“Composing a life”
(The phrase “composing a life” is borrowed from Mary Catherine Bateson, the linguist and anthropologist. I was reminded of the term when listening to an interview by Kista Tippett on On Being with B. J. Miller the physician who is the Executive Director of the Zen Hospice Project and who studied art and design in undergraduate school. One can also hear him speak on Tedtalk.com. He talks a lot about designing or redesigning our life. For him that occurs often/daily, but he first had to seriously think about this issue when he was in the hospital following an accident in his college years which resulted him in losing two legs and part of one arm.)
I had just finishing listening to Krista Tippett’s interview with Dr. B. J. Miller when I spied my six-year old-adopted niece coming across from the house next door.
Me: Good morning Sam. It is a pleasant surprise to see you on this cloudy Sunday morning. I assume you have come for blueberry pancakes?
Sam: (Gives me a big hug.) Oh yes. Let’s do make pancakes Uncle Jim.
Me: Great. Let me get your apron and then I will get your stool.
I tie the apron on and then pull the stool up to the counter. Then I start to get out the ingredients – flour, baking powder, salt, sugar, milk, an egg, and butter. I also get out a bowl, a large wooden spoon, the sifter, the measuring cups and spoons, the electric grill, the spatula, and, of course, the blueberries. Then I set the maple syrup in a pan of water which I will heat.
Sam: Can I measure Uncle Jim?
Me: You sure can. Let’s first plug in the griddle to heat and put 3 tablespoons of butter in the microwave to melt. I do so.
Sam: Okay?
Me; Now we are ready. Let’s set the sifter in the bowl. How about I read out the ingredients and you measure and put into the sifter.
Sam: Thanks Uncle Jim.
Me: Here we go:
1 ½ cups of flour
3 ½ teaspoons of baking power
1 teaspoon salt
1 tablespoon sugar
Very good Sam. Now you can turn the handle on the sifter (fortunately the sifter has a crank handle which she can turn).
Sam: Now what Uncle Jim?
Me: Here, let’s take the spoon and make a well in the center. Now I will pour in the milk, the hot butter, and the egg. You want to stir?
Sam: Yes, Uncle Jim.
Sam’s stirs a bit but, turns to me and says: Will you finish Uncle Jim?
Me: Sure. How about you start adding some blueberries.
Sam: How many?
Me: How about three handfuls Sam?
Sam: Okay.
Me: Here we go. Let’s use this wooden scoop to put six on the griddle.
Sam: When they have bubbles it is time to turn Uncle Jim.
Me: Yes, but we will gently check to make sure that they are nice and brown before we flip them.
Sam: Uncle Jim, what does it mean to com.. to compoose a life?
Me: Compose a life is what I think you mean.
Sam: Yes, that is it!
Me: What makes you ask that question Sam?
Sam: Well mom and dad were listening to some program on the radio – you know how they do Uncle Jim because you do it too – and they started asking Paul and me what makes us feel good about our life. Of course, I said ice cream, bedtime stories, playing with Oscar, helping at the soup kitchen. Paul said x-box, hanging out with his friends, winning at wresting, having mom and dad tuck him in, and spending time with you, Uncle Jim. I am sorry that I forgot to say that first Uncle Jim.
Me: That is fine Sam. Look, it is time to flip the pancakes.
Sam: Then mom and dad said that as we grow up will have to make decisions about what to study, what to do, who to date - Ugh! – and all sorts of things. They said that some people feel like life is like the big bad wolf and just eats them up! Paul and I laughed but then we talked about the folks at the soup kitchen and even some of our neighbors who are unhappy all the time.
Me: So what do you think the word compose means Sam?
Sam: I guess we need the dictionary don’t we? Okay. I will get it.
Me: Good idea Sam.
Sam: How do we spell it Uncle Jim? Kompoze?
Me: Good guess Sam. Sometimes the c sounds like a K. It is c o m p o s e. Compose.
