Dualistic thinking
As the July 4th holiday in the United States approaches, some will have the luxury of having a long weekend and being able to plan and spend time with loved ones. Since it is summer many will gather in parks and other public spaces. There will be food, games, perhaps music and for some so called recreational drugs including alcohol. Some will drink or use more than is normal for them and, if lucky, will have arranged their plans so that they do not drive or otherwise endanger themselves and others. Some will intentionally get drunk, stoned or high. Many of those who do so will be fine. They will be happy and perhaps even silly or just pleasantly zoned out. Although their behavior may shift parenting or other duties onto their partners, as long as it is not a frequent occurrence there may not be any significant negative consequences. Some will deliberately choose a type of alcohol or other substance which has a history of making them mean or at the very least very unpleasant. Few, if any, of these people have the disease of alcoholism or other drug addictions. Those with addictions will behave the same as they normally do although some may use the holiday as their excuse de jour.
I will not increase my alcohol use or do any other recreational drugs this weekend. I am blessed to not have an addictive disease. In fact, I have never had the experience of getting drunk. If I drink more than a glass or two of wine or two beers I do not pass go on my way to the bathroom. I never reach that stage of numbness or happy loss of inhibition before I get ill. Thus, there is no attraction to getting drunk or high for me. I do not like to be physically sick and the thought of losing control is frightening to me. I like having a reasonably clear mind and being able to have a considered response to whatever life throws my way. Naturally I know that, at another level, control is also an illusion. Still, I like both the reality and the illusion of control. Fortunately, I can be pretty silly and uninhibited without any chemical assistance.
When others talk about the pleasure of getting drunk or high I cannot identify with them or even be particularly empathetic. I do believe and accept that others cannot understand why I would not enjoy getting high or numbing my feelings just as I cannot understand why getting high and/or numbing feelings is pleasurable for many. Furthermore, I really have a difficult time accepting that some otherwise sane person would use some substance which has the potential of making them act angry and mean only to have to make amends later. Obviously, at some level there is enough pleasure or benefit from the experience to make the risk worthwhile.
Most readers know that in addition to being a Licensed Professional Counselor I am also a Certified Addiction counselor. Those who know either my personal history of the minimal use of alcohol and complete avoidance of other recreational drugs and/or my status as an addition counselor are not likely to invite me to gatherings this weekend which include drinking or the use of other drugs as an activity. I am not talking about being invited to a gathering which include a glass or two of alcohol consumed during a meal or a visit. In that case I am not, in the words of a friend with whom I talked this morning, being invited to partly. I am being invited to visit while incidentally enjoying a drink or two. Having a nonparty person at a gathering which includes partying is not fun for the nonparty person or the rest of the gathering. It makes everyone uncomfortable. I am likely to have a much better time at home reading a good book. If I have a moment of loneliness or of being left out, I may need to remind myself that I am alone by choice. I can always call or visit some of my friends who do not party. Some of those may even be in recovery and will be very welcoming if I join them.
There could be a tendency for the party folks to judge the nonparty folks. There is just as likely to be a tendency for the nonparty folks to judge the party folks. One could even be a bit self-righteous or arrogant which may be just as unattractive. I can certainly own the fact that, for whatever reasons, I am uncomfortable being around folks who may be getting drunk or high. I do not need to explain or justify my choice. I do not have judge others or think I am superior in some ways. It is true that I am different than those who enjoy or are okay with getting drunk or otherwise high just as they are different than I am.
One of my ongoing spiritual goals has been to let go of my habit of labeling persons, actions, or situations as good or bad, right or wrong, moral or immoral. I am kept quite busy choosing what seems best for me in this moment. These decisions are not about attempting to be better than or competing with others. In fact, they have nothing to do with others. Obviously, what is best for me does not adversely affect or harm others nor does it harm mother nature. For this human, non-dualistic thinking does not seem to come “naturally”. For today I want to be very intentional about noticing and gently letting go of such thinking. This holiday weekend in the United States may be a rich opportunity to practice that intention.
