Honesty
One of the aspects of the 12-step program that I most appreciate is the focus on honesty without having to feel as if one is worst or different than anyone else. The program provides an expectation or opportunity to be accountable for all the ways one hurts oneself and others as well as the expectations and opportunity to makes amends to self and others
“except when to do so would injure them or others”.
When a person first begins to travel the road to recovery they may notice that they are angry and tend to blame others for not being the people one expected or demanded they be. As one continues in recovery one uncovers the role that one played in the events of one’s life.
Anyone who embarks on a program of spiritual growth will find not only they change but their expectations of others also change. One may, for example, discover that other people and institutions did not live up to one’s expectations. One may discover that one had deluded oneself into thinking that some person or institution was going to be who one had created in one’s mind. One may have deliberately deceived oneself or one may have been hopelessly naïve.
We all “know” that humans are imperfect by definitions. Humans make decisions based on a number of factors including past experience and emotions. One often sees what one expects to see or hears what one expected to hear.
Institutions are also created and run by humans and, thus, are also imperfect. No matter what the original purpose of an institutions the purpose is likely to quickly morph into one of preserving the institution.
Perhaps few of us are “shocked” when a profit-making corporation acts as a profit-making institution. As such the leaders of the corporation may focus on short, medium long rang goals. If focused on short range goals it is likely that making money is their primary objective no matter who is adversely affected long term. If focused on long range goals it is likely the preservation of the corporation is their primary objective.
Perhaps the institutions which most often fail to live up to our expectations are religious institutions. We often convince ourselves that they will be live up to some spiritual or philosophical ideal. While they may or may not at times live up to that ideal eventually they are going to fall short. They cannot both have a primary focus of living up to a religious or philosophical ideal and of preserving the institution. If one expects them to do both, one is going to be very disappointed. “How dare they?” one might think. Yet, they are simply obeying the “rules” of human institutions. It is one’s expectation that is the problem.
Often it is difficult for us to give up our righteous anger because the person or the institution is not who we decided they were or should be. That level of honesty is often initially painful. Long term it can free one to move on to one’s life. It is not up to one to make the person or the institution be honest about their goal or nature.
Any time one can take back one’s power “simply:” by being more honest is very powerful. One is then free to focus on being the person of whom one can be proud without the added pressure of attempting to change other people, places and things.
Written February 4, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
Coachpickett.org
One of the aspects of the 12-step program that I most appreciate is the focus on honesty without having to feel as if one is worst or different than anyone else. The program provides an expectation or opportunity to be accountable for all the ways one hurts oneself and others as well as the expectations and opportunity to makes amends to self and others
“except when to do so would injure them or others”.
When a person first begins to travel the road to recovery they may notice that they are angry and tend to blame others for not being the people one expected or demanded they be. As one continues in recovery one uncovers the role that one played in the events of one’s life.
Anyone who embarks on a program of spiritual growth will find not only they change but their expectations of others also change. One may, for example, discover that other people and institutions did not live up to one’s expectations. One may discover that one had deluded oneself into thinking that some person or institution was going to be who one had created in one’s mind. One may have deliberately deceived oneself or one may have been hopelessly naïve.
We all “know” that humans are imperfect by definitions. Humans make decisions based on a number of factors including past experience and emotions. One often sees what one expects to see or hears what one expected to hear.
Institutions are also created and run by humans and, thus, are also imperfect. No matter what the original purpose of an institutions the purpose is likely to quickly morph into one of preserving the institution.
Perhaps few of us are “shocked” when a profit-making corporation acts as a profit-making institution. As such the leaders of the corporation may focus on short, medium long rang goals. If focused on short range goals it is likely that making money is their primary objective no matter who is adversely affected long term. If focused on long range goals it is likely the preservation of the corporation is their primary objective.
Perhaps the institutions which most often fail to live up to our expectations are religious institutions. We often convince ourselves that they will be live up to some spiritual or philosophical ideal. While they may or may not at times live up to that ideal eventually they are going to fall short. They cannot both have a primary focus of living up to a religious or philosophical ideal and of preserving the institution. If one expects them to do both, one is going to be very disappointed. “How dare they?” one might think. Yet, they are simply obeying the “rules” of human institutions. It is one’s expectation that is the problem.
Often it is difficult for us to give up our righteous anger because the person or the institution is not who we decided they were or should be. That level of honesty is often initially painful. Long term it can free one to move on to one’s life. It is not up to one to make the person or the institution be honest about their goal or nature.
Any time one can take back one’s power “simply:” by being more honest is very powerful. One is then free to focus on being the person of whom one can be proud without the added pressure of attempting to change other people, places and things.
Written February 4, 2019
Jimmy F Pickett
Coachpickett.org
RSS Feed