From unbalance to balance
My spiritual goal is to be present without expectations or judgments. Both judgments and expectations result in further expectations and frequently symptoms such as anxiety. Both keep me off balanced. As Pema Chodron, the Buddhist nun so eloquently reminds me, the best we can do may do is to notice, without judgment, when we are off balance because of expectations or judgments. The simple truth is, of course, that such and such will happen or will not happen. I will experience it as pleasant, unpleasant or I may experience it as just okay – neither pleasant nor unpleasant. Much of the time my expectations have to do with what someone or something is going to do. I may have an expectation that my computer will work. This morning it worked very slowly and inefficiently. I had allotted so much time for morning emails and text messages based on my expectation that the computer would function normally. I was also assuming that I would have electrical power, the internet connection would be working, my health would be stable, and there were no other demands on my time and energy. Obviously, I did not accomplish the task I had decided on accomplishing in the allotted time. As a result I was later than planned for the next activity on the schedule I had assigned myself. When the computer did not work and I could not accomplish my tasks in the allotted time frame I, without conscious thought, labeled the results as bad. I did catch myself and change that label to a nuisance. The truth is that it was neither good nor bad. It just was. Machines wear out, break or just need cleaned up. I accomplish tasks or I do not.
The parents of all the children killed, seriously injured or traumatized in the Parkland School Shooting did not expect that their children would be in such grave danger when they went to school on February 14th. If they thought about it at all they expected a normal, safe day. It was anything but normal and safe. Obviously, it is impossible for parents and other family members to “just notice” these events and not judge them as tragic, sad, devastating, unfair, unjust, senseless, or a multitude of other labels. In this case the labels may temporarily help to communicate the profound sense of unbalance that all are feeling. The world, as they knew it, has been drastically altered. Some of those grieving will, for a time, take nothing for granted. They will be more spiritually centered than they may have been for a long time. Some will be angry and will blame not only the shooter but also all those who did not take any action to identify this troubled child as potentially dangerous. Some will sink into a dark depression from which they may never emerge.
For all of us, incidents such as this shooting, are a poignant reminder that no matter what we do life will show up. The best we can work towards is being present in this moment to love each other and to embrace this journey. Family and friends of those killed or injured may embrace each other, cook and share a pot of chicken soup, laugh and cry together and, for a moment, act like a community. In their unbalance they may be balanced.
Written February 16, 2018
My spiritual goal is to be present without expectations or judgments. Both judgments and expectations result in further expectations and frequently symptoms such as anxiety. Both keep me off balanced. As Pema Chodron, the Buddhist nun so eloquently reminds me, the best we can do may do is to notice, without judgment, when we are off balance because of expectations or judgments. The simple truth is, of course, that such and such will happen or will not happen. I will experience it as pleasant, unpleasant or I may experience it as just okay – neither pleasant nor unpleasant. Much of the time my expectations have to do with what someone or something is going to do. I may have an expectation that my computer will work. This morning it worked very slowly and inefficiently. I had allotted so much time for morning emails and text messages based on my expectation that the computer would function normally. I was also assuming that I would have electrical power, the internet connection would be working, my health would be stable, and there were no other demands on my time and energy. Obviously, I did not accomplish the task I had decided on accomplishing in the allotted time. As a result I was later than planned for the next activity on the schedule I had assigned myself. When the computer did not work and I could not accomplish my tasks in the allotted time frame I, without conscious thought, labeled the results as bad. I did catch myself and change that label to a nuisance. The truth is that it was neither good nor bad. It just was. Machines wear out, break or just need cleaned up. I accomplish tasks or I do not.
The parents of all the children killed, seriously injured or traumatized in the Parkland School Shooting did not expect that their children would be in such grave danger when they went to school on February 14th. If they thought about it at all they expected a normal, safe day. It was anything but normal and safe. Obviously, it is impossible for parents and other family members to “just notice” these events and not judge them as tragic, sad, devastating, unfair, unjust, senseless, or a multitude of other labels. In this case the labels may temporarily help to communicate the profound sense of unbalance that all are feeling. The world, as they knew it, has been drastically altered. Some of those grieving will, for a time, take nothing for granted. They will be more spiritually centered than they may have been for a long time. Some will be angry and will blame not only the shooter but also all those who did not take any action to identify this troubled child as potentially dangerous. Some will sink into a dark depression from which they may never emerge.
For all of us, incidents such as this shooting, are a poignant reminder that no matter what we do life will show up. The best we can work towards is being present in this moment to love each other and to embrace this journey. Family and friends of those killed or injured may embrace each other, cook and share a pot of chicken soup, laugh and cry together and, for a moment, act like a community. In their unbalance they may be balanced.
Written February 16, 2018
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