Grandma says: “Think before you act.”
As is true for most children, the maturity of my sense of time was not quick. My experience of time was that it moved very slowly. Whether I was waiting for Christmas, a birthday, or even for the arrival of the darkness so that I could “sadly” announce that it was too dark to finish an outside chore, time moved very slowly. It is not surprising that I also had trouble considering the long term - or often even the short term – consequences of my actions. I found it impossible to appreciate the long term effects of not doing homework, the damage done to one’s reputation for the momentary satisfaction of paying back Tom for his unkind behavior, irritating Susie or rushing through some chore. I did fully grasp – often after the fact/act - that if I got caught doing any of these things adults, including and especially Grandma Fannie, would be displeased. Pleasing Grandma Fannie was very important to me. On the other hand, often my primary fear with parents and teachers was getting caught.
I was a naturally curious child and was eager to experiment. If an adult told me not to do something, I needed to find out for myself what would happen if I took action X. Sometimes, as is true with all good scientists, I repeated the experiment several times, usually without changing or manipulating any of the variables. Obviously, even Grandma Fannie did not understand the basic rules of scientific inquiry. I clearly understood. So, what if I did not change or manipulate any of the variables.
In short the wisdom of thinking before one acts is lost on children until or unless the consequences are so grave that even the child cannot avoid knowing that one must sometimes “think before one acts.” For me living with the guilt of using my mother’s racism week after week, month after month and year after year clearly brought home the wisdom of Grandma Fannie’s teaching.
Obviously, it is only as one understands the basic principles of systems theory as they apply to all aspects of this life journey and as one accepts the theoretical construct of time that one more fully grasps the importance of thinking before one acts.
I am not suggesting that wise adults quit implanting these pearls of wisdom to young children. I am suggesting that they follow their own advice. My grandparent eagerly awaited the first evidence that, in fact, those seeds they had so carefully planted were going to result in a crop, but they accepted that this process took time. They did not expect immediate results. Yet with children we sometimes expect that they will grasp what their young minds are not yet capable of comprehending. I think Grandma Fannie knew that she was just planting seeds which needed to germinate for many years. She clearly understood that soil nutrients, weather, other parts of nature as well as individual variations in seeds or bulbs would affect how, when or even if germination would occur. She also instinctively knew the same applied to teaching children.
As parents, teachers, aunts, uncles and coaches we need to remember that our job is just to plant seeds. The ability to think before we act requires careful cultivation over time in the right soil under optimal conditions. Luck and/or divine intervention also are key ingredients. Perhaps only when we have lived long enough to be grandparents ourselves, wisdom can begin to germinate.
Written February 13, 2016
As is true for most children, the maturity of my sense of time was not quick. My experience of time was that it moved very slowly. Whether I was waiting for Christmas, a birthday, or even for the arrival of the darkness so that I could “sadly” announce that it was too dark to finish an outside chore, time moved very slowly. It is not surprising that I also had trouble considering the long term - or often even the short term – consequences of my actions. I found it impossible to appreciate the long term effects of not doing homework, the damage done to one’s reputation for the momentary satisfaction of paying back Tom for his unkind behavior, irritating Susie or rushing through some chore. I did fully grasp – often after the fact/act - that if I got caught doing any of these things adults, including and especially Grandma Fannie, would be displeased. Pleasing Grandma Fannie was very important to me. On the other hand, often my primary fear with parents and teachers was getting caught.
I was a naturally curious child and was eager to experiment. If an adult told me not to do something, I needed to find out for myself what would happen if I took action X. Sometimes, as is true with all good scientists, I repeated the experiment several times, usually without changing or manipulating any of the variables. Obviously, even Grandma Fannie did not understand the basic rules of scientific inquiry. I clearly understood. So, what if I did not change or manipulate any of the variables.
In short the wisdom of thinking before one acts is lost on children until or unless the consequences are so grave that even the child cannot avoid knowing that one must sometimes “think before one acts.” For me living with the guilt of using my mother’s racism week after week, month after month and year after year clearly brought home the wisdom of Grandma Fannie’s teaching.
Obviously, it is only as one understands the basic principles of systems theory as they apply to all aspects of this life journey and as one accepts the theoretical construct of time that one more fully grasps the importance of thinking before one acts.
I am not suggesting that wise adults quit implanting these pearls of wisdom to young children. I am suggesting that they follow their own advice. My grandparent eagerly awaited the first evidence that, in fact, those seeds they had so carefully planted were going to result in a crop, but they accepted that this process took time. They did not expect immediate results. Yet with children we sometimes expect that they will grasp what their young minds are not yet capable of comprehending. I think Grandma Fannie knew that she was just planting seeds which needed to germinate for many years. She clearly understood that soil nutrients, weather, other parts of nature as well as individual variations in seeds or bulbs would affect how, when or even if germination would occur. She also instinctively knew the same applied to teaching children.
As parents, teachers, aunts, uncles and coaches we need to remember that our job is just to plant seeds. The ability to think before we act requires careful cultivation over time in the right soil under optimal conditions. Luck and/or divine intervention also are key ingredients. Perhaps only when we have lived long enough to be grandparents ourselves, wisdom can begin to germinate.
Written February 13, 2016
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