Grandma says: “Give the devil his (or her) due.”
When I was listening to the report of the news while at the gym this morning I was again reminded how often thishumans thinks in terms of duality. I have previously written on duality and how difficult it is for this human to change the habit of thinking in that manner.
For whatever reason, I suddenly remembered Grandma Fannie often saying, “Give the devil his due.” Although she did not, as I recall, talk about the gross limitations of dualities, in essence this was exactly what she was attempting to teach her grandchildren and others. She was usually referring to the fact that someone whom she thought seldom said or did anything worth one’s attention, would say or do something which was quite laudatory. She might then say, “Did you hear that. He/she said x. He/she has a point. You have to give the devil his (or her) due.”
Grandma was one of the few adults I recall from my childhood willing to openly admit that people she admired might say or do something which did not make sense or was not consistent with their stated values or goals. It was also not unusual for her to openly acknowledge that someone whose values she thought was not very admirable has said or done something for which they deserved our acknowledgement and even praise.
It seems as if so often when I sat in class I “heard” the teacher presenting material as “the definitive truth”. Although it was not until college that I would find my voice to openly question versions of “the truth”, I recall wanting to say that I thought Mr. Holcomb’s version of history was not the whole story. I might think that, like Paul Harvey of radio fame, I wanted to hear “the rest of the story.” For example, I did accept that Mr. Stalin was frequently very cruel and dangerous. On the other hand, I questioned that we in the United States always had admirable and pure intentions. I was, for example, very aware at a young age of the treatment of blacks, Indians, and many others. Yet, that part of history was not taught in the school that I attended.
Despite this “enlightened view” I somehow managed to internalize an approach which often demonized a person or group while suggesting that the opposing person or group was practically saintly. I obviously knew better, but I continue, even to the present day, to catch myself thinking in those all or nothing terms Thus, it was while listening to the news and later reading the newspaper this morning that I was thinking that “he (or she) had expressed a very valid concern, opinion or offered a potentially viable alternative solution. While listening to one story this morning I initially though, “How could that person or organization be so stupid? Of course, X is true. Y is right to demand an alternative action. Yet, after calming down and listening more carefully to the reason given for the action of the person or organization, I had “to give the devil his (or her due). I had to silently withdraw my support for those about to publicly demonstrate demanding that their idea of justice be enacted. In one case, it made sense that a state and not the Federal agency take action. In another case I thought a person for whom I have a lot of respect needed to publicly take responsibility for his/her mistakes.
Grandma Fannie (the one I carry in my head) seemed particularly passionate this morning about reminding me “to give the devil his due” or, in other words, to be quiet and listen with a more open mind and discerning ear.
Life and my thought process is so much simpler when I can label people as saints or devils. I can be arrogant, self-righteous and not have to think beyond the 13-year old level. I can rant and rave about “those idiots” and “those stupid ideas”. The problem is, of course, that one gets worn out from ranting and raving and, most importantly, nothing constructive gets done.
There are certain opinions or positions for which it seems as if there is only one morally or practically sane label. Those defending an opposing view are just plain stupid, unkind or speaking for the devil. Yet, I know that I must open to the possibility that even if that seeming immoral box is a kernel of truth or even a defensible position to which I would do well to listen. For me this requires me to quiet the story I have brought to the story and really listen to what is being offered. I might, just might, hear something I need to hear.
In the 12-step program one is often reminded of one of their traditions, “principles before personalities”. It may seem as if someone is so enmeshed in his or her sick, addictive thinking that they have nothing worth attending to. Yet, it is just possible that the one bit of truth to which one needs to attend that day or that moment is uttered by a most unlikely person. This has happened to me at University lectures or debates, when talking to a homeless person, when listening to someone from that political party or from that otherwise “challenged person or organization”.
With any luck and a lot of intentional invitations to Grandma Fannie as I move throughout each day I may, just may, remember “to give the devil his (her) due.
