Dear Santa
I mean no disrespect but you may have noticed that you and those silly reindeer have been replaced by Alexa and, in some cases, by less personal assistants such as Google Home.
Your little toy factory was, as we all know, very limited. Alexa has no such limits. She is able to gather toys and other gifts from around the world and deliver them quickly for a low annual fee.
There may have been a time when it was thought charming and somewhat quaint for you to fill the stocking with fruit and candy and leave some other gift which may or may not have been close to what was actually ordered. Often it was not and to put it bluntly your return policy sucked. Oh, sure you eventually included return slip receipts, but most of the time one was stuck with the results of your sloppiness or failure to listen in the first place.
You will need to turn over your Santa costume and accessories to Alexa since she will be posing as you until the adults accept the change. You may have noticed or been informed that children now do their own shopping all year long. Alexa is available 24/7 365 days’ year.
I am sure that you can order your own milk and cookies. I am including a one year subscription to Amazon Prime and an Amazon echo. Just be aware that anything you order will be charged to your credit card. Your days of free milk and cookies in exchanged for one night of often poor service are over. Please don’t think that I am ungrateful for the limited services you and Mrs. Clause provided in that same soot covered, rather ratty, red suit for many years.
As Heraclitus reminded us the only constant is change. Did you not pay attention when he was talking? Really! You have had hundreds of years to plan for retirement. I cannot help it if you decided to put all our money into making more toys. Perhaps there is a greeter position opened at Walmart. I am sorry to report that, unlike certain Google employees, you will not be receiving a $90,000,000.00 severance package for unacceptable behavior.
I remain arrogantly and ungratefully yours,
Ebenezer Scrooge
Written November 1, 2018
I mean no disrespect but you may have noticed that you and those silly reindeer have been replaced by Alexa and, in some cases, by less personal assistants such as Google Home.
Your little toy factory was, as we all know, very limited. Alexa has no such limits. She is able to gather toys and other gifts from around the world and deliver them quickly for a low annual fee.
There may have been a time when it was thought charming and somewhat quaint for you to fill the stocking with fruit and candy and leave some other gift which may or may not have been close to what was actually ordered. Often it was not and to put it bluntly your return policy sucked. Oh, sure you eventually included return slip receipts, but most of the time one was stuck with the results of your sloppiness or failure to listen in the first place.
You will need to turn over your Santa costume and accessories to Alexa since she will be posing as you until the adults accept the change. You may have noticed or been informed that children now do their own shopping all year long. Alexa is available 24/7 365 days’ year.
I am sure that you can order your own milk and cookies. I am including a one year subscription to Amazon Prime and an Amazon echo. Just be aware that anything you order will be charged to your credit card. Your days of free milk and cookies in exchanged for one night of often poor service are over. Please don’t think that I am ungrateful for the limited services you and Mrs. Clause provided in that same soot covered, rather ratty, red suit for many years.
As Heraclitus reminded us the only constant is change. Did you not pay attention when he was talking? Really! You have had hundreds of years to plan for retirement. I cannot help it if you decided to put all our money into making more toys. Perhaps there is a greeter position opened at Walmart. I am sorry to report that, unlike certain Google employees, you will not be receiving a $90,000,000.00 severance package for unacceptable behavior.
I remain arrogantly and ungratefully yours,
Ebenezer Scrooge
Written November 1, 2018
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