Decision making
More often than I would like – once is too often – I open mouth and insert foot which is to say that I do not make a conscious decision about how to respond to a person or situation. I just react. Just this morning I had a call about an insurance claim one of my clients had submitted. I thought I had submitted the information the exact way they made me submit it last time. Rather than just saying thank you for letting me know and redoing the claim I had to tell the person at least two or three times that they need to be consistent with what they want so I do not have to resubmit to the client who then resubmits to the insurance company. I am sure that I sounded frustrated and critical. The manner in which I responded was not consistent with my core values.
My goal is to make decisions based on my core values. That is, I want to patiently check in with my core values before I initiate action. I also want to take responsibility for my decisions. Saying that I just did something or just reacted can make it seem as if I am ignoring the fact that I made a decision to not step back before responding. When I step back I can check in with my core values before making a decision.
If I want to keep my core values in the forefront of my mind I need to periodically write them down to see how clear they are. My core values are:
Obviously, the particular wording of core values is very personal - the wording of core values is also a work in process. When I am intentional about my decision making, and use my core values to evaluate my decisions prior to actions, my chances of taking action which serve me and others well is much better.
Using core values as the criteria for making a decision does not always lead to feeling good about a decision. For example, I just met with a father whose daughter is in addiction relapse mode. There is no way of knowing what decisions will be most helpful. If he does too much for her she will never learn how strong she is or can be. If he does do little to help her she could end up dead. No matter what he does she still might end up dead. He knows whatever he does, he wants to do with love. Yet, recovery must be her decision. He wants to treat her with love and respect even if she is not able to accept or experience his behavior as loving. He can share his decision-making process with others who know about addiction. Even then there are no guarantees.
For today, using my core values I will make the best decisions possible. When possible, I will share my decision-making process with others whose values I trust. For today, this is the best I can do.
Written February 20, 2018
More often than I would like – once is too often – I open mouth and insert foot which is to say that I do not make a conscious decision about how to respond to a person or situation. I just react. Just this morning I had a call about an insurance claim one of my clients had submitted. I thought I had submitted the information the exact way they made me submit it last time. Rather than just saying thank you for letting me know and redoing the claim I had to tell the person at least two or three times that they need to be consistent with what they want so I do not have to resubmit to the client who then resubmits to the insurance company. I am sure that I sounded frustrated and critical. The manner in which I responded was not consistent with my core values.
My goal is to make decisions based on my core values. That is, I want to patiently check in with my core values before I initiate action. I also want to take responsibility for my decisions. Saying that I just did something or just reacted can make it seem as if I am ignoring the fact that I made a decision to not step back before responding. When I step back I can check in with my core values before making a decision.
If I want to keep my core values in the forefront of my mind I need to periodically write them down to see how clear they are. My core values are:
- Take daily responsibility for the care of my body – emotionally, nutritionally, physically, and spiritually.
- Treat myself and others with love and respect.
- Look at long term results of a decision or action.
- Accept responsibility for my actions.
- Make amends when I am hurtful.
- Accept my humanness without making excuses for my behavior.
- Accept that my behavior affects many others and strive to do no harm.
- Let go of attachments – do not make other people, places or things responsible for my health or well-being.
Obviously, the particular wording of core values is very personal - the wording of core values is also a work in process. When I am intentional about my decision making, and use my core values to evaluate my decisions prior to actions, my chances of taking action which serve me and others well is much better.
Using core values as the criteria for making a decision does not always lead to feeling good about a decision. For example, I just met with a father whose daughter is in addiction relapse mode. There is no way of knowing what decisions will be most helpful. If he does too much for her she will never learn how strong she is or can be. If he does do little to help her she could end up dead. No matter what he does she still might end up dead. He knows whatever he does, he wants to do with love. Yet, recovery must be her decision. He wants to treat her with love and respect even if she is not able to accept or experience his behavior as loving. He can share his decision-making process with others who know about addiction. Even then there are no guarantees.
For today, using my core values I will make the best decisions possible. When possible, I will share my decision-making process with others whose values I trust. For today, this is the best I can do.
Written February 20, 2018
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