Sam: Here it is I think. It is this it Uncle Jim?
Me; It is . Let’s see what Mr. Oxford has to say:
Write or create; form a whole by ordering or arranging the parts, especially in an artistic way.
Late Middle English ‘put together, construct; Old French composer, from Latin componere (see component), but influenced by Latin compositue ‘composed’ and Old Frech poser ‘to place.’
Me. Here we go Sam. You want butter and syrup on your pancakes?
Sam: Yes, please Uncle Jim.
I then fix us both a plate and put some more on to cook.
Sam: Yumm. We did good Uncle Jim.
Me: Yes, we did Sam.
Do you think we could say we composed the pancakes Sam? Did we arrange the parts and then when they were done, did we take the syrup, butter, and pancakes and put them together.
Sam: I guess, but how do we compose our life?
Me; Well, let’s look at your parent’s life Sam. What do you think is important to them?
Sam: Well, taking care of me, Paul, and Oscar (the sheepdog). Ttaking care of grandma, grandpa, mamma and pop pop, going to work, cooking.
Me: They also go to church, help our neighbors, volunteer at the soup kitchen, and they go to museums, read, and listen to music.
Sam: That is a lot.
Me: It is a lot and they have to decide what is important every day. Some of your friends live in really big houses don’t they Sam?
Sam: Yes and the have lot of toys and sometimes a maid.
Me: When you visit, how often is one of their parents home Sam?
Sam: Almost never Uncle Jim.
Me; And how often are one of your parents home Sam?
Sam: One of them is always there.
Me: That is because they think it is important. They do not work as much as the parents of some of your friends do they?
Sam: I guess not. Why is that Uncle Jim?
Me: Well, there is some luck but mostly they think that one of them being home all the time is more important than having a bigger house, more toys, or a maid.
Sam: That is how they compose their life Uncle Jim.
Me: Sam, you always amaze me! You are so smart.
What else is important to them Sam?
Sam: Well, they make us all sit down to dinner together and cell phones ae not allowed. That is true at Maria’s house too but when I am at Tiffany’s house, we can play with phones, watch television, or do whatever we want during dinner.
Me: So they make different decisions don’t they?
Sam: They compose their life differently.
Me: Very good. I forgot to get you a glass of milk. Do you want one Sam:
Sam: Yes, please Uncle Jim.
I pour her a glass of milk.
Me: So when we compose a life we gain some things and we give up others don’t we Sam? We make decisions about what is important. Do we also make decisions about whether to be happy or sad?
Sam: I don’t think so Uncle Jim. I am just happy or sad.
Me: You know that sometimes when you are sad you start thinking of all the good things.
Sam: Oh yes. I used to hate doing that but now when I think of the good things I have two feelings Uncle Jim.
Me: So that is another decision isn’t it Sam?
Sam: I guess so Uncle Jim.
Me: So we think of composing a song, a poem or a piece of art, but we also compose our life. What if we took a certain colored crayon and make a mark for every decision?
Sam: Then we would have a painting of the life we composed. Could we do that Uncle Jim?
Me: Yes. Let me get the crayons.
I go get paper and crayons which I always keep handy.
Me: Let’s see Sam. What shall we draw first? How about love. It seems as if love has a big place in your family. What color?
Sam: Well it is almost Valentine’s day Uncle Jim How about red for love.
Sam makes a big heart with the red crayon.
Me: Great. How about taking care of others?
Sam: That is easy. Yellow for sunshine.
She makes a big sun.
We keep doing this until we have a Jacob’s coat of color.
Me: Wow! That is beautiful Sam. Shall we title it now?
Sam: Yes. We will call it Komposing? Oops! Composing a life.
Good idea. Oh dear. You are going to be late for church. Hurry on now before your parents call. I will clean up.
Sam gives me a big hug, picks up her painting, and waves goodbye.
I smile and begin to clean up.
