Do not feed the dragon
For many of us anticipated change - positive and negative - can result in anxiety which ranges from mild to acute. Some anxiety is, on the whole, positive. We are eagerly awaiting a future event and very hopeful that all will go as planned. Some anxiety is, on the other hand, very negative. We anticipate all that could possibly go wrong. We build the worst possible scenarios in our minds.
The irony is, of course:
Change is inevitable whether we anticipate it or not.
Control is an illusion
The pre-Socratic philosopher Heraclitus famously said, “You cannot step into the same river twice.” Obviously the water, and sides, the debris, and the floor or bottom, of the river are in a constant state of flux. It might be true there is something which we all agree to call a river. I live next to what all have agreed to call the Ohio River. On any given day one can point to it and almost everyone is willing to name it the Ohio River. Unless the water level is particularly high or low it will appear to be the same. Yet anyone who daily navigates the river will be acutely aware that it is a constantly changing phenomenon which one needs to respect if one wants to be safe,
Daily I make a schedule knowing that it is tentative. I must be prepared to deal with what commands my attention at any given moment. I “know” this to be a fact and, yet, for the most part, I act as if I am in control. I may even schedule time to return phone calls or attend to other matters which are not on the “fixed” schedule. I know that clients may or may not show; a session with a client may or may not go well; the power may stay on or go off; or I may suddenly get ill or get a phone call summoning me to the bedside of a loved one or some other “emergency”. I can trust myself to deal effectively with life on life’s terms. I have a long track record of doing that. I may have a lot of grief and mourning when a loved one dies, particularly when unexpected. I may be very sad when my son decides to cut off contact. I may tell myself I am heart broken when my “forever love” runs off with someone else. I may get concerned about finances when suddenly I have a large unplanned expense. I may temporarily feel overwhelmed when the basement floods or a semi side swipes my car causing $5500.00 in damages. Yet, for 80 years and some months I have dealt with everything life has thrown at me.
Clearly, there is no logical “reason” for anxiety over present or future events. Most of us know or our record will attest to the fact that we are well equipped to handle life events. This may mean asking someone else for help or hiring an expert.
The paradox is that as soon as I accept that I am powerless - that I have no control - the quicker I can relax and access what I need to deal with life on life’s terms. In other words, I gain power by accepting my powerlessness.
Some anxiety is that free floating sort which just appears for no apparent reason at all. It may arrive as a general declaration one cannot hand life on life’s terms; that one needs to fearful of life in general. It is important that one still treat it the same as one does anxiety which is triggered by a specific event. Whether or not there is any evidence that one is in danger one needs to remind oneself that one can and will deal with life on life’s terms. It is safe to take a break and focus on breathing while reminding oneself that the feelings are lying about one’s ability to deal with anything life presents. On may not want to deal with certain situations but one can do so. Every time one allows the anxiety to be in charge one is feeding it and guaranteeing that it will be stronger next time. One must not feed the dragon of anxiety.
Written September 29, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
For many of us anticipated change - positive and negative - can result in anxiety which ranges from mild to acute. Some anxiety is, on the whole, positive. We are eagerly awaiting a future event and very hopeful that all will go as planned. Some anxiety is, on the other hand, very negative. We anticipate all that could possibly go wrong. We build the worst possible scenarios in our minds.
The irony is, of course:
Change is inevitable whether we anticipate it or not.
Control is an illusion
The pre-Socratic philosopher Heraclitus famously said, “You cannot step into the same river twice.” Obviously the water, and sides, the debris, and the floor or bottom, of the river are in a constant state of flux. It might be true there is something which we all agree to call a river. I live next to what all have agreed to call the Ohio River. On any given day one can point to it and almost everyone is willing to name it the Ohio River. Unless the water level is particularly high or low it will appear to be the same. Yet anyone who daily navigates the river will be acutely aware that it is a constantly changing phenomenon which one needs to respect if one wants to be safe,
Daily I make a schedule knowing that it is tentative. I must be prepared to deal with what commands my attention at any given moment. I “know” this to be a fact and, yet, for the most part, I act as if I am in control. I may even schedule time to return phone calls or attend to other matters which are not on the “fixed” schedule. I know that clients may or may not show; a session with a client may or may not go well; the power may stay on or go off; or I may suddenly get ill or get a phone call summoning me to the bedside of a loved one or some other “emergency”. I can trust myself to deal effectively with life on life’s terms. I have a long track record of doing that. I may have a lot of grief and mourning when a loved one dies, particularly when unexpected. I may be very sad when my son decides to cut off contact. I may tell myself I am heart broken when my “forever love” runs off with someone else. I may get concerned about finances when suddenly I have a large unplanned expense. I may temporarily feel overwhelmed when the basement floods or a semi side swipes my car causing $5500.00 in damages. Yet, for 80 years and some months I have dealt with everything life has thrown at me.
Clearly, there is no logical “reason” for anxiety over present or future events. Most of us know or our record will attest to the fact that we are well equipped to handle life events. This may mean asking someone else for help or hiring an expert.
The paradox is that as soon as I accept that I am powerless - that I have no control - the quicker I can relax and access what I need to deal with life on life’s terms. In other words, I gain power by accepting my powerlessness.
Some anxiety is that free floating sort which just appears for no apparent reason at all. It may arrive as a general declaration one cannot hand life on life’s terms; that one needs to fearful of life in general. It is important that one still treat it the same as one does anxiety which is triggered by a specific event. Whether or not there is any evidence that one is in danger one needs to remind oneself that one can and will deal with life on life’s terms. It is safe to take a break and focus on breathing while reminding oneself that the feelings are lying about one’s ability to deal with anything life presents. On may not want to deal with certain situations but one can do so. Every time one allows the anxiety to be in charge one is feeding it and guaranteeing that it will be stronger next time. One must not feed the dragon of anxiety.
Written September 29, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
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