Grandma says….
I was listening to Ted Talk by Bryan Stevenson – human rights lawyer – this Monday morning. He talked about advice from his grandmother who was the daughter of former slaves. He recounts that one morning she took him aside and said to him “Bryan, you are special. I want you to promise me three things: (1) Always love your mother, (2) always do the right thing even when it is hard, and (3) Do not drink alcohol. There was a history of alcohol abuse in the family. In the matriarchal household in which he grew up Grandma was the ultimate authority.
Earlier this morning I had been thinking about my grandmother, Fanny Mae Pickett and some of her seeming wise sayings or reminders. One of those sayings was “The hurrier I go the behinder I get.” I thought of this particular one because 76 I have yet to keep this sage reminder programed into the part of my brain which directs my actions. One of the emails I got this morning was from my landlord who informed me that the envelope which was to contain the rent check arrived unsealed without the check. Apparently I did not seal the envelope and the check fell out between the time it left my hands and was delivered to his address. In my attempt to get everything done related to my recent move back to Wheeling I apparently did not seal the envelope. I, of course, had to laugh at myself while I simultaneously sighed and wondered how many times I needed to be reminded to slow down, cross all the Ts and dot all the Is. My grandmother’s voice immediately shouted into my ear, “Jim how many times have I told you to slow down and do it right? What is the saying I told you to memorize?”
I would immediately know she meant, “The hurrier I go the behinder I get.” It seemed that I was always rushing to get a job done and not infrequently spilling something or forgetting something.
I recall when my office building was next to Catholic charities which served a large homeless and near homeless population. The homeless men and women would often greet me in the morning when I arrive and join me for a cup of coffee. They would also bid me goodnight and not infrequently remind me to slow down. One night I open the trunk of my car, threw in my briefcase and, inadvertently, my car keys. Opening the trunk on that car did not unlock the car doors. Of course, I efficiently, slammed the trunk with car keys securely locked inside. One of the men laughed at me and said, “The hurrier you go the behinder you get.” Apparently we had the same grandmother.
I am terrible at editing any documents I create. My fingers fly over the keys when I am creating a document. Given the speed it is not surprising that the keyboard skills a letter or prints the wrong one every now and then! I tend to proofread at the same speed which results in practicing no editing! People such as my dear friend and colleague Becky take pity on my and often edits documents for me.
Another saying of my grandma Fannie was, “A penny saved is a penny earned.” Grandma Fannie was very careful with finances. If her husband, my Grandfather Ed, overspent his allowance she might loan him a nickel. I swear she would loan him a nickel and keep a record of the transaction in “THE LEDGER”. I can call up her voice saying, “Ed, you did not repay that nickel. You need to do this.” I also recall going to see her where she worked as a seamstress in a little department store in Sapulpa, Oklahoma after she and Grandpa Ed divorced and before they remarried. Sometime on Saturday if we were in town shopping we would stop by to see Grandma Fanny. She would give each of us a quarter but not before holding us hostage to listening to her “advice” about saving a percentage of that quarter. Of course, we had no idea how little she was paid and what a sacrifice those quarters represented.
My son did not have the advantage of a Grandma Fannie although his dad, me, did his best to pass along all the sage reminders he had received from Grandma Fannie and others. He would surely attest to my attempt to implant all of them in his brain! Of course, as if true for all of us, he would have to pick and choose which ones to attend to.
Some of the most successful programs to create a more just world have involved the grandmother principle. When there was an experiment to make computers accessible to rural places in India, the program included English grandmothers who would praise the efforts of the children. When young people spend time with their elders in nursing homes or other places both the elders and the young people do better in all areas of their lives.
Not all grandmothers are related by birth. As was true with the homeless elders who would daily offer me sage advice, elders are ready to share the life lessons they have learned. Whether it arrives in the form of a cross stitch wall hanging or couch pillow, via a Ted Talk, in a Maya Angelou poem or a talk by Ruby Sales, there is no shortage of elders who are willing to share what they have discovered to be the three (or more) most important life lessons. Even though the current generation might be the wisest teachers of the use and possibilities of technology, the Grandma input will tell us what values technology needs to serve. Grandma Fannie insisted when we were at our house that the time after farm chores and dinner cleanup was to be used for intellectual and spiritual development. One could read, write letters, play or study music for the two or three hours left in the day. She would say, “We may wear out but we are not going to rust out.”
Elders do not need to retire. They will, if we provide the opportunity, remind us that “The teacher is the student and the student is the teacher.”
