Free to love – War and Independence Day in the USA
My feelings about the July 4th Independence Day are very mixed, but then, as most of my friends would say, I tend to have a variety of thoughts and feelings about many subjects.
Certainly, I am grateful to be living in a country where there is relative freedom to speak my truth and live my life as a gay man. I am also grateful that, today, I am living in relatively luxury compared to many others in the United States and other countries. In fact, as I have recently written, my list of blessings is very long.
Still, I am mindful that this country of immigrants was formed with little concern for those who were already living here. I am also mindful of the fact that the United States has a level of violence and attachment to guns which can be compared to many nations actively engaged in a civil war.
Furthermore, I am mindful that a great many citizens of these United States and some not full citizens are engaged in war related activities in many other countries.
I have known for some times that many of us join the military service for a variety of reasons. Some, as was true for me, gave little thought to joining. It was simply what one did if one did not have the money to go to college or was not expected to work on the family farm or in another family enterprise. Some joined because they wanted to show what they were made up – what it means to be a man or a woman of courage. Some feel a sense of patriotism and believe that their country is fighting on the side of what is moral and just. Still others hope that the structure of the military will help them overcome personal demons, such as addiction. Some know that, if they live, they will learn a skill that they cannot afford to acquire outside of the military.
Some percentage of those who join the military will experience the excitement, fear, anxiety, exhaustion, frustration, and acute grief associated with combat. As one person told the writer, filmmaker, and journalist Sebastian Junger, “In combat you are guaranteed to lose brothers.” Once one has lost brothers (and sisters) one has truly tasted combat.
There is another facet to the experience of combat which has been observed by and perhaps experienced by those serving with others in a combat area. Tim Heatherington, a “brother” and a journalist colleague who was in combat situations with Sebastian Junger (see the film Restrepo by Sebastian and Tim or read the book The Perfect Storm by Sebastian) observed what others such thoughtful journalists and have observed: “War is the only situation where men are free to love each other unreservedly without it being mistaken for something else.” Although times are changing and in the United States, Ireland, Britain and a number of other countries, gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people are no longer jailed (or worse) as they still are in many countries, in the general population men loving each other is still suspect and often sexualized. Yet, as Mr. Heatherington, Gloria Emerson, Phillip Caputo and others have observed If one is doing something as courageous (manly or womanly) as engaging in combat no one will question one’s right to love and no one will assume that it is a sexual love. Actually, as some have observed a similar license to given to those who play certain sports such as football, hockey, possibly baseball in some case, wrestling, and boxing. I am not sure the same license is given to those engaging in the game of tennis. Obviously, there are also cultural differences. In some countries, it has been permissible for two heterosexual men to kiss, hug and hold hands, but here in the United States that behavior has been suspect as not being manly and then quickly sexualized. Although the prohibition against lesbians has been just as clear, women have generally been given more latitude in expressing love for each other. (One is also given more license if drunk or thought to be drunk.)
Sebastian Junger who grew up in a well-off suburb and was a writer did not feel as if he has passed the manhood test before going into combat as a journalist. He no longer feels a need to prove his manhood in that way. Hopefully, he no longer feels a need to prove his manhood in any way.
War, as I have said is exciting, frightening, exhausting, traumatic, dangerous, sad and much more. It is interesting that many of the drug addicts who use a variety of street drugs (as opposed to alcohol) report a similar range of feeling about their using days. In many respects the drug culture on the streets is combat, albeit with a purpose that may be considerably less honorable than war. Many drug addicts in recovery miss the excitement of their dangerous life of active addiction. It may seem like an oxymoron to say that one feels alive when “finding ways and means” to get more drugs to numb oneself out but it is not.
I suspect that most of us humans long to be a part of – to be connected in an intense way with others. Sexual contact certainly allows that for a brief instant at some level (sometimes by connecting physically without connecting emotionally). Certainly, combat allows one to push past the fear of what others might think and love as intensely as we are able to love – as intensely as we need to love.
The question is whether we can find or allow ourselves to intensely connect as a community of men and women without resorting to war, dangerous sports which leave a legacy of brain injuries, and without the fear of sexualizing. (I am not suggesting that we can ever have intense relationship which are without any sexual component or that we need to do so.) Close contact is not, however, going to alter our basic sexual orientation. Obviously, we take the sexual part of ourselves to all relationships but we do not usually experience genital arousal by most physical contact. If we are aware of the mammary glands of the woman with whom we are sharing a hug it does not mean, we are getting aroused genitally. Likewise, if we engage in a non-A frame hug with a male and are aware of his genitals it does not mean that one is wanting a genital arousal moment!
I believe that it is safe to love each other and work together to create a more equal, sharing, just world - a world of intense loving – while claiming our manhood and womanhood. I believe we can do this outside of combat and professional sports.
Happy July 4th – Independence Day in the United States
Happy July 4th and an offer to share this land with the Native Tribes, the immigrants who have been here for generations and the newer immigrants.
