Empathy – criminalization – sex workers
I often in my writing allude to the fact that in the United States, as well as many other countries, we seemingly increasingly criminalize a variety of behavior at a great financial, emotional, and I suspect, spiritual cost to the individuals we label as criminals and to the community at large. As some others have remarked, we seem to criminalize behavior which we think is dangerous to the individual or the community as well as that which is not consistent with our personal sense of what is tasteful, right, ethical or moral. Some believe that what is unique about the United States is the contrast or discrepancy between how we think of ourselves and how others think of us. We seem to think of ourselves as this country which is peaceful/non-violent, accepting/inclusive, and non-judgmental. Yet, we lead so-called developed nations in the number of people we incarcerate, the length of time we keep them in jail, and the recidivism rate. Many of the acts we determine are criminal concern our sexual behavior.
Criminal behavior of a sexual nature which is considered criminal and which is often considered a felony in the United States includes:
Rape – physical force and/or statutory (age of consent varies as does age difference range).
Molestation – physical or other types of force/use of power differential against a child which is alleged to be sexual in nature.
Sexual assault – again, physical, emotional, use of any sort of power differential.
Sexual exploitation.
Sexual abuse of children.
Illegal distribution of obscene and other sexual material (possessing or distributing a sexually explicit photo).
Child pornography – these laws are generally written in such a way that they can and are used to convict someone who has material on their computer or otherwise in their possession which is considered sexual in nature. It can and has been used when there is intentional explicit sexual genital manipulation of a young child, when a young child is caught urinating on the lawn of his parent’s property, when a when a young child wants to play doctor with other children, or if a parent takes and has developed a photograph of a young child playing in a bathtub.
Indecent assault – touching another person in a way which is alleged to be intentionally sexual. (Has often been used in child custody cases by one parent who is very angry at the other parent.)
Prostitution/solicitation Generally vague enough to be applied in a variety of situations.
Using a bathroom for gender other than what is indicated on original birth certificate.
Sexual harassment – can be vague enough to permit charges in a variety of situations.
How these and related laws are applied changes over time in particular states or other localities. There have been laws in the United States (and still are in some other countries) which make it illegal to engage in a homosexual relationship, to perform oral sex, to have sex with an underage prostitute who lied about her age, for someone else to download pornography on one’s computer (one is frequently held responsible for what is on one’s computer even it is obvious that someone else had long distance or hands-on access to it).
Various religious groups forbid and in some places make it illegal to have any sexual contact outside of marriage. Oher religious groups make it illegal for a woman to commit adultery but it is not illegal for the man to do so.
In the United States, depending on the state in which one lives or in which one is convicted of an act which is considered illegal and sexual in nature, one can easily end up – often for life – on the sexual offender’s registry which limits where one can live, what jobs one can have, and whether one can have physical contact with children. These registries which contain charges and addresses of the individuals on it, are available to anyone. They can and often are used to shun or otherwise bully, ostracize, or harass individuals. Often people have little knowledge of the circumstances which resulted in the sexual offense designation.
Personally I grew up being told that there would be terrible results if one “played with oneself” or had sex outside of marriage. Yet, as I recall, there were some allowances made for crazy Uncle John or the aunt who got a divorce and was alleged to be “dating” someone. I did not know anyone who had same sex relationships or went to jail for rape or other sexual assault charges. I did know or hear of people who got pregnant in junior high and high school. I also knew or heard of people who got married at 14 or younger if they were pregnant. The person they married might be a peer or someone several years their senior. It was known that there were those got feisty and there were those who were accused of having sex outside the marriage.
I would be well into my adulthood before I learned that healthy people had sexual relationships with someone of the same gender, that many people other than kings and queens had sex with someone other than their spouse, that healthy everyday people had some elements of S and M in their sexual relationships, that many enjoyed oral sex, that there were swingers in small, church going neighborhoods, and that there were high- priced male call men as well as male prostitutes. I also learned that there were men who went to “adult bookstores” with glory holes frequented by men who considered themselves heterosexual but who enjoy oral sex even if the mouth was not that of their spouse or even that of a woman. These men call themselves men who have sex with men. I also learned that many women had sex outside their marriage.
I met women who were sex workers or escorts, or “wives who “gave” sex to their husbands to stay in a marriage which was financially comfortable.
In recent years sexting has become possible for both young people and adults. Although not everyone would suffer the fate of Congressman Weiner and have his sexting photo of his bulging underwear distributed to the masses, it soon became apparent that sending photos of oneself in various stages of sexual arousal was not limited to teenagers whose brains were not fully developed and, thus, often impulsive.
We can now see ads on the television in our very public living rooms, on billboards and in newspapers featuring under garments which are clearly much more than utilitarian. Apparently, it is highly desirable for a most men to be able to attain an erection or most females to get aroused although it would appear, given the sale of enhancing drugs, that no males and possibly a significant number of females cannot do this without some chemical assistance.
At the same time, we continue to criminalize sex workers and often the people who use their services. New Zealand is one of the few countries which has decriminalized sex work. It did so in 2003.
