Further thoughts on doing the next right thing
I do not have an OCD (Obsessive compulsive disorder ) but I may often skate on the edge of that condition. On any given day there are many tasks or activities which I have planned. Occasionally, the activity may be taking time to watch the grass grow which is the time when all the parts of me which have become scattered and disconnected settle into their place within me. The activity may be my desire to write a blog most days or it may be to do some home chores, spend time with a friend, or read one of the many books which are piled in various places around my house. It may be to roll out that pie dough I made last night and fill it with butterscotch custard .
As is true for all of us, no matter what I have scheduled, frequently I have to make a decision to let the schedule or the list dictate my behavior or check with my core values to make a change. In my core values, relationships with friends, other family, is at the top. Yet, it is also true that there are times when I know my internal gas tanks are empty or near empty and I need to fill them before I can be present for or with anyone else.
It is easy for me to convince myself that I can always put relationships with others first and then find time to take care of self. For example, I have scheduled a four-day weekend off work although off work means that I am still committed to honoring my commitment to clients to be available via phone, text or email. Sometimes I schedule time off and a number of clients or even friends need support. On the other hand, my experience is clients and friends are enormously supportive of me taking some time to fill up my gas tanks if I am honest with them and if I trust them to use other resources. I am letting folks know that I am off duty this weekend except for life threating emergencies which I can practically help address. Most real emergencies can, however, be addressed by going to the emergency room, calling the fire department or, if in recovery, going to a 12-step meeting. Actually, there are not many real emergencies.
I have decided that doing my human best to be present with love to myself and others is a core value. Core values, for me, are the base for my decision-making model regarding what is moral or immoral. It is immoral of me to ignore the pain of others. On the other hand, it is immoral of me to pretend as if I can fix others or I can protect them from having to do life on life’s terms. It is also immoral for me to pretend as if I can function on an empty gas tank.
Many decisions about what is moral or immoral are relatively simple for me. Others are not so simple. In future blogs I want to attempt to explore some alternatives methods for deciding what is moral. Clearly it is not enough to say, as Joseph Fletcher suggested, that love should be the core principle for deciding what is moral. Even he had a list of principles to use as a guide. It often seems to me that love is a necessary but not sufficient condition or criteria for deciding what is moral.
Just for today perhaps the most more decision I can make is to question what is moral and not rely on some over simplified, but easy, answers.
Written September 2, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
I do not have an OCD (Obsessive compulsive disorder ) but I may often skate on the edge of that condition. On any given day there are many tasks or activities which I have planned. Occasionally, the activity may be taking time to watch the grass grow which is the time when all the parts of me which have become scattered and disconnected settle into their place within me. The activity may be my desire to write a blog most days or it may be to do some home chores, spend time with a friend, or read one of the many books which are piled in various places around my house. It may be to roll out that pie dough I made last night and fill it with butterscotch custard .
As is true for all of us, no matter what I have scheduled, frequently I have to make a decision to let the schedule or the list dictate my behavior or check with my core values to make a change. In my core values, relationships with friends, other family, is at the top. Yet, it is also true that there are times when I know my internal gas tanks are empty or near empty and I need to fill them before I can be present for or with anyone else.
It is easy for me to convince myself that I can always put relationships with others first and then find time to take care of self. For example, I have scheduled a four-day weekend off work although off work means that I am still committed to honoring my commitment to clients to be available via phone, text or email. Sometimes I schedule time off and a number of clients or even friends need support. On the other hand, my experience is clients and friends are enormously supportive of me taking some time to fill up my gas tanks if I am honest with them and if I trust them to use other resources. I am letting folks know that I am off duty this weekend except for life threating emergencies which I can practically help address. Most real emergencies can, however, be addressed by going to the emergency room, calling the fire department or, if in recovery, going to a 12-step meeting. Actually, there are not many real emergencies.
I have decided that doing my human best to be present with love to myself and others is a core value. Core values, for me, are the base for my decision-making model regarding what is moral or immoral. It is immoral of me to ignore the pain of others. On the other hand, it is immoral of me to pretend as if I can fix others or I can protect them from having to do life on life’s terms. It is also immoral for me to pretend as if I can function on an empty gas tank.
Many decisions about what is moral or immoral are relatively simple for me. Others are not so simple. In future blogs I want to attempt to explore some alternatives methods for deciding what is moral. Clearly it is not enough to say, as Joseph Fletcher suggested, that love should be the core principle for deciding what is moral. Even he had a list of principles to use as a guide. It often seems to me that love is a necessary but not sufficient condition or criteria for deciding what is moral.
Just for today perhaps the most more decision I can make is to question what is moral and not rely on some over simplified, but easy, answers.
Written September 2, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett
coachpickett.org
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