Grandma says – God is watching you!
Grandmother Pickett’s commitment to instilling solid moral values which translated into daily behavior was such that she did not mind bringing in the heavy artillery. The heaviest artillery in her arsenal was GOD! If it appears that if one was not sufficiently fearful of her admonishments and disapproval, she did not hesitate to bring in the threat of the disapproval of God. Since we had been introduced to the hell, fire and brimstone of the Southern Baptist tradition, this was not a minor threat. The Roman Catholics had nothing on us Southern Baptist protestants. The Roman Catholics had their venal and mortal sins. They even had THE LIST of the Seven. Southern Baptists preferred to leave it to the creativity of the individual pastor although there were certainly expected categories of sins. They included:
· Sexual sins including lustful thoughts and behavior.
· The ten commandments.
· Disrespect towards one’s elders.
· Disrespect during church.
· Sloth.
· Divorce.
· Dancing.
· Drinking.
· Not praying many times a day.
· Not giving in to the power of the holy spirit although this one seemed to be applied more liberally to females.
· Fussing about spending two hours in church.
· Being bested by one’s neighbors in monetary donations to the church or contributions of food to church meals.
· Whining about what one had to eat or not eating everything on one’s plate when there were starving children in China.
I am sure that there were many others, but these come immediately to mind. Of course, elders, including Grandmother Pickett, felt free to assure one that she was merely channeling the displeasure of God anytime one’s behavior veered from what she was sure was dictated by God.
Warnings about the wages of sin came in stages. The first stage might be a gentle, but stern reminder. If that did not work she might remind one to not force her to have to whup you. This was presented in a way which make it clear that the sinful party was totally responsible for her moving on to the next level of carrying out one’s Christian responsibility.
As a child, it seemed to me that God could not possibility be concerning himself (God was in that tradition always a male but apparently preferred on a daily basis to be channeled in the body of the female’s elders) with the minuscular details of what hands, feet, or facial expressions were doing. It all seemed a bit much for my small mind. I mean, I knew that God could surely memorize the material for a math or English exam, but every detail of my waking and perhaps sleeping life? One shook with fear. If indeed God was privy to every thought one knew that any discipline by a mere mortal fell short of what was deserved. To this date I cower with fear that a grandmother surrogate might “know” my innermost thoughts. Personally, I was always hopeful that if indeed it was possible that my left hand might not know what my right hand was doing in acts of charity, perhaps God only checked with the right hand thoughts so to speak. What can I say? Knowing the depravity which lurked near the surface of my Sunday suit I was grasping for any possibility of salvation.
Obviously, it did not help that all elder women in my life as a child had a cyclops eye in the back of their head and were gifted with the art of reading minds. I am quite sure that God was well pleased with his 24/7 servants posing and sweet, demure women. Do not get me wrong. My grandmother and the other powerful women in my life were indeed sweet, embracing, generous women. Grandmother in her homemade house dress and old lady, sturdy shoes was the purest of the pure. One could hardly hold it against her that the Holy Spirit might, without prior notice, deliver the supreme love of Father God in the form of a whack alongside of one’s head. This could be delivered without her having to raise her white gloved hand or taking leave of the reverent smile as she pondered her grave responsibility.
This blessed servant of God, Fanny Mae Pickett, ended her earthly responsibilities on August 21, 1979. I am sure that she now has an exalted position of leadership and is, as I type, working alongside many other powerful women to alter the genetic makeup of humans so that their brain will one day experience a powerful electrical zap every time they consider veering from the straight and narrow road. Every human will have an internal virtual grandmother with a built in head whack.
God can finally take a much needed vacation.
In the meantime “God is watching YOU!”
Written December 12, 2016
Grandmother Pickett’s commitment to instilling solid moral values which translated into daily behavior was such that she did not mind bringing in the heavy artillery. The heaviest artillery in her arsenal was GOD! If it appears that if one was not sufficiently fearful of her admonishments and disapproval, she did not hesitate to bring in the threat of the disapproval of God. Since we had been introduced to the hell, fire and brimstone of the Southern Baptist tradition, this was not a minor threat. The Roman Catholics had nothing on us Southern Baptist protestants. The Roman Catholics had their venal and mortal sins. They even had THE LIST of the Seven. Southern Baptists preferred to leave it to the creativity of the individual pastor although there were certainly expected categories of sins. They included:
· Sexual sins including lustful thoughts and behavior.
· The ten commandments.
· Disrespect towards one’s elders.
· Disrespect during church.
· Sloth.
· Divorce.
· Dancing.
· Drinking.
· Not praying many times a day.
· Not giving in to the power of the holy spirit although this one seemed to be applied more liberally to females.
· Fussing about spending two hours in church.
· Being bested by one’s neighbors in monetary donations to the church or contributions of food to church meals.
· Whining about what one had to eat or not eating everything on one’s plate when there were starving children in China.
I am sure that there were many others, but these come immediately to mind. Of course, elders, including Grandmother Pickett, felt free to assure one that she was merely channeling the displeasure of God anytime one’s behavior veered from what she was sure was dictated by God.
Warnings about the wages of sin came in stages. The first stage might be a gentle, but stern reminder. If that did not work she might remind one to not force her to have to whup you. This was presented in a way which make it clear that the sinful party was totally responsible for her moving on to the next level of carrying out one’s Christian responsibility.
As a child, it seemed to me that God could not possibility be concerning himself (God was in that tradition always a male but apparently preferred on a daily basis to be channeled in the body of the female’s elders) with the minuscular details of what hands, feet, or facial expressions were doing. It all seemed a bit much for my small mind. I mean, I knew that God could surely memorize the material for a math or English exam, but every detail of my waking and perhaps sleeping life? One shook with fear. If indeed God was privy to every thought one knew that any discipline by a mere mortal fell short of what was deserved. To this date I cower with fear that a grandmother surrogate might “know” my innermost thoughts. Personally, I was always hopeful that if indeed it was possible that my left hand might not know what my right hand was doing in acts of charity, perhaps God only checked with the right hand thoughts so to speak. What can I say? Knowing the depravity which lurked near the surface of my Sunday suit I was grasping for any possibility of salvation.
Obviously, it did not help that all elder women in my life as a child had a cyclops eye in the back of their head and were gifted with the art of reading minds. I am quite sure that God was well pleased with his 24/7 servants posing and sweet, demure women. Do not get me wrong. My grandmother and the other powerful women in my life were indeed sweet, embracing, generous women. Grandmother in her homemade house dress and old lady, sturdy shoes was the purest of the pure. One could hardly hold it against her that the Holy Spirit might, without prior notice, deliver the supreme love of Father God in the form of a whack alongside of one’s head. This could be delivered without her having to raise her white gloved hand or taking leave of the reverent smile as she pondered her grave responsibility.
This blessed servant of God, Fanny Mae Pickett, ended her earthly responsibilities on August 21, 1979. I am sure that she now has an exalted position of leadership and is, as I type, working alongside many other powerful women to alter the genetic makeup of humans so that their brain will one day experience a powerful electrical zap every time they consider veering from the straight and narrow road. Every human will have an internal virtual grandmother with a built in head whack.
God can finally take a much needed vacation.
In the meantime “God is watching YOU!”
Written December 12, 2016
RSS Feed