Written May 4, 2017
When I was listening to the report of the news while at the gym this morning I was again reminded how often thishumans thinks in terms of duality. I have previously written on duality and how difficult it is for this human to change the habit of thinking in that manner.
For whatever reason, I suddenly remembered Grandma Fannie often saying, “Give the devil his due.” Although she did not, as I recall, talk about the gross limitations of dualities, in essence this was exactly what she was attempting to teach her grandchildren and others. She was usually referring to the fact that someone whom she thought seldom said or did anything worth one’s attention, would say or do something which was quite laudatory. She might then say, “Did you hear that. He/she said x. He/she has a point. You have to give the devil his (or her) due.”
Grandma was one of the few adults I recall from my childhood willing to openly admit that people she admired might say or do something which did not make sense or was not consistent with their stated values or goals. It was also not unusual for her to openly acknowledge that someone whose values she thought was not very admirable has said or done something for which they deserved our acknowledgement and even praise.
It seems as if so often when I sat in class I “heard” the teacher presenting material as “the definitive truth”. Although it was not until college that I would find my voice to openly question versions of “the truth”, I recall wanting to say that I thought Mr. Holcomb’s version of history was not the whole story. I might think that, like Paul Harvey of radio fame, I wanted to hear “the rest of the story.” For example, I did accept that Mr. Stalin was frequently very cruel and dangerous. On the other hand, I questioned that we in the United States always had admirable and pure intentions. I was, for example, very aware at a young age of the treatment of blacks, Indians, and many others. Yet, that part of history was not taught in the school that I attended.
Despite this “enlightened view” I somehow managed to internalize an approach which often demonized a person or group while suggesting that the opposing person or group was practically saintly. I obviously knew better, but I continue, even to the present day, to catch myself thinking in those all or nothing terms Thus, it was while listening to the news and later reading the newspaper this morning that I was thinking that “he (or she) had expressed a very valid concern, opinion or offered a potentially viable alternative solution. While listening to one story this morning I initially though, “How could that person or organization be so stupid? Of course, X is true. Y is right to demand an alternative action. Yet, after calming down and listening more carefully to the reason given for the action of the person or organization, I had “to give the devil his (or her due). I had to silently withdraw my support for those about to publicly demonstrate demanding that their idea of justice be enacted. In one case, it made sense that a state and not the Federal agency take action. In another case I thought a person for whom I have a lot of respect needed to publicly take responsibility for his/her mistakes.
Grandma Fannie (the one I carry in my head) seemed particularly passionate this morning about reminding me “to give the devil his due” or, in other words, to be quiet and listen with a more open mind and discerning ear.
Life and my thought process is so much simpler when I can label people as saints or devils. I can be arrogant, self-righteous and not have to think beyond the 13-year old level. I can rant and rave about “those idiots” and “those stupid ideas”. The problem is, of course, that one gets worn out from ranting and raving and, most importantly, nothing constructive gets done.
There are certain opinions or positions for which it seems as if there is only one morally or practically sane label. Those defending an opposing view are just plain stupid, unkind or speaking for the devil. Yet, I know that I must open to the possibility that even if that seeming immoral box is a kernel of truth or even a defensible position to which I would do well to listen. For me this requires me to quiet the story I have brought to the story and really listen to what is being offered. I might, just might, hear something I need to hear.
In the 12-step program one is often reminded of one of their traditions, “principles before personalities”. It may seem as if someone is so enmeshed in his or her sick, addictive thinking that they have nothing worth attending to. Yet, it is just possible that the one bit of truth to which one needs to attend that day or that moment is uttered by a most unlikely person. This has happened to me at University lectures or debates, when talking to a homeless person, when listening to someone from that political party or from that otherwise “challenged person or organization”.
With any luck and a lot of intentional invitations to Grandma Fannie as I move throughout each day I may, just may, remember “to give the devil his (her) due.
Written May 4, 2017
RSS Feed