Don’t Feed the Dragon
Many factors affect one’s experience of the world. Changes in the chemical balance of the brain, physical pain, past or current traumatic events, and even the weather can cause one to experience reality as dark, negative, hopeless, isolating, and overall painful. At such times, it would seem as if one is getting an accurate picture of the world as it is. In fact, often at such times it may seem as if one experiencing the world as it really is, has been and will always be. While it feels as if there is no other possible reality, depending on one’s past experience, there may be a faint voice which reminds one that has not always have been the case and does not have to be the case for the future. Often, however that voice in our head is so weak compared to the shout of the negative voice that one finds it impossible to use the weaker voice to correct the loud voice. One may then agree with the loud voice and repeat the messages it is shouting at one. Instead of saying, “At this moment, it feels as if there is no hope.” one says, “There is no hope.” Instead of saying, “My world feels dark and as if no one is there to support me.” One says, “My world is dark and there is no one thee to support me.” I call this feeding the dragon of negativity/depression. The more I feed the dragon the more it grows. The more it grows the more I feed it.
Often the role of therapy, a medication such as an anti-depressant, or a friend is to help one quit feeding the dragon. This can be difficult for a friend or a therapist because the depressed person may “hear” the friend or therapist as saying that they are doing something wrong which may then be another way of feeding the dragon. The truth is that it FEELS as if all is negative, but the feelings are only experiencing a part of the truth. There are other truths which sit alongside of the truth of the depression/negativity.
Sometimes helping someone who is in the midst of feeding the dragon is as simple as active listening. Just parroting back what the person is saying, may, at times allow them to hear and correct what they are saying. Sometimes the person is open to some coaching in not feeding the dragon – just noticing the negative feelings without accepting them as the only truth. Sometimes the clinical depression is so intense that some medication to correct the chemical imbalance is necessary. The worst thing a person can do with the dragon of negativity is visiting is to isolate. When one is isolating one tends to be more vulnerable to feeding the dragon and, thus, getting worse and worse.
On any given day, there are many realities. My friend Becky calls rain liquid sunshine. She and I also tend to label many experiences as a nuisance as opposed to labeling them is very painful, terrible, awful, devastating, etc. Pema Chodron, the spiritual teacher, suggests that one just practice noticing thoughts without labeling them as good or bad, right or wrong, accurate or inaccurate. She is, of course, beginning with the belief that there are many possible realities
Today the temperature was 45 when I went to the gym. I experienced it as tickling my skin in a most delightful way. My friend J experienced it as cold and uncomfortable. Someone else did not seem to notice it and, thus, did not label it. All three realities were accurate. None, were, of course, the only reality.
N + N = 2 N (N = negativity). N + 0 = N. N + P (positive) = small p or neutral. N + 2P = P
Not feeding the dragon often takes what seems like a herculean effort, but with help and practice we can all learn not to feed the dragon.
Written October 18, 2017
Many factors affect one’s experience of the world. Changes in the chemical balance of the brain, physical pain, past or current traumatic events, and even the weather can cause one to experience reality as dark, negative, hopeless, isolating, and overall painful. At such times, it would seem as if one is getting an accurate picture of the world as it is. In fact, often at such times it may seem as if one experiencing the world as it really is, has been and will always be. While it feels as if there is no other possible reality, depending on one’s past experience, there may be a faint voice which reminds one that has not always have been the case and does not have to be the case for the future. Often, however that voice in our head is so weak compared to the shout of the negative voice that one finds it impossible to use the weaker voice to correct the loud voice. One may then agree with the loud voice and repeat the messages it is shouting at one. Instead of saying, “At this moment, it feels as if there is no hope.” one says, “There is no hope.” Instead of saying, “My world feels dark and as if no one is there to support me.” One says, “My world is dark and there is no one thee to support me.” I call this feeding the dragon of negativity/depression. The more I feed the dragon the more it grows. The more it grows the more I feed it.
Often the role of therapy, a medication such as an anti-depressant, or a friend is to help one quit feeding the dragon. This can be difficult for a friend or a therapist because the depressed person may “hear” the friend or therapist as saying that they are doing something wrong which may then be another way of feeding the dragon. The truth is that it FEELS as if all is negative, but the feelings are only experiencing a part of the truth. There are other truths which sit alongside of the truth of the depression/negativity.
Sometimes helping someone who is in the midst of feeding the dragon is as simple as active listening. Just parroting back what the person is saying, may, at times allow them to hear and correct what they are saying. Sometimes the person is open to some coaching in not feeding the dragon – just noticing the negative feelings without accepting them as the only truth. Sometimes the clinical depression is so intense that some medication to correct the chemical imbalance is necessary. The worst thing a person can do with the dragon of negativity is visiting is to isolate. When one is isolating one tends to be more vulnerable to feeding the dragon and, thus, getting worse and worse.
On any given day, there are many realities. My friend Becky calls rain liquid sunshine. She and I also tend to label many experiences as a nuisance as opposed to labeling them is very painful, terrible, awful, devastating, etc. Pema Chodron, the spiritual teacher, suggests that one just practice noticing thoughts without labeling them as good or bad, right or wrong, accurate or inaccurate. She is, of course, beginning with the belief that there are many possible realities
Today the temperature was 45 when I went to the gym. I experienced it as tickling my skin in a most delightful way. My friend J experienced it as cold and uncomfortable. Someone else did not seem to notice it and, thus, did not label it. All three realities were accurate. None, were, of course, the only reality.
N + N = 2 N (N = negativity). N + 0 = N. N + P (positive) = small p or neutral. N + 2P = P
Not feeding the dragon often takes what seems like a herculean effort, but with help and practice we can all learn not to feed the dragon.
Written October 18, 2017
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