with a different therapist leading a different group. At the end of the prescribed course of treatment I got a similar grade. I had again failed. The third time I did not fare much better. I felt like the kid in school who was shuffled from school to school only to fail every time. The fact that I was an adult and was choosing to continue to try a different school did not make the experience any more positive.
In the long run, this was, very good professional training. I learned that if I disrespected the choice and pace of the clients or myself I was not going to create a safe, sacred space. I also learned over time that it was important that I not set myself up to fail as a clinician. No matter how hard I tried to do my part to create a sacred space I was sometimes going to inadvertently say or do something which the client might hear as negative. For example. I once used the word large to convey to a female client that she was not the 2 inch tall woman she felt like when her husband verbally abused her. Because the woman had been told that she was fat and ugly by her abusive spouse she heard me saying that she was fat. No amount of apologizing or explaining was going to make me or the space feel safe or her again.
One of the presenting issues in which I was trained and then certified was alcohol and other drug addiction. Later, I would become trained to work for/with those struggling with addictions to sex,money, power, food, anger and other behavior. There are obviously many ways to run from ourselves.
When working with clients with certain addictions it is fruitless to try to do counseling if the client is so impaired that they cannot hold a conversation. One can, however, assuming it is safe and that person is not passed out, be lovingly present with others or, at the very least, let the person knows it is okay that they have relapsed. They have not failed. They and I had been reminded of the power and strength of the addiction.
Group therapy is often more effective when working with/for those struggling with addiction. If a client came into a group therapy session drunk or clearly under the influence of some other mind altering drug they could be very disruptive to the group. The challenges become:
- The rights of the other clients in a group session or a group residential treatment setting.
- Writing a clinical note which justifies or validates for the treating agency and/or the the third party payer the fact that the time with the client was spent on the recovery/healing goals.
- Respecting the fact that addiction is a chronic illness similar to diabetes and one can expect relapses.
- Finding a safe place for the person to be until they are able to rejoin the group and/or honoring the fact that the person may not now be ready or able to embark on or resume their healing/recovery journey. (Few places have the resources to have a group of residential settings where individuals in various stages of addiction or healing can safely live. I do know of one agency in a Florida city which has several group homes which are open to individuals in various stages of their addiction or recovery. There is a home for folks who are very active in recovery and free of chemical use or other active addictive behavior. There is a home for people who are committed to recovery but still periodically relapsing. There is also a safe, clean home for people whose life is again or still controlled by addiction. The goal is to insure that no matter what home one needs at the moment, there is no judgment. This is an expensive solution, but less expensive than the person being cared for frequently in the emergency room or jail. It is also cheaper than the emotional and spiritual price the community pays when just one person is treated less then.
There are those who suggest or perhaps clearly state that any behavior which keeps the individuals from experiencing the full impact of their disease is harmful in the long run. Yet, seldom will those same people insist that the diabetic who has been unable to exercise and restrict their nutritional intake to only what is healthy for them should die or suffer with unhealed wounds. Neither will they allow the person having a heart attack, especially if they are considered a “valued’ member of the community, to die without any medical intervention.
Ahh, but I digress or do I? The subject was sacred spaces. Creating a sacred space has to mean, at a minimum, that we take responsibility for coming to terms with our own humanness which then allows for the possibility that we can accept the humanness of others. Once we accept the humanness of ourselves and others and once we decide that we are all sacred – that all of life is sacred – than we are free to love unconditionally. Only then can we create a sacred space. If we are creating this sacred space in the context of a treatment/healing setting we are still going to face some limitations of budget and space. We are still going to have to face fact that making a space sacred for some might mean temporarily excluding others. It does not mean that we need to judge those who are unable to be present in a way which honors their own sacredness as well as the sacredness of others. It is too easy for us to judge ourselves and others. Too often I have read in the “clinical” notes of my colleagues:
- He/she is not motived for treatment.
- He/she does not want to get well.
- He/she is a sociopathic addict or …
- He/she is a poor excuse for a human being.
- He/she was dirty and disheveled. (As opposed to he/she is unable to take care of their hygiene.)
Sacred space obviously cannot be abusive – emotionally, physically, nutritionally, or spiritually. I just advised a friend to leave the house where she lives with her abusive husband. Yet, if that very same husband, called or otherwise contacted me, I would want and need to treat him as sacred. I have no idea what his demons are. I do not know what keeps this intelligent man in the lonely, disconnected space of the abuser. I have no right to judge him. I do know that I am not healthy enough to live with an abusive person and stay healthy myself. If he came to me for therapy or as someone who has known the family for a long time, I would have to tell him that his behavior keeps love at a distance. I would have to tell him that he is love and it was safe to allow himself to be loved. Most likely he would be unable to allow that. The moment he is able to allow that love I would recommend that we kill the fatted calf and welcome the “prodigal son” home.
There are those who believe that we cannot create a sacred space and kill the fatted calf – that the calf is also sacred. I come from a belief system that states that all life is sacred. If I allow the fatted calf or a stalk of wheat to provide me substance I must remember to take only as much as I need and to do so with enormous gratitude.
Sacred space is as much a state of mind as it is a place. Once we can give ourselves the gift or can claim the right of this space those who are not, for whatever reason, able to enter and share this space will distance themselves. We will not have to push them out. Our arms will stay open to welcome them into the space anytime they are ready and able to join us. We will find, of course, that we will also continue, at times to deny ourselves that space and, if not careful, will blame others. Yet, others do not have the power to deny that space to us. That is, of course, the symbolism, of resurrection. We can reclaim that space anytime we are ready.
Written May 15, 2016
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