Emotional maturity
It would be ideal if all children were born to parents
The reality is, of course, that conception does not require that any of these conditions be met. Many of us or perhaps most of us are born into messy homes, communities and national situations. We are also born with our own set of strengths and weaknesses. Some parents will have an acute or choric illness. That illness may affect how we think and how we function. We may have autism, a depressive illness, childhood diabetes or some other condition. Our parents may also have chronic illness or other internal or externa conditions which prevented them providing a safe home conducive to preparing children for adulthood.
By the time most of us need to assume adult emotional responsibilities we may find we not well prepared. If not careful, we will blame our parents and spent the next 5 or 70 years feeling and acting like a victim. We may not have realized that all of us are going to reach adulthood needing some additional parenting. It is up to that adult part us to finish raising that child within us. This will require:
My experience has been that when I was ready to accept a teacher/mentor and the lessons they were willing to teach/share they were always available no matter how inaccessible they seemed prior to that moment.
If one does not stop to gather the emotional truths and tools one needs one will often find oneself feeding the lies and using the self-defeating tools one learned to use as a child. Misery will pile on top of misery. One may be further prevented from completing this parenting job by telling oneself that one is educated and should not need to spend time on such basic needs or skills. Other, less competent people might need to do that but surely a person with a Harvard graduate degree does not need to finish raising that child within oneself which is undeveloped. The truth is, of course, that indeed that Harvard post-doctoral student may be emotionally functioning at the 5-year-old kicking, screaming stage of life.
Emotional maturity is not a degreed program offered by expensive schools. It is a state of being which one learns by finishing or continuing the self-parenting job. That little child will not be beaten into submission. We have tried this in our prison systems. We have tried this in some of our religious institutions. It simply does not work.
We have to have a system for identifying and correcting the lies. We have to do the hard work demanded of both the child and the adult.
Written August 8, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
It would be ideal if all children were born to parents
- Who were emotionally, physically, and spiritually healthy.
- Who could promise to stay alive until the grandchildren were grown.
- Who could protect children from physical and emotional harm.
- Who could guarantee that war, famine and other forces would not touch any child.
The reality is, of course, that conception does not require that any of these conditions be met. Many of us or perhaps most of us are born into messy homes, communities and national situations. We are also born with our own set of strengths and weaknesses. Some parents will have an acute or choric illness. That illness may affect how we think and how we function. We may have autism, a depressive illness, childhood diabetes or some other condition. Our parents may also have chronic illness or other internal or externa conditions which prevented them providing a safe home conducive to preparing children for adulthood.
By the time most of us need to assume adult emotional responsibilities we may find we not well prepared. If not careful, we will blame our parents and spent the next 5 or 70 years feeling and acting like a victim. We may not have realized that all of us are going to reach adulthood needing some additional parenting. It is up to that adult part us to finish raising that child within us. This will require:
- Giving that child the unconditionally love needed to survive and thrive. (Symbolically setting that small child in one’s lap and assuring him or her one will be there for them no matter what.)
- Teaching them the emotional truths and skills/tools they will need to survive and thrive. (This may require the help of a therapist, mentor or others. Just as we would with a child we ensure that a way is found to make this help availabe.)
My experience has been that when I was ready to accept a teacher/mentor and the lessons they were willing to teach/share they were always available no matter how inaccessible they seemed prior to that moment.
If one does not stop to gather the emotional truths and tools one needs one will often find oneself feeding the lies and using the self-defeating tools one learned to use as a child. Misery will pile on top of misery. One may be further prevented from completing this parenting job by telling oneself that one is educated and should not need to spend time on such basic needs or skills. Other, less competent people might need to do that but surely a person with a Harvard graduate degree does not need to finish raising that child within oneself which is undeveloped. The truth is, of course, that indeed that Harvard post-doctoral student may be emotionally functioning at the 5-year-old kicking, screaming stage of life.
Emotional maturity is not a degreed program offered by expensive schools. It is a state of being which one learns by finishing or continuing the self-parenting job. That little child will not be beaten into submission. We have tried this in our prison systems. We have tried this in some of our religious institutions. It simply does not work.
We have to have a system for identifying and correcting the lies. We have to do the hard work demanded of both the child and the adult.
Written August 8, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
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