Grandma says – “Learn to compromise.”
Often as children, my siblings and I wanted some particular book or object. Although I am sure that my mother told us to share, fighting over something at grandmother’s house would elicit a lecture worthy of a professor of a graduate school class on the merits of compromise. Naturally, being children, we were interested in having what we wanted when we wanted it. If I was the one in current possession, then I would defend the fairness of my retaining it. I might claim that my sibling earlier refused to share X or had the object now in my possession earlier for a longer period of time than me. I also might claim that I had found the object and deserved to keep it. In the end, the dreaded c word would roll out of my grandmother’s lips. That c word was compromise. She wanted to be sure that whether it was a toy, money, time or some other commodity we learned the importance of compromising – each of us giving up a little of what we wanted and each of us getting a little of what we wanted. While it was clear that one never compromised on moral or ethical core values, even those could be called into question when we fought over whose morally superior wisdom was worthy of consideration. Grandmother was herself an enigma. She was an independent – one might even accuse her of being an early feminist – matriarchal gatherer of the clan - reader – Southern Baptist – and a person who was comfortable in Chicago or very rural Oklahoma. She and some of her siblings seemed to have learned or decided early on that while the truth will set you free the walls which held that truth should be early versions of those designed to be movable. Thus wisdom was to be gained from many sources and stitched together in a pattern that was both as intricately laid out as one of the complicated quilts she created and as inclusive as the casserole or stew which incorporated all the varied leftovers and end pieces which has been patiently residing in the refrigerator. While she believed strongly in hard physical, spiritual and intellectual work she could always make time for coffee and a conversation or just sitting and waiting for the angel of wisdom to arrive.
Whether it was her marriage, where to live or how to allocate the often meager resources she was clear that it was important that everyone get some of what they wanted or needed even if no one got all of what they wanted or needed.
Earlier today I was listening to a Ted Talk by Jonathan Tepperman the noted “editor, writer and analyst working on international affairs.” (Wikipedia). The talk is entitled The risky politics of progress. This talk focuses on some of what he learned after traveling the world talking to global leaders of such countries as Canada, Mexico, and Indonesia. One of the common themes he heard from the leaders of these and other countries which are having some success in addressing economic, terrorist and immigration issues is the need to be able to listen to all sides and to be able to compromise insuring that the concerns of all those concerned about and affected by certain issues are addressed resulting in each side accepting some of what they wanted and accepting that the other side has to also get some of what they wanted or needed. Although the picture of progress which he paints for each of the countries he visited is, according to comments made in response to his talk, overly positive and simplistic, there is no doubt in my mind that the basic lesson about compromise is one we here in the United States need to take to heart. In order for compromise to be an option one first has to be willing to concede that the concerns of each side are valid.
The current, nearly over – thank God – presidential campaigns in the United States have attracted passionate and tepid supporters. Each of the candidates is attempting to address what they see as concerns of those supporters. Living as I currently do in West Virginia one of those issues which sharply divides people is the issue of the jobs associated with coal industry which the environmentalists want to replace with cleaner energy production. It seems that one is either for coal and coal mines 100% or one is against coal and coal mines 100%. If that is the case, there is little room for compromise. Yet, if we look more closely the base concerns include:
· Well-paying jobs with benefits which permit the coal miners to retain their home and take care of their families decently without having to compete for jobs which require going back to school for a long time to earn professional degrees and licenses.
· Insure that their children have a chance to have a decent life physically, financially and emotionally.
· To be treated with respect and not as uneducated losers, throw-a-ways or disposables.
· To insure that the land that they love is protected for living, hunting and pleasure use.
· To have the promises made to them when they agreed to contracts honored.
Are the wants and needs of those opposing the continued reliance on fossil fuels that much different? They also want:
· Well-paying jobs with benefits which allow them to maintain a home and to take care of their families.
· Insure that their children have a chance to have a decent life physically, financially, and emotionally.
· Be treated with respect and not as effete snobs with no heart or connection to the land.
· To insure that the land is there for their children playing its role in the cycle which produces much of what their children need to sustain life.
· To have promises made to them honored.
In short they are not far apart although it may seem on the surface that they have little in common. Both want essentially the same thing and there is no reason why the often sophisticated skills of the coal miner cannot be used in making the buildings and the machinery needed to produce alternative fuels. Many of the coal miners are already highly skilled with certifications and licenses. They have done an incredible job learning those skills and insuring that we have had an ample supply of fossil fuels to meet our needs.
None of us want to be talked down to or be accused of not caring for the environment. On the other hand, none of us want to be accused of caring more about the environment than we do people.
Are there some tough issues involved in the transition process? Of course. One only has to look at alcohol and other drug use, health care delivery costs, pharmaceutical issues, how we define and “prove” success, immigration concerns, and challenges to who we are sexually, culturally, religiously, and economically. Certainly there are such challenges. If we incorporate or re-invite that concept of compromise into our relationships alongside mutual respect can we together find more areas of agreement than disagreement? I believe we can.
As the president of Indonesia (I think that was the country) says: No one gets everything they want but everyone gets some of what they want.
Well, Granny, time for another cross stitch wall hanging – Learn the art of compromise.
