Creativity versus acting out
It really does seem as if the muse is on vacation today. In fact, I feel tired and out of sorts today although I got seven hours sleep. It seems as if it was a restless sleep overlaid with strange dreams of being at a conference dressed in the wrong clothes and sitting in room far away from main conference room and, yet, one which allowed me a view of the main conference room and adjacent rooms where people were naked in a pool or hot tub. One wonders what factors affect which synapses fire and, thus, which stored words or thoughts are going to explore a relationship. It occurs that this is where creativity is born. If and when I can allow various thoughts, feelings, or bits of memory to play with each other, there is the possibility of some new combination of words, images, or concepts deciding to explore a potential relationship.
Perhaps creativity arrives during sleep at times because although I say I want to be creative in all areas of my life, I am most comfortable with thoughts, situations, and things/objects which are predictable. Well, perhaps I really mean the illusion of predictability and the illusion of comfort. I also find myself (there is that phase again) getting bored with the same old, same old. It does seem as if I am the most alive – the most present – when I am exploring or experiencing something new. I may feel awkward, a bit fearful of the unknown, or embarrassed, but I feel alive.
As a parent I think I often gave my son conflicting messages. I would tell him to think for himself and then, often, when he did, I might be critical of the way he was thinking or “suggest” that there was a right way to do something. Of course, there were times when his creativity was ill advised. Exploring what happens when one puts various objects in the electrical plug is not a good idea. Deciding that puppets could be any shape, gender, or from any planet was great fun. Experimenting with different clothes or costuming, as I preferred to name it, might elicit some comments from his peers but he needed to decide if it was worth it. Fortunately, my son was determined to do things his way even when his way led to some pretty negative consequences. At least they were consequences he experienced as a result of his decisions. When, however, the consequences adversely affected others, that was another matter.
Still, if I am honest there was always a part of me who wanted my son to make decisions which did not result in a lot of stress for him or for his dad.
I also give myself conflicting messages. I say to myself, “Do it your way. Do not obey a rule just because it is a rule.” Then I say to myself, “I just want to be a part of the group or the team.” Often these do not go together. When I was an ordained Presbyterian minister, I would frequently get phone calls from my superiors questioning whether I had done something. They often got reports, “Reverend Pickett did such and such.” They would call ask if I had done such and such. Almost always, I had indeed done such and such. I might have performed a wedding ceremony for the daughter of a couple who had been kicked out of the church for “living in sin” (not being married but living together and caring for a demented spouse). I might be working with the bar owners to develop an alternative activity for teenagers. I might decide that the kids at our church could attend church school at another church rather than duplicating the classes in a small community. I might “welcome home” a person who had just gotten out of prison. There were any number of offenses which I deliberately committed. Later, when I was working for a community mental health center, I was often being called on the carpet for breaking or bending a rule. I might see someone who did not qualify for free assistance or I might see someone who was third on the waiting list or I might hang paintings or drawings done by kids or adults which were not considered in good taste because they were too dark or potentially seen as erotic. I once got into trouble for taking a client outside in the front of the hospital to sing and play his guitar. His presenting issue was stage fright. The hospital was very anti-union and decided someone with long hair and a guitar might be singing pro-labor songs. As a matter of fact, …. It was rumored thereafter that one could hear pro-labor music being played in my office. Perhaps at times there was a bit of adolescent acting out just to act out which had nothing to do with creativity!
At the same time, I sometimes felt bad because I was not considered a “team player.” I wonder if Picasso, Mozart, Beethoven, or Martha Graham wanted to do their art their way and still desire to be appreciated by their contemporaries? I suspect that often they did.
Most of us know the rules and how to be a valued, accepted person by our peers. All we have to do is to play pretty music (using current definition of pretty); paint nice pictures; cook food common to our culture/traditions; write something which is not likely to be controversial; marry or date the person who fits the standard for our culture, age, and profession; drive an acceptable car; wear appropriate gym attire; attend the right church; not raise questions which will make others uncomfortable; and, in general, follow the crowd. We also know that if we want to avoid standing out or making waves when we are in the presence of someone like Mr. Trump we should agree with him (one side will like you) and blame the addict, the homeless person, the gang members for making bad choices and being less than responsible. Additionally we will not want to make choices which are too innovative or so far outside the box that people will think we are bad business people. For example, we do not want to be a Steve Jobs, an Alexander Graham Bell, or a Benjamin Franklin. Can you imagine being the person who posited that they could get the voice to run across a wire to another house, business, or even town?
I know the rules. I know how to behave. I often choose not to follow the rules or to behave. I need to laugh at myself when I expect to be lauded for not doing what I know I need to do to be lauded. I am not a victim. At the same time, I want to make sure that I am not breaking a rule just so I can prove that I can break a rule. I am much too old to be doing that.
It seems to be that creativity allows for the possibility of improving life for we humans and the rest of creations. Acting out is for my sole enjoyment or to prove that I can without no thought about how others will be affected.
As I begin a new year, I want to again commit myself to thinking outside the box – to exploring a dance of life which allows for the possibility of a world in which we work together to take care of each other more effectively. For me this means allowing for discomfort, fear, and letting go of any illusion that my dance today is “the dance.”
