Embracing the bruises
On a recent Sunday, I had the opportunity to hear Bishop Carlton Pearson speak at the Tulsa, Oklahoma All Souls Unitarian Church service. I had long been aware of Bishop because of the movie Come Sunday. I had also long been aware of the boxes into which his mentor, Oral Roberto’s, places us humans. Bishop’s refusal to allow those boxes to continue to limit his relationship with the god of his understanding and, thus, his ministry led to his being disowned as Oral Roberts’ adopted son and the leaders of the mega church or the religious organization who had groomed him to be a mouthpiece for the god of their understanding.
Sunday, Bishop spoke about the need to not only count our blessings but to count our bruises. Although he did not mention the Bible passage asserting that “All things work together for good.” he did stress the important role of owning our bruises in developing the muscles which prepare us to face and survive the emotional, physical, spiritual, political, and cultural pain which accompanies us on this life journey. He talked about his recent experience of needing to get some shots in his fingers and the importance of being with the pain of the shots underneath his nails, rather than fighting or avoiding it. This experience is seemingly a metaphor for the many bruises which he has accumulated from: some representing the established so-called Christian Church, the grief of multiple losses, the struggle to love unconditionally even the seemingly self centered, the racism he as a black man living in these United States endures, as well as the other daily bruises which we humans accumulate in all our relationships.
As a licensed counselor trained in clinical psychology, a certified addiction therapist and a person who is always in the process of coming to terms with his own humanness, I have long known that it is our relationship with anxiety, depression, pain, disappointment, powerlessness, and all the other emotional, physical and spiritual visitors we encounter on this life journey which needs to be addressed if we are to move forward in this life journey. Anxiety or fear, for example, arrives and tells us a story which is at best a half truth. It may tell us that we are weak or fragile and unable to cope with whatever life presents. Depression may arrive and block out the automatic seeing of colors (positives) and movement (asserting that all is dark, all has always been dark, and all will always be dark). I might say to a client when I am seeing them in person, “Look for the fresh flowers which are always in my office.” The positives are always present. In the midst of a car accident, some kind person stops to help, or I remember that it is just a car, and I am blessed to have insurance. I discover that all body parts are still attached to my body. In the midst of my grief someone offers a hug, a homemade casserole, to water my garden, brings fresh milk and coffee or quietly sit with me.
My goal is to be both the participant (the one having an experience) and the observer who, as Bishop Pearson reminds us, remembers the strength which has allowed us to survive numerous bruises or even broken bones, relationship or failed work/business experience . My Buddhist teacher would suggest that when anxiety, fear or other emotions or situations visit the goal is to just notice and not label. When Bishop Pearson needs to get a shot or injection with a needle, he has trained himself to face the needle; to know that he is not the discomfort. He may experience discomfort or even acute pain, but the observer has a history which has stored the strength he needs to deal with the discomfort/pain. In Bishop’s case, as a man of faith in the god of his understanding, he knows he is not alone. He also knows that the legion of ancestors who survived the terrible cruelty of slavery and Jim Crow accompany him on his journey as does the living individuals he has allowed to love and support him. As my Buddhist teacher suggests he does not need to label the experience as good, bad, painful, or terrible. Labeling it added to the story he tells himself. The experience can and does exist without one labeling it or adding to the story. It just is. All are this strong, capable, persons who never have to be alone.
Just for today, as Bishop Pearson recommends, “We can embrace and honor the story which the bruises remember. We are strong. We are not alone.” As Gloria Gaynor reminded us, ‘We will Survive’. “And as long as I know how to love, I know I’ll stay alive.” (Song “I Will Survive” written by Dino Fekaris, Anthony Dent, Beyoncé Gisselle Knowles, Matthew Knowles and Frederick J Perren)
Written August 24, 2021
Jimmy F Pickett
Coachpickett.org
On a recent Sunday, I had the opportunity to hear Bishop Carlton Pearson speak at the Tulsa, Oklahoma All Souls Unitarian Church service. I had long been aware of Bishop because of the movie Come Sunday. I had also long been aware of the boxes into which his mentor, Oral Roberto’s, places us humans. Bishop’s refusal to allow those boxes to continue to limit his relationship with the god of his understanding and, thus, his ministry led to his being disowned as Oral Roberts’ adopted son and the leaders of the mega church or the religious organization who had groomed him to be a mouthpiece for the god of their understanding.
Sunday, Bishop spoke about the need to not only count our blessings but to count our bruises. Although he did not mention the Bible passage asserting that “All things work together for good.” he did stress the important role of owning our bruises in developing the muscles which prepare us to face and survive the emotional, physical, spiritual, political, and cultural pain which accompanies us on this life journey. He talked about his recent experience of needing to get some shots in his fingers and the importance of being with the pain of the shots underneath his nails, rather than fighting or avoiding it. This experience is seemingly a metaphor for the many bruises which he has accumulated from: some representing the established so-called Christian Church, the grief of multiple losses, the struggle to love unconditionally even the seemingly self centered, the racism he as a black man living in these United States endures, as well as the other daily bruises which we humans accumulate in all our relationships.
As a licensed counselor trained in clinical psychology, a certified addiction therapist and a person who is always in the process of coming to terms with his own humanness, I have long known that it is our relationship with anxiety, depression, pain, disappointment, powerlessness, and all the other emotional, physical and spiritual visitors we encounter on this life journey which needs to be addressed if we are to move forward in this life journey. Anxiety or fear, for example, arrives and tells us a story which is at best a half truth. It may tell us that we are weak or fragile and unable to cope with whatever life presents. Depression may arrive and block out the automatic seeing of colors (positives) and movement (asserting that all is dark, all has always been dark, and all will always be dark). I might say to a client when I am seeing them in person, “Look for the fresh flowers which are always in my office.” The positives are always present. In the midst of a car accident, some kind person stops to help, or I remember that it is just a car, and I am blessed to have insurance. I discover that all body parts are still attached to my body. In the midst of my grief someone offers a hug, a homemade casserole, to water my garden, brings fresh milk and coffee or quietly sit with me.
My goal is to be both the participant (the one having an experience) and the observer who, as Bishop Pearson reminds us, remembers the strength which has allowed us to survive numerous bruises or even broken bones, relationship or failed work/business experience . My Buddhist teacher would suggest that when anxiety, fear or other emotions or situations visit the goal is to just notice and not label. When Bishop Pearson needs to get a shot or injection with a needle, he has trained himself to face the needle; to know that he is not the discomfort. He may experience discomfort or even acute pain, but the observer has a history which has stored the strength he needs to deal with the discomfort/pain. In Bishop’s case, as a man of faith in the god of his understanding, he knows he is not alone. He also knows that the legion of ancestors who survived the terrible cruelty of slavery and Jim Crow accompany him on his journey as does the living individuals he has allowed to love and support him. As my Buddhist teacher suggests he does not need to label the experience as good, bad, painful, or terrible. Labeling it added to the story he tells himself. The experience can and does exist without one labeling it or adding to the story. It just is. All are this strong, capable, persons who never have to be alone.
Just for today, as Bishop Pearson recommends, “We can embrace and honor the story which the bruises remember. We are strong. We are not alone.” As Gloria Gaynor reminded us, ‘We will Survive’. “And as long as I know how to love, I know I’ll stay alive.” (Song “I Will Survive” written by Dino Fekaris, Anthony Dent, Beyoncé Gisselle Knowles, Matthew Knowles and Frederick J Perren)
Written August 24, 2021
Jimmy F Pickett
Coachpickett.org
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