Written October 27, 2016
Often as children, my siblings and I wanted some particular book or object. Although I am sure that my mother told us to share, fighting over something at grandmother’s house would elicit a lecture worthy of a professor of a graduate school class on the merits of compromise. Naturally, being children, we were interested in having what we wanted when we wanted it. If I was the one in current possession, then I would defend the fairness of my retaining it. I might claim that my sibling earlier refused to share X or had the object now in my possession earlier for a longer period of time than me. I also might claim that I had found the object and deserved to keep it. In the end, the dreaded c word would roll out of my grandmother’s lips. That c word was compromise. She wanted to be sure that whether it was a toy, money, time or some other commodity we learned the importance of compromising – each of us giving up a little of what we wanted and each of us getting a little of what we wanted. While it was clear that one never compromised on moral or ethical core values, even those could be called into question when we fought over whose morally superior wisdom was worthy of consideration. Grandmother was herself an enigma. She was an independent – one might even accuse her of being an early feminist – matriarchal gatherer of the clan - reader – Southern Baptist – and a person who was comfortable in Chicago or very rural Oklahoma. She and some of her siblings seemed to have learned or decided early on that while the truth will set you free the walls which held that truth should be early versions of those designed to be movable. Thus wisdom was to be gained from many sources and stitched together in a pattern that was both as intricately laid out as one of the complicated quilts she created and as inclusive as the casserole or stew which incorporated all the varied leftovers and end pieces which has been patiently residing in the refrigerator. While she believed strongly in hard physical, spiritual and intellectual work she could always make time for coffee and a conversation or just sitting and waiting for the angel of wisdom to arrive.
Whether it was her marriage, where to live or how to allocate the often meager resources she was clear that it was important that everyone get some of what they wanted or needed even if no one got all of what they wanted or needed.
Earlier today I was listening to a Ted Talk by Jonathan Tepperman the noted “editor, writer and analyst working on international affairs.” (Wikipedia). The talk is entitled The risky politics of progress. This talk focuses on some of what he learned after traveling the world talking to global leaders of such countries as Canada, Mexico, and Indonesia. One of the common themes he heard from the leaders of these and other countries which are having some success in addressing economic, terrorist and immigration issues is the need to be able to listen to all sides and to be able to compromise insuring that the concerns of all those concerned about and affected by certain issues are addressed resulting in each side accepting some of what they wanted and accepting that the other side has to also get some of what they wanted or needed. Although the picture of progress which he paints for each of the countries he visited is, according to comments made in response to his talk, overly positive and simplistic, there is no doubt in my mind that the basic lesson about compromise is one we here in the United States need to take to heart. In order for compromise to be an option one first has to be willing to concede that the concerns of each side are valid.
The current, nearly over – thank God – presidential campaigns in the United States have attracted passionate and tepid supporters. Each of the candidates is attempting to address what they see as concerns of those supporters. Living as I currently do in West Virginia one of those issues which sharply divides people is the issue of the jobs associated with coal industry which the environmentalists want to replace with cleaner energy production. It seems that one is either for coal and coal mines 100% or one is against coal and coal mines 100%. If that is the case, there is little room for compromise. Yet, if we look more closely the base concerns include:
· Well-paying jobs with benefits which permit the coal miners to retain their home and take care of their families decently without having to compete for jobs which require going back to school for a long time to earn professional degrees and licenses.
· Insure that their children have a chance to have a decent life physically, financially and emotionally.
· To be treated with respect and not as uneducated losers, throw-a-ways or disposables.
· To insure that the land that they love is protected for living, hunting and pleasure use.
· To have the promises made to them when they agreed to contracts honored.
Are the wants and needs of those opposing the continued reliance on fossil fuels that much different? They also want:
· Well-paying jobs with benefits which allow them to maintain a home and to take care of their families.
· Insure that their children have a chance to have a decent life physically, financially, and emotionally.
· Be treated with respect and not as effete snobs with no heart or connection to the land.
· To insure that the land is there for their children playing its role in the cycle which produces much of what their children need to sustain life.
· To have promises made to them honored.
In short they are not far apart although it may seem on the surface that they have little in common. Both want essentially the same thing and there is no reason why the often sophisticated skills of the coal miner cannot be used in making the buildings and the machinery needed to produce alternative fuels. Many of the coal miners are already highly skilled with certifications and licenses. They have done an incredible job learning those skills and insuring that we have had an ample supply of fossil fuels to meet our needs.
None of us want to be talked down to or be accused of not caring for the environment. On the other hand, none of us want to be accused of caring more about the environment than we do people.
Are there some tough issues involved in the transition process? Of course. One only has to look at alcohol and other drug use, health care delivery costs, pharmaceutical issues, how we define and “prove” success, immigration concerns, and challenges to who we are sexually, culturally, religiously, and economically. Certainly there are such challenges. If we incorporate or re-invite that concept of compromise into our relationships alongside mutual respect can we together find more areas of agreement than disagreement? I believe we can.
As the president of Indonesia (I think that was the country) says: No one gets everything they want but everyone gets some of what they want.
Well, Granny, time for another cross stitch wall hanging – Learn the art of compromise.
Written October 27, 2016
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