Healing family
One day this week I was at the addiction treatment program where I am a volunteer employee. This is a residential and intensive outpatient program for adult males. The ages range from early twenties to fifties although there may be an occasional person who has managed to reach more advanced years in their active addiction. As all of us know many addicts die in their teens or twenties. Those who arrive at treatment programs such as this one have an opportunity to claim the life they deserve
It is no secret that addiction kidnaps the mind and creates a compulsion to use which overrides most, if not all, of one’s core values. When actively addicted one will actively or passively engage in behavior which is against everything one holds dear. One will neglect children they adore, steal from people who have unconditionally loved them, and sell anything, including themselves to get the next drug or fix. The only choice one has is to get into a treatment program and then join a community recovery group. Addiction may start with using medication prescribed by a licensed physician to relieve the pain following an injury or surgery. Addiction may start with discovering that it allows one to avoid uncomfortable or shameful feelings about oneself. Often an addict will say they never felt as if they belonged. As Brene Brown reports, many children report that they do not feel as if they belonged to their families. The feeling of not belonging is very painful. Drug addiction and other addictive behaviors may either numb the not belonging feeling or allow one to feel as if they belong with a group of people who are members of the same not belonging tribe. This tribe may not, in the long run, be very dependable because the compulsive need to get the next fix will override any gratitude for or loyalty to this new family.
Most folks arrive at a treatment program because they do not want to go to prison again, because they want to be better parents or more effective caretakers of other family members. A few people may arrive because they are sick and tired of being sick and tired; sick of not being able to the good person they know that they can be.
It does not matter how or why folks arrive. It does not matter how much one has treated oneself and others badly or even cruelly. It does not matter who one’s family of origin was or is. One is welcomed to join the family of people who arrived at a stage of brokenness and shame infested sores deeply believing they were not deserving of love.
These same individuals who are at the treatment center have now begun to buy into the hope that one can be healed; can be loved. They welcomed the new person with an embracing welcome home.
Such is the case with the current group of residents at the treatment center where I am a volunteer employee. In this this setting a new person arrived this week. We will call him Ben. Ben has been actively addicted since he was 15 years old. He is now 30. He graduated from high school and tried college several times. His addiction overrode each attempt to navigate college life. He has now arrived at a place in his life where he wants to be able to be a dependable, loving caretaker of his grandparents. He has not yet arrived at a place which he can accept that he has a disease which kidnapped his brain causing him to lose the ability to engage in behavior consistent with his core values. He is shameful of his past. He wants to believe that he his brain should be able to make moral/ethical decisions even if it is malfunctioning. Of course, this is impossible. His diseased and broken brain made decisions to feed itself with the same poison which broke it.
Ben cannot be responsible for a broken brain. Ben can, if lucky, find his way to accepting the embrace of others; can stumble into the humility of accepting his own humanness and, thus, finding his way into a new family
There is no room for shame in a healing program. There is room for acceptance of the powerless once one has taken that first drug; acceptance of the fact that active addiction steals one’s choices. The only choice is to take the medication of a family who will show one together they can face life on life’s terms. The only way forward is forward. The only way forward is home to oneself and to/with others who are on the same journey.
Written January 29, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett, LPC, AADC
coachpickett.org
One day this week I was at the addiction treatment program where I am a volunteer employee. This is a residential and intensive outpatient program for adult males. The ages range from early twenties to fifties although there may be an occasional person who has managed to reach more advanced years in their active addiction. As all of us know many addicts die in their teens or twenties. Those who arrive at treatment programs such as this one have an opportunity to claim the life they deserve
It is no secret that addiction kidnaps the mind and creates a compulsion to use which overrides most, if not all, of one’s core values. When actively addicted one will actively or passively engage in behavior which is against everything one holds dear. One will neglect children they adore, steal from people who have unconditionally loved them, and sell anything, including themselves to get the next drug or fix. The only choice one has is to get into a treatment program and then join a community recovery group. Addiction may start with using medication prescribed by a licensed physician to relieve the pain following an injury or surgery. Addiction may start with discovering that it allows one to avoid uncomfortable or shameful feelings about oneself. Often an addict will say they never felt as if they belonged. As Brene Brown reports, many children report that they do not feel as if they belonged to their families. The feeling of not belonging is very painful. Drug addiction and other addictive behaviors may either numb the not belonging feeling or allow one to feel as if they belong with a group of people who are members of the same not belonging tribe. This tribe may not, in the long run, be very dependable because the compulsive need to get the next fix will override any gratitude for or loyalty to this new family.
Most folks arrive at a treatment program because they do not want to go to prison again, because they want to be better parents or more effective caretakers of other family members. A few people may arrive because they are sick and tired of being sick and tired; sick of not being able to the good person they know that they can be.
It does not matter how or why folks arrive. It does not matter how much one has treated oneself and others badly or even cruelly. It does not matter who one’s family of origin was or is. One is welcomed to join the family of people who arrived at a stage of brokenness and shame infested sores deeply believing they were not deserving of love.
These same individuals who are at the treatment center have now begun to buy into the hope that one can be healed; can be loved. They welcomed the new person with an embracing welcome home.
Such is the case with the current group of residents at the treatment center where I am a volunteer employee. In this this setting a new person arrived this week. We will call him Ben. Ben has been actively addicted since he was 15 years old. He is now 30. He graduated from high school and tried college several times. His addiction overrode each attempt to navigate college life. He has now arrived at a place in his life where he wants to be able to be a dependable, loving caretaker of his grandparents. He has not yet arrived at a place which he can accept that he has a disease which kidnapped his brain causing him to lose the ability to engage in behavior consistent with his core values. He is shameful of his past. He wants to believe that he his brain should be able to make moral/ethical decisions even if it is malfunctioning. Of course, this is impossible. His diseased and broken brain made decisions to feed itself with the same poison which broke it.
Ben cannot be responsible for a broken brain. Ben can, if lucky, find his way to accepting the embrace of others; can stumble into the humility of accepting his own humanness and, thus, finding his way into a new family
There is no room for shame in a healing program. There is room for acceptance of the powerless once one has taken that first drug; acceptance of the fact that active addiction steals one’s choices. The only choice is to take the medication of a family who will show one together they can face life on life’s terms. The only way forward is forward. The only way forward is home to oneself and to/with others who are on the same journey.
Written January 29, 2020
Jimmy F Pickett, LPC, AADC
coachpickett.org
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