Written January 31, 2016
(The phrase “composing a life” is borrowed from Mary Catherine Bateson, the linguist and anthropologist. I was reminded of the term when listening to an interview by Kista Tippett on On Being with B. J. Miller the physician who is the Executive Director of the Zen Hospice Project and who studied art and design in undergraduate school. One can also hear him speak on Tedtalk.com. He talks a lot about designing or redesigning our life. For him that occurs often/daily, but he first had to seriously think about this issue when he was in the hospital following an accident in his college years which resulted him in losing two legs and part of one arm.)
I had just finishing listening to Krista Tippett’s interview with Dr. B. J. Miller when I spied my six-year old-adopted niece coming across from the house next door.
Me: Good morning Sam. It is a pleasant surprise to see you on this cloudy Sunday morning. I assume you have come for blueberry pancakes?
Sam: (Gives me a big hug.) Oh yes. Let’s do make pancakes Uncle Jim.
Me: Great. Let me get your apron and then I will get your stool.
I tie the apron on and then pull the stool up to the counter. Then I start to get out the ingredients – flour, baking powder, salt, sugar, milk, an egg, and butter. I also get out a bowl, a large wooden spoon, the sifter, the measuring cups and spoons, the electric grill, the spatula, and, of course, the blueberries. Then I set the maple syrup in a pan of water which I will heat.
Sam: Can I measure Uncle Jim?
Me: You sure can. Let’s first plug in the griddle to heat and put 3 tablespoons of butter in the microwave to melt. I do so.
Sam: Okay?
Me; Now we are ready. Let’s set the sifter in the bowl. How about I read out the ingredients and you measure and put into the sifter.
Sam: Thanks Uncle Jim.
Me: Here we go:
1 ½ cups of flour
3 ½ teaspoons of baking power
1 teaspoon salt
1 tablespoon sugar
Very good Sam. Now you can turn the handle on the sifter (fortunately the sifter has a crank handle which she can turn).
Sam: Now what Uncle Jim?
Me: Here, let’s take the spoon and make a well in the center. Now I will pour in the milk, the hot butter, and the egg. You want to stir?
Sam: Yes, Uncle Jim.
Sam’s stirs a bit but, turns to me and says: Will you finish Uncle Jim?
Me: Sure. How about you start adding some blueberries.
Sam: How many?
Me: How about three handfuls Sam?
Sam: Okay.
Me: Here we go. Let’s use this wooden scoop to put six on the griddle.
Sam: When they have bubbles it is time to turn Uncle Jim.
Me: Yes, but we will gently check to make sure that they are nice and brown before we flip them.
Sam: Uncle Jim, what does it mean to com.. to compoose a life?
Me: Compose a life is what I think you mean.
Sam: Yes, that is it!
Me: What makes you ask that question Sam?
Sam: Well mom and dad were listening to some program on the radio – you know how they do Uncle Jim because you do it too – and they started asking Paul and me what makes us feel good about our life. Of course, I said ice cream, bedtime stories, playing with Oscar, helping at the soup kitchen. Paul said x-box, hanging out with his friends, winning at wresting, having mom and dad tuck him in, and spending time with you, Uncle Jim. I am sorry that I forgot to say that first Uncle Jim.
Me: That is fine Sam. Look, it is time to flip the pancakes.
Sam: Then mom and dad said that as we grow up will have to make decisions about what to study, what to do, who to date - Ugh! – and all sorts of things. They said that some people feel like life is like the big bad wolf and just eats them up! Paul and I laughed but then we talked about the folks at the soup kitchen and even some of our neighbors who are unhappy all the time.
Me: So what do you think the word compose means Sam?
Sam: I guess we need the dictionary don’t we? Okay. I will get it.
Me: Good idea Sam.
Sam: How do we spell it Uncle Jim? Kompoze?
Me: Good guess Sam. Sometimes the c sounds like a K. It is c o m p o s e. Compose.
