Grandma says: No pain, no gain.
The irony is that I had finished writing this blog and was attempting to post it when there seemed to be a malfunction on the web page. I saved the document and restarted the computer. When I attempted to reopen the document, I got a message that the document was corrupted. The attempt to repair and retrieve it did not, for some reason, work. Thus, I now have the option of dealing with the frustration and discomfort of rewriting it or just not posting a blog today. I am choosing to rewrite it.
Despite my admiration and trust of Grandma Fannie, there were times when it seems to me, as child, that her primary joy was to see me suffer. Such was the case when I heard her repeat this bit of advice to me, my siblings or another child: “No pain, no gain.” It simply did not make any sense to me that there was somehow a benefit to suffering. Yet, try as I might to convince my grandmother that it would be much more efficient and easier for her to just do my homework or other task, she would remind me, “No pain, no gain.”
In the later part of my adolescence I dealt with many uncomfortable situations by doing what I thought would please or even, perhaps, impress others. Since it was often uncomfortable to do something which was not was I thought I wanted to do or which was not consistent with my values, I applied the maxim of my grandmother, “no pain, no gain”. I thought that this was what she meant for me to learn. It was only later that I realized that she did not intend for me to avoid the discomfort of displeasing others or saying no to the bully by engaging in an action which was uncomfortable because it violated my goals or values.
By the time I was approaching adulthood – at least in chronological terms – I was beginning to accept that nearly all change in all major areas of my life was uncomfortable. I did not yet fully understand or accept the wisdom of the pre-Socratic philosopher, Heraclitus. “You cannot step into the same river twice.” It would still take some time for me to accept that I could either go forwards or backwards but I could never “play safe” by standing still. As I reached my mid-twenties I was beginning to accept that I could either face the discomfort or pain of trusting what the Danish theologian and philosopher Soren Kierkegaard said about the need, at times, “to take a leap of faith” or I could live a life of quickly accumulating regrets or “if only”.
It was a yoga teacher that first allowed me to apply what I had long applied to some physical activities to all areas of growth – emotional, physical, intellectual and spiritual. She suggested that we use the yoga principle of challenging ourselves and not straining ourselves. There would still be a level of discomfort involved, but I knew that if biking up a hill I could probably make it to the next tree or another marker. If, however, my goal was the top of the hill or what seemed like a mountain, I would feel overwhelmed or push myself too hard to fast. In all activities I could manage one step at a time.
Just the other day I heard a runner talk about what the running shoe salesperson had told her, “The blessing is outside your comfort zone.”. This is another version of what Grandma Fannie was attempting to teach me and other young people.
Grandma Fannie was the consummate role model. She must have been exhausted when she sat down to read, write or otherwise do her spiritual and intellectual chores after working on the farm all day. Yet, she did not give herself the choice of not doing these chores. It could not have been easy for her to tell my grandfather that she was going to file for divorce even if she did later remarry him. It could not have been easy for she and my grandfather to travel to Oklahoma and claim land under the Land Claims Settlement Act. Burying her only child long before it was time to end her life journey had to be painful beyond measure. Yet, she and her sisters were early pioneers in proving that one could shed the myths of sexism and just keep doing the next right thing no matter how painful or uncomfortable.
Looking back from the vantage point of my seventh decade I cannot think of one example of a major, positive change in my life which did not involve some level of discomfort. Whether it was a physical, emotional, intellectual or spiritual discomfort/pain each time there was a part of me which wanted to find an easier, softer way. Yet, there was Grandma Fannie, sitting on my shoulder or in her chair in some spot on my brain, reminding me “No pain, no gain.”
Written July 10, 2017
The irony is that I had finished writing this blog and was attempting to post it when there seemed to be a malfunction on the web page. I saved the document and restarted the computer. When I attempted to reopen the document, I got a message that the document was corrupted. The attempt to repair and retrieve it did not, for some reason, work. Thus, I now have the option of dealing with the frustration and discomfort of rewriting it or just not posting a blog today. I am choosing to rewrite it.
Despite my admiration and trust of Grandma Fannie, there were times when it seems to me, as child, that her primary joy was to see me suffer. Such was the case when I heard her repeat this bit of advice to me, my siblings or another child: “No pain, no gain.” It simply did not make any sense to me that there was somehow a benefit to suffering. Yet, try as I might to convince my grandmother that it would be much more efficient and easier for her to just do my homework or other task, she would remind me, “No pain, no gain.”
In the later part of my adolescence I dealt with many uncomfortable situations by doing what I thought would please or even, perhaps, impress others. Since it was often uncomfortable to do something which was not was I thought I wanted to do or which was not consistent with my values, I applied the maxim of my grandmother, “no pain, no gain”. I thought that this was what she meant for me to learn. It was only later that I realized that she did not intend for me to avoid the discomfort of displeasing others or saying no to the bully by engaging in an action which was uncomfortable because it violated my goals or values.
By the time I was approaching adulthood – at least in chronological terms – I was beginning to accept that nearly all change in all major areas of my life was uncomfortable. I did not yet fully understand or accept the wisdom of the pre-Socratic philosopher, Heraclitus. “You cannot step into the same river twice.” It would still take some time for me to accept that I could either go forwards or backwards but I could never “play safe” by standing still. As I reached my mid-twenties I was beginning to accept that I could either face the discomfort or pain of trusting what the Danish theologian and philosopher Soren Kierkegaard said about the need, at times, “to take a leap of faith” or I could live a life of quickly accumulating regrets or “if only”.
It was a yoga teacher that first allowed me to apply what I had long applied to some physical activities to all areas of growth – emotional, physical, intellectual and spiritual. She suggested that we use the yoga principle of challenging ourselves and not straining ourselves. There would still be a level of discomfort involved, but I knew that if biking up a hill I could probably make it to the next tree or another marker. If, however, my goal was the top of the hill or what seemed like a mountain, I would feel overwhelmed or push myself too hard to fast. In all activities I could manage one step at a time.
Just the other day I heard a runner talk about what the running shoe salesperson had told her, “The blessing is outside your comfort zone.”. This is another version of what Grandma Fannie was attempting to teach me and other young people.
Grandma Fannie was the consummate role model. She must have been exhausted when she sat down to read, write or otherwise do her spiritual and intellectual chores after working on the farm all day. Yet, she did not give herself the choice of not doing these chores. It could not have been easy for her to tell my grandfather that she was going to file for divorce even if she did later remarry him. It could not have been easy for she and my grandfather to travel to Oklahoma and claim land under the Land Claims Settlement Act. Burying her only child long before it was time to end her life journey had to be painful beyond measure. Yet, she and her sisters were early pioneers in proving that one could shed the myths of sexism and just keep doing the next right thing no matter how painful or uncomfortable.
Looking back from the vantage point of my seventh decade I cannot think of one example of a major, positive change in my life which did not involve some level of discomfort. Whether it was a physical, emotional, intellectual or spiritual discomfort/pain each time there was a part of me which wanted to find an easier, softer way. Yet, there was Grandma Fannie, sitting on my shoulder or in her chair in some spot on my brain, reminding me “No pain, no gain.”
Written July 10, 2017
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