Here come the stories
In the United States, the 4th Thursday of November is set aside to gather with the community, give thanks and share our stories. As is true for humans all over the world we each create our own holiday stories. We set aside aspects of our personal and collective histories to create a new story. The new story works fine if we decide to celebrate in private, but many of us will invite family members and others who have created their own story. Often the various storiesbear no resemblance to each other. In fact they may clearly contradict each other.
In the bag in which these stories are carried many will include other stories. The characters in these stories may include political, religious, entertainment, and many other supporting cast members.
If one finds oneself in such a setting one may want to be very clear about their goal in being present. Possible goals are:
Being and staying very intentional about one’s goal may not be easy. In fact, the basic laws of physics might argue against being able to do so. Being the odd person or the person with a goal which is different than the other cast members, is not easy. It is common to allow the system to take over and balance itself by changing the goal of the one person to match the goal of the majority.
My personal experience is that I am more likely to stay focused on my goal if:
Number four is very important. I need to be very accepting of my limits. If, for whatever reason, I find myself getting angry and/or wanting to react to what the other cast members are saying then I want to just notice without commenting or judging myself. I may then decide to take a walk or, if not staying over at the home of the host, excuse myself by saying I do not feel well.
Thanksgiving gathering are not political rallies, debating contests, or a court of law in which one is an attorney. One does not need to prove oneself or change anyone’s mind. One just has to show up with love, focus on what one has in common and be empathic to the human need to prove one’s worth by being right or winning an argument. As a famous writer observed:
“All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts,”
(Beginning of a monologue in William Shakespeare’s play “As You Like It” spoken by Jaques in Act II, Scene VII.
Written November 23, 2017
In the United States, the 4th Thursday of November is set aside to gather with the community, give thanks and share our stories. As is true for humans all over the world we each create our own holiday stories. We set aside aspects of our personal and collective histories to create a new story. The new story works fine if we decide to celebrate in private, but many of us will invite family members and others who have created their own story. Often the various storiesbear no resemblance to each other. In fact they may clearly contradict each other.
In the bag in which these stories are carried many will include other stories. The characters in these stories may include political, religious, entertainment, and many other supporting cast members.
If one finds oneself in such a setting one may want to be very clear about their goal in being present. Possible goals are:
- To convince others that one’s stories are the accurate ones.
- To show other that the values, opinions and perspectives in their stories are just plain wrong.
- To be peacemaker or mediator.
- To be lovingly and quietly present even if other cast members misinterpret one’s silence as agreement or passivity.
Being and staying very intentional about one’s goal may not be easy. In fact, the basic laws of physics might argue against being able to do so. Being the odd person or the person with a goal which is different than the other cast members, is not easy. It is common to allow the system to take over and balance itself by changing the goal of the one person to match the goal of the majority.
My personal experience is that I am more likely to stay focused on my goal if:
- I am rested when I arrive for the gathering.
- I genuinely love and care about the well being of all the cast members even if I find some of them hidden beneath their addictive need to be right or to win the arguments.
- I do not overdrink or do anything to negatively affect my ability to stay lovingly focused.
- I stay tuned into my self and when I am no longer able to stay focused on my goal I excuse myself from the gathering.
Number four is very important. I need to be very accepting of my limits. If, for whatever reason, I find myself getting angry and/or wanting to react to what the other cast members are saying then I want to just notice without commenting or judging myself. I may then decide to take a walk or, if not staying over at the home of the host, excuse myself by saying I do not feel well.
Thanksgiving gathering are not political rallies, debating contests, or a court of law in which one is an attorney. One does not need to prove oneself or change anyone’s mind. One just has to show up with love, focus on what one has in common and be empathic to the human need to prove one’s worth by being right or winning an argument. As a famous writer observed:
“All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts,”
(Beginning of a monologue in William Shakespeare’s play “As You Like It” spoken by Jaques in Act II, Scene VII.
Written November 23, 2017
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