Grandma says: “Respect yourself and others will respect you.”
You may have noticed that parents, grandparents and other teaching elders often attempt to share the same lesson in many different forms. Certainly, self-respect was a core lesson which was explicit or implicit in all Grandma Fannie wanted to teach her grandchildren and other children.
Self-respect implied to Grandma Fannie that one had taken to heart the Delphic Maxim to “know thyself” (gnothi seauton). For Grandma Fannie knowing thyself would reveal the fact that:
If one knew oneself one would “see” a correct image when one looked in the mirror each morning. Seeing a correct image meant for Grandma Fannie that there were no filters and all that one did or did not do was evident in that image. If what one saw did not result in self-respect then one could not expect God or other Godly people to respect one. If there was no self-respect than one best get to work. For Grandma Fannie, it was pretty simple.
When she said “Respect yourself and others will respect you.” she was not naive enough to think that everyone would respect one, but she did believe that even those who did not like you would often have begrudging respect if you lived a life which was honest, responsible, hard working and kind to others. She came from a background where it was expected that one did what needed to be done, did not complain and helped those who needed help. She had little tolerance for those who whined, who bad mouthed others or who treated people, the land, or animals with disrespect. She accepted that some, such as one of her sisters, had mental illness, and that disease can cripple one and leave one dependent. However, I am not sure that she understood or accepted addiction as an illness or understood that not all people were as bright and physically abled as she was. As is true for many women she had to be very, very ill to prevent her from doing daily chores. She also had a multitude of talents and abilities which she may have seen as “natural” for women. I suspect she believed we males were more limited. Still, she expected her male and female’s grandchildren, nieces, nephews and other children to live an intentional life based on what she considered core values. She expected that one would need to look in the mirror only once in the morning and possibly once in the night to “see” if one could look oneself in the eye and, thus, look God in the eye. To be able to do so meant that one did not need to hang one’s head in shame or hide from God.
For some, Grandma Fannie’s expectations might have seemed hard and as if they left no time for laughter. She, however, would have said that when one has self-respect one has no need to spend time on regrets and is free to laugh, love and be loved. To Grandma Fannie self-respect allowed one to open one’s arms to give and receive love. Those living with shame use their arms to push away lest the reason for their shame be exposed.
Self-respect left room for being human – for making mistakes. When one made a mistake one was expected to be honest about that mistake, repair the mistake if possible, made amends when able, and to avoid making the same mistake again. As we true for one of her sisters, Aunt Beulah the preacher, she was quick to forgive if one was honest about one’s misdeed. She knew that a part of self-respect was making peace with oneself and genuinely attempting to change one’s behavior. If one failed, for example, to pay one’s debt or make arrangements to do so – financial or otherwise – one could not be proud of oneself and thus, could not gain the respect of others.
I think that Grandma Fannie would have embraced modern social media and would now have a computer and a smart phone. She would not hesitate to post a comment on Facebook to those who were bullying, posting their every movement, showing off their bodies or possession and being critical of others. In fact, when I think of Grandma Fannie I think of the Tyler Perry character Madea – that no nonsense, passionate, strong, loving, laughing “woman” who keeps everyone in line. Grandma Fannie may have been white with a much quieter style that Madea, but I suspect that Madea was, in fact, the black Grandma Fannie- “You expect people to respect you when you ain’t got no self-respect. What are you thinking? You done lost your mind child?’
Written May 22, 2017
You may have noticed that parents, grandparents and other teaching elders often attempt to share the same lesson in many different forms. Certainly, self-respect was a core lesson which was explicit or implicit in all Grandma Fannie wanted to teach her grandchildren and other children.
Self-respect implied to Grandma Fannie that one had taken to heart the Delphic Maxim to “know thyself” (gnothi seauton). For Grandma Fannie knowing thyself would reveal the fact that:
- You were a child of God and expected to obey the commandments of Jesus including to love your neighbor as oneself.
- It was sometimes painful or certainly uncomfortable to be completely honest with oneself and with God.
- You have talents which you were expected to develop and use.
- You were intentional about all you did.
- You knew very little or nothing and would need to continue learning or attempting to learn all your life.
If one knew oneself one would “see” a correct image when one looked in the mirror each morning. Seeing a correct image meant for Grandma Fannie that there were no filters and all that one did or did not do was evident in that image. If what one saw did not result in self-respect then one could not expect God or other Godly people to respect one. If there was no self-respect than one best get to work. For Grandma Fannie, it was pretty simple.
When she said “Respect yourself and others will respect you.” she was not naive enough to think that everyone would respect one, but she did believe that even those who did not like you would often have begrudging respect if you lived a life which was honest, responsible, hard working and kind to others. She came from a background where it was expected that one did what needed to be done, did not complain and helped those who needed help. She had little tolerance for those who whined, who bad mouthed others or who treated people, the land, or animals with disrespect. She accepted that some, such as one of her sisters, had mental illness, and that disease can cripple one and leave one dependent. However, I am not sure that she understood or accepted addiction as an illness or understood that not all people were as bright and physically abled as she was. As is true for many women she had to be very, very ill to prevent her from doing daily chores. She also had a multitude of talents and abilities which she may have seen as “natural” for women. I suspect she believed we males were more limited. Still, she expected her male and female’s grandchildren, nieces, nephews and other children to live an intentional life based on what she considered core values. She expected that one would need to look in the mirror only once in the morning and possibly once in the night to “see” if one could look oneself in the eye and, thus, look God in the eye. To be able to do so meant that one did not need to hang one’s head in shame or hide from God.
For some, Grandma Fannie’s expectations might have seemed hard and as if they left no time for laughter. She, however, would have said that when one has self-respect one has no need to spend time on regrets and is free to laugh, love and be loved. To Grandma Fannie self-respect allowed one to open one’s arms to give and receive love. Those living with shame use their arms to push away lest the reason for their shame be exposed.
Self-respect left room for being human – for making mistakes. When one made a mistake one was expected to be honest about that mistake, repair the mistake if possible, made amends when able, and to avoid making the same mistake again. As we true for one of her sisters, Aunt Beulah the preacher, she was quick to forgive if one was honest about one’s misdeed. She knew that a part of self-respect was making peace with oneself and genuinely attempting to change one’s behavior. If one failed, for example, to pay one’s debt or make arrangements to do so – financial or otherwise – one could not be proud of oneself and thus, could not gain the respect of others.
I think that Grandma Fannie would have embraced modern social media and would now have a computer and a smart phone. She would not hesitate to post a comment on Facebook to those who were bullying, posting their every movement, showing off their bodies or possession and being critical of others. In fact, when I think of Grandma Fannie I think of the Tyler Perry character Madea – that no nonsense, passionate, strong, loving, laughing “woman” who keeps everyone in line. Grandma Fannie may have been white with a much quieter style that Madea, but I suspect that Madea was, in fact, the black Grandma Fannie- “You expect people to respect you when you ain’t got no self-respect. What are you thinking? You done lost your mind child?’
Written May 22, 2017
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