Finger pointing and humility
It is great sadness that, as a society, we have been unable to learn from and duplicate the principles of the 12-step program which was founded by Dr. Bob Smith and Bill Wilson in 1934. Some aspects of this program grew out of the Oxford Group.
The focus of the 12-step program of Alcoholic Anonymous is healing and not shaming or punishment. That focus remains the same in all of the 12 step programs which have grown out of the original program. The programs start with an admission that one has a problem; that one is an alcoholic/addict and that one is powerless after taking the first drink, other addictive substance, or engaging in an addictive behavior; that after that first addictive behavior something happens in the brain which triggers a compulsive need to keep engaging in the addictive behavior. The principles and steps of the program go on to recognize that healing is more than not engaging in that behavior. As one works the steps of the program one is challenged to look all those habits of behavior which keep one from being one’s best and which adversely affect others. One is expected, in other words, to be accountable and, when possible, to make amends.
In the Christian tradition Jesus is purported to have advised others to focus on removing the log in one’s own eye rather than on the speck in the eye of one’s brother or sister.
The remarkable aspect of the teaching of Jesus, Buddha (as I understand Buddhist teachers), and the 12-step program is that there is no shaming or punishing. Sadly, many churches and our judicial system have not made it safe to be accountable. It is fine to admit that “we are all sinners” but if one publicly admits to certain, specific sins, one will be punished and publicly humiliated.
This lack of being able to safely be accountable without being shamed or punished often results in self-righteous finger pointing. It is not a surprise to most of us that those who are the most judgmental of others often are weighed down with internalized shame. Our response to those who are outed as having shameful secrets is to point the finger at them and ignore the fingers pointing back at ourselves.
Partisan politics and church politics are fertile breeding grounds for self-righteous finger pointing. As long as we keep finger pointing the opportunity for systemic healing and change is very slim.
Let me, once again, be clear:
Let me also be clear:
Whether we have an opportunity to respond to the latest accusations against Supreme Court nominee Kavanaugh, certain Roman Catholic Priests or Bishops, the local drug dealer or addict, or anyone else who has been unable for whatever reason, to consider the needs of others, I would like to respectfully suggest that our goal be healing. If the goal is healing we will be accountable, teach/learn alternative behaviors, and to paraphrase the 12-step community, practice one sinner helping another sinner to be the best they can.
Written September 17, 2018
It is great sadness that, as a society, we have been unable to learn from and duplicate the principles of the 12-step program which was founded by Dr. Bob Smith and Bill Wilson in 1934. Some aspects of this program grew out of the Oxford Group.
The focus of the 12-step program of Alcoholic Anonymous is healing and not shaming or punishment. That focus remains the same in all of the 12 step programs which have grown out of the original program. The programs start with an admission that one has a problem; that one is an alcoholic/addict and that one is powerless after taking the first drink, other addictive substance, or engaging in an addictive behavior; that after that first addictive behavior something happens in the brain which triggers a compulsive need to keep engaging in the addictive behavior. The principles and steps of the program go on to recognize that healing is more than not engaging in that behavior. As one works the steps of the program one is challenged to look all those habits of behavior which keep one from being one’s best and which adversely affect others. One is expected, in other words, to be accountable and, when possible, to make amends.
In the Christian tradition Jesus is purported to have advised others to focus on removing the log in one’s own eye rather than on the speck in the eye of one’s brother or sister.
The remarkable aspect of the teaching of Jesus, Buddha (as I understand Buddhist teachers), and the 12-step program is that there is no shaming or punishing. Sadly, many churches and our judicial system have not made it safe to be accountable. It is fine to admit that “we are all sinners” but if one publicly admits to certain, specific sins, one will be punished and publicly humiliated.
This lack of being able to safely be accountable without being shamed or punished often results in self-righteous finger pointing. It is not a surprise to most of us that those who are the most judgmental of others often are weighed down with internalized shame. Our response to those who are outed as having shameful secrets is to point the finger at them and ignore the fingers pointing back at ourselves.
Partisan politics and church politics are fertile breeding grounds for self-righteous finger pointing. As long as we keep finger pointing the opportunity for systemic healing and change is very slim.
Let me, once again, be clear:
- Sexual abuse of others is wrong.
- Treating anyone as a sexual object is wrong.
- Hypocritical behavior is not helpful for anyone.
- Lavish spending on residences or offices when there are a great many core needs to be met is wrong.
- Partisan behavior to further a personal agenda by a person who has vowed to serve all the people is wrong.
Let me also be clear:
- We in the United States and many other countries have grown up systematically learning to be sexist, racist, ageist, and otherwise discriminatory/abusive as a way of attempting to feel better than so that we do not feel less than.
- We in the United States do not have safe places other than the 12-step program to be accountable for racist, ageist, sexist or other hurtful behavior without being shamed or otherwise punished.
- We need to systematically make it safe for all people to feel safe regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation, immigration status or other labels meant to separate. No one deserves any level of abuse or treatment they experience as abusive.
Whether we have an opportunity to respond to the latest accusations against Supreme Court nominee Kavanaugh, certain Roman Catholic Priests or Bishops, the local drug dealer or addict, or anyone else who has been unable for whatever reason, to consider the needs of others, I would like to respectfully suggest that our goal be healing. If the goal is healing we will be accountable, teach/learn alternative behaviors, and to paraphrase the 12-step community, practice one sinner helping another sinner to be the best they can.
Written September 17, 2018
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