Toni Mac, an English sex worker in a January 2016 Ted Talk entitled, “The laws that sex workers really want” reminds us:
“Decriminalization means the removal of laws that punitively target the sex industry, instead treating sex work much like any other kind of work. In New Zealand, people can work together for safety, and employers of sex workers are accountable to the state. A sex worker can refuse to see a client at any time, for any reason, and 96 percent of street workers report that they feel the law protects their rights. New Zealand hasn't actually seen an increase in the amount of people doing sex work, but decriminalizing it has made it a lot safer. But the lesson from New Zealand isn't just that its particular legislation is good, but that crucially, it was written in collaboration with sex workers; namely, the New Zealand Prostitutes' Collective. When it came to making sex work safer, they were ready to hear it straight from sex workers themselves.”
She also states:
“Here in the UK, I'm part of sex worker-led groups like the Sex Worker Open University and the English Collective of Prostitutes. And we form part of a global movement demanding decriminalization and self-determination” …
Sex workers are real people. We've had complicated experiences and complicated responses to those experiences. But our demands are not complicated. You can ask expensive escorts in New York City, brothel workers in Cambodia, street workers in South Africa and every girl on the roster at my old job in Soho, and they will all tell you the same thing. You can speak to millions of sex workers and countless sex work-led organizations. We want full decriminalization and labor rights as workers.”
Contrary to the myths which are responsible for the punitive laws and the resulting ruined lives:
We humans are very sexual beings beginning at birth and the sexual feelings become very powerful once we begin puberty although female and males hit their peak at different periods of their lives.
In most places in the world we are not worried about “wasting sperm” because we need to fertilize more human eggs which one are going to need to have more children.
Humans enjoy sexual activity for a variety of reasons in many variations.
We are not very successful, as a group, in being monogamous.
Most of us do not care what someone does sexually with another person who is able to freely consent.
Our children will be sexual whether we approve or disapprove. We have, for the most part, been lax in talking with them about how to deal with strong sexual feelings without shaming them.
There is a relatively small group of people who have a powerful, compulsive, or addictive attraction to sex with very young children. We need to make it safe for them to get help in exploring options for dealing with these feelings without hurting others.
We need to continue to make it safer for individuals to feel okay about their sexual feelings, their gender identity, and their need to make decisions about sexual behavior.
We need to educate children and adults about sexually transmitted diseases – how they are transmitted, the symptoms, and how to prevent them.
We need to review and change the laws about behavior which we may not like but which we cannot and should not legislate.
Like it or not many successful marriages consists of individuals with a wide difference in age.
We need to foster more talks and discussion in safe, respectful atmosphere such as the one by Toni Mac at Ted Talks.
Written May 23, 2016
I often in my writing allude to the fact that in the United States, as well as many other countries, we seemingly increasingly criminalize a variety of behavior at a great financial, emotional, and I suspect, spiritual cost to the individuals we label as criminals and to the community at large. As some others have remarked, we seem to criminalize behavior which we think is dangerous to the individual or the community as well as that which is not consistent with our personal sense of what is tasteful, right, ethical or moral. Some believe that what is unique about the United States is the contrast or discrepancy between how we think of ourselves and how others think of us. We seem to think of ourselves as this country which is peaceful/non-violent, accepting/inclusive, and non-judgmental. Yet, we lead so-called developed nations in the number of people we incarcerate, the length of time we keep them in jail, and the recidivism rate. Many of the acts we determine are criminal concern our sexual behavior.
Criminal behavior of a sexual nature which is considered criminal and which is often considered a felony in the United States includes:
Rape – physical force and/or statutory (age of consent varies as does age difference range).
Molestation – physical or other types of force/use of power differential against a child which is alleged to be sexual in nature.
Sexual assault – again, physical, emotional, use of any sort of power differential.
Sexual exploitation.
Sexual abuse of children.
Illegal distribution of obscene and other sexual material (possessing or distributing a sexually explicit photo).
Child pornography – these laws are generally written in such a way that they can and are used to convict someone who has material on their computer or otherwise in their possession which is considered sexual in nature. It can and has been used when there is intentional explicit sexual genital manipulation of a young child, when a young child is caught urinating on the lawn of his parent’s property, when a when a young child wants to play doctor with other children, or if a parent takes and has developed a photograph of a young child playing in a bathtub.
Indecent assault – touching another person in a way which is alleged to be intentionally sexual. (Has often been used in child custody cases by one parent who is very angry at the other parent.)
Prostitution/solicitation Generally vague enough to be applied in a variety of situations.
Using a bathroom for gender other than what is indicated on original birth certificate.
Sexual harassment – can be vague enough to permit charges in a variety of situations.
How these and related laws are applied changes over time in particular states or other localities. There have been laws in the United States (and still are in some other countries) which make it illegal to engage in a homosexual relationship, to perform oral sex, to have sex with an underage prostitute who lied about her age, for someone else to download pornography on one’s computer (one is frequently held responsible for what is on one’s computer even it is obvious that someone else had long distance or hands-on access to it).
Various religious groups forbid and in some places make it illegal to have any sexual contact outside of marriage. Oher religious groups make it illegal for a woman to commit adultery but it is not illegal for the man to do so.
