Grandma says: “Silence is golden”
Grandma Fannie was quick to remind her grandchildren that sometimes what was left unsaid was much more powerful that what was said. It was not that Grandma Fannie was short on opinions or emotions. She was an educated and well-read woman. As a self-reflective woman, I am sure she was aware of how critical and biting her words could be. Fortunately, she spent a significant part of life on the farm where there was plenty of room to avoid other family members when one was feeling a bit emotional. I suspect that, at times, the chickens, pigs or cows received the “practice speech” which was then greatly altered or discarded. Grandpa Ed could also do his part of the dance by going out to the barn or some other place on the farm. In fact, the barn was where he was banished to smoke in later years. It was also the place where he might take a nip or two. The barn was, I suppose, the equivalent of the modern man-cave.
When Grandma Fannie was telling her grandchildren, “silence is golden” she was not meaning to imply what some other adults told children, “Children are to be seen and not heard.” In fact, Grandma Fannie often solicited the opinion of one of her grandchildren. She was not fearful of disagreement or questions as long as one was respectful. On the other hand, she was not very tolerant of the “smart alek, know it all”. I found myself wondering what she would have to say about the use of Twitter or other social media sites to send out caustic or even unkind sound bites for all the world to experience. I do not even want to know what she might have thought of the idea of sexting. She was also a proponent of “If you cannot say something nice, do not say anything at all.” This did not necessarily apply to discussion about the so-called ideas of politicians who might not know their … from… Yet, I do not recall any below the belt statements or statements intended to impute the basic worth of the person expressing an opposite view. Certainly, my grandparents, my parents and their peers often passionately predicted the end of civilization if so and so’s proposed legislation passed. Yet, few, if any, took the disagreement personally.
I cannot ever remember a disagreement resulting in someone leaving a family gathering or refusing to say goodbye to whomever. It may have happened. Certainly, I was aware that there were those family members who were seemingly in need of major prayers in the hope that God would bring them back to the fold. There were also those family members who got divorced. In fact, Grandma Fannie and Grandpa Ed divorced and later remarried. Yet, I cannot recall Grandma Fannie in any of her frequent letters to me ever once being critical of Grandpa Ed. It was only after she died that I saw a copy of the divorce petition including the alleged reasons for it. Certainly, if Twitter, Facebook or any of the other sites had been available she would have been appalled at finding any of that information broadcast to the world.
Even in a daily blog I have, occasionally, revealed more than is comfortable for some of my friends. There have also been times when I have gotten so upset that I have said things that I immediately wished I could take back. Yet, once said, the words are out there they are often etched in someone’s memory and heart.
Once again, it seems that the more I practice the sage advice of Grandma Fannie and other wise elders the less garbage I have to clean up. Of course, I do realize that there are those who do not see their Twitter, caustic sound bites intended to discredit someone as garbage. Grandma Fannie would have respectfully disagreed. In fact she might today be very busy sending people to their rooms until they can learn to play nice. Schoolmarm that she was, she might – just might – have them stay in their room until they were able to write an essay detailing the reason why such behavior was not good morally or for the body politic. I would only hope that the room has facilities and food! Some may be there a long time.
Written March 13, 2017
Grandma Fannie was quick to remind her grandchildren that sometimes what was left unsaid was much more powerful that what was said. It was not that Grandma Fannie was short on opinions or emotions. She was an educated and well-read woman. As a self-reflective woman, I am sure she was aware of how critical and biting her words could be. Fortunately, she spent a significant part of life on the farm where there was plenty of room to avoid other family members when one was feeling a bit emotional. I suspect that, at times, the chickens, pigs or cows received the “practice speech” which was then greatly altered or discarded. Grandpa Ed could also do his part of the dance by going out to the barn or some other place on the farm. In fact, the barn was where he was banished to smoke in later years. It was also the place where he might take a nip or two. The barn was, I suppose, the equivalent of the modern man-cave.
When Grandma Fannie was telling her grandchildren, “silence is golden” she was not meaning to imply what some other adults told children, “Children are to be seen and not heard.” In fact, Grandma Fannie often solicited the opinion of one of her grandchildren. She was not fearful of disagreement or questions as long as one was respectful. On the other hand, she was not very tolerant of the “smart alek, know it all”. I found myself wondering what she would have to say about the use of Twitter or other social media sites to send out caustic or even unkind sound bites for all the world to experience. I do not even want to know what she might have thought of the idea of sexting. She was also a proponent of “If you cannot say something nice, do not say anything at all.” This did not necessarily apply to discussion about the so-called ideas of politicians who might not know their … from… Yet, I do not recall any below the belt statements or statements intended to impute the basic worth of the person expressing an opposite view. Certainly, my grandparents, my parents and their peers often passionately predicted the end of civilization if so and so’s proposed legislation passed. Yet, few, if any, took the disagreement personally.
I cannot ever remember a disagreement resulting in someone leaving a family gathering or refusing to say goodbye to whomever. It may have happened. Certainly, I was aware that there were those family members who were seemingly in need of major prayers in the hope that God would bring them back to the fold. There were also those family members who got divorced. In fact, Grandma Fannie and Grandpa Ed divorced and later remarried. Yet, I cannot recall Grandma Fannie in any of her frequent letters to me ever once being critical of Grandpa Ed. It was only after she died that I saw a copy of the divorce petition including the alleged reasons for it. Certainly, if Twitter, Facebook or any of the other sites had been available she would have been appalled at finding any of that information broadcast to the world.
Even in a daily blog I have, occasionally, revealed more than is comfortable for some of my friends. There have also been times when I have gotten so upset that I have said things that I immediately wished I could take back. Yet, once said, the words are out there they are often etched in someone’s memory and heart.
Once again, it seems that the more I practice the sage advice of Grandma Fannie and other wise elders the less garbage I have to clean up. Of course, I do realize that there are those who do not see their Twitter, caustic sound bites intended to discredit someone as garbage. Grandma Fannie would have respectfully disagreed. In fact she might today be very busy sending people to their rooms until they can learn to play nice. Schoolmarm that she was, she might – just might – have them stay in their room until they were able to write an essay detailing the reason why such behavior was not good morally or for the body politic. I would only hope that the room has facilities and food! Some may be there a long time.
Written March 13, 2017
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