Hate versus Empathy
On June 12th, 2016, a man opened fire and shot nearly 100 people at a gay nightclub in Orlando, Florida. Fifty of those individuals have died while at least 43 are still being treated for injuries. This incident is being labeled as an act of domestic terrorism, an act of hatred, and possibly the act of a mentally ill man. According to his ex-wife, the man, Omar Mateen, who allegedly pledged allegiance to ISIS, had a history of extreme and sudden bouts of anger. His father says that his son had become extremely upset at seeing two men kiss.
Reaction to the killings has come from a variety of sources including the President of the United States who is again calling for limiting the sales of certain types of weapons, from presumptive presidential candidates Donald Trump, and from former presidential candidate Senator Marco Rubio as well as many others. There are also reactions, of course, from the LGBT community.
Mr. Trump is stating that this act validates his call during the campaign to target Muslims. According to him, many of his followers are congratulating him for his prophetic call to ban Muslims from entering this country. As we know, Mr. Mateen was a citizen of this country.
The LGBT community is reacting with fear, but also with a determination to not allow this incident to stop the progress towards creating a safe inclusive community.
Sadly, I have not heard anyone react with forgiveness as did the members of the Emmanuel African Methodist Episcopal Church in Charleston, NC following the killing of nine people in the church on June 17, 2015. The courageous act of forgiveness by family and other members of the church was an example of choosing to empathize with the shooter.
So far there seems to be very little empathy for the Orlando shooter, Mr. Mateen – seeming very little appreciation that no one chooses to be mentally ill – no one chooses to have such rage that one can convince themselves that the God of their understanding could condone or even desire such an act of violence – seemingly little appreciation for the fact that fear of difference and/or the judgement of “the other” could, in other circumstances, earn one the accolades of a grateful community or nation.
Daily we, as individuals, communities and nations laud those who worship righteous hatred. We applaud those who kill in the name of patriotism or religious piety. We label the other as enemy, insurgent, terrorist or radical and encourage each other to react to those who hate with hatred.
We empathize with those who call for vengeance and justice. We may see ourselves as very different than Mr. Dulerte, the recently elected president of the Philippines, who is proud of the use of lethally violent vigilante groups to kill off those deemed undesirable or criminals. What if our stance is not that different?
We rest when we think we can name and contain or eliminate the enemy. We express regret when there is collateral damage, but accept that it is necessary.
It is not unusual for we humans to say that we are sickened by the behavior of such individuals as Mr. Mateen. We may even say that we hate and, if he had not been killed, might have called for the death sentence or, at the very least, for him to be locked up for life. It is doubtful that, had he lived, that his attorney could have proved that he was legally insane at the time he committed the crime. He was, after all, killing those who are the enemy of Allah/the God of one’s understanding. He was after all, reacting as we all do to behavior which we despise – behavior which makes us physically sick – behavior which is disgusting.
Few of us will feel a need to forgive. Few of us will compare our hatred with that of such a deranged individual. Few of us will feel the need to personally carry out justice and kill all those who may pose a physical or emotional threat. We may, at times, momentarily imagine carrying out the work of the God of our understanding or the gut of our being. Yet, we know we are not like Mr. Mateen. We can choose to not act on those feelings unless, of course, we are deputized to do so on behalf of a grateful community or nation.
I have no idea what it was like to be Mr. Mateen, to live with his hatred and fear. I have no idea of what it is like for those marriage partners, lovers, friends, mothers, fathers, sons, daughters, siblings, or neighbors of those killed by the guns which were likely proudly made in the United States of American.
We have all faced loss whether it was the violence of another person, a car accident, a combat situation, or the “natural” causes of some disease. We have all felt extreme fear, dislike, and possibly even hatred. We have all faced the bully – the physical or emotional bully – and wanted, at some level, to take the heel of our shoes and crush out this “dis ease” causing person. We have all been so angry that we have seen red. We may, at times, have questioned our ability to remain “sane.”
If we know ourselves, we know Mr. Mateen. We may be able to keep him in a locked closet hidden from our view as well as the view of others. Yet, we know Mr. Mateen. This will not stop us from calling for justice, more protective laws, and the appointment of many committee or study groups or whatever to determine what causes such extreme violence.
Most of us will not feel empathy for the mirror which is a part of us that we never, ever, under any circumstances let out of the closet. Most of us will not be able to forgive Mr. Mateen or that part of ourselves who is reflected in his hatred and fear.
Most of us will decide it is too dangerous or too Pollyannaish to forgive. Yet, without forgiveness we will keep be critical of each other and we will keep responding to criticism with more anger and distancing from each other. All of us lose when we do not forgive and all or us win when we do forgive and move on to problem solving.
Footnote: I have not lost sight of the irony of the fact that I am writing this while waiting to be seen by a physician at the Veterans Administration Hospital feeling very grateful that, as a veteran, I am eligible for care.
