Full disclosure – “I shop at Ikea.”
As all of my readers know, this spiritual journey in a step by step process of opening to new levels of truth about one’s humanness and letting go of any shame or embarrassment about being oneself.
The other day I was reading a novel and, once, again, I ran across a passage that described someone’s home as one decorated with Ikea furniture or Ikea like furniture. When such a comment is uttered by a character in a novel, it seems to me that 99% of the time it is uttered as a symptom of one’s relative lack of money or taste. In fact, it is often uttered as a symptom of one’s relative lack of importance in the community of humans. This is quite interesting to me. I was just at Ikea in Pittsburgh the other day. The parking lot was full as was the store. It appeared that there were many families shopping for college apartments or dorm rooms as well as couples and families shopping for their own home. While it is true that I did not see, anyone accompanied by chauffeurs, man servants or personal assistants, I did not think of them as poor or somehow less than because they could not afford to shop at a store which sold high priced heirloom furniture or were choosing not to do so.
Personally, I was very pleased to be able to afford their popular standard living room chairs for $49.00 each. I was thrilled to get home, assemble the chairs and place them in my living room. Because I have chosen to move a lot in my adult life I have frequently sold and then bought new furniture. Frequently much of what I purchase I get from the thrift stores, garage sales or consignment stores. I have never felt the need to “invest” in furniture that will impress a certain group of people or which I can pass along to a son who also is not attached to possessions.
I am also very aware that I have and continue to choose to see many clients for what they can afford or for nothing. I feel blessed to be able to do this. If I am less than wealthy or not included in the higher end of middle class it is by choice which is much different than being poor because of factors over which one has no control.
I also have to admit that I love my home. Everyone who visits finds it a comfortable, safe place to be. In my home are many reminders of friendships I have enjoyed over the years – artwork, and other mementoes of those friendships. Yet, when I read a disparaging comment about those homes furnished in Ikea or Ikea like furniture I am aware of some very small part of me feeling a little less than or shameful. Fortunately, I am then able to laugh very quickly because I am aware of what is happening.
This example is a reminder to me that every day all of us take in hundreds and perhaps more messages a day about what makes us worthwhile or important. All advertisements which visit us from flyers, mailings, billboards, magazines radio, television, the internet aps or other sources carry an implicit or explicit message about what will make us more desirable, worthwhile, sexy, wealthy, or acceptable in some ways. Even very reputable medical journals which often rely on ads, including ads from pharmaceutical companies, suggest that if one takes a certain medication, one or one’s life will look like that pictured in the ad.
I have often cut out ads from 100 different magazines or taken clips from video/film ads and asked workshop participants to tell me how many they can identify with. A high score may be 2 or 3 out of 200. That means one fails to identify 197 or 198 times in that exercise. Failing means that one did not measure up to what is portrayed. One’s life or personhood does not look like what is portrayed. At a very, often unconscious, level we have logged and stored this failing message. If this happens many times day after day, week after week, month after month, and year after year it is easy to begin to internalize values which are far different than the core values which, at one time, we had carefully though about and adopted.
One can attempt to limit the messages one takes in via ads plus the messages one takes in from one’s boss or others in the community, but unless we are living in a very remote place by oneself with no connection to other humans, it is impossible to avoid all the messages about what gives one worth or importance.
One can, however, be very intentional about the messages one daily gives oneself and choose to spend time with people and at events where one is valued for just being oneself. I am not suggesting that one only take in opinions or views which just reinforces what one already believes. We need to be challenged to think outside the box of our opinions and values. At the same time, we need to ensure that we do not unconsciously adopt values which define worth in terms of where we shop, what kind of car we drive, whether one has expensive garments or owns the latest version of some gadget.
Personally, I need to daily set aside time to remind myself of my core values, how I have come to accept or adopt those values and whether they still make sense to me. I also value the imput of authors I choose to read, friends and colleagues as well finding ways to connect with teachers I respect and who will challenge me to grow.
I am not suggesting that Ikea or very expensive furniture tells me anything important about others. I am suggesting that I know myself well enough that I need to be very vigilant about challenging myself and not allow others who have the goal of selling me something to determine the basis of my worth or the worth of others. I suspect that all of us need to be very vigilant about the basis of our self worth.
