Grandma says: “If you don’t have something good to say do not say anything.”
I am at that age where the best gifts are those whose shelf life is very brief. Heathy food, gift cards to my favorite coffee place or, of course, Amazon are always appreciated, but not expected or needed. A friend of mine told her college son what she wanted was a commitment for him to make a phone call on a more regular basis – just to check in and let her hear his voice.
There is one gift which I wish Santa would hand deliver. I would like a Grandma implant. This Grandma Implant would be triggered by thoughts which are better left unsaid. As soon as a negative thought about a person or an event began to be birthed the Grandma implant would activate a switch which would shut down all mouth and finger actions. I then would not be able use my mouth or fingers until the appropriate – meaning positive - wise grandma words were in charge of my behavior.
One of Grandma Fannie’s most frequent reminders was “If you don’t have something good to say do not say anything.” The wisdom of this advice is, hopefully, to all of us, very evident. How often has many of us – certainly me – told someone something that “they needed to hear” only to wish when the kind/sane part of one’s brain returned from vacation that one had heeded Grandma’s advice. It is not that one uttered a lie. It is that the words one said or typed were not coming from the heart. The goal of uttering them was about helping the other person or the relationship. The goal was to let the person know that they are responsible for one’s personal existential angst or the state of affairs in the community/country/world.
I am not hoping for a Grandma Implant that would transform one into one of those overly passionate, sweet, cheery wait persons one sometimes has the misfortune of getting at 7:00 a.m. – one of those wait persons that one wants to duct tape and sit on for as long as it takes to remind them of all that sucks in the world today. That would be terrible and might result in suicide. One could not stand to live another minute with oneself. No, the goal would be to honor the feeling and accept it for just what it is – a feeling which has somehow decided to visit. Perhaps one is in the throes of HALT – Hunger, Angry, Lonely, Tired. Perhaps one has made a choice to turn down some invitations to holiday gatherings and is now feeling all alone and as if no one cares. One might be tempted to believe these feelings and/or tell oneself that one is all alone because no one loves one. At that moment, the fact that one turned down numerous invitations to dinner is immaterial. One might tell oneself that they just felt sorry for one and did not really want one there. At that moment one is capable of believing the lies that a part of the brain is telling one. Once one buys the lies the mouth and/or the fingers spring into attack mode.
Another time one might be desperate to blame someone else for the fact that one procrastinated and did not complete some task.
Then there is the time when one needs to convince oneself that one would never be capable of the behavior of some low-life person who deserves whatever they get. At that moment, one’s self-righteous button is turned all the way up to high.
Knowing that Grandma’s advice has proven itself over and over again does not ensure that one will heed it before one opens one mouth or allows the flying fingers expert to produce the masterpiece of “telling it like it is”.
I am well aware that I had previously written to Santa saying that all I wanted and, in fact, needed was a partner who is physically irresistible, emotionally, and spiritually healthy, available, self-supporting and loves to do all the home chores. Yes, I know that I promised that I would never in this life journey ask for anything else, but now I am having second thoughts. I really, really need the Grandmas Says implant. Of course, if Santa wanted to give me the perfect partner, the Grandma Implant and throw in world peace as a bonus I would not complain unless, of course, ….
Perhaps just in case the all the Grandma Says implants have gone to political candidates I could do as I so often advise others when they are feeling as if they need to say something negative to another – write a gratitude list thus forcing my brain to pretend as if it has taken up residence in a reasonably healthy head. I could also look at the photo of Grandma Fannie who is smiling at my humanness. Perhaps …
Thanks, Santa.
Written December 23, 2016
I am at that age where the best gifts are those whose shelf life is very brief. Heathy food, gift cards to my favorite coffee place or, of course, Amazon are always appreciated, but not expected or needed. A friend of mine told her college son what she wanted was a commitment for him to make a phone call on a more regular basis – just to check in and let her hear his voice.
There is one gift which I wish Santa would hand deliver. I would like a Grandma implant. This Grandma Implant would be triggered by thoughts which are better left unsaid. As soon as a negative thought about a person or an event began to be birthed the Grandma implant would activate a switch which would shut down all mouth and finger actions. I then would not be able use my mouth or fingers until the appropriate – meaning positive - wise grandma words were in charge of my behavior.
One of Grandma Fannie’s most frequent reminders was “If you don’t have something good to say do not say anything.” The wisdom of this advice is, hopefully, to all of us, very evident. How often has many of us – certainly me – told someone something that “they needed to hear” only to wish when the kind/sane part of one’s brain returned from vacation that one had heeded Grandma’s advice. It is not that one uttered a lie. It is that the words one said or typed were not coming from the heart. The goal of uttering them was about helping the other person or the relationship. The goal was to let the person know that they are responsible for one’s personal existential angst or the state of affairs in the community/country/world.
I am not hoping for a Grandma Implant that would transform one into one of those overly passionate, sweet, cheery wait persons one sometimes has the misfortune of getting at 7:00 a.m. – one of those wait persons that one wants to duct tape and sit on for as long as it takes to remind them of all that sucks in the world today. That would be terrible and might result in suicide. One could not stand to live another minute with oneself. No, the goal would be to honor the feeling and accept it for just what it is – a feeling which has somehow decided to visit. Perhaps one is in the throes of HALT – Hunger, Angry, Lonely, Tired. Perhaps one has made a choice to turn down some invitations to holiday gatherings and is now feeling all alone and as if no one cares. One might be tempted to believe these feelings and/or tell oneself that one is all alone because no one loves one. At that moment, the fact that one turned down numerous invitations to dinner is immaterial. One might tell oneself that they just felt sorry for one and did not really want one there. At that moment one is capable of believing the lies that a part of the brain is telling one. Once one buys the lies the mouth and/or the fingers spring into attack mode.
Another time one might be desperate to blame someone else for the fact that one procrastinated and did not complete some task.
Then there is the time when one needs to convince oneself that one would never be capable of the behavior of some low-life person who deserves whatever they get. At that moment, one’s self-righteous button is turned all the way up to high.
Knowing that Grandma’s advice has proven itself over and over again does not ensure that one will heed it before one opens one mouth or allows the flying fingers expert to produce the masterpiece of “telling it like it is”.
I am well aware that I had previously written to Santa saying that all I wanted and, in fact, needed was a partner who is physically irresistible, emotionally, and spiritually healthy, available, self-supporting and loves to do all the home chores. Yes, I know that I promised that I would never in this life journey ask for anything else, but now I am having second thoughts. I really, really need the Grandmas Says implant. Of course, if Santa wanted to give me the perfect partner, the Grandma Implant and throw in world peace as a bonus I would not complain unless, of course, ….
Perhaps just in case the all the Grandma Says implants have gone to political candidates I could do as I so often advise others when they are feeling as if they need to say something negative to another – write a gratitude list thus forcing my brain to pretend as if it has taken up residence in a reasonably healthy head. I could also look at the photo of Grandma Fannie who is smiling at my humanness. Perhaps …
Thanks, Santa.
Written December 23, 2016
RSS Feed