Written July 4, 2017
My feelings about the July 4th Independence Day are very mixed, but then, as most of my friends would say, I tend to have a variety of thoughts and feelings about many subjects.
Certainly, I am grateful to be living in a country where there is relative freedom to speak my truth and live my life as a gay man. I am also grateful that, today, I am living in relatively luxury compared to many others in the United States and other countries. In fact, as I have recently written, my list of blessings is very long.
Still, I am mindful that this country of immigrants was formed with little concern for those who were already living here. I am also mindful of the fact that the United States has a level of violence and attachment to guns which can be compared to many nations actively engaged in a civil war.
Furthermore, I am mindful that a great many citizens of these United States and some not full citizens are engaged in war related activities in many other countries.
I have known for some times that many of us join the military service for a variety of reasons. Some, as was true for me, gave little thought to joining. It was simply what one did if one did not have the money to go to college or was not expected to work on the family farm or in another family enterprise. Some joined because they wanted to show what they were made up – what it means to be a man or a woman of courage. Some feel a sense of patriotism and believe that their country is fighting on the side of what is moral and just. Still others hope that the structure of the military will help them overcome personal demons, such as addiction. Some know that, if they live, they will learn a skill that they cannot afford to acquire outside of the military.
Some percentage of those who join the military will experience the excitement, fear, anxiety, exhaustion, frustration, and acute grief associated with combat. As one person told the writer, filmmaker, and journalist Sebastian Junger, “In combat you are guaranteed to lose brothers.” Once one has lost brothers (and sisters) one has truly tasted combat.
There is another facet to the experience of combat which has been observed by and perhaps experienced by those serving with others in a combat area. Tim Heatherington, a “brother” and a journalist colleague who was in combat situations with Sebastian Junger (see the film Restrepo by Sebastian and Tim or read the book The Perfect Storm by Sebastian) observed what others such thoughtful journalists and have observed: “War is the only situation where men are free to love each other unreservedly without it being mistaken for something else.” Although times are changing and in the United States, Ireland, Britain and a number of other countries, gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people are no longer jailed (or worse) as they still are in many countries, in the general population men loving each other is still suspect and often sexualized. Yet, as Mr. Heatherington, Gloria Emerson, Phillip Caputo and others have observed If one is doing something as courageous (manly or womanly) as engaging in combat no one will question one’s right to love and no one will assume that it is a sexual love. Actually, as some have observed a similar license to given to those who play certain sports such as football, hockey, possibly baseball in some case, wrestling, and boxing. I am not sure the same license is given to those engaging in the game of tennis. Obviously, there are also cultural differences. In some countries, it has been permissible for two heterosexual men to kiss, hug and hold hands, but here in the United States that behavior has been suspect as not being manly and then quickly sexualized. Although the prohibition against lesbians has been just as clear, women have generally been given more latitude in expressing love for each other. (One is also given more license if drunk or thought to be drunk.)
Sebastian Junger who grew up in a well-off suburb and was a writer did not feel as if he has passed the manhood test before going into combat as a journalist. He no longer feels a need to prove his manhood in that way. Hopefully, he no longer feels a need to prove his manhood in any way.
War, as I have said is exciting, frightening, exhausting, traumatic, dangerous, sad and much more. It is interesting that many of the drug addicts who use a variety of street drugs (as opposed to alcohol) report a similar range of feeling about their using days. In many respects the drug culture on the streets is combat, albeit with a purpose that may be considerably less honorable than war. Many drug addicts in recovery miss the excitement of their dangerous life of active addiction. It may seem like an oxymoron to say that one feels alive when “finding ways and means” to get more drugs to numb oneself out but it is not.
I suspect that most of us humans long to be a part of – to be connected in an intense way with others. Sexual contact certainly allows that for a brief instant at some level (sometimes by connecting physically without connecting emotionally). Certainly, combat allows one to push past the fear of what others might think and love as intensely as we are able to love – as intensely as we need to love.
The question is whether we can find or allow ourselves to intensely connect as a community of men and women without resorting to war, dangerous sports which leave a legacy of brain injuries, and without the fear of sexualizing. (I am not suggesting that we can ever have intense relationship which are without any sexual component or that we need to do so.) Close contact is not, however, going to alter our basic sexual orientation. Obviously, we take the sexual part of ourselves to all relationships but we do not usually experience genital arousal by most physical contact. If we are aware of the mammary glands of the woman with whom we are sharing a hug it does not mean, we are getting aroused genitally. Likewise, if we engage in a non-A frame hug with a male and are aware of his genitals it does not mean that one is wanting a genital arousal moment!
I believe that it is safe to love each other and work together to create a more equal, sharing, just world - a world of intense loving – while claiming our manhood and womanhood. I believe we can do this outside of combat and professional sports.
Happy July 4th – Independence Day in the United States
Happy July 4th and an offer to share this land with the Native Tribes, the immigrants who have been here for generations and the newer immigrants.
Written July 4, 2017
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