Written June 29, 2017
As the July 4th holiday in the United States approaches, some will have the luxury of having a long weekend and being able to plan and spend time with loved ones. Since it is summer many will gather in parks and other public spaces. There will be food, games, perhaps music and for some so called recreational drugs including alcohol. Some will drink or use more than is normal for them and, if lucky, will have arranged their plans so that they do not drive or otherwise endanger themselves and others. Some will intentionally get drunk, stoned or high. Many of those who do so will be fine. They will be happy and perhaps even silly or just pleasantly zoned out. Although their behavior may shift parenting or other duties onto their partners, as long as it is not a frequent occurrence there may not be any significant negative consequences. Some will deliberately choose a type of alcohol or other substance which has a history of making them mean or at the very least very unpleasant. Few, if any, of these people have the disease of alcoholism or other drug addictions. Those with addictions will behave the same as they normally do although some may use the holiday as their excuse de jour.
I will not increase my alcohol use or do any other recreational drugs this weekend. I am blessed to not have an addictive disease. In fact, I have never had the experience of getting drunk. If I drink more than a glass or two of wine or two beers I do not pass go on my way to the bathroom. I never reach that stage of numbness or happy loss of inhibition before I get ill. Thus, there is no attraction to getting drunk or high for me. I do not like to be physically sick and the thought of losing control is frightening to me. I like having a reasonably clear mind and being able to have a considered response to whatever life throws my way. Naturally I know that, at another level, control is also an illusion. Still, I like both the reality and the illusion of control. Fortunately, I can be pretty silly and uninhibited without any chemical assistance.
When others talk about the pleasure of getting drunk or high I cannot identify with them or even be particularly empathetic. I do believe and accept that others cannot understand why I would not enjoy getting high or numbing my feelings just as I cannot understand why getting high and/or numbing feelings is pleasurable for many. Furthermore, I really have a difficult time accepting that some otherwise sane person would use some substance which has the potential of making them act angry and mean only to have to make amends later. Obviously, at some level there is enough pleasure or benefit from the experience to make the risk worthwhile.
Most readers know that in addition to being a Licensed Professional Counselor I am also a Certified Addiction counselor. Those who know either my personal history of the minimal use of alcohol and complete avoidance of other recreational drugs and/or my status as an addition counselor are not likely to invite me to gatherings this weekend which include drinking or the use of other drugs as an activity. I am not talking about being invited to a gathering which include a glass or two of alcohol consumed during a meal or a visit. In that case I am not, in the words of a friend with whom I talked this morning, being invited to partly. I am being invited to visit while incidentally enjoying a drink or two. Having a nonparty person at a gathering which includes partying is not fun for the nonparty person or the rest of the gathering. It makes everyone uncomfortable. I am likely to have a much better time at home reading a good book. If I have a moment of loneliness or of being left out, I may need to remind myself that I am alone by choice. I can always call or visit some of my friends who do not party. Some of those may even be in recovery and will be very welcoming if I join them.
There could be a tendency for the party folks to judge the nonparty folks. There is just as likely to be a tendency for the nonparty folks to judge the party folks. One could even be a bit self-righteous or arrogant which may be just as unattractive. I can certainly own the fact that, for whatever reasons, I am uncomfortable being around folks who may be getting drunk or high. I do not need to explain or justify my choice. I do not have judge others or think I am superior in some ways. It is true that I am different than those who enjoy or are okay with getting drunk or otherwise high just as they are different than I am.
One of my ongoing spiritual goals has been to let go of my habit of labeling persons, actions, or situations as good or bad, right or wrong, moral or immoral. I am kept quite busy choosing what seems best for me in this moment. These decisions are not about attempting to be better than or competing with others. In fact, they have nothing to do with others. Obviously, what is best for me does not adversely affect or harm others nor does it harm mother nature. For this human, non-dualistic thinking does not seem to come “naturally”. For today I want to be very intentional about noticing and gently letting go of such thinking. This holiday weekend in the United States may be a rich opportunity to practice that intention.
Written June 29, 2017
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