Written June 13, 2016
On June 12th, 2016, a man opened fire and shot nearly 100 people at a gay nightclub in Orlando, Florida. Fifty of those individuals have died while at least 43 are still being treated for injuries. This incident is being labeled as an act of domestic terrorism, an act of hatred, and possibly the act of a mentally ill man. According to his ex-wife, the man, Omar Mateen, who allegedly pledged allegiance to ISIS, had a history of extreme and sudden bouts of anger. His father says that his son had become extremely upset at seeing two men kiss.
Reaction to the killings has come from a variety of sources including the President of the United States who is again calling for limiting the sales of certain types of weapons, from presumptive presidential candidates Donald Trump, and from former presidential candidate Senator Marco Rubio as well as many others. There are also reactions, of course, from the LGBT community.
Mr. Trump is stating that this act validates his call during the campaign to target Muslims. According to him, many of his followers are congratulating him for his prophetic call to ban Muslims from entering this country. As we know, Mr. Mateen was a citizen of this country.
The LGBT community is reacting with fear, but also with a determination to not allow this incident to stop the progress towards creating a safe inclusive community.
Sadly, I have not heard anyone react with forgiveness as did the members of the Emmanuel African Methodist Episcopal Church in Charleston, NC following the killing of nine people in the church on June 17, 2015. The courageous act of forgiveness by family and other members of the church was an example of choosing to empathize with the shooter.
So far there seems to be very little empathy for the Orlando shooter, Mr. Mateen – seeming very little appreciation that no one chooses to be mentally ill – no one chooses to have such rage that one can convince themselves that the God of their understanding could condone or even desire such an act of violence – seemingly little appreciation for the fact that fear of difference and/or the judgement of “the other” could, in other circumstances, earn one the accolades of a grateful community or nation.
Daily we, as individuals, communities and nations laud those who worship righteous hatred. We applaud those who kill in the name of patriotism or religious piety. We label the other as enemy, insurgent, terrorist or radical and encourage each other to react to those who hate with hatred.
We empathize with those who call for vengeance and justice. We may see ourselves as very different than Mr. Dulerte, the recently elected president of the Philippines, who is proud of the use of lethally violent vigilante groups to kill off those deemed undesirable or criminals. What if our stance is not that different?
We rest when we think we can name and contain or eliminate the enemy. We express regret when there is collateral damage, but accept that it is necessary.
It is not unusual for we humans to say that we are sickened by the behavior of such individuals as Mr. Mateen. We may even say that we hate and, if he had not been killed, might have called for the death sentence or, at the very least, for him to be locked up for life. It is doubtful that, had he lived, that his attorney could have proved that he was legally insane at the time he committed the crime. He was, after all, killing those who are the enemy of Allah/the God of one’s understanding. He was after all, reacting as we all do to behavior which we despise – behavior which makes us physically sick – behavior which is disgusting.
Few of us will feel a need to forgive. Few of us will compare our hatred with that of such a deranged individual. Few of us will feel the need to personally carry out justice and kill all those who may pose a physical or emotional threat. We may, at times, momentarily imagine carrying out the work of the God of our understanding or the gut of our being. Yet, we know we are not like Mr. Mateen. We can choose to not act on those feelings unless, of course, we are deputized to do so on behalf of a grateful community or nation.
I have no idea what it was like to be Mr. Mateen, to live with his hatred and fear. I have no idea of what it is like for those marriage partners, lovers, friends, mothers, fathers, sons, daughters, siblings, or neighbors of those killed by the guns which were likely proudly made in the United States of American.
We have all faced loss whether it was the violence of another person, a car accident, a combat situation, or the “natural” causes of some disease. We have all felt extreme fear, dislike, and possibly even hatred. We have all faced the bully – the physical or emotional bully – and wanted, at some level, to take the heel of our shoes and crush out this “dis ease” causing person. We have all been so angry that we have seen red. We may, at times, have questioned our ability to remain “sane.”
If we know ourselves, we know Mr. Mateen. We may be able to keep him in a locked closet hidden from our view as well as the view of others. Yet, we know Mr. Mateen. This will not stop us from calling for justice, more protective laws, and the appointment of many committee or study groups or whatever to determine what causes such extreme violence.
Most of us will not feel empathy for the mirror which is a part of us that we never, ever, under any circumstances let out of the closet. Most of us will not be able to forgive Mr. Mateen or that part of ourselves who is reflected in his hatred and fear.
Most of us will decide it is too dangerous or too Pollyannaish to forgive. Yet, without forgiveness we will keep be critical of each other and we will keep responding to criticism with more anger and distancing from each other. All of us lose when we do not forgive and all or us win when we do forgive and move on to problem solving.
Footnote: I have not lost sight of the irony of the fact that I am writing this while waiting to be seen by a physician at the Veterans Administration Hospital feeling very grateful that, as a veteran, I am eligible for care.
Written June 13, 2016
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