Written January 3, 2016
It really does seem as if the muse is on vacation today. In fact, I feel tired and out of sorts today although I got seven hours sleep. It seems as if it was a restless sleep overlaid with strange dreams of being at a conference dressed in the wrong clothes and sitting in room far away from main conference room and, yet, one which allowed me a view of the main conference room and adjacent rooms where people were naked in a pool or hot tub. One wonders what factors affect which synapses fire and, thus, which stored words or thoughts are going to explore a relationship. It occurs that this is where creativity is born. If and when I can allow various thoughts, feelings, or bits of memory to play with each other, there is the possibility of some new combination of words, images, or concepts deciding to explore a potential relationship.
Perhaps creativity arrives during sleep at times because although I say I want to be creative in all areas of my life, I am most comfortable with thoughts, situations, and things/objects which are predictable. Well, perhaps I really mean the illusion of predictability and the illusion of comfort. I also find myself (there is that phase again) getting bored with the same old, same old. It does seem as if I am the most alive – the most present – when I am exploring or experiencing something new. I may feel awkward, a bit fearful of the unknown, or embarrassed, but I feel alive.
As a parent I think I often gave my son conflicting messages. I would tell him to think for himself and then, often, when he did, I might be critical of the way he was thinking or “suggest” that there was a right way to do something. Of course, there were times when his creativity was ill advised. Exploring what happens when one puts various objects in the electrical plug is not a good idea. Deciding that puppets could be any shape, gender, or from any planet was great fun. Experimenting with different clothes or costuming, as I preferred to name it, might elicit some comments from his peers but he needed to decide if it was worth it. Fortunately, my son was determined to do things his way even when his way led to some pretty negative consequences. At least they were consequences he experienced as a result of his decisions. When, however, the consequences adversely affected others, that was another matter.
Still, if I am honest there was always a part of me who wanted my son to make decisions which did not result in a lot of stress for him or for his dad.
I also give myself conflicting messages. I say to myself, “Do it your way. Do not obey a rule just because it is a rule.” Then I say to myself, “I just want to be a part of the group or the team.” Often these do not go together. When I was an ordained Presbyterian minister, I would frequently get phone calls from my superiors questioning whether I had done something. They often got reports, “Reverend Pickett did such and such.” They would call ask if I had done such and such. Almost always, I had indeed done such and such. I might have performed a wedding ceremony for the daughter of a couple who had been kicked out of the church for “living in sin” (not being married but living together and caring for a demented spouse). I might be working with the bar owners to develop an alternative activity for teenagers. I might decide that the kids at our church could attend church school at another church rather than duplicating the classes in a small community. I might “welcome home” a person who had just gotten out of prison. There were any number of offenses which I deliberately committed. Later, when I was working for a community mental health center, I was often being called on the carpet for breaking or bending a rule. I might see someone who did not qualify for free assistance or I might see someone who was third on the waiting list or I might hang paintings or drawings done by kids or adults which were not considered in good taste because they were too dark or potentially seen as erotic. I once got into trouble for taking a client outside in the front of the hospital to sing and play his guitar. His presenting issue was stage fright. The hospital was very anti-union and decided someone with long hair and a guitar might be singing pro-labor songs. As a matter of fact, …. It was rumored thereafter that one could hear pro-labor music being played in my office. Perhaps at times there was a bit of adolescent acting out just to act out which had nothing to do with creativity!
At the same time, I sometimes felt bad because I was not considered a “team player.” I wonder if Picasso, Mozart, Beethoven, or Martha Graham wanted to do their art their way and still desire to be appreciated by their contemporaries? I suspect that often they did.
Most of us know the rules and how to be a valued, accepted person by our peers. All we have to do is to play pretty music (using current definition of pretty); paint nice pictures; cook food common to our culture/traditions; write something which is not likely to be controversial; marry or date the person who fits the standard for our culture, age, and profession; drive an acceptable car; wear appropriate gym attire; attend the right church; not raise questions which will make others uncomfortable; and, in general, follow the crowd. We also know that if we want to avoid standing out or making waves when we are in the presence of someone like Mr. Trump we should agree with him (one side will like you) and blame the addict, the homeless person, the gang members for making bad choices and being less than responsible. Additionally we will not want to make choices which are too innovative or so far outside the box that people will think we are bad business people. For example, we do not want to be a Steve Jobs, an Alexander Graham Bell, or a Benjamin Franklin. Can you imagine being the person who posited that they could get the voice to run across a wire to another house, business, or even town?
I know the rules. I know how to behave. I often choose not to follow the rules or to behave. I need to laugh at myself when I expect to be lauded for not doing what I know I need to do to be lauded. I am not a victim. At the same time, I want to make sure that I am not breaking a rule just so I can prove that I can break a rule. I am much too old to be doing that.
It seems to be that creativity allows for the possibility of improving life for we humans and the rest of creations. Acting out is for my sole enjoyment or to prove that I can without no thought about how others will be affected.
As I begin a new year, I want to again commit myself to thinking outside the box – to exploring a dance of life which allows for the possibility of a world in which we work together to take care of each other more effectively. For me this means allowing for discomfort, fear, and letting go of any illusion that my dance today is “the dance.”
Written January 3, 2016
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