Examining our motives
There is no doubt in my mind that:
Unless some one of us have been kept in a protective bubble all of our lives we have learned how to mistreat each other. If male, we have learned that women are to be treasured but not necessarily respected as equals emotionally and intellectually. We have also learned that, as males, we should sexually desire and use women (or another man if not heterosexual) to satisfy our need for closeness.
It is, of course, true that all of do better physically and emotionally if we are unconditionally loved and accepted. Emotional and physical touch is necessary for our overall health. Having a romantic or sexual partner is not necessary. Many men continue to expect a woman (perhaps more than one) to provide all the emotional and physical intimacy they need and to believe that sexual intimacy is the primary way of satisfying that essential need.
When I am deciding what level of support I can give the MeToo Movement I need to consider the above plus other factors which contribute to a climate of looking the other way when mistreatment occurs. Everyone deserves to be validated as more than an object to be used and abused. Everyone deserves to be able to use their gifts and talents to do the best job at the highest level of which they are capable no matter their gender, age, race, religion, physical appearance, sexual orientation or their sexual appeal.
If I mistreat someone by treating them as a sexual object I need to be accountable for my actions. I also need to do all I can to ensure that work or any other environment is made safe for everyone.
Sometimes the goals of movements such as the MeToo Movement are not clear to me. Possible goals are:
I am not convinced that accountability equals punishment.
Just as I believe that it is immoral for me to view another as just a sexual object whose purpose is to satisfy my needs/desires, I believe it is immoral to treat the person who has crossed the moral line as just a bad or immoral person. In other words, we are all more than our worst deed.
I am well aware that some individuals have repeatedly harassed and/or otherwise mistreated others. Some of these individuals may need treatment for addictive and/or compulsive behavior. A few may be unable to benefit from treatment and may need to be in a safe, life affirming, protected place. Some may have no tools for identifying their actual needs and finding healthy ways of meeting those needs. Some certainly need to be relieved of their position of power unless and until they are able to consistently respect others.
Shaming and punishing does not lead to a safer and more loving society. While I need to be empathetic, and even sad/remorseful if I cause harm to someone else, everyone is best served if my energy is spent focusing on doing what needs to be done to change my behavior.
I would hope that all of us can be committed to supporting a movement whose goal is to do all that is possible to create a safe society. Treating those who have learned to treat others as less than or those who have a compulsive and/or addictive disorder as less than does not benefit anyone long term. If a movement, for the moment, has power they use to mistreat others who have mistreated others then as soon as the power dynamic changes further mistreatment will take place.
Another way of stating this is that oppressing the oppressors does not end oppression. I believe the goal needs to be to end all forms of mistreatment of ourselves and others.
Written May 21, 2018
There is no doubt in my mind that:
- Sexism is immoral.
- Sexual harassment is immoral.
- Sexual abuse- sex forced by position and/or physical power - is immoral.
- Physical abuse is immoral.
Unless some one of us have been kept in a protective bubble all of our lives we have learned how to mistreat each other. If male, we have learned that women are to be treasured but not necessarily respected as equals emotionally and intellectually. We have also learned that, as males, we should sexually desire and use women (or another man if not heterosexual) to satisfy our need for closeness.
It is, of course, true that all of do better physically and emotionally if we are unconditionally loved and accepted. Emotional and physical touch is necessary for our overall health. Having a romantic or sexual partner is not necessary. Many men continue to expect a woman (perhaps more than one) to provide all the emotional and physical intimacy they need and to believe that sexual intimacy is the primary way of satisfying that essential need.
When I am deciding what level of support I can give the MeToo Movement I need to consider the above plus other factors which contribute to a climate of looking the other way when mistreatment occurs. Everyone deserves to be validated as more than an object to be used and abused. Everyone deserves to be able to use their gifts and talents to do the best job at the highest level of which they are capable no matter their gender, age, race, religion, physical appearance, sexual orientation or their sexual appeal.
If I mistreat someone by treating them as a sexual object I need to be accountable for my actions. I also need to do all I can to ensure that work or any other environment is made safe for everyone.
Sometimes the goals of movements such as the MeToo Movement are not clear to me. Possible goals are:
- Public acknowledgement of a problem.
- Formulating a plan to correct the problem.
- Articulating how to create safe environments and to continue to learn how to honor individual worth independent of sexual desires or attractions.
- Honoring our need and enjoyment of our sexuality in a positive, affirming manner.
I am not convinced that accountability equals punishment.
Just as I believe that it is immoral for me to view another as just a sexual object whose purpose is to satisfy my needs/desires, I believe it is immoral to treat the person who has crossed the moral line as just a bad or immoral person. In other words, we are all more than our worst deed.
I am well aware that some individuals have repeatedly harassed and/or otherwise mistreated others. Some of these individuals may need treatment for addictive and/or compulsive behavior. A few may be unable to benefit from treatment and may need to be in a safe, life affirming, protected place. Some may have no tools for identifying their actual needs and finding healthy ways of meeting those needs. Some certainly need to be relieved of their position of power unless and until they are able to consistently respect others.
Shaming and punishing does not lead to a safer and more loving society. While I need to be empathetic, and even sad/remorseful if I cause harm to someone else, everyone is best served if my energy is spent focusing on doing what needs to be done to change my behavior.
I would hope that all of us can be committed to supporting a movement whose goal is to do all that is possible to create a safe society. Treating those who have learned to treat others as less than or those who have a compulsive and/or addictive disorder as less than does not benefit anyone long term. If a movement, for the moment, has power they use to mistreat others who have mistreated others then as soon as the power dynamic changes further mistreatment will take place.
Another way of stating this is that oppressing the oppressors does not end oppression. I believe the goal needs to be to end all forms of mistreatment of ourselves and others.
Written May 21, 2018
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