Grandma says: Be a person of your word.
Grandma Fannie was someone whose word you could count on. If she said she was going to do something she did it. She might not always tell one what one wanted to hear, but she was honest and realistic. As I have previously mentioned, she was generous with her time, food, and other resources. Yet, if she did not think that she could do something she was not one to say she was going to do it. Once she did commit one could be sure that she would do all in her power to keep her word. For example, my memory says that she once said that one of the primary reasons she remarried my grandfather was so that she could take care of him if he got sick. In fact, he got cancer when, as it turned out, she had years to live. She lovingly took care of him until he died. Although again looking at the photograph of the two of them taken the day they got remarried they appear to, once again, be in love. There was never any question in my mind that she never stopped loving him, but she certainly did not need him in the same way that he needed her.
I digress. The subject is being sure one’s word can be trusted. She was determined that her grandchildren learn this core value. Although the intention might be honorable, saying that one could or would do something just to avoid risking the disapproval or disappointment of someone was not acceptable. Grandma Fannie would have said that if not being able to say yes to some request was enough to end a relationship, then the relationship was not build on solid ground.
Since Grandma Fannie was a believer in the God of her understanding, keeping one’s word to God was just as important as keep one’s word to “the least of these.” Whatever one’s understanding of Elohim, prayer was an honest conversation with God. If one prayed that one would become a better person, Grandma Fannie took this prayer to mean that one was making a commitment to God to be the very best one could be no matter how difficult or uncomfortable the task. It would not have occurred to me to say to Grandmas Fannie: “I did not do task X because it was too difficult.” If it was a tough physical task it was okay to ask for help or to figure out how to do it. If it was a tough emotional or spiritual task one was expected to “know” that God would give one the strength to do it. If it seemed as if God was not going to give one the strength, it was because one’s faith and resolve were not clear and was not to be trusted. There were no excuses. One had given one’s word even if it was in the form of a request during prayer. Grandma Fannie was not one to allow for one to get out of doing something because one had intentionally left a window open to allow for “changing one’s mind.” If one was thinking that one could put one over on God, one needed to be sure this was not going to happen with Grandma Fannie. She would clearly let one know how disappointed she was that one would even attempt such a ruse. Unlike today, when we may find ourselves using very colorful language to share our reaction, Grandma Fannie was very adept her communicating her disappointment and expectations without resorting to four letter words.
When talking about the challenges which politicians seem to face in keeping their word she was very clear about the eternal resting places of such rouge individuals, but still avoided the use of crude language which has become the new normal. She clearly would not approve.
For Grandma Fannie one’s word formed the core of one’s integrity as a person. If one could not trust one’s word a relationship was not possible. In order to have a relationship there had to be trust. Some might have thought that she was overly sensitive to this issue when demanding that her husband repay the nickel he has promised to repay, but there was no distinction between big issues and little issues when it came to keeping one’s word.
In the days of so-called fake news, saying whatever to get elected or promising the moon just to make a sale, it would seem as if there are so many exceptions to keeping one’s word that this measure of trust has been discarded. Yet, if this be the case, what is left? If one’s word cannot be trusted in all areas of one’s life there seems to be an increasing distance and, thus, disconnect which has a negative impact on all aspects of the community. Grandma Fannie would say that the first step in recovery/healing of the individual and the community would be a return to being able to “be person of your word.” Seems like sage advice to me.
Written May 1, 2017
Grandma Fannie was someone whose word you could count on. If she said she was going to do something she did it. She might not always tell one what one wanted to hear, but she was honest and realistic. As I have previously mentioned, she was generous with her time, food, and other resources. Yet, if she did not think that she could do something she was not one to say she was going to do it. Once she did commit one could be sure that she would do all in her power to keep her word. For example, my memory says that she once said that one of the primary reasons she remarried my grandfather was so that she could take care of him if he got sick. In fact, he got cancer when, as it turned out, she had years to live. She lovingly took care of him until he died. Although again looking at the photograph of the two of them taken the day they got remarried they appear to, once again, be in love. There was never any question in my mind that she never stopped loving him, but she certainly did not need him in the same way that he needed her.
I digress. The subject is being sure one’s word can be trusted. She was determined that her grandchildren learn this core value. Although the intention might be honorable, saying that one could or would do something just to avoid risking the disapproval or disappointment of someone was not acceptable. Grandma Fannie would have said that if not being able to say yes to some request was enough to end a relationship, then the relationship was not build on solid ground.
Since Grandma Fannie was a believer in the God of her understanding, keeping one’s word to God was just as important as keep one’s word to “the least of these.” Whatever one’s understanding of Elohim, prayer was an honest conversation with God. If one prayed that one would become a better person, Grandma Fannie took this prayer to mean that one was making a commitment to God to be the very best one could be no matter how difficult or uncomfortable the task. It would not have occurred to me to say to Grandmas Fannie: “I did not do task X because it was too difficult.” If it was a tough physical task it was okay to ask for help or to figure out how to do it. If it was a tough emotional or spiritual task one was expected to “know” that God would give one the strength to do it. If it seemed as if God was not going to give one the strength, it was because one’s faith and resolve were not clear and was not to be trusted. There were no excuses. One had given one’s word even if it was in the form of a request during prayer. Grandma Fannie was not one to allow for one to get out of doing something because one had intentionally left a window open to allow for “changing one’s mind.” If one was thinking that one could put one over on God, one needed to be sure this was not going to happen with Grandma Fannie. She would clearly let one know how disappointed she was that one would even attempt such a ruse. Unlike today, when we may find ourselves using very colorful language to share our reaction, Grandma Fannie was very adept her communicating her disappointment and expectations without resorting to four letter words.
When talking about the challenges which politicians seem to face in keeping their word she was very clear about the eternal resting places of such rouge individuals, but still avoided the use of crude language which has become the new normal. She clearly would not approve.
For Grandma Fannie one’s word formed the core of one’s integrity as a person. If one could not trust one’s word a relationship was not possible. In order to have a relationship there had to be trust. Some might have thought that she was overly sensitive to this issue when demanding that her husband repay the nickel he has promised to repay, but there was no distinction between big issues and little issues when it came to keeping one’s word.
In the days of so-called fake news, saying whatever to get elected or promising the moon just to make a sale, it would seem as if there are so many exceptions to keeping one’s word that this measure of trust has been discarded. Yet, if this be the case, what is left? If one’s word cannot be trusted in all areas of one’s life there seems to be an increasing distance and, thus, disconnect which has a negative impact on all aspects of the community. Grandma Fannie would say that the first step in recovery/healing of the individual and the community would be a return to being able to “be person of your word.” Seems like sage advice to me.
Written May 1, 2017
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