Grandma says: “Be slow to anger and quick to forgive.”
As a child, it seems that frustration and anger visited me often. Anger just arrived and took over my body. Fortunately, I did have some control over my mouth and “knew better” than to verbally respond to adults in a mean or angry way. Adults, however seemed to be able to easily ascertain when I was angry. While some adults in my life responded to my anger with anger, I do not recall Grandma Fannie getting angry. She was more likely to gently remind me that it was important to learn to “be slow to anger and quick to forgive”. Although there was always a bible close by she did not, to the best of my recollection, sit me down and have me read Numbers 14:18 the first sentence of which reads, “The Lord is slow to anger, abounding in love and forgiving sin and rebellion.” Perhaps she did not want me to focus on the sentence following this one:
“Yet, he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation.” Despite her being active in a Southern Baptist Church whose preacher seemed very focused on how angry and disappointed God was with his sinful children, she and her sister Beulah seemed to identify more with the gentle example of Jesus who seldom got angry and was always quick to forgive. Aunt Beulah was a Church of God Minister who, in my memory, embodied the gentle spirit of Jesus. I recall her as a woman who had arms perpetually open to embrace and an infectious laugh which seemed to say, “Oh that anger of Jim is just masking that sweet boy who will eventually come to embrace his own human limitations.
Perhaps the tough farm life in that unforgiving red clay of Oklahoma, the frequent tornadoes and the relative lack of medical care in those times forced many to accept one’s lack of power and control. No matter what one did, some disease or the local coyote or other animals might eat all the chickens or infect the cows or horses. One could not depend on the weather to bring the crops to maturity. There were constant reminders that one was not in charge. Either one accepted what was and trusted that with God’s help and by sharing what was available one got by one day at a time or one stayed angry and useless.
Perhaps Aunt Beulah reminded her sister, Grandma Fannie of the hymn:
"Sweet Beulah Land" Lyrics
Bill Gaither [Gospel] feat. Squire Parsons
I'm kind of homesick for a country
To which I've never been before.
No sad goodbyes will there be spoken
For time, won't matter anymore.
There is no way for me to now know how Grandma Fannie and Aunt Beulah decided that the example of Jesus overrode the judgment predictions in Numbers and other parts of the old testament. All I know is that the advice to be “slow to anger and quick to forgive” was sage advice for that time and for today.
Grandma Fannie and Aunt Beulah seemed to take to heart that none of us are in a position to judge others; that we have no scientific way of deciding who is more or less deserving of forgiveness and love. They seemed constitutionally unable to hide the knowledge that all of us make grave mistakes and are hurtful to ourselves and others. Just as Jesus did with the prostitute or Judas they were quick to forgive the most grievous of errors or misdeeds. Perhaps it was just a realization that life is short and one best be about picking up the pieces and moving one.
At some point, it became clear to me that neither Grandma Fannie or Aunt Beulah were suggesting that one be passive or a doormat. When Grandma Fannie and her husband Grandpa Ed could not find a way to live in loving peace they got a divorce. Yet, sometime later in 1948 they got remarried. Grandma Fannie was, however, insistent that forgiveness did not preclude a pre-nuptial agreement which now hangs on my office wall.
I can imagine Grandma Fannie saying to those who hold on to anger and refuse to forgive, “Go to our room until you can learn how to place nice. I do not have time for this nonsense. You need to decide to let go of that terrible anger and to listen to the advice of Jesus. We have work to do and it does not involve being mean to each other or refusing to forgive each other. How about you write about why it is important to “be slow to anger and quick to forgive”.
It is interesting that the same lessons which Grandma Fannie and Aunt Beulah taught are the ones which most need our attention today. It seems that the older I get the more I am challenged to unpeel another layer of the very same lessons these wise women taught me so many years ago.
Thanks, Grandma Fannie and Aunt Beulah.
Written March 3, 2017
As a child, it seems that frustration and anger visited me often. Anger just arrived and took over my body. Fortunately, I did have some control over my mouth and “knew better” than to verbally respond to adults in a mean or angry way. Adults, however seemed to be able to easily ascertain when I was angry. While some adults in my life responded to my anger with anger, I do not recall Grandma Fannie getting angry. She was more likely to gently remind me that it was important to learn to “be slow to anger and quick to forgive”. Although there was always a bible close by she did not, to the best of my recollection, sit me down and have me read Numbers 14:18 the first sentence of which reads, “The Lord is slow to anger, abounding in love and forgiving sin and rebellion.” Perhaps she did not want me to focus on the sentence following this one:
“Yet, he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation.” Despite her being active in a Southern Baptist Church whose preacher seemed very focused on how angry and disappointed God was with his sinful children, she and her sister Beulah seemed to identify more with the gentle example of Jesus who seldom got angry and was always quick to forgive. Aunt Beulah was a Church of God Minister who, in my memory, embodied the gentle spirit of Jesus. I recall her as a woman who had arms perpetually open to embrace and an infectious laugh which seemed to say, “Oh that anger of Jim is just masking that sweet boy who will eventually come to embrace his own human limitations.
Perhaps the tough farm life in that unforgiving red clay of Oklahoma, the frequent tornadoes and the relative lack of medical care in those times forced many to accept one’s lack of power and control. No matter what one did, some disease or the local coyote or other animals might eat all the chickens or infect the cows or horses. One could not depend on the weather to bring the crops to maturity. There were constant reminders that one was not in charge. Either one accepted what was and trusted that with God’s help and by sharing what was available one got by one day at a time or one stayed angry and useless.
Perhaps Aunt Beulah reminded her sister, Grandma Fannie of the hymn:
"Sweet Beulah Land" Lyrics
Bill Gaither [Gospel] feat. Squire Parsons
I'm kind of homesick for a country
To which I've never been before.
No sad goodbyes will there be spoken
For time, won't matter anymore.
There is no way for me to now know how Grandma Fannie and Aunt Beulah decided that the example of Jesus overrode the judgment predictions in Numbers and other parts of the old testament. All I know is that the advice to be “slow to anger and quick to forgive” was sage advice for that time and for today.
Grandma Fannie and Aunt Beulah seemed to take to heart that none of us are in a position to judge others; that we have no scientific way of deciding who is more or less deserving of forgiveness and love. They seemed constitutionally unable to hide the knowledge that all of us make grave mistakes and are hurtful to ourselves and others. Just as Jesus did with the prostitute or Judas they were quick to forgive the most grievous of errors or misdeeds. Perhaps it was just a realization that life is short and one best be about picking up the pieces and moving one.
At some point, it became clear to me that neither Grandma Fannie or Aunt Beulah were suggesting that one be passive or a doormat. When Grandma Fannie and her husband Grandpa Ed could not find a way to live in loving peace they got a divorce. Yet, sometime later in 1948 they got remarried. Grandma Fannie was, however, insistent that forgiveness did not preclude a pre-nuptial agreement which now hangs on my office wall.
I can imagine Grandma Fannie saying to those who hold on to anger and refuse to forgive, “Go to our room until you can learn how to place nice. I do not have time for this nonsense. You need to decide to let go of that terrible anger and to listen to the advice of Jesus. We have work to do and it does not involve being mean to each other or refusing to forgive each other. How about you write about why it is important to “be slow to anger and quick to forgive”.
It is interesting that the same lessons which Grandma Fannie and Aunt Beulah taught are the ones which most need our attention today. It seems that the older I get the more I am challenged to unpeel another layer of the very same lessons these wise women taught me so many years ago.
Thanks, Grandma Fannie and Aunt Beulah.
Written March 3, 2017
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