Grace

I attempt to always be aware of how blessed I am.  I know that I am no more deserving than any other person in the world and, yet, I have much more love, money, and other comforts than do many in the world.   I also live in a country where I have a lot of freedoms, especially as a predominantly white male.  Today, even my freedom as a gay man,  is much broader than it was just a few years ago.

On this day, my 75th birthday, I am particularly humbled by the outpouring of well wishes and loving sentiment.  By mid morning I had gotten over 100 texts, phone calls and emails in addition to cards and many birthday balloons decorating the entrance to my home.

Given my Christian background the term Grace frequently comes to my mind.  In the Christian tradition the word is unconditional, unearned love. In the Buddhist tradition the term maître comes to mind. This Sanskrit work is frequently translated as unconditional love or holding one in the cradle of loving-kindness.   Many spiritual teachers, including The Buddha and that Jesus fellow have asserted that we are all deserving of unconditional love; that often the unkind or hurtful things we do are because of our fear of not being enough or of not being worth loving.  We hurt others directly or indirectly because of need to fill an inner void by being better than, more than, strong than, or powerful in someway than.  We are convinced that if we are not more than in some way we are less then.  We are also convinced that if we allow others too close they will discover how underserving we are.

I am well aware that I cannot take any credit for how my mind and the rest of my body functions.  Of course, I know that in order to make decisions about my emotional, physical and spiritual health care my brain has to connect certain idea or concepts.   Even my ability to understand the concept of holistic health care is dependent on certain synapses firing in a certain order. Of course, I also know that it is an interaction system. If I take care of all of my body, all,  including my brain, will work better.  I also know that genetics play a certain role in my health.

Given my acceptance of the blessing of my physical, emotional, spiritual and financial health the question that I feel I must continue to ask myself concerns my responsibility to use these blessings in a responsible manner.   

Again, in the Christian tradition, one of the so called Gospel writers, Saint Luke suggests in 12:48, “And to whomsoever much is given, of him shall much be required: and to whom they commit much, of him will they ask the more.”

In other traditions the teachings suggest that if we truly understand the reason that we humans hurt ourselves and each other, we will want to reassure ourselves and others that we are indeed enough; that it is safe to be us; that we can help heal that person who is running from his/her pain.

Is that then my responsibility to keep letting go of my own fears which will allow me to identify with the fear of others and, thus, to love both myself and others- both the mirror and the reflection.

How shall I do that?  Do I need to be a spiritual teacher with my own home base and means for spreading the word?  Should I write books and find ways to distribute them?  Should I stand on the street corner and just look for ways to love those who others might find it difficult to love or those who mirror parts of me I find it hard to love. Should I give away all my material possession and become a monk or join some community, which will support me in living a simple, loving life?

I am not sure it matters what framework I inhabit or use.  I suspect that today I need to be open to being more intentional about being aware of the many blessings I have been given and open to sharing this bounty. Perhaps it is enough to keep noticing how many blessings or gifts I use or enjoy as if they are my birthright.   Perhaps I need not wait for another outpouring of love and support to share the blessings I have.

At this stage of my life I am not likely to become as Saintly as Mother Theresa, Father Gregory Boyle or one of my dead friends who do more in a week to help others than I do in a year.  Perhaps I do not need to set a goal of becoming saintly!  Perhaps it is enough to demonstrate that we can embrace our own humanness as it is reflected in the homeless, the miserable person who lives in a mansion, the “successful” professional who cries himself or herself to sleep, the lost gang member or the nurse, clerk or other service person who needs to know that their contribution counts.

I have a tendency to complicate the simplest lesson. Perhaps I could gently, lovingly follow the advice “keep it simple stupid”.  No matter how so called intelligent I am when I complicate an issue I become stupid.

I have no answer and I do not have to pretend that I do. I can just show up with gratitude and accept the love, which has been so freely offered. This is not much and, yet, it is a lot.