Cry uncle
This morning as I listened to the news I was thinking that despite the amazing creative energy of many humans using many mediums of art including, writing, music, dance, sculpturing, pottery, and painting, when it comes to conflict resolution most world leaders and those that support them are still in grade school. Many readers will recall instances on the playground when Johnny, Dick or Jane would justify bully behavior by saying, “He started it.” or “She started it.” One might also recall a teacher or a parent then saying, “I don’t care who started it. This is not the way we resolve conflicts in this family or school.” Of course, it might not be long before a very precoscious Johnny, Dick or Jane would retort, “So and so adult says you have to show the bully that …” These days even young children are exposed to so much news that they might cite the example of some world leaders who deride diplomacy as a sign of weakness.
All educators know that children learn most by what we do and not by what we say. Our violent, bully example does not teach the following:
Bigger Thomas in Richard Wright’s novel after being threatened by the police officers finally says to the officers, “Man there ain’t nothing you can do except kill me and that ain’t nothin.” (This may not be an exact quote as it is from my memory) Although one would rather not die just yet, all one really owns in this brief life is one’s integrity. If integrity is defined as winning and winning is defined as holding on to core values then is going to strive to only engage in behavior that is consistent with those core values.
Most of us will find that it is helpful to regularly remind ourselves of our core values. Some examples of my core values are:
Obviously none of us are at our best all the time. Yet, if one is very intentional about one’s goals, one is more likely to be able to live accordingly to one’s core values. If we want to teach children to live according to core values, we have to model that behavior and elect leaders who will model that behavior.
Written April 2, 2018
This morning as I listened to the news I was thinking that despite the amazing creative energy of many humans using many mediums of art including, writing, music, dance, sculpturing, pottery, and painting, when it comes to conflict resolution most world leaders and those that support them are still in grade school. Many readers will recall instances on the playground when Johnny, Dick or Jane would justify bully behavior by saying, “He started it.” or “She started it.” One might also recall a teacher or a parent then saying, “I don’t care who started it. This is not the way we resolve conflicts in this family or school.” Of course, it might not be long before a very precoscious Johnny, Dick or Jane would retort, “So and so adult says you have to show the bully that …” These days even young children are exposed to so much news that they might cite the example of some world leaders who deride diplomacy as a sign of weakness.
All educators know that children learn most by what we do and not by what we say. Our violent, bully example does not teach the following:
- Winning is holding one to one’s core values no matter what someone else does or does not do.
- Long term no one wins a violent conflict. Violence costs everyone financially, emotionally and spiritually.
- Most people have more in common than they do differences.
- If we set aside labels we are likely to find that most people want the same thing.
- Humans are very creative when they are invested in the outcome.
- Once humans have decided that X is not an option they tend to find other options. Thus, if a leader decides that violence is not an option, their strength lies in the fact that nothing the other person can do will cause them to be violent. That does not mean that the non-violent person is passive.
Bigger Thomas in Richard Wright’s novel after being threatened by the police officers finally says to the officers, “Man there ain’t nothing you can do except kill me and that ain’t nothin.” (This may not be an exact quote as it is from my memory) Although one would rather not die just yet, all one really owns in this brief life is one’s integrity. If integrity is defined as winning and winning is defined as holding on to core values then is going to strive to only engage in behavior that is consistent with those core values.
Most of us will find that it is helpful to regularly remind ourselves of our core values. Some examples of my core values are:
- To treat others the way I want to be treated.
- To take responsibility for my behavior and not blame any other person or organization.
- To take care of myself to the best of my ability – emotionally, nutritionally, physically and spiritually – so that I am more likely to function the way I want to function.
- To remind myself frequently that I will do best if I practice the serenity prayer.
- To be non-violent physically, emotionally, and financially and spiritually.
Obviously none of us are at our best all the time. Yet, if one is very intentional about one’s goals, one is more likely to be able to live accordingly to one’s core values. If we want to teach children to live according to core values, we have to model that behavior and elect leaders who will model that behavior.
Written April 2, 2018
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