In the United States, depending on the state in which one lives or in which one is convicted of an act which is considered illegal and sexual in nature, one can easily end up – often for life – on the sexual offender’s registry which limits where one can live, what jobs one can have, and whether one can have physical contact with children. These registries which contain charges and addresses of the individuals on it, are available to anyone. They can and often are used to shun or otherwise bully, ostracize, or harass individuals. Often people have little knowledge of the circumstances which resulted in the sexual offense designation.
Personally I grew up being told that there would be terrible results if one “played with oneself” or had sex outside of marriage. Yet, as I recall, there were some allowances made for crazy Uncle John or the aunt who got a divorce and was alleged to be “dating” someone. I did not know anyone who had same sex relationships or went to jail for rape or other sexual assault charges. I did know or hear of people who got pregnant in junior high and high school. I also knew or heard of people who got married at 14 or younger if they were pregnant. The person they married might be a peer or someone several years their senior. It was known that there were those got feisty and there were those who were accused of having sex outside the marriage.
I would be well into my adulthood before I learned that healthy people had sexual relationships with someone of the same gender, that many people other than kings and queens had sex with someone other than their spouse, that healthy everyday people had some elements of S and M in their sexual relationships, that many enjoyed oral sex, that there were swingers in small, church going neighborhoods, and that there were high- priced male call men as well as male prostitutes. I also learned that there were men who went to “adult bookstores” with glory holes frequented by men who considered themselves heterosexual but who enjoy oral sex even if the mouth was not that of their spouse or even that of a woman. These men call themselves men who have sex with men. I also learned that many women had sex outside their marriage.
I met women who were sex workers or escorts, or “wives who “gave” sex to their husbands to stay in a marriage which was financially comfortable.
In recent years sexting has become possible for both young people and adults. Although not everyone would suffer the fate of Congressman Weiner and have his sexting photo of his bulging underwear distributed to the masses, it soon became apparent that sending photos of oneself in various stages of sexual arousal was not limited to teenagers whose brains were not fully developed and, thus, often impulsive.
We can now see ads on the television in our very public living rooms, on billboards and in newspapers featuring under garments which are clearly much more than utilitarian. Apparently, it is highly desirable for a most men to be able to attain an erection or most females to get aroused although it would appear, given the sale of enhancing drugs, that no males and possibly a significant number of females cannot do this without some chemical assistance.
At the same time, we continue to criminalize sex workers and often the people who use their services. New Zealand is one of the few countries which has decriminalized sex work. It did so in 2003.
Toni Mac, an English sex worker in a January 2016 Ted Talk entitled, “The laws that sex workers really want” reminds us:
“Decriminalization means the removal of laws that punitively target the sex industry, instead treating sex work much like any other kind of work. In New Zealand, people can work together for safety, and employers of sex workers are accountable to the state. A sex worker can refuse to see a client at any time, for any reason, and 96 percent of street workers report that they feel the law protects their rights. New Zealand hasn't actually seen an increase in the amount of people doing sex work, but decriminalizing it has made it a lot safer. But the lesson from New Zealand isn't just that its particular legislation is good, but that crucially, it was written in collaboration with sex workers; namely, the New Zealand Prostitutes' Collective. When it came to making sex work safer, they were ready to hear it straight from sex workers themselves.”
She also states:
“Here in the UK, I'm part of sex worker-led groups like the Sex Worker Open University and the English Collective of Prostitutes. And we form part of a global movement demanding decriminalization and self-determination” …
Sex workers are real people. We've had complicated experiences and complicated responses to those experiences. But our demands are not complicated. You can ask expensive escorts in New York City, brothel workers in Cambodia, street workers in South Africa and every girl on the roster at my old job in Soho, and they will all tell you the same thing. You can speak to millions of sex workers and countless sex work-led organizations. We want full decriminalization and labor rights as workers.”
Contrary to the myths which are responsible for the punitive laws and the resulting ruined lives:
We humans are very sexual beings beginning at birth and the sexual feelings become very powerful once we begin puberty although female and males hit their peak at different periods of their lives.
In most places in the world we are not worried about “wasting sperm” because we need to fertilize more human eggs which one are going to need to have more children.
Humans enjoy sexual activity for a variety of reasons in many variations.
We are not very successful, as a group, in being monogamous.
Most of us do not care what someone does sexually with another person who is able to freely consent.
Our children will be sexual whether we approve or disapprove. We have, for the most part, been lax in talking with them about how to deal with strong sexual feelings without shaming them.
There is a relatively small group of people who have a powerful, compulsive, or addictive attraction to sex with very young children. We need to make it safe for them to get help in exploring options for dealing with these feelings without hurting others.
We need to continue to make it safer for individuals to feel okay about their sexual feelings, their gender identity, and their need to make decisions about sexual behavior.
We need to educate children and adults about sexually transmitted diseases – how they are transmitted, the symptoms, and how to prevent them.
We need to review and change the laws about behavior which we may not like but which we cannot and should not legislate.
Like it or not many successful marriages consists of individuals with a wide difference in age.
We need to foster more talks and discussion in safe, respectful atmosphere such as the one by Toni Mac at Ted Talks.
Written May 23, 2016
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