Written July 7, 2017
As all of my readers know, this spiritual journey in a step by step process of opening to new levels of truth about one’s humanness and letting go of any shame or embarrassment about being oneself.
The other day I was reading a novel and, once, again, I ran across a passage that described someone’s home as one decorated with Ikea furniture or Ikea like furniture. When such a comment is uttered by a character in a novel, it seems to me that 99% of the time it is uttered as a symptom of one’s relative lack of money or taste. In fact, it is often uttered as a symptom of one’s relative lack of importance in the community of humans. This is quite interesting to me. I was just at Ikea in Pittsburgh the other day. The parking lot was full as was the store. It appeared that there were many families shopping for college apartments or dorm rooms as well as couples and families shopping for their own home. While it is true that I did not see, anyone accompanied by chauffeurs, man servants or personal assistants, I did not think of them as poor or somehow less than because they could not afford to shop at a store which sold high priced heirloom furniture or were choosing not to do so.
Personally, I was very pleased to be able to afford their popular standard living room chairs for $49.00 each. I was thrilled to get home, assemble the chairs and place them in my living room. Because I have chosen to move a lot in my adult life I have frequently sold and then bought new furniture. Frequently much of what I purchase I get from the thrift stores, garage sales or consignment stores. I have never felt the need to “invest” in furniture that will impress a certain group of people or which I can pass along to a son who also is not attached to possessions.
I am also very aware that I have and continue to choose to see many clients for what they can afford or for nothing. I feel blessed to be able to do this. If I am less than wealthy or not included in the higher end of middle class it is by choice which is much different than being poor because of factors over which one has no control.
I also have to admit that I love my home. Everyone who visits finds it a comfortable, safe place to be. In my home are many reminders of friendships I have enjoyed over the years – artwork, and other mementoes of those friendships. Yet, when I read a disparaging comment about those homes furnished in Ikea or Ikea like furniture I am aware of some very small part of me feeling a little less than or shameful. Fortunately, I am then able to laugh very quickly because I am aware of what is happening.
This example is a reminder to me that every day all of us take in hundreds and perhaps more messages a day about what makes us worthwhile or important. All advertisements which visit us from flyers, mailings, billboards, magazines radio, television, the internet aps or other sources carry an implicit or explicit message about what will make us more desirable, worthwhile, sexy, wealthy, or acceptable in some ways. Even very reputable medical journals which often rely on ads, including ads from pharmaceutical companies, suggest that if one takes a certain medication, one or one’s life will look like that pictured in the ad.
I have often cut out ads from 100 different magazines or taken clips from video/film ads and asked workshop participants to tell me how many they can identify with. A high score may be 2 or 3 out of 200. That means one fails to identify 197 or 198 times in that exercise. Failing means that one did not measure up to what is portrayed. One’s life or personhood does not look like what is portrayed. At a very, often unconscious, level we have logged and stored this failing message. If this happens many times day after day, week after week, month after month, and year after year it is easy to begin to internalize values which are far different than the core values which, at one time, we had carefully though about and adopted.
One can attempt to limit the messages one takes in via ads plus the messages one takes in from one’s boss or others in the community, but unless we are living in a very remote place by oneself with no connection to other humans, it is impossible to avoid all the messages about what gives one worth or importance.
One can, however, be very intentional about the messages one daily gives oneself and choose to spend time with people and at events where one is valued for just being oneself. I am not suggesting that one only take in opinions or views which just reinforces what one already believes. We need to be challenged to think outside the box of our opinions and values. At the same time, we need to ensure that we do not unconsciously adopt values which define worth in terms of where we shop, what kind of car we drive, whether one has expensive garments or owns the latest version of some gadget.
Personally, I need to daily set aside time to remind myself of my core values, how I have come to accept or adopt those values and whether they still make sense to me. I also value the imput of authors I choose to read, friends and colleagues as well finding ways to connect with teachers I respect and who will challenge me to grow.
I am not suggesting that Ikea or very expensive furniture tells me anything important about others. I am suggesting that I know myself well enough that I need to be very vigilant about challenging myself and not allow others who have the goal of selling me something to determine the basis of my worth or the worth of others. I suspect that all of us need to be very vigilant about the basis of our self worth.
Written July 7, 2017
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