Sam: Here it is I think. It is this it Uncle Jim?
Me; It is . Let’s see what Mr. Oxford has to say:
Write or create; form a whole by ordering or arranging the parts, especially in an artistic way.
Late Middle English ‘put together, construct; Old French composer, from Latin componere (see component), but influenced by Latin compositue ‘composed’ and Old Frech poser ‘to place.’
Me. Here we go Sam. You want butter and syrup on your pancakes?
Sam: Yes, please Uncle Jim.
I then fix us both a plate and put some more on to cook.
Sam: Yumm. We did good Uncle Jim.
Me: Yes, we did Sam.
Do you think we could say we composed the pancakes Sam? Did we arrange the parts and then when they were done, did we take the syrup, butter, and pancakes and put them together.
Sam: I guess, but how do we compose our life?
Me; Well, let’s look at your parent’s life Sam. What do you think is important to them?
Sam: Well, taking care of me, Paul, and Oscar (the sheepdog). Ttaking care of grandma, grandpa, mamma and pop pop, going to work, cooking.
Me: They also go to church, help our neighbors, volunteer at the soup kitchen, and they go to museums, read, and listen to music.
Sam: That is a lot.
Me: It is a lot and they have to decide what is important every day. Some of your friends live in really big houses don’t they Sam?
Sam: Yes and the have lot of toys and sometimes a maid.
Me: When you visit, how often is one of their parents home Sam?
Sam: Almost never Uncle Jim.
Me; And how often are one of your parents home Sam?
Sam: One of them is always there.
Me: That is because they think it is important. They do not work as much as the parents of some of your friends do they?
Sam: I guess not. Why is that Uncle Jim?
Me: Well, there is some luck but mostly they think that one of them being home all the time is more important than having a bigger house, more toys, or a maid.
Sam: That is how they compose their life Uncle Jim.
Me: Sam, you always amaze me! You are so smart.
What else is important to them Sam?
Sam: Well, they make us all sit down to dinner together and cell phones ae not allowed. That is true at Maria’s house too but when I am at Tiffany’s house, we can play with phones, watch television, or do whatever we want during dinner.
Me: So they make different decisions don’t they?
Sam: They compose their life differently.
Me: Very good. I forgot to get you a glass of milk. Do you want one Sam:
Sam: Yes, please Uncle Jim.
I pour her a glass of milk.
Me: So when we compose a life we gain some things and we give up others don’t we Sam? We make decisions about what is important. Do we also make decisions about whether to be happy or sad?
Sam: I don’t think so Uncle Jim. I am just happy or sad.
Me: You know that sometimes when you are sad you start thinking of all the good things.
Sam: Oh yes. I used to hate doing that but now when I think of the good things I have two feelings Uncle Jim.
Me: So that is another decision isn’t it Sam?
Sam: I guess so Uncle Jim.
Me: So we think of composing a song, a poem or a piece of art, but we also compose our life. What if we took a certain colored crayon and make a mark for every decision?
Sam: Then we would have a painting of the life we composed. Could we do that Uncle Jim?
Me: Yes. Let me get the crayons.
I go get paper and crayons which I always keep handy.
Me: Let’s see Sam. What shall we draw first? How about love. It seems as if love has a big place in your family. What color?
Sam: Well it is almost Valentine’s day Uncle Jim How about red for love.
Sam makes a big heart with the red crayon.
Me: Great. How about taking care of others?
Sam: That is easy. Yellow for sunshine.
She makes a big sun.
We keep doing this until we have a Jacob’s coat of color.
Me: Wow! That is beautiful Sam. Shall we title it now?
Sam: Yes. We will call it Komposing? Oops! Composing a life.
Good idea. Oh dear. You are going to be late for church. Hurry on now before your parents call. I will clean up.
Sam gives me a big hug, picks up her painting, and waves goodbye.
I smile and begin to clean up.
Written January 31, 2016
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