Written October 3, 2016
I was listening to Ted Talk by Bryan Stevenson – human rights lawyer – this Monday morning. He talked about advice from his grandmother who was the daughter of former slaves. He recounts that one morning she took him aside and said to him “Bryan, you are special. I want you to promise me three things: (1) Always love your mother, (2) always do the right thing even when it is hard, and (3) Do not drink alcohol. There was a history of alcohol abuse in the family. In the matriarchal household in which he grew up Grandma was the ultimate authority.
Earlier this morning I had been thinking about my grandmother, Fanny Mae Pickett and some of her seeming wise sayings or reminders. One of those sayings was “The hurrier I go the behinder I get.” I thought of this particular one because 76 I have yet to keep this sage reminder programed into the part of my brain which directs my actions. One of the emails I got this morning was from my landlord who informed me that the envelope which was to contain the rent check arrived unsealed without the check. Apparently I did not seal the envelope and the check fell out between the time it left my hands and was delivered to his address. In my attempt to get everything done related to my recent move back to Wheeling I apparently did not seal the envelope. I, of course, had to laugh at myself while I simultaneously sighed and wondered how many times I needed to be reminded to slow down, cross all the Ts and dot all the Is. My grandmother’s voice immediately shouted into my ear, “Jim how many times have I told you to slow down and do it right? What is the saying I told you to memorize?”
I would immediately know she meant, “The hurrier I go the behinder I get.” It seemed that I was always rushing to get a job done and not infrequently spilling something or forgetting something.
I recall when my office building was next to Catholic charities which served a large homeless and near homeless population. The homeless men and women would often greet me in the morning when I arrive and join me for a cup of coffee. They would also bid me goodnight and not infrequently remind me to slow down. One night I open the trunk of my car, threw in my briefcase and, inadvertently, my car keys. Opening the trunk on that car did not unlock the car doors. Of course, I efficiently, slammed the trunk with car keys securely locked inside. One of the men laughed at me and said, “The hurrier you go the behinder you get.” Apparently we had the same grandmother.
I am terrible at editing any documents I create. My fingers fly over the keys when I am creating a document. Given the speed it is not surprising that the keyboard skills a letter or prints the wrong one every now and then! I tend to proofread at the same speed which results in practicing no editing! People such as my dear friend and colleague Becky take pity on my and often edits documents for me.
Another saying of my grandma Fannie was, “A penny saved is a penny earned.” Grandma Fannie was very careful with finances. If her husband, my Grandfather Ed, overspent his allowance she might loan him a nickel. I swear she would loan him a nickel and keep a record of the transaction in “THE LEDGER”. I can call up her voice saying, “Ed, you did not repay that nickel. You need to do this.” I also recall going to see her where she worked as a seamstress in a little department store in Sapulpa, Oklahoma after she and Grandpa Ed divorced and before they remarried. Sometime on Saturday if we were in town shopping we would stop by to see Grandma Fanny. She would give each of us a quarter but not before holding us hostage to listening to her “advice” about saving a percentage of that quarter. Of course, we had no idea how little she was paid and what a sacrifice those quarters represented.
My son did not have the advantage of a Grandma Fannie although his dad, me, did his best to pass along all the sage reminders he had received from Grandma Fannie and others. He would surely attest to my attempt to implant all of them in his brain! Of course, as if true for all of us, he would have to pick and choose which ones to attend to.
Some of the most successful programs to create a more just world have involved the grandmother principle. When there was an experiment to make computers accessible to rural places in India, the program included English grandmothers who would praise the efforts of the children. When young people spend time with their elders in nursing homes or other places both the elders and the young people do better in all areas of their lives.
Not all grandmothers are related by birth. As was true with the homeless elders who would daily offer me sage advice, elders are ready to share the life lessons they have learned. Whether it arrives in the form of a cross stitch wall hanging or couch pillow, via a Ted Talk, in a Maya Angelou poem or a talk by Ruby Sales, there is no shortage of elders who are willing to share what they have discovered to be the three (or more) most important life lessons. Even though the current generation might be the wisest teachers of the use and possibilities of technology, the Grandma input will tell us what values technology needs to serve. Grandma Fannie insisted when we were at our house that the time after farm chores and dinner cleanup was to be used for intellectual and spiritual development. One could read, write letters, play or study music for the two or three hours left in the day. She would say, “We may wear out but we are not going to rust out.”
Elders do not need to retire. They will, if we provide the opportunity, remind us that “The teacher is the student and the student is the teacher.